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Chapter 10: Lord of Idiots

"Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…!"

Each shout of the word was accompanied by a flying pink rabbit and a yelp from Tamaki. Hunny smashed him in the head repeatedly, his cheeks red with an angry blush, while the fallen 2-A student scrambled toward Haruhi frantically.

"Ow, ow, stop it!" he yelped. "I'm sorry, okay? I got distracted!"

Mori crossed his arms, staring down at Tamaki sternly and watching him get to his feet gingerly. Kaoru ran a troubled hand through his hair and huffed in frustration.

"Not an excuse. I have distractions coming at me from multiple sources. What're yours? Haruhi."

Tamaki remained silent, but blushed lightly, glancing apologetically at Haruhi.

The latter had Akatsuki tucked into the crook of her arm securely. Her index finger rubbed the kitten's chin. "You guys can't honestly think I'd tell Kyouya about this," she said broodingly. "I feel offended."

Tamaki shot up, his posture suddenly perfect, and gazed at Haruhi with exaggeratingly wide eyes.

"Oh, Haruhi! Do not be bothered by the words of your cruel older brother! It was…" Here he draped the back of his hand over his forehead and knelt before her dramatically, his lashes lowered. "…the fault of your father."

"That reminds me," Haruhi said thoughtfully, raising an index finger to her lips and looking towards Kaoru. Neglected, Tamaki curled up in a dark corner and hugged his knees. "Hikaru…he doesn't know either, does he? Is this why you wouldn't let him follow you to Nekozawa's room three days ago?"

"Yeah, basically. Much as I wanted to," he added as a growl, aiming the last two words at Tamaki with a particularly vicious glare. The president whimpered and curled into a tighter ball while Kaoru took a relaxing breath.

"So only Kyouya and Hikaru don't know. Okay, simple enough. Kyouya doesn't usually prod around where he doesn't suspect anything and everyone here can keep a secret," Haruhi murmured, mostly to herself. "The only problem is Hikaru. He's perceptive where Kaoru's concerned…might get suspicious about these secret meetings."

"Especially since he's always with at least one of you," Hunny said to the two lowerclassmen. Kaoru nodded while Haruhi put Akatsuki down gently.

"I don't need to come check on the kittens every time," she pointed out, "especially since Mori-senpai and Hunny-senpai can come check on them with Nekozawa-senpai without arousing suspicion."

"Kao-chan needs to keep an eye on Akatsuki though. She's his."

Nekozawa glanced up. Belzenev continued to dance in front of Yuhi while Tsuki stalked them both. "The charade won't hold out long. Suou-sama, you do have a tendency to unintentionally blurt secrets."

Tamaki's gaze met Haruhi's, and after a moment, they broke away, smiling and blushing slight. Haruhi spoke shyly. "Not…all the time."

"Tomorrow's Host Club will involve us all splitting up a bit. We're going to be doing a security and police cosplay, right? Pretending to patrol the school?" Tamaki said, speaking brightly to emphasize the subject change.

"Good point," Mori muttered. "We can take turns slipping into the Black Magic Club to check on them. If it's alright with you," he added, looking to Nekozawa.

"My club isn't meeting tomorrow," Nekozawa said distantly while Belzenev waved an indifferent paw. "So it's fine."

Exhausted, Kaoru sat, raising a hand to his forehead and entangling his fingers in his bangs. He let out a frustrated sigh, his eyes traveling to watch Usa-chan and Belzenev entertain the kittens.

"I can't stand keeping this from my brother," he murmured softly, refusing to meet Hunny or Haruhi's inquiring eyes. Instead, his gaze remained fixed on Akatsuki as she leapt at Usa-chan's long ears, claws out. He leaned into his palm, eyes troubled. "I don't want to tell him, but I'm not sure how much longer I can-"

"Kao-chan," Hunny said suddenly, letting go of Usa-chan. The rabbit fell forward and collapsed on top of Akatsuki, who squirmed away and leapt back, puffing up defiantly. She swiped at the pink head and got her claw tangled in the fur; Haruhi stifled a laugh as the clumsy kitten fell over, unbalanced.

"Nani?"

"The only person who really needs to stay clueless about this is Kyou-chan. Haru-chan and Tama-chan found out, Neko-kun knows…and I'm pretty sure some of the teachers know what we're up to."

Kaoru looked at him dully, his eyes dark. "What are you getting at?"

"He's saying," Tamaki explained quietly, "that none of us will be upset if you tell Hikaru about this. The one who can't find out is Mom."

"No one else poses a problem," Haruhi agreed, smiling sweetly. Kaoru almost returned the grin, but a rumbling distracted him. The floor shook slightly, and a high-pitched noise reached everyone's ears. Akatsuki and Yuhi began to cry; Tsuki crawled into the folds on Nekozawa's cloak to hide.

"Oh hohohohohohohohoho!"

"Well," Mori said, ruffling his hair in a bothered sort of way, "almost no one else."

Renge rose from the ground, hands on her hips with a sly grin planted on her laughing mouth. Her long hair swayed behind her while the large bow in her hair bobbed with the momentum of the moving platform. Her dress spun around her when the stage stopped rotating.

"Well, well, well! What have we here? Five of the seven hosts, and the president of the Black Magic Club to boot!" Renge balled her hands into fists by her chest excitedly, eyes twinkling. "This is beautiful! A secret meeting to take care of one, two…three cats! How sweet! Trois petits chats!"

She pranced in place for a moment, giggling and obviously daydreaming. Kaoru bit back a string of offensive words, most of them involving the French girl's nature as an obsessive otaku.

"Renge-kun," Tamaki said, staring at her with wide eyes and blushing. He seemed too terrified of her sudden appearance to even attempt a smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to locate the vast majority of my club's members, Tama-kun!" She pointed an index finger into the air, inclining her head. She spoke slowly, as if the six people watched her were children. Belzenev brandished tiny fists at her while an unhooded Nekozawa watched solemnly.

"Not fair! Not fair!" Hunny cried, tears building in his eyes. He clamped them shut and flailed his arms. "Renge-chan is gonna tell everyone! This was supposed to be a secret!"

Renge stopped daydreaming and frowned at him. "Now why would I tell the secret? Oh no, Hani-kun, I'm coming to see the kittens and I'll be as sneaky as a shinobi. 'course," she added, grinning and winking at Haruhi, "I'll want to watch my darling Haruhi-kun play with the kittens."

Haruhi and Tamaki exchanged glances of disgust while Kaoru shook his head, smirking. Hunny pulled Yuhi and Usa-chan into his lap.

"Just the seven of us then, maybe eight, depending on whether or not Kaoru wants to tell Hikaru," Nekozawa murmured. His voice had changed slightly, most likely in acknowledgement to Renge's unwelcome and disconcerting presence. Belzenev made a few gestures to drive Nekozawa's point home. "Ootori-san can't find out, nor can any of the customers to your club, or any members of mine."

"How many members does your club even have, Umehito-kun?" Renge questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Nekozawa ignored the interruption, unfazed. "I'll stay in here as long as necessary, and get Kuretake and Kadomatsu to do the same. You guys can't all be here at once, so I suggest the obvious pairs; Hani and Mori, Tamaki and Haruhi, and Kaoru either alone or with someone other than Haruhi. If you two go together," he elaborated, looking their way, "Hikaru will doubtlessly get bored and follow you."

"I'll do my best to keep the Host Club's customers from following, too," Renge suggested. "It is, after all, the least I can do."

"This is bothersome," Kaoru groaned. "It went from finding a wet cardboard box to becoming some sort of undercover cat-sitter."

Mori glanced at him worriedly. Hunny looked at the Hitachiin with widened eyes.

"Kao-chan, are you gonna quit?"

"Quit? Of course not!" Kaoru flashed a mischievous smile. "I haven't had this much fun in weeks."

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