DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Slayers... (n.-)

Episode 010: Over The River!

Ohhh! Where Are We Going?!

"Uhh." Zelgadiss said rubbing his head softly as he woke up.

"Where am I?" He wondered aloud surveying the forest landscape that had replaced the desert he had been in before…

"Uhh!" He muttered, taking an embarrassed step back from the dark haired princess still unconscious at his feet and putting a hand to his for head. "That's right."

Feeling the one might after a night of intoxication, well that is the way one would if he were a bitter chimera with a dark past, Zelgadiss removed his sword from his sheaf an began heading towards the forest to kill something. On his way he passed a large fire where Yade, Xelloss, and Sherrast were sitting. Sherrast, who was sitting alone on a log to Xelloss' left, was saying something, hard to tell exactly what sort of thing with that smile of hers plastered on her face. Whatever it was, it was causing Yade, who was on the log beside him to hang her head with a grim, and maybe angry look, as he stared daggers at her.

"Please Sherrast." Yade said with forced calm. "You know enough about me to know that if I say, I cannot answer that question at this time, then I simply must not."

"Ahh!" She replied in her serene manner. "But I didn't ask you. I asked Mr. Xelloss." She turned her gaze to the furious priest. "And 'that's a secret' won't work for me, like it will Lina Inverse and her little crew of lackey's"

Zelgadiss' grip on his sword tightened. Hmm. He thought to himself darkly. She'll do.

Xelloss, glaring at the monk, replied. "It's none of your business, what plans I make and who I share them with."

"Plans?" Sherrast asked serenely. "Is that why the little Phoenix keeps taking her clothes off around you?"

Zelgadiss sweatdropped. Xelloss and Yade are…

Yade raised her head to look at the "monk".

"Yes." She replied with forced calm, Zelgadiss was shocked to see she wasn't the least bit embarrassed, only angry. "That is precisely why. You know we are telling you the truth, quit trying to bait us into giving away those plans."

She smiled at Sherrast's raised eyebrows and Xelloss grinned sadistically he could feel the shock and hate flowing from her.

"Oh my!" He replied mockingly. "Why I do believe you've gotten the little monk flustered. How unfortunate!" He gave a high pitched titter as Yade hung her head in what could have been shame, were it not for the small smile playing at her lips.

Sherrast quickly recovered. "Not it all Xelloss. I'm simply curious to what it is about your fascination with getting your companions to take off their clothes in front of you! Now Filia Ul Copt I could understand, a priestess of the Fire Dragon King must look twice as good naked, which might also explain why you haven't picked up any women since that little trip you took." Her serene smile opened wider as she saw him begin twitching. "Ahh! I get it! They both can fly! Ahh, poor Xelloss, don't worry I'm certain your little dragon will be flattered."

Zelgadiss stared open mouthed in disbelief. She thinks...Xelloss and Filia! … It's official! This woman's insane.

Xelloss began glowing dark with power and shouting off not more than a few obscenities as he hurled himself at the "monk" who laughed serenely and just sat there as he stabbed her repeatedly with his staff.

Yade shook her head and looked up at Zelgadiss.

You had better get out of here while he is distracted. He heard her say in his head. He will be very angry, and stabbing Sherrast will get no negative energy from her, or positive for that matter, and my own will not be enough to satisfy him. I f he sees you...

She didn't need to continue, a flashback of, what he assumed, was yesterdays activities sprung to mind and he ran towards the woods, leaving the laughing "monk" and the swearing priest behind.

Yade sighed and stood up grabbing Xelloss by the shoulders, not a smart thing to do at the current situation, and was stabbed in the side with his staff as she turned him to face her.

Smiling to herself despite the pain, she healed it and looked at him evenly. "There." She said calmly. "Does it not feel better to harm a person who will actually give you the negative feelings you desire?"

Xelloss and Sherrast both stared at her open mouthed. Xelloss quickly closed his. "Are you offering to let me impale you?" He asked with mild concern.

Yade shrugged. "Possibly. As long as you don't stab me any where vital. No pain you could physically inflict could match that of the visions, and I would prefer you to not attack Miss Lina and the others."

Xelloss and Sherrast shared a rare look

He shrugged "Okay." He grinned sadistically. "I can do anything as long I don't puncture anything vital?"

Yade glanced at him evenly. "I decide what defines as vital Xelloss."

He shrugged; certain any of his ideas wouldn't be affected by it. "Of course."

Sherrast smiled serenely. "Oh my Xelloss! Whatever will your little dragon think?"

Yade sighed and shook her head as the priest threw himself at her again, and moved forward to pull him off.

Meanwhile in the forest Zelgadiss was relieving an unfortunate tree of all of its branches, as well as its bark, and great amount of flesh as well.

Damn it! He cursed as he carved; the tree ironically was beginning to look something like the girl he was thinking of. I was so close! It' seems every time I get in that position it always gets blown. I know the only way the princess would ever be interested in a creature like me was if I was the last man alive but in those sort of situations I could at least pretend, but NOOO… fate or destiny or whatever never seems to let it just happen.

He sighed leaning back against the tree. It's hopeless. But…

He widened his eyes, a rare small smile playing at his lips. That's it! I've only so far been in that position once every trip! What if this trip I arrange it to be in that position at every body of water we come to!

He narrowed his eyes in thought. Hmm. Lina and the others might become suspicious though… how to play this…

Back at camp Lina sneezed and woke up. "Hey!' She yelled nudging Gourry who was snoring next to her. "Wake up jellyfish brains!"

"Huh?" Gourry said sitting up dazed. "Is it time for breakfast?"

Lina sighed. "It would be if we still had that sack. Hey Amelia! Are you gonna sleep all day?"

The little princess sat up dazed. "Miss Lina? What's wrong?" She looked around at the foreign landscape. "Where are we? And where's Mr. Zelgadiss?"

"Yeah." Gourry said looking around confused. "This part of the desert sure has a lot of plants."

Lina jumped on his head and began beating him mercilessly. "We're not in the desert anymore. We're wherever Xelloss phased us too got it?"

"Okay! Okay!" He exclaimed.

"Mr. Xelloss?" Amelia asked looking around confused.

"Yeah." Lina said getting off a now thoroughly trashed Gourry. "Yade asked him to do something as the wall of water was about to hit."

"Miss Yade?" Amelia asked even more confused.

Lina nodded. "Yep. And that's not all." She looked around the camp. "Where is the little fruitcake? I got a couple of questions to ask him."

"If it's about Miss Yade and his relationship, you might want to reconsider asking until later." Zelgadiss commented exiting the woods to join them. "Sherrast already asked him and Miss Yade about it and he wasn't very pleased."

"Mr. Zelgadiss!" Amelia cooed. "Your okay! I was so worried."

Zelgadiss smiled to himself softly as he blushed. "Thank you Amelia, but I'm fine."

Lina shrugged and replied. "I'm sure it was just because it was her asking him. If I do it I'm sure he won't mind."

"Lina." Zelgadiss said warily. "He stabbed her at least five times before I turned away. She appears to feel no pain. Do you want to be the one he turns on?"

Lina bristled. "On second thought… I'll just leave it alone."

"Leave what alone?" Gourry asked confused.

"Nothing." Lina and Zelgadiss replied hastily.

"Mr. Zelgadiss! Miss Lina!" Amelia admonished. "Keeping secrets goes against the principles of Justice!"

They sweatdropped. Zelgadiss more so than Lina, as he thought of his future "plan".

"Not if it's someone else's secret Amelia." Zelgadiss replied calmly. "Then it would go against the principles of Justice to tell it."

"That's right Zel." Lina agreed rubbing her head and looking around. "Now where's Xelloss? I'm hungry!"

"Why I'm not certain where he and Miss Yade went off to. " Sherrast replied serenely. "But I'm still here."

Lina and Zelgadiss facefaulted.

Lina whispered to Zelgadiss. "You think they'd be a little less conspicuous!"

"Just pretend you didn't notice. Amelia and Gourry don't suspect a thing." He whispered back as he stood up.

Lina smiled at the "monk". "Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't really help me in this situation as Xelloss is the one with the food!"

"Quite right Miss Lina." Xelloss agreed appearing behind Sherrast causing her to jump and the already chipper priest to smile wider.

"Xelloss." Lina admonished. "Where have you been?"

"Yes." Zelgadiss agreed eying him warily. "And why are you so happy?"

"Ahh!" Xelloss said with a smile and a wave of his finger. "Now that's a secret!"

Lina and Zelgadiss hit the forest floor again. "He's really not making this easy!"

"Not to worry Miss Lina." He said picking up the sorceress and dusting her off. "I brought you new food. And you Zel!" He said smiling down at the chimera. "I'm touched you missed me so!"

Zelgadiss got up grumbling. "Must not spill secret...must save for bargaining chip…"

"Right! Xelloss beamed. "Well here you are Miss Lina! I hope you like waffles!" He said directing them to the large pile of waffles, sausage and eggs sitting on a blanket.

"FOOD!" Lina and Gourry drooled heading off to the pile at full speed.

Xelloss chuckled and Zelgadiss stared at him. What were they doing to make him this happy?

"Mr. Zelgadiss!" Amelia tugged on his arm shaking him from his thoughts. "Come on Mr. Xelloss got you coffee!"

Shaking his head in wonder Zelgadiss allowed the little princess to drag him off to the food.

"So Xelloss." Lina inquired through a mouthful of food. "Where are we?"

"We are in the Dreadwood." Xelloss said cheerfully. "Miss Yade asked me to bring you here as it is the next stop on the map."

Zelgadiss eyed Xelloss warily. "Since when have you submitted to taking orders from humans?" He inquired taking a sip of his coffee.

Xelloss bristled. "I'm not taking orders from her I simply agreed that it was the best course of action." He opened an eye to peer at Zelgadiss then shut it again with a smirk. "Oh I see! Your jealous! How Unfortunate! Well not to worry Zelgadiss, if you make it worth my while I'll let you order me around." He winked in mock suggestion. "I'll do anything you ask."

Zelgadiss spit out the coffee choking. "That's not what I meant." He said gagging.

Xelloss nodded with mock understanding. "It's okay Zel, It'll be our little secret."

Zelgadiss just stared at him an expression of pure horror on his face. Xelloss smirked and turned to face Yade, who was making her way over from the forest, clothes once again out of place. Fortunately Lina and the others were currently preoccupied with the mountain of food in front of her, and Zelgadiss seemed incapable of movement.

Xelloss, satisfied his distraction had worked, turned back to Lina and the others and began stuffing the few remaining mounds of leftovers into the sack.

"Put… It… Back…" Lina said fire in her eyes as she stood to face the offending priest.

"But Lina!" He wined. "If we don't leave now we won't make it to the river in time for lunch."

Lina drooled. "You brought lunch too?"

Xelloss nodded. "Yep. And if we leave now you can have it in an hour early!"

"All right!" Gourry said hopping to his feet. "Lina Food!"

Lina nodded. "I'm right behind ya Gourry."

Just as they were about to take off into the woods a timid voice spoke up from behind.

"Uh, Miss Lina, Mr. Gourry!" The princess called gazing at the still unmoving chimera. "I think Mr. Zelgadiss needs help."

"Huh?" Lina asked taking in the site. "Uhh! Zel what are you doing!"

In response the chimera muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Don't like fruitcake, too many nuts" and fainted dead on the forest floor.