Caller

Bzzt!

Heinz Doofenshmirtz glared at the door and refused to budge. He knew exactly who was standing outside, and had no intention of letting him in. A minute passed without another sound, and Heinz began to relax, with a smug smile. Yeah, that's right, he thought. You're not wanted here, so just…

Bzzt!

"Dad!" Vanessa's voice came from her room down the hall. "Would you get that please? I'm not ready."

"Um, get what, Sweetie?" he cooed in as innocent a tone as he could muster.

"I heard the door buzz," she called back.

"R-really? Um, no, I don't think…"

Bzzt!

"There!" said Vanessa. "Someone's at the door."

"Well… I can't answer it." he argued. "I'm – " Running to the wreckage of his latest evil scheme, he began clanking metal together. "I'm building a new Inator!"

"DAD, JUST GET THE DOOR!" Her voice echoed through the apartment.

"Fine," he muttered under his breath, trudging across the room. "Children! You try to raise them to respect their parents, and then one day you wake up and they're twenty-one and they think they can order you around like…"

Bzzt!

Doofenshmirtz jerked the door open and regarded the caller with his most intimidating glare.

The green-haired kid stood there with a blank expression and said, in that snooty-tooty accent, "Good afternoon, Doctor Doofenshmirtz."

"What do you want, Fletcher?" He refused to call him by that weird name. What sort of parents named their son Ferb? And Heinz had thought his parents were cruel.

"Is Vanessa at home?"

This hoodlum was doubtless on something, he thought, eyes narrowing with suspicion. No one could be that calm. "Um... No!" A flicker of insipiration lit his eyes. "No, sorry, no Vanessa, too bad, just scoot along now."

"Dad, is that Ferb?" Vanessa's voice made a liar of him, and he glowered. "Tell him I'll be out in a minute."

Busted! he sighed, and grudgingly conveyed the message. "She'll be out in—" Heinz looked around in confusion. While he had been distracted by his daughter, Fletcher had just waltzed right in and was gawking around at his lair.

"You have a lovely home, sir."

"Oh, yeah, just lovely," Doofenshmirtz snorted. Rolling his eyes, he cracked, "Why don't you just make yourself comfortable and I'll get us some tea and cookies."

"That's very kind," the young man said in a bland tone as he took a seat on the sofa, "but really not necessary."

For crying out loud! Didn't the kid know sarcasm when he heard it? What sort of idiot had his Baby Girl gotten herself mixed up with? Where was the De-love-inator when he needed it?

"Hey, Ferb." Vanessa came into the living room and walked to meet him as he got to his feet. "Ready to go?"

Heinz didn't like the way this punk was ogling his daughter, and was horrified to see him grab Vanessa by the hands and plant his lips right on her cheek! "Hey! Hey!" he intervened, "None of that, you hooligan! You treat my Baby Girl with respect!"

"Da-ad," Vanessa shook her head at him with an exasperated half-smile. "He always does. Come on, Ferb." Still holding hands, they headed for the door.

"You have her back here by nine o'clock!" the protective father warned. "And no joyriding! I've seen that hot rod of yours!"

"We'll be back after the movie," his daughter informed him, as if he hadn't said a word. "Don't wait up."

"Good evening, sir," said Fletcher. "It was a pleasure to see you again."

And with that, the door closed behind them. With a snort of disapproval, Heinz Doofenshmirtz went to the kitchen to fix himself some dinner. Only three days ago, his little girl had informed him that she was in love with this weirdo, and that they were going to be dating. He had even been tricked into going to his ex-wife's house, so they could ambush him there with the news, and Charlene could nag him about 'over-reacting' and 'being unreasonable.' At least the Thanksgiving break would be over soon, and Vanessa would be safely back at college. With any luck, that would be the last he would see or hear of Ferb Fletcher.

A/N – I knew from the start that "Caller" would involve Ferb coming to Doof's place to pick up Vanessa for a date. (And to be clear, no, the "Hot Rod" is not Meap's Ride From Outer Space; it's Ferb's own, down-to-earth "self-restored set of wheels" referenced at the beginning of "Warming Up.")