Traveling Mercies

Chapter Ten: Confession

I have been wrong about you.
Thought I was strong without you.
For so long nothing could move me.
For so long nothing could change me.

It was a long five hours of silence in the car before they had to stop for gas. Grateful for the opportunity to stretch her legs and use the less than pleasant facilities, Lisa headed straight into the convenience store. The slight worry of Jackson leaving her there crossed her mind but she pushed it aside. If he wanted her stranded he would have done it at the hotel. That look of absolute fury on his face when she asked about the picture would stay with her probably as long as stabbing him would. As much as he had gleaned about her in those eight weeks of watching her, she still kept the scar a secret until that airplane bathroom. And despite as much as he thought he knew about her, she still had a few surprises up her sleeve. All she really wanted know was something personal about him, something that he told her himself. What she wanted was a sign of trust.

She decided to bring him a peace offering since he wasn't speaking to her yet. By the time she was walking out of the store with two cups of coffee, he was just getting behind the wheel. She slid into the passenger seat and tried not to show her discomfort at his questioning gaze. She held out the cup that was plain black in his direction. Once he took it, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the various creamers and sugar packets she took as well.

"I'm sorry," she stated simply. She watched his jaw tense and relax six times before he pinched the bridge of his nose. As much as she wanted to hear him apologize, it suddenly wasn't that important to her. His actions told her everything she needed to know. "So, how much farther do we have to go?"

He gave her a slightly startled expression. "Uh, about three more hours."

"Where are we going exactly?"

The in control Jackson was starting to come back as he started the car and pulled back on the road. "Scottsdale, Arizona. You get to meet the man who taught me everything I know about this business."

"Wonderful."

"It won't be that bad."

Lisa sipped her coffee and watched the highway fly by her as silence fell between them again, only without the tension. She should have known better than to snap at him like she had. Remembering what it had been like after Ben was killed, her emotions had been haywire so why wouldn't he be going through the same thing? Kaylee had told her that Jackson was like a brother to her. Even assassins had families, didn't they? Phoenix was still fifty miles away when he started speaking again.

"Her name was Sara."

He didn't know why he was telling Lisa about Sara. Maybe it was her apology with the coffee, or Kaylee's death was wearing on him and bringing down the walls he had so carefully built around Sara and Joel's memory. Perhaps he just needed to confess it to someone and Lisa was as good as anyone.

"We met on a job. A diplomat from Russia had stored some sensitive documents in this state of the art safe. Sara was suppose to be the best in the business. She was one of those who had a real job and was just hired by the Agency for certain cases. She was a locksmith in Philadelphia." Jackson smiled at the memory. "She had that million dollar safe open in ten seconds. It was love at first sight.

"I worked out of Philadelphia for a few months, met her family and we got married six months after the Russian job. A year and half later, Joel was born. Everything was perfect for three years."

Suddenly, he didn't want to talk anymore. He wanted the story to end right there but life didn't work that way. And even though he wasn't looking in Lisa's direction, he knew she was waiting for him to continue, which brought another set of problems to the surface. Well, they were already coming up on Phoenix. Once they reached Declan's, if Lisa had had enough of him and the circumstances, she could leave if she wanted to. He hadn't had a confidant in a very long time and wouldn't like to see her go but he would never voice that to her.

"They were coming back from State College, near Penn State. Her parents lived up there. I was finishing detail work on my next job or else I would have been in the car with them. Sometimes I wish I had been. Some college kid who had been drinking and smoking weed all night decided to run the red light at ninety miles an hour. He blew through one car, killing the guy instantly, before plowing into Sara's car. I got to the hospital fifteen minutes after she was declared dead. Joel was killed instantly. I buried them both five years ago."

And then he waited for Lisa to put the pieces together. It didn't take her long. He heard her gasp loudly, hand clamped over her mouth. He started nursing his doubts about telling her in the stunning silence that followed. But finally, twenty minutes from Declan's, she spoke.

"I asked the police officers if I could speak with you that night, when my Mom, Dad and I had to identify my brother's body." She sniffed loudly. "I wanted to tell you I was sorry you had lost your wife and child."

"They gave me the message."

"They never told me your name, though. Even when the paper's printed the story, no names were given."

Jackson's grip on the steering wheel tightened. "Agency couldn't afford it. Even though it wasn't part of a job or a vendetta, they just couldn't risk it. I hadn't even realized the connection until I found that box of men's clothing in your storage closet. I did research on the computer all night looking for Benjamin Reisert's who passed away in the last thirty years. I couldn't believe it when I found the obituary."

"Now I understand," she said solemnly.

"Understand what?"

"The connection between us."

He wanted to deny that there was anything between them but he couldn't. It frightened him that she had, most likely, hit the nail on the head with her diagnosis. Maybe it wasn't the eight weeks of surveillance that he had done that forged the link between them but the death of their loved ones that night. What were the chances, really? He was never one to put much stock in fate and everything happens for a reason mentality but how could he argue with that thought process with the sister of the other victim of the car crash that took his wife and child five years ago was sitting next to him? He turned on Declan's street and pulled up to the modest suburban house.

"Jackson, I-"

"We're here."

And they promptly ceased their conversation that had played out more as a confession for the both of them.

"What the hell are you parking in my driveway?"

Despite the serious tone that their conversation had ended on, Lisa couldn't help but smile at the man who walked out of the adobe house to greet them. It was not a huge, sprawling mansion like she expected to see considering it housed Jackson's mentor. Apparently the man went for quality instead of quantity. The yard was landscaped in the typical stone, cacti but an orange tree on the fringe of the property line. Lisa heard her name and turned her attention to the two men standing in the driveway.

"Lisa Reisert," he extended a broad hand, "Declan O'Malley. It's a pleasure to met you, finally."

She accepted the handshake and smiled politely back. He looked slightly older than her father with salt and pepper hair and grey eyes. He wasn't tall like Remy but he was just as thin. She was struck with just how kind he looked and a sudden wave of homesickness struck her. Tears burned the back of her eyes but she was tired of crying. She knew she was stronger than this but apparently Declan saw her efforts and patted her hand, which didn't exactly strengthen her efforts of control.

"Jackson, pop the trunk of this piece of crap so we can get your stuff out and this thing towed," Declan said, moving away from Lisa.

She noticed Jackson giving her a look and she mouthed "sorry" to him but he waved it off dismissively before he pulled the latch for the trunk. Lisa took a deep breath and tried to get in touch with the professional inside of her before trying to retrieve her suitcase. Declan, however, refused to relinquish it to her and instead put a fatherly arm around her shoulders.

"You've been stuck in car with Jackson for eighteen hours. Trust me, you shouldn't have to carry any more baggage."

Lisa tried to smile at the joke but just after what Jackson had told her about Sara and Joel, she couldn't bring herself to even fake one.

"Thanks, Dec," Jackson responded with the same light tone.

"You bet."

Lisa stepped into the cool house, feeling relief from the Arizona dry heat. The inside of the house looked like it was used for magazine shoots: all antique pieces of furniture mixed with the modern day luxuries in a seamless fashion. If this all blew over and she returned to her job at the Lux, she was hiring his interior decorator.

"Are you two hungry or do you just want to sleep?"

Lisa didn't even have to look at Jackson to know what he would say. He hadn't touched the food he brought back from McDonald's and the only thing she saw him drink was the coffee she handed him. She was surprised he hadn't passed out by now. After the decision had been made to eat first, rest second, she followed the men into the kitchen that was just as beautiful as the rest of the house. But nothing was as welcome as the sight of food on the table.

Declan was looking very pleased with himself. "We have the best little Greek restaurant right around the corner."

Jackson finally took a deep breath and released it. It was the first breath he had taken in relative peace since the red eye flight with Lisa. After eating, he slept for a few hours and now he sat outside on the back porch of Declan's home, beer in hand and finally feeling safe. Of course, there was no way to tell how long he would have but he would enjoy it while it lasted.

The sliding glass door behind him opened and he didn't have to look to see who it was. Declan was out having dinner with a potential client which meant his intruder could only be Lisa. Of course, he was starting to think of her less and less as a burden and more as a…what? Acquaintance? Friend? He bit back a groan. He hated what she was doing to him, making him talk and feel.

"Do you mind?"

He looked up to see her standing behind the chair next to him and shook his head. She was dressed in linen pants and an oversized shirt, typical Florida clothing. She looked rested and he could smell her shampoo and shower gel she used. Jasmine. She sat down and he saw she had a glass a wine with her. Good, maybe she could relax too.

"Did I hear Declan right when he said Remy was coming?"

Jackson expected to be annoyed at the break in silence but it never came. "Yeah. He'll be here tomorrow evening."

"Does he know about…"

"Kaylee?"

Lisa nodded.

"Yeah, he knows. He's coming from Oklahoma. He, uh, took care of things at the ranch."

"What did he do…with her?"

It could have been his relaxed state of mind or the fact that Lisa now knew one his many well kept secrets, or he was just plain tired of always hiding behind one mask or another. Regardless, he sat up in the chair and started talking again.

"There's a stream that runs through the property of the ranch. At a certain bend, there's this big crab apple tree. She used to spend a lot of time under that tree, it was her hiding place. I think I was the only one who knew about it." He cleared his throat. "Anyway, Remy buried her under the tree."

"Did he know her?"

He was hoping she wasn't going to ask that question. "Yeah, he knew her. He was very sweet on her. But she didn't want to leave the ranch and he couldn't leave the hotel so nothing ever came of it." Well, maybe it was good to get that in open so she would know Remy's visit wasn't going to be a pleasant one. Jackson was already thinking about what he was going to say to the man when he got there. So many people said useless things to him after Sara and Joel died, he knew what meant something and what didn't.

"Do you ever get used to it?"

Jackson thought he had missed her side of the conversation. "Get used to what?"

"All the people dying." She turned and looked at him with bright green eyes. Even in the dark he could tell the color. "Does it ever get easier?"

He could lie, which he normally never did, and say yes, you get used to it. But you never do. Each call, each announcement causes the same amount of shock and pain. You learned quick in this business to trust no one but once you forged your network, they became closer than family. "No," he finally answered.

"Do you feel the same way for the people that," she paused, searching for the right words. "That are part of your job?"

That was a nice way of putting it, Leese. "Of course not. Those people we don't know. We can distance ourselves from them and usually there's a reason someone wants them dead. Those reasons that are given do nothing to stoke a sense of empathy with the target anyway. When you loose someone you know in this business, it's like losing a family member. They can't be replaced."

Lisa settled back in her chair and stared blankly in front of her. Jackson wasn't sure if he was suppose to keep up the conversation or not, so he just followed her example and went back to his beer. The sounds of crickets and gecko's only added to the relaxing atmosphere and he found himself starting to drift off to sleep again.

"Jackson?"

"Hm?" When she didn't say anything, he opened his eyes and looked at her expectantly. She opened and closed her mouth a couple times, trying to screw up the courage to ask her question. "You look like a fish. Spit it out, Leese."

She laughed slightly but regained her seriousness quickly. "Is that why you're not interested in killing me? Because you've gotten to know me?"

He wondered how he should answer that question. If she knew for a fact that he didn't want to cause her harm and injury, well, he knew what a handful she could be when their ideas clashed. But he told her never lies because it doesn't serve his purpose. Keeping her afraid of him would definite serve his purpose. But when he looked over at her, her face open and wanting reassurance that he wasn't the monster she thought he was, only the truth came out in one simple word.

"Yes."

Now I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am captured by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide it
Now hear my confession.

-My Confession, by Josh Groban