Chapter Ten

The midday sun glistened off her long, lean body and I bit my lip. She was on her stomach, reading a novel and pretty much in her own little world but on the plus side; I had a nice view of her ass, barely covered by the tiny red bikini bottom.

Oh, you wanna ignore me, huh? I thought wickedly. Well, we'll see about that. Teasingly, I ran my hand down her side, scraping my nails over the supple skin. That garnered a little throat clearing but clearly, it wasn't enough. Grinning, I scooted down and pressed a kiss to her hipbone, licking the spot where her thigh began and her bathing suit bottom ended. I could taste the salt of her skin and the faint aura of coconut oil. A soft sigh escaped her lips and I knew I had gotten her.

"If you're trying to get my attention," Piper put down her book and raised her eyebrows in mock annoyance, "it worked."

"Good," I flipped her over onto her back and positioned myself on top of her, capturing her lips with my own. Our tongue met and Piper moaned as I nipped at her lower lip. As the kiss deepened, I felt her hesitation. We'd made love on the private beach many, many times without worry so I wondered what was up.

"What is it?" I pulled her up into a sitting position so I could look at her. Shit. Her eyes were darting back and forth, something they always did when she was nervous. Something was wrong.

"Nothing, I'm fine." She kissed me quickly and I knew she was lying. She was a terrible liar, always had been.

"C'mon, Pipes, it's not nothing, you can tell me."

"Ok, uh, it's just that we've been together for over a year now and…doesn't it bother you that no one in my life knows about us? Aside from Polly. And by that I mean, my family."

Damn, she was nervous and even though I usually teased her about being neurotic about everything, I could tell she was really uncomfortable even mentioning her thoughts. We never talked about her family much and I only knew them to be really uptight, except for Cal, her younger brother.

I shrugged. "I think when you're ready to tell them about us, you will."

"But what if I'm like, never ready?" she blurted, running sand through her fingers. "They're starting to ask questions, Al. They think I live with Polly. I really don't know what to say to them."

She wanted answers but I had none to give. I was who I was and if someone didn't like me, zero fucks were given but Piper…she cared about people's opinions of her, Mommy and Daddy Chapman, especially. From what she'd told me, her mother was especially critical of all aspects of her life and beyond a shadow of a doubt, neither of them would have approved of me. It didn't bother me that her family didn't know. Not that I completely agreed with her hiding who she was but I also in no way thought just because I chose to label myself, everyone should be comfortable enough to follow suit. Piper was with me. She held my hand when we walked down the street, she kissed me on the L train when we had to say goodbye, and she was my girlfriend, in every aspect. That was what was important. That was all that mattered.

"Babe," I reached out to touch her wild blond locks, "I want you to listen to me, OK? You can tell them two weeks from now. You can tell them two months from now. We could run away to the ends of the earth and you could never tell them. It's fine. All of it is totally fine. I don't need anybody's approval to know that you love me." I looked into her endless ocean eyes then and damn, if they didn't get me every time. Everything I needed to know about that girl, I could find out in those eyes. The level of intensity I saw in them scared me at first. There was such blinding trust in her gaze and me being me, worried I'd let her down someday, that inevitability, I would hurt her. Then I figured shit out. I thought if she was going to put that much faith in me then I'd sure as hell better not fuck up.

I took her face in my hands, stroking her jawline with the pads of my thumbs. "Does that answer your question?"

She kissed me softly and although I could feel the tenderness in it, I felt something else, something that took me aback.

It was sadness.

"What gives, beautiful?" I tried to sound casual but the way she had kissed me had scared me. It had almost felt like a goodbye.

"Do we have to keep talking about this?"

"No, we don't," I interlaced our fingers, "but clearly, you still have stuff you want to say, so…"

"Well," she broached carefully and my heart sank at the way she said that single word, "Well,"" What if I can never tell them, even if I want to. I don't want to hide you forever but my parents, they're not like Diane. They'd never accept that their daughter is in love with another woman. What if that's not something…"she hedged, "What if that's not something I want, to have to live this like, double life?"

I swallowed past the gigantic lump forming in my throat and forced myself to look at her. "Then that's a decision you have to make."

Piper pulled me down into the soft, pink sand with her, taking me by surprise, into her arms. "I wish we could stay here, just like this. Forever."

I laid tiny, intricate kisses into the crown of her hair. "Just say the word, Pipes, and we can. We don't ever have to go back to the States, you know. I can conduct my business from anywhere, Kubra told me that a long time ago. I mean, I'd still have to travel but we can make a home wherever we want."

I felt her sigh into my neck. "We can't hide forever, Alex. It sounds really, really nice but the truth is going to get us eventually. It always does."

I didn't like the way she was talking, like she was ready to up and leave at any moment. Fuck, I couldn't hear anymore. So I silenced her and my own fears the only way I knew how.

"Piper," I whispered into the hollow of her throat and she shivered, the shivers changing into moans as I suckled on the sensitive skin there. Her moans grew louder still, her body reacting immediately as it always did when I touched her. Her back arched as I swept my lips down to her bikini top, yanking it down with my teeth and drawing her nipple into my mouth.

"I love you," I murmured as I made her forget what we were talking about in the first place and we lost ourselves in each other, as we tended to do.

I stared down at the page, the letters blurring slightly as I took off my glasses to wipe my eyes. Fuck, that letter…it changed things. Piper, Piper, Piper, my head and my heart called out. I had needed this, even if I hadn't known it. It was there, in black and white, the whole truth, not the deluded bullshit she'd laid on me when I'd gotten here. It all made sense now, why she'd left in the first place, why she'd taken up with Larry and later picked him and broke my fucking heart all over again. It even, in a screwed up way, explained the Stella thing. She was scared shitless back then too. It didn't excuse what she'd done because yes, it had fucking hurt, all of it, but scared I could get. I understood what it was like to be terrified of everything. Scared was what she knew and at the time, I wanted to hate her for it, that she had been too emotionally needy to see how fucking scared I was that Kubra was gunning for me, but now I knew. I knew everything.

My hands shook and I was suddenly grateful to be alone in the cube. Piper had never stopped loving me. That was a fucking revelation in and of itself because I had blamed myself for a long time when she left. I was unlovable and she was right, my job was ruining us. Maybe I was still that sad, scared little girl Jessica Wedge and all those other bitches tortured. Maybe she decided I wasn't worthy of her love, of anyone's love. Those thoughts haunted me for years, present in everything I did. But I was holding the proof in my hand, Piper's truth from eight years ago that she had never given me. Yes, I was a manipulative bitch and she was a narcissistic asshole and yes, we were both utterly fucked up, but damn, we just fit. And there was no fucking way I was going to let her slip away again.

I knew she needed me because why else had she chosen now to give me that letter? She could talk about how she wanted me to stay away from her until she was blue but she was crying out for my help. I winced, picturing her angry, inflamed tattoo and I feel rage bubbling to the surface. I wanted to fucking kill Carlin when Boo had told me she'd given Piper that thing and I only calmed down when Morello informed me how Pipers got the bitch sent to max. I didn't like a lot of what she'd done to people on her power trip but that, that I could get behind.

A glance at the clock outside the cube told me I couldn't go to her, not yet, that she was at work in electrical (A transfer I'd quickly arranged using my leverage) and she wouldn't be done for at least another hour. I sighed, wishing Birdie was still there. Even though I'd been skeptic al that she could actually help me, at least she'd fucking cared, which was more than I could have said about any of the other assholes that worked at Litchfield. She definitely would have been able to get through to Piper, even if I couldn't. There was no way to get her back. Even my bought silence couldn't bargain for that.

"Vause." A male voice startled me and I looked up to see one of the new guards standing at the door of the cube. "Caputo wants to see you in his office. Now."

My heart pounded and I slid the letter quickly under my pillow. "What about?"

The guard shook his head. "I don't know but whatever it is, it's important."