HelloooOOoooo~~~
Things are starting to go downhill... What's gonna happen next?! (°o°；)
Chapter warning: Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.
It used to be enough.
Even if we were not together as lovers, as long as I could stay by your side and share a smile with you, it was enough.
And it should have been enough, just to be your friend.
But when did it start?
When did I start wanting more?
Even though all it brought was pain and sorrow.
XXXXXX
"Let's go back."
The words were painfully cruel, yet said with such gentleness that it pierced Law's heart.
If none of them could choose to let go, then this was the only way out.
All he wanted was for Kid to say those three words, but he didn't; not even as a lie.
'I love you.'
Kid would hold him in his arms, kiss him on the lips, but the redhead just would not say those words he craved to hear.
Things would have been so much easier had Kid just pushed him away, hit him in the face and told him he was disgusting. But he didn't.
Law didn't want to go back, to again be led on blindly by false hope. If only he could run far away, so far that he could no longer hear Kid's voice calling his name.
"...I need to get to class. I'll see you soon... Trafalgar."
Kid slowly loosened his grip around Law, then turned and walked away without a backward glance.
'Why did you say "see you again"? Why are you putting me through this agony?'
Law bit his lower lip, resisting the urge to chase after Kid and throw his arms around the taller man.
"..."
It hurt so much, Law couldn't breathe. He felt like he was trapped under the dark sea, unable to swim to the surface. No matter how he struggled, he could not free himself.
Slowly closing his eyes, he lifted his pinky finger, now devoid of the ring, and laid a soft kiss upon it.
"...Eustass-ya..."
When Kid brushed past him just now, he had noticed that Kid was no longer wearing the matching ring on his pinky finger.
The memory aggravated the painful throbbing of his heart. To think that he had treasured that ring, cherished it with such gentleness, only to learn that Kid had not done the same.
'You were the one who destroyed this relationship. How shallow it must be, how unimportant I probably am to you, if you could treat it with such indifference.'
Those thoughts had clouded his mind when he flung the ring at Kid. If they were really true, then Law did not want the ring anymore.
Despite all this, his mind continued to silently plead for Kid to turn around and embrace him once again. Unable to stop his tears, he wrapped his trembling arms around his body in a weak attempt to hold on to some of Kid's warmth.
He didn't know how long he stood there, alone in the corridor, crying like a child.
He felt like a lovestruck fool, but he just couldn't stop loving the man.
"...Eustass-ya..."
The pain throbbed relentlessly in his heart.
XXXXXX
It was a few days later, right after the bell signalling the end of school sounded, when his mobile phone chimed happily, indicating an incoming message.
"Shall we walk home together today?"
The false cheer in the message brought a frown to Law's lips. Quietly, he packed up his things before typing a short reply.
"See you at the gate."
Though he tried his best to act normal, Law found himself hurrying to the school gates. Stopping to catch his breath, he fidgeted uneasily as he waited for Kid to arrive.
After a few minutes, the redhead joined him at the gate.
"...Hey."
"Hi..."
Law averted his eyes as an awkward tension settled upon them.
He was at a loss of what to say. He tried to recall the countless times in the past four years when he'd meet up with Kid at this very spot. Law tried to recreate the same feeling, but he just couldn't remember the details.
Without a word, Kid turned and walked out the gate. He felt so distant, as if they were strangers. Law couldn't understand why.
Even so, he hurried to catch up.
'I love you. I love you, Eustass-ya.'
The treacherous words echoed in Law's mind. He clenched his hands into fists, forcing down the urge to slip his cold fingers into Kid's hand.
Just then, Kid turned to face him.
"...I was just wondering, where's your muffler?"
"...I threw it away."
It had probably been taken to a dump somewhere, or burned in an incinerator like trash. Smoker's muffler still hung in his closet, but Law couldn't bring himself to use it.
"...I see."
Kid turned away from Law again, his expression unreadable. Law swallowed painfully as he cast his eyes to the ground.
XXXXXX
"...Hey, you wanna come to my place for a few drinks?"
They had reached the spot where they usually parted when Kid quietly voiced his invitation.
"What...?"
"It's Friday, right? Just, stay over tonight, ok?"
"... I... need to get home..."
Law made a move to back away, but Kid had moved forward to grab his arm.
"Don't go home."
Crimson eyes bore into his own. Law cringed away from the fierce gaze.
"Don't go home," Kid repeated.
"But... I don't have clothes to change into... Just let me go get some-"
"You can wear mine. Don't leave... I know you'll never come back if you do."
Law flinched. Kid sounded so convinced that he would run away. Did he really seem like such a coward?
But it was true. Law knew that if he went home, he'd never be able to bring himself to go to Kid's place. It seemed like all these years of friendship had enabled Kid to read him like an open book.
Kid's grip tightened on his arm.
"...Eustass-ya...!"
He wanted Kid to stop doing this, to stop leading him on and keeping him trapped in this hopeless love, yet it felt like Kid was determined to keep Law in his life.
Kid turned and started walking briskly towards his apartment block. Law could do nothing but be dragged along, trying not to trip over his own feet. However, when Kid opened the door to his apartment and all but shoved Law inside, he lost his balance and landed heavily on his knees.
Before he could regain his senses, he felt Kid pulling him to his feet and leading him to the living room table. He blinked, finally noticing the convenience store bags spread out on the low table, filled with unopened bags of snacks.
In that moment, Law realized that Kid had it all planned. Whether he liked it or not, Law would have ended up here today, forced to act out this routine of false amity.
He cast his gaze around the room. He noted with surprise that Kid's apartment was in a mess; in all the years that he'd known the redhead, he had never seen the man's home in such a state before.
"Sit."
While Law was distracted by the condition of the apartment, Kid had moved to the kitchen and retrieved two beers from the fridge. Now, he placed the beers onto the table and sat down.
Law quietly followed suit, grabbing a can and pulling open the tab. The strong smell of the alcohol stung his nose.
Without a word, the two men opened some packets of snacks and started eating, taking occassional swigs of beer between bites. The tension was thick, as each waited for the other to speak.
Before Law knew it, it was evening. They had left school at about five in the afternoon, and the clock on the wall now read 9 p.m.
During this time, Kid had turned on the TV, and was watching some comedy programme. He had not spoken a word to Law, who sat silently by his side.
Law was wondering if he should make up some excuse to leave when Kid spoke up.
"...Hey."
Law lifted his eyes to Kid's face to see the redhead looking solemnly at him.
"What do you like about me...?"
Law's eyes widened, before clouding over with suspicion. Frowning, he averted his eyes.
"Sorry... I didn't mean to say it so suddenly..." Kid apologized, rubbing the back of his head absently.
"I..."
'I like everything about you.'
The reply surfaced readily in Law's mind, yet he couldn't bring himself to speak it. And why should he, when he knew that it wouldn't change anything?
"I... like how much of an insensitive idiot you are..."
Despite the ugly emotions churning in his heart, Law forced a smile, trying to take the bite out of his words. It was the same answer that he had given to the redhead before all this had happened. He wondered if Kid still remembered.
"Thanks, but no thanks," Kid laughed, then reached out to ruffle Law's hair affectionately.
There it was again, that cruel kindness.
Law continued to smile, holding back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.
XXXXXX
Law didn't realize that he had managed to fall asleep until he woke up. Glancing up at the clock, he noted that it was only 11 p.m., and sighed with relief, knowing that he hadn't been out for long.
Looking around, he spotted Kid sprawled out on the sofa opposite the room, snoring away softly.
Quietly, Law moved across the room and knelt down by the sofa, looking down into Kid's sleeping face. After a while, he hesitantly lifted a hand and gently stroked Kid's cheek with the pad of his thumb.
'You're such an idiot...'
The room was silent, save for the ticking of the clock. Law figured that Kid must have switched off the TV before he fell asleep.
His hand still resting lightly on Kid's cheek, Law couldn't stop himself as he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Kid's lips.
Kid did not wake up, and after ensuring that the redhead was still asleep, Law closed his eyes, softly placing kiss after chaste kiss onto the other man's lips.
Through all this, Kid never once stirred. Law briefly wondered if he was exhausted from school, or if he was just drunk from the alcohol.
Reveling in the thrill of Kid waking at any moment, Law deepened the kiss. Kid's lips had parted slightly, and Law took the chance to slip his tongue into the sleeping man's mouth.
His body was trembling from his withheld desires as he felt his groin growing hot.
He knew he needed to stop, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
"Uuh... Ahh... Eustass-ya..."
He felt like a shameless and dirty whore.
Squeezing his eyes shut, he reluctantly pulled away from Kid's lips.
Just then, a heavy thud sounded behind him.
"...What... are you doing...? Law-kun..."
Law flinched, turning around to see the last person he wanted to see standing by the door to the apartment.
She was wearing an expensive-looking beige coat with a fur collar, and black stockings that emphasized her long legs. However, the expression on her face was in complete contrast to her beautiful clothes.
At her feet were several plastic bags filled with what looked like Kid's stuff, as well as some bottled drinks, some of which were rolling away from where she had dropped them.
"...What are you doing?!" She shouted again as she advanced upon Law, raising her hand to strike him. Law attempted to move away, but he was too slow, and he felt her sharp nails slice painfully across his cheek.
The impact of the blow threw him off balance and he landed on his side. Unable to hold back his emotions, he glared up at her from the floor.
"Whatever it was I did, you had no right to hit me."
"What...?! You're disgusting!"
Her shout echoed throughout the tiny apartment and roused Kid from his sleep.
"Huh?! Wha-... Why are you here...?"
With a cry, she dived into Kid's arms.
"Kid! You'd left some of your things in my car... And because I was somewhere nearby, I thought I would come by and drop them off. Plus, I just wanted to see you, so..."
She continued her account tearfully, looking up into Kid's face. However, the redhead, unable to grasp the situation, couldn't seem to make sense of her words. He looked at her in confusion, then lifted his eyes to Law.
"...Trafalgar... Your cheek, it's bleeding..."
To Law's complete surprise, Kid stretched out a hand towards him. But before he could reach Law, she had slapped it away angrily.
"Please, Kid. Please never meet up with Law-kun again!"
With this, she burst into helpless sobs.
The sight of her crying caused an uncomfortable memory to resurface in Law's mind. Hadn't he cried just like that a few days ago? Watching her, Law realized with a start that he wasn't the only one being hurt.
"Kid's been acting so strange these days. It must be Law-kun's fault...! Kid, you know, don't you?! You know how Law-kun feels about you..."
Kid gave an audible gulp, but didn't voice any denial. She shook her head at Kid's silence before continuing.
"You're still kind to me, but it feels different... And it's just so painful..."
Yes, everyone, be it she, himself, or Kid, was filled with desires. No matter how much they each tried to push those desires away, they could never completely get rid of them.
What of kindness? What of being someone's everything? What of the struggles to protect and attain those emotions?
All of it was meaningless. They were all grasping at emptiness, watching helplessly as everything slipped through their fingers.
It had never been easy. They were all struggling, wishing for something, being led on and losing their way on this search for happiness.
"Eustass-ya has chosen me..." Law whispered. She whipped her head around to face him.
"Isn't that right...? Eustass-ya..."
"What are you saying...?" She asked, her voice trembling.
"You wake up to see your girlfriend crying, but the one you're worried about is me," Law continued, a crooked grin slowly spreading across his face.
'It must be true. Normally, a man would have been worried about his girlfriend, and asked why she was crying. But not you, Eustass-ya, you were worried that I was bleeding.'
"That's not true! Kid! Please say it's not true...!"
She had grabbed onto Kid's shirt in her panic and was shaking him. Kid remained silent.
"...Sunday, 2 p.m., at our usual spot. It's your choice whether to come or not, but I'll wait for you. If you don't appear, you'll never see me again."
Still grinning, Law stood up and wiped the blood from his cheek.
'Yes, just a little more. Just a little more and I'll have you in my arms... I believe in you, Eustass-ya, so I have to push you. I know you'll choose me. Because you've always been kind like that... '
"I'll be waiting... Eustass-ya..."
With those words, Law silently left the apartment.
Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)
To the reviewers:
erinholly brown: The angst is just gonna keep coming... (x~x)
darkimpulse: I think especially after this chapter, it's hard to see where Kid's heart lies, but for now, it's definitely not with Law. (_)
Muffin: Don't cryyyy. *hands tissue* Let's hope for Law to be happy someday...
Racelett: So glad you like this fic! And yeah, Smoker does have feelings for Law, but so far Law hasn't found the will to let Kid go yet.
Itavita: I knowwww. I'm just so afraid that Law's gonna end up losing it all... *sobs* ・(/Д`)・
Angelmon: Yeah, Kid's thinking is really straightforward like that. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Cucuxumusu: Stay strong for Law! And Kid's having a really hard time too. Must be tough finding out that your friend for 4 years has always loved you just when you're getting engaged to your long-time girlfriend... （ ＴДＴ）
Puroppu: We'll see, but I doubt Law will be able to actually find someone else until he can give Kid up.
Lucifer: I think they're all equally upset now, judging by what happened in this chapter. As for the ending, the actual story hasn't ended so I'm not sure too. ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ
Green Wooden Room: I know, angst just gets to you more when you've actually gone through a similar experience. And you just can't help but love the hurt it causes. Guess we're all masochists like that lol.