***Hi everyone! This is by far the longest chapter I have written for this story. I was having so much fun I couldn't stop! Thank you to everyone for reading, and for the wonderful comments!

Chapter 10 BPOV

I stared at Edward from the doorway where I had just moved to kiss him, stunned at his polite rejection. I shook my head as he turned and started to depart to his bedroom. "Son of a bitch" I muttered, then thought of Esme and sent her a silent apology.

I was just a toy to Edward. He heard me confess that I'm still attracted to him and he ran up here to tease me, like I'm some sort of goddamn yorkie and he's a delicious, tempting, irresistible piece of meat. I stood in the doorway, minutes after his absence, considering this whole situation.

I was no longer an eighteen year old girl in love with a mysterious vampire. I may be a bit of a bumbling idiot, but I was certainly no longer naïve. When Edward left me, I was broken and bitter but eventually I was just callous and bitter. I had gone to school and experienced life the best I knew how. I had a few meaningless flings with human men, never growing attached to them, and eventually breaking off what was usually only a sexual relationship because I was not one to get involved like that. Just because Edward popped back into my suddenly-extended life and made me feel all of those romantic, magnetic, earth-moving bullshit feelings I thought I had become incapable of did not mean I should let myself become the smitten, driveling, vapid idiot I had been suppressing for the past five years.

I was going to have to become the biggest bitch imaginable. I knew I had it in me; I had rolled my eyes at plenty of young men who had woken me in their dorm room beds with too tender a kiss. You should never, ever fall asleep afterwards. It gives them ideas.

I knew exactly who I had to become to survive. I had to not care, so that his rejections didn't hurt me and so that I didn't lose my temper with him. Eventually being a heartless bitch would be so ingrained in me, I could just numb myself to the Edwardless eternity that awaited me and move on. I closed my eyes, knowing what I had to do. I headed out of my room to go find Rosalie.

***

Rosalie and Emmett were on the porch swing. She had her curvaceous legs thrown over his lap and they were giggling about something. When she saw me approach she raised an eyebrow and gave me an expectant smile. "Hi, Bella, need something?" Rosalie and I had gotten along fine since I returned as a vampire. I was no longer a threat to her family, a weak human who might run my mouth or get myself killed, so she no longer acted with animosity toward me. Mostly, she just seemed amused by me and my drama with Edward. We certainly were nothing close to friends, but it was what it was. I smiled, as sincerely as possible. "Rosalie, I need your help with something. Can we talk?"

Rosalie eyed me suspiciously but was intrigued enough to remove herself from Emmett. She took his hand, never removing her eyes from my face, "Emmett, if anyone asks you haven't seen me or Bella for a while." She smiled and started walking toward the woods. Emmett had a doubtful look on his face but nodded to me and I turned to follow Rosalie.

A hundred yards or so in, once we were hidden by trees, Rosalie stopped and sat on a stump, stretching her long ivory legs out in front of her casually. "So, Bella, what can I do for you?"

Unsure of how to approach this without totally offending her, I just bit the bullet and jumped in head first, "Well, you're kind of a bitch, right?" I bit my lip and waited for her to rush me but she never did. She cocked her beautiful head to one side, causing her long blonde curls to swing beneath her chin and said, "Some may consider that an accurate term to describe me." She was looking at me, waiting for me to continue.

"OK, so…I need to become like you. Since I've been here, I've been wearing all of my emotions on my sleeve and I need to not care about things."

"What makes you think I don't care about things, Bella?" Rosalie eyes looked slightly wounded but otherwise she didn't move an inch. "I'm probably the person in my family least in control of my emotions. What can I do to help you?"

"I know you are…passionate…but there is this quality about you, this nonchalant callous edge to you that I want to embody. Because when you don't care, it is perfectly clear. And I want it to be clear, to everyone, that I don't care."

Rosalie hopped up and stood a mere foot from me. She pulled a section of my hair over the front of my shoulder and began braiding it, not looking me in the face. The closeness to her wrung my nerves and although I knew she was pretty much zero threat to me now, I still tensed and fought the urge to flee. Rosalie looked into my eyes, so close to my face we could have kissed. I wondered how many men and women would love to trade me places, to be inches from the mouth of the most alluring woman I had ever seen. Rosalie began whispering, still threading locks of my hair between her fingers, unbraiding them and then starting over.

"Bella, I'm going to speak to you bluntly now. Edward cannot hear us. I became very good at blocking him from my thoughts when I first became a vampire. There were a lot of things in my head back then that I could not let him hear; it would have destroyed my pride." She studied my eyes, her fingers threading and threading, making me miss the comforting human sensation of having your hair touched.

"O-Okay" I stuttered, trying desperately not to appear as nervous as I felt.

"So, I want to tell you something about Edward now that I have you alone." She smirked before continuing, "Edward is an idiot." I raised my eyebrows, waiting for her to continue. Surely we weren't sharing this intimate moment hidden away in the forest so she could state the obvious.

During the pause, her face became sincere, "He may be trying to appear collected in your presence but he is a mess around you. An absolute idiotic mess and he's willing to do anything to win you back. You should see him. He's always been so independent and stoic but since you returned he's become this needy child, constantly obsessing – to everyone - over what he can do to earn your love. I guess he realizes his instincts when it comes to you have always been moronic and he's willing to look like an idiot to get it right this time."

I considered this and found it utterly absurd. "Rosalie, I don't know if he has you fooled but Edward has made it quite clear – for five years and also in the present – that I am not worthy of his attention. He's obviously playing games with me, for some reason I still cannot fathom, and all I want is to make it clear that his charades are not getting to me."

Rosalie considered this and opened her mouth to respond but changed her mind, shifting her eyes down to my hair. After a long moment she stopped braiding and stepped back. We now stood within arm's reach but not quite so cozy and I felt myself relax at the new distance.

"If you feel that way, Bella- that Edward is playing games with you – then why don't you play some of your own? I've told you, he would do absolutely anything for you. Try him out; make him do your bidding. There's nothing Edward hates more than a princess and you know that." She smirked. "So, be one. Use Edward the way you think he's using you. Maybe you'll come to see that we're telling you the truth about Edward's feelings for you. Worst case scenario, you get what you want. Edward will think you're a vapid bitch who doesn't care for him at all."

I felt there must be something wrong with Rosalie's logic but I couldn't find anything so I smiled at her, "I'm going to need ideas of how to execute this crazy plan of yours."

Rosalie grinned and laced her arm through mine, leading us back out of the forest. "Well, I personally get sick of paint color every few months and insist that Emmett redo the walls."

I nodded and returned her grin. She gave a mockingly whimsical sigh, "You know, Bella, I think you and I could actually be friends some day."

I laughed, "Well you did just braid my hair while we were talking about boys. We're practically best girlfriends already."

Rosalie snorted but kept smiling, pronouncing brightly, "Practically."

EPOV

I stared at Bella in shock. I was pretty sure she had just addressed me without being prompted, I'm pretty sure she was smiling anxiously and I'm pretty sure she was wearing a very short denim skirt and a tight yellow blouse that undoubtedly came from Alice's closet. However, I was finding all of this hard to accept. I blinked, twice. Three times. Nope, this was happening.

Wrinkling my forehead, I stammered, "I apologize, Bella, did you say something?" I tried to keep my eyes away from her "outfit" and on her face.

Bella raked a hand through her bafflingly shiny hair and repeated, "I was hoping to ask a favor of you."

I had not seen Bella since yesterday afternoon, when I had stopped by her room to apologize and we'd had that moment. That moment when I was sure Bella was moving in to either punch me again or kiss me and I had backed away, panicking. There was no chance my plan to be very nice to her had worked so quickly and thus I had no clue what she was playing at. I spent the rest of the evening locked in my room, looking for Bella in everyone's minds but not seeing any glimpse of her after she had been on the porch chatting with Emmett and Rosalie about god-knows-what.

This morning Alice was humming three blind mice over and over to block out whatever she and Bella were doing in her room together but I know it involved giggling, of all things; I could hear it echoing down the stairs. Alice had told me she would only block me from her interactions with Bella if it was private and I secretly hoped she was finding out what Bella had been thinking yesterday.

Emmett and I had gone out to tinker with his Jeep until the afternoon. When we came in from the garage, Bella was walking toward us, beaming. Emmett's mouth dropped open and he quickly punched me in the arm, as though to make sure I was paying attention to this vision of Bella approaching us. Uh, yeah, like my attention would be anywhere else.

Then she was smiling, like we were simply old friends, and asking me for a favor.

I didn't stop to consider this new Bella or what motives she could possibly have, I instantly blurted, "Anything" and then regretted how urgent and intense my response must have sounded.

Bella smiled even brighter but her eyes betrayed a moment of doubt. She twisted her hair in her hands nervously and said "Great! Well, I'm getting a little bit sick of that green wall color in my room, is there any way I could get you to take care of that for me?" Her eyes narrowed, scrutinizing my response.

"Paint you room? Um, yeah, I don't see why I couldn't…take care of that for you." I shoved my hands in my pockets to try to look casual. I smiled. Well, grimaced mostly, but I tried.

Bella nodded. "Great!" she said again, too brightly.

"So have you picked out a color?" I asked.

"No, I haven't. I was sort of hoping you could…take care of that too. Something calming, lighter than the green. Tranquil?" She looked nervously at Emmett, probably finding his dumbfounded expression unsettling. I certainly would.

"Ok, well why don't we take a trip to the paint store then? I'll help you pick out something perfect." I watched her response to this. She looked unsure but finally agreed with, "Let's go."

Bella walked past us toward the back, where the Volvo was parked in the garage. Emmett looked at me, punched me on the arm again. I looked at him wide-eyed, shook my head and walked after her, taking time to notice the back of the denim skirt before forcing myself to concentrate on the coming awkward trip, alone in the car with Bella. I decided it was probably a good idea to not get caught gawking at her magnificent body, wrapped in those feminine clothing. I scolded myself silently for acting like a seventeen year old boy.

Of course I was, in a way, a seventeen year old boy but I had been such for a very long time and never had any sort of unseemly thoughts about women. Rosalie was supposedly the most physically attractive woman most people had ever seen but she never interested me, even after she was first changed and was eager for my attention. But Bella, she was something else entirely. I had been stunned by her seventeen year old beauty but Bella had been changed at the age of twenty three. She had filled into curves, her face had matured and looking at her made every cell of my ice-cold body feel as though it were on fire. Bella made me feel things that I had not felt since I was human. She had always made me feel that way and I knew she always would.

I skipped ahead of her into the garage and opened the passenger side. She nodded curtly as she slipped in and let me close the door. I closed my eyes as I raced around the car. Here we go, I thought.

We were quiet for the first fifteen minutes or so. The nearest town was only twenty minutes away but we would have to drive a little further to reach one that had a decent interior paint collection. Bella sat silently, flipping through my iPod but seemingly found nothing that interested her, as she never played a song.

I finally broke the silence, "So you say tranquil, I suppose you're looking for some shade of blue?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

Bella looked at the side of my face for a long moment. "Yeah, I suppose."

Her mood had darkened. She was not nearly as perky as she had been when she initially asked this favor. I kept quiet and drove on.

The Home Depot was not too far into town and was nearly deserted. When we pulled in, I suddenly realized that Bella had never been around humans as a vampire. I panicked, eyeing the young man collecting shopping carts from the parking lot. Bella looked over at me expectantly, perfectly calm. I looked at her cracked window and then gauged that the employee was a mere thirty feet away. I could smell him; surely she could smell him, so why was she looking at me so calmly? To be cautious, I snatched her left wrist gently.

She didn't pull away but looked at me with lazy hostility, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Bella…" I considered very carefully before drawing her attention to him, "can you smell that man collecting the shopping carts?" I tightened my grip on her wrist and readied my feet to speed the Volvo out of there, if necessary.

Bella glanced out the window and then, looking straight ahead, she sniffed the air and considered the result. She turned her large red eyes to me and shrugged. "Yeah, I can smell him."

I looked at her face, dumbfounded. She was perfectly calm. This was the first human she had been in any near proximity to since her change and she looked…bored. Suddenly her eyes lit up.

"Oh, I'm supposed to have blood lust right now, aren't I?" She frowned, contemplating.

"Um, yes, you should definitely have some blood lust right now." I watched her carefully.

"Hmm, well I'm fine. Ready to go?" She attempted to pull her wrist from my grip. I held her more firmly but she didn't struggle, just gave me an irritated look.

"Bella I can't let you go in there. I don't know what I was thinking. One, your blood lust could kick in or something and we can't risk that. Two, your eyes are red – obviously a problem - and three…you're a missing person one state over. What if you're recognized?" I couldn't believe how irresponsible I had been to take Bella out in public so soon. I had been so taken aback by her behavior toward me I hadn't considered the dangers.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I never should have…" I removed her wrist from my grasp and swung the Volvo out of the parking lot, back onto the highway.

We were quiet for a few minutes, Bella staring out the passenger window and me silently fuming at myself for putting Bella and innocent humans in such danger. Carlisle would hear about this and it would not be pretty.

Bella sighed dramatically, "I really wanted those new walls." She glanced at me through her eyelashes, looking disappointed.

At first I was outraged that she could be thinking of her wall color when she could have just experienced her first human massacre in the middle of a Home Depot, but then I found myself feeling guilty. I had told her I would do something and not followed through. More and more every day, I was reminded how unworthy of her I was.

BPOV

Of course everyone other than me, Edward and Emmett realized the danger of my trip to town. Panic had broken out when someone casually asked Emmett where we had gone. We were only ten minutes from home when Carlisle called Edward's cell phone to find out where we were and how many people I had turned into lunch during our little outing.

When Edward hung up, he muttered, "That was Carlisle. He's not happy." When I was quiet he continued, "Don't worry, the blame is obviously all on me. No one is going to be angry with you." He gave me a half smile.

"Edward, I can hear just as well as you can now." I had said flatly, pointing out that I had heard every word of his phone call.

He looked a bit disappointed when he replied, "Right. Of course you can."

We were silent the rest of the way home. I had regretted this excursion the second I realized we were taking the Volvo. Why hadn't I considered that? It was saturated with his scent and memories and I could barely contain my desire to straddle him during the ride to the Home Depot.

What a disaster this had become.

When we arrived at the house we were greeted by a family meeting in the living room. I expected Carlisle to address Edward about the situation but he just sort of hovered with concerned eyes while Esme, whom I had never even heard raise her voice, gave him absolute hell. The siblings stood around casually, not looking shocked at Esme's lecture at all. Clearly this wasn't the first time they had heard sweet Esme angry. Carlisle may have been the head of the coven, but Esme was definitely the one wearing the pants.

"How could you, Edward?! Do you know what could have happened? You risked everything! How do you think Bella would feel if she had slaughtered innocent people? What do you think the Volturi would do to us if we had exposed ourselves to the public like that? You could have gotten us all killed, Edward. All of us. Not to mention the implication it would have brought down upon our entire race! I mean, you might as well have dropped her off in the middle of a mall, Edward! This is the most stupid, irresponsible, selfish thing – "

"Selfish." Edward interrupted, not a question but a confession.

"Yes, selfish." Esme hesitated, "Winning back Bella's affections should not take precedent over all of our safety, including Bella's." Esme's face had dropped from anger to regret over that last sentence but we all knew it had to be said.

Edward was trying to keep his face still but I could see the anguish and humiliation starting to crack his expression. Edward's pain touched me deeply and I felt it, down in my gut; a raging desire to see him smile again. I silently chastised myself for being weak but shut my eyes and spoke, "Please don't blame Edward for this. This is my fault."

I opened my eyes and everyone was looking at me. Most faces were stunned, as I hadn't exactly kept my recent dislike for Edward a secret, Rosalie was rolling her eyes and Alice had the smallest victorious smile on her lips. Edward, however, was fuming. His jaw was clenched, his eyes were shut tight and he was shaking his head minutely. My eyes widened at his rage, not understanding this reaction. I was supporting him. I wanted to bear some of this burden for him. I was trying to help him. Would I never do anything right in this man's eyes?

Esme spoke first, "Bella, you are not taking any blame for this. You're a new vampire, we can not expect you to be responsible for your actions."

"What actions?! You talk like I'm running around drooling and pissing on the carpets! Well I'm not a goddamn puppy, I'm just myself and I am absolutely capable of taking responsibility for what I do. I mean, it wasn't even an issue, I didn't even notice the human –"

"Didn't notice?" Carlisle interjected, speaking for the first time.

"Right, I didn't even notice the human in the parking lot when we got there, Edward had to point him out to me. And he restrained me, by the way. Even though I didn't have a desire to eat the cart guy, he got me out of there immediately. He acted responsibly." I glanced at Edward, who seemed to have calmed minutely and was now just glaring at me, "I was the idiot for dragging him out to buy wall paint. God, I don't even fucking care about the wall paint!"

I snapped my mouth shut, thinking it was probably a mistake to hint at my secret plan to test Edward by turning him in to my errand boy. I scoffed to myself, Boy was that little plan backfiring big-time.

Carlisle looked puzzled but continued, "Bella, this is a pretty remarkable discovery. I've never heard of a vampire not having blood lust for a human. I assume you were blessed with astounding control, but to not notice it?"

I frowned, gathering how to explain my thirst to them, "It's like...well in my human life I really loved cheesecake. But if I went to someone's house and there was a cheesecake on the counter, I wouldn't leap across the room and rip into the cheesecake. I know that the cheesecake would taste much better than, say, the jell-o I'm already eating but I can control myself. I don't have to have cheesecake. It's not that big a deal."

Jasper, who had struggled with his thirst immensely, spoke, "Not that big a deal?"

"Just for me! I recognize that I'm different and that the desire for human blood is typically a very difficult thing to control…I don't think I'm any stronger than any of you are, I'm just…I don't know, I guess there's something wrong with me."

Carlisle smiled, "No Bella, there is nothing wrong with you. You're…a miracle. The difference between your experience and ours is that you were aware of us and even at one point desired this life before you changed. Perhaps somehow that aided you during your change and allowed you to retain a level of humanity that we never had a chance to. Maybe you represent a potential new generation of vampires. It's highly political and would take a long time, but I always had a feeling that one day humans would become more and more aware of us. And if more humans change as you have, we'll have the opportunity to live openly and peacefully. It's a bit of a pipe dream, but it's exciting, nonetheless."

We were all quiet for a moment, absorbing Carlisle's words.

Emmett spoke next, "If we still need to place blame for taking Bella to town, then blame me too. She's just so…I mean it's easy to forget that she's not the Bella we knew five years ago. I'm really sorry, Bella - and everyone else - that I didn't recognize the danger."

"No Emmett, I'm sorry. All of this is my fault." My voice was barely above a whisper.

"Would both of you shut up!?" Edward growled. "This is preposterous. I am the one who suggested Bella come with me to town. I was distracted and I put all of us at risk and I will shoulder the blame."

"You have been awfully distracted lately, Edward." Rosalie said coldly.

Emmett scoffed, "Yeah, distracted by little jean skirts."

The room silenced.

Emmett's face told us he immediately regretted the jab but I could have murdered him in that second and Edward clearly felt the same. He took one small threatening step toward Emmett but didn't say anything. I felt naked in the outfit Alice had picked out for me, suddenly aware of how much of my legs were exposed. The worst part, though, was how stupid and childish I felt. I had to get a grip. I had been completely ruled by my emotions the past couple of weeks and it was turning me into a petty monster and now it was putting people in danger. I felt ashamed of the amount of drama I had managed to stir up in this loving, peaceful family since my arrival.

And as much as I tried to convince myself I hated Edward, my behavior had caused him this anguish and it was killing me. All I wanted to do was comfort him, to believe him and everyone else when they said that he did want me, the way I wanted him. I wanted to stay here, be a family. I wanted to forgive him for the past five years, at least let him make up to me. Mostly, I wanted to be honest.

I wrapped my arms around my chest, insecure about the neckline and said in a choked voice, "Edward, I'm so sorry."

Edward looked at me with caution, puzzled. I looked at Edward but addressed everyone, "You have all welcomed me with open arms repeatedly and all I've done is cause you turmoil. Divide your opinions, inconvenience you and put you in danger. And yet you've been nothing but kind to me. I do believe you left to protect me but I know that in leaving me, you were safer also. I'm a walking magnet for trouble and drama but still you all want to protect me and treat me as part of your family although I don't deserve it. I don't deserve any of you. I never did."

The truth of my own words crippled me and I crouched, wrapping my arms around my face. I heaved, sucking in breaths that would have calmed me if I were still human, instead they just aided in making me look hysterical.

Jasper approached me and squatted next to me. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and gently pulled my my head to his chest. "Bella," he whispered, "we treat you as family because you are family."

Jasper's show of affection was so touching and unexpected that my breaths grew more erratic. I felt completely unworthy. Esme was next. She kneeled on my other side and wrapped her arms around Jasper and I, as far as she could, planting a kiss on the top of my head. Then Alice joined. Emmett came, dragging Rosalie with him. Carlisle, beaming proudly at his family, laughed and wrapped an arm around Emmett's neck. My breathing silenced and they peeled away from me, Jasper finally offering me a hand in standing up. I noticed Edward had not joined the impromptu group hug, and was no longer even in the room.

I smiled, "Thank you all so much. You mean everything to me. I'll do better, I promise."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Bella, stop already. You're perfect, we love you. Blah blah blah."

I grinned at Rosalie, my reluctant friend.