CHAPTER 10
AN: Stop it, you pretentious posers! If you do not like my totally awesome story, then fuck off! PS. It turns out that Erzëbeth isn't a muggle after all. She and Ignacïo are metalheads now. That's why they moved houses, ok!
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I wasn't really scared of Voldemort at all. Why would I be, if I am in a totally awesome death metal band called Böats of Mithridates? I am the fucking lead guitarist, and album art illustrator as well! AWWWWWWW YEAH! Vincent Locke rocks! \m/ People say that we sound like an inverted cross between Scaphism and Scaphist. (In fact, those two bands are our main influences.) The other people in the band are Ignacïo 'Guillotine' Csihar on drums, Chö 'Lïng Chï' Chang as the screaming vocals, Erzebeth 'Blööd Eagle' Gränger on rhythm guitar, Ron Weasley on bass, although we call him Garrøtë nowadays: he has long, silky, jet black hair now, and Hagrid 'Bräzënbüll' on keyboards. Today, we were going to rehearse, but Ignacïo and Chö wouldn't be with us for some reason. I put on a black leather thong which resembled what the guys of Manowar wear and also resembled the one on Accept's album cover of Balls to the Wall. It showed off my majestic member. Along with that, I was wearing a matching studded leather vest which resembles what Rob Halford wears, that said Mayhem at the back (I patched up the logo myself!) and thigh-high leather boots FOR MEN. Some people might think I'm gay, but I'm really not. I'm just too awesome to give a damn whether I look like a wussy Chippendale dancer or not.
We were singing a cover of 'Encephalopathy' (by the band Scaphism, of course! They rock!) and at the end of the song, I suddenly burst into manly tears.
"Rainblood! Are you OK?" Erzebeth asked in a concerned voice.
"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Ignacïo! But I don't want to kill him! He is part of this totally awesome band and he is our friend! But if I don't kill Ignacïo, then Voldemort will fucking kill Chö!" I burst into tears. "I tried to kill the no-nosed poser, instead, but he got the fuck away!"
Suddenly, Chö jumped out from behind a wall. So, was she hiding behind that wall all along?
"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" she shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser mud blood!" (See, is that out of character? [Jimmy's Note: Yes. Very.])
I started to cry and cry more manly tears. Chö started to cry, too. Then, she ran out, still crying.
We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly, Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't because he had a headache.
"What have you done!?" He started to cry wisely. (See, that's basically not swearing, and this time, he was really upset, and you will see why.) "Rainblood! Chö has been found in her room! She committed suicide by slitting her wrists!"
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Fun Fact (Or not...): Mithridates is a victim of a Persian method of execution known as scaphism, which is also known as "the boats." Hence, the band name.
Another fun fact: Apparently, the iPad does not recognize scaphism as a real word.
Jimmy's Note: If you followed rule 1 or 10 of the drinking game, go to the hospital now. You need to. All their stage names are actually execution methods. (By the way, the drinking game for this fanfic can be found somewhere on my deviantArt.)
Also, BoM was initially supposed to be named Scaphism, but since the name is already taken, I thought of something related to this concept, and based on my research, Böats of Mithridates isn't taken yet.