YES PEOPLE, I AM ALIVE! AND I COME BEARING A MASS UPDATE TO MAKE UP FOR THE WAIT!
I have had a really, REALLY bad case of luck for a full month. Starting with the car finally giving up the ghost and ending with my mother being in and out of the hospital. On the plus side, my muse has gotten the swift kick in the ass it needed to update some of the older fics. Here's to hoping the rest of the month is better after the mess the last was.
"So explain to me again why we're heading to a storage unit?" asked Angel.
Loki had finally given her the clear for leaving the salvage yard and had returned her wand.
"Because there might be some spell books that we can use later, and you're the only one of us who can recognize natural magic as opposed to the demon-witch kind," said Sam.
"Well that and Bobby said you were going stir crazy," added Dean.
Actually Bobby's words were "Get this witch out of my house before her OCD drives me up the wall, you damn idjits!"
Besides, this was a good hunt for a relative newbie.
Dean would learn how very, very wrong he was about that assessment. Angel was anything but a newbie. She was used to the supernatural half of hunting, what with her yearly 'misadventures'. It was hiding what she was that was new to her, plus the addition of demons.
Besides, she was paying for all their meals and hotel accommodations. Sam would be sharing a room with her considering how often Dean kicked his brother from the room with the tramps he picked up.
Angel leaned against the window with her blanket and was soon zonked out in the back seat. Because Dean was terrified of flying, that meant hours upon hours of driving. Though much to Sam's amusement (and Dean's annoyance) she was also quite happy to hex the older brother into silence the moment he started singing again. And she wasn't afraid to change the stations while Dean was driving and make it impossible for him to change it back.
Dean's only complaint was that she at least had decent taste in music. And that she wasn't as tone deaf as Sam often complained he was.
Angel caught the rabbit's foot with her sleeve-covered hand, as the magic radiating off the damn thing told her it would be a very bad idea to pick it up bare-handed. She was quick to dump it in a magic-canceling bag she had on hand.
"Did it touch you?" asked Dean.
She said nothing, but she held up the bag. Dean cursed, thinking that it had.
The poor bastard who had picked it up before her was dead, thanks to the feedback of the cursed item.
Angel made sure to keep the bag away from her, so she tied it to the leg of one of her birds. Since they would fly off or attack if anyone came near them other than her or the Winchesters, it was safer than keeping it on her directly.
Dean handed Angel several scratch-offs.
"What?"
"Might as well make use of that freaky luck while you still have it before we cleanse the foot," he explained.
She debated on telling him she never directly touched the thing (thus preventing her from being cursed) but decided to save that tidbit for after the cleansing.
Ten scratch-off tickets later, and Dean was staring.
"Holy crap. That's some seriously good luck!" said Dean impressed.
She had hit six-hundred dollar winners on all of them. Every. Single. One.
Angel looked at him smugly.
"What?" asked Sam. Dean held up the tickets and he stared.
"I'm not sure if we should keep that thing or if we should cleanse it now," he said, after looking at the tickets, then at Angel. Seeing her smug expression however, told him something else was up.
"We cleanse the thing after lunch," she said. Her bag bounced off her hip as they entered a rather cheap restaurant, only for them to get the entire meal free.
Sam noticed Angel was looking vastly irritated shortly after leaving the restaurant.
"What?"
"Have either of you seen my change purse?"
She had set her bag down on the table and gone to the restroom, only when she went to get her change purse out for a tip, it was gone. Fortunately she had a few loose bills she left on the table.
Sam blinked.
"We didn't even think of touching your bag. We know you've likely cursed it."
"...Keep an eye out for someone dyed a bright fluorescent orange then. Kinda hard to miss someone who's orange all over," said Angel annoyed.
Sam tossed the rabbit foot into the fire, then said "How will we know if the cleansing worked?"
Dean brandished three new scratch offs for Angel to play. He cursed when she won another five hundred.
"Damn. Looks like we'll have to try something else," said Dean.
"I considered mentioning this earlier. I never actually touched the rabbit's foot. I caught it with my covered hand," said Angel amused. Sam and Dean stared at her.
"Wait, if you never touched the thing, then..."
"I was never cursed to begin with. I could sense the magic on the thing when it was sent flying, so I covered my hand with my sleeves before I caught it, and then I tossed it in a magic canceling bag immediately after. That would have blocked it's effects, which was why the last idiot died."
Dean blinked.
"Wait, does this mean you're naturally lucky?" he asked slowly.
"Let me put it this way. My luck at gambling and pure good fortune is inversely proportional to the luck I'll have at hunting. And by that I mean Murphy absolutely hates me as much as he does you two."
Seeing Dean's confusion doubled, Sam translated having caught the gist.
"Her good luck at gambling is only equaled to extreme crappy luck during hunts. Meaning she's as big a trouble magnet as we are while we're on a job," said Sam.
"Why couldn't she just say so? Either way she's still paying for dinner."
"And hotel rooms. I understand the reason why you sleep in those cheap rooms, but frankly I want clean sheets I know have been disinfected recently, considering your habits," deadpanned Angel. Sam snorted in agreement.
Shortly after cleansing the foot, they found a very annoyed Bela Talbot with Angel's change purse. She was head to toe orange. Dean not only took multiple pictures, but he was laughing his ass off at the fact the thief had gotten hexed!
"Where did you find a cursed coin bag?" she had to ask.
"Who said I found it? Next time you intend to steal from a witch, try finding a mark who isn't dating Loki the Trickster," said Angel, her British accent very distinct and more than a bit smug.
"I'm sooo bored."
Dean and Sam winced. When Angel was bored, she started channeling her boyfriend. Last time had resulted in a massive prank war against Dean that left the Impala a bright baby-boy blue. Angel had left it like that for a full week.
"Look on the bright side. Christmas is around the corner," offered Sam.
Angel perked up.
"Considering the circumstances behind Dean's deal, you can go shopping online using my card. I might as well make this fun for you two considering..." said Angel.
Dean and Sam perked up at the idea.
"So how do angels celebrate Christmas?" asked Dean. Sam had gone online first, and because he was using Angel's laptop most of the stuff would be delivered via magic-order. It was more secure and faster than traditional shipping, not to mention cheaper. It would automatically be delivered to the magical signature the laptop was registered to, which in this case was Angel.
Dean grimaced when Angel hit play on the laptop, causing the room to be filled with classical music. Specifically Beethoven. At least it wasn't some angst-filled chick with a whiny voice. Sam thought it was a nice change of pace.
"They normally don't," came a voice from behind Sam. The tallest one in the room yelped as he turned to find Loki behind him.
"Don't do that!" he hissed. Loki grinned at him.
Angel tackled her boyfriend in a hug.
"Why not? I would think heaven would have plenty of reasons to celebrate Christmas," said Dean.
"Considering his actual birth was sometime around spring, and the Romans just took over a pagan holiday for winter solstice, not really," said Loki blandly.
"So what do they do on Christmas?" asked Sam.
"Not much. I mean angels aren't those fluffy Hallmark things, but warriors of god. Think soldiers with wings and short swords that can kill any demon or creature you come across, even angels," said Loki shrugging.
"And you would know this how?" asked Sam.
"Wait, was that movie real? The one where the angel Loki screws around with the clergy?" perked Dean.
Loki flinched.
"Most of it was crap, like the part about me going after that couple on the bus, or me hanging out with a Grigori, but the part about the clergy and the executives was partially true. This is I would be more likely to put them in an illusion than outright kill them, and the clergy have to be a special kind of scumbag for me to target them."
"What about the part about angels can't get drunk?" asked Dean grinning.
"Higher alcohol tolerance. Most angels would have to drink a liquor store dry in order to get that drunk, and the part about us being as equipped as Barbie or Ken doll is a bunch of crap too," said Loki.
"Well yeah, I kinda figured that much, considering the little Angel over there still has all her parts," said Dean.
"And you know this how?" said Loki, eyes narrowing.
"The idiot walked in on me in the shower last week. I damn near castrated him for it," said Angel flippantly.
"Well that and from the way she was walking last time you visited was pretty much a dead giveaway," said Dean grinning.
"But some of Dogma was somewhat correct. Angels need a vessel to talk to humans, unless we want their brains to explode from our true voice, or their eyes to burn out from seeing us. We can also turn human by ripping out our grace, but I went pagan instead," said Loki.
"How about you tell Sammy all about it while Dean and I get dinner?" said Angel.
Sam was very interested in angels, considering unlike his brother, he still actively prayed to god. Out of the two of them, the only one who still believed was the younger brother, so the thought of meeting an angel was something he wasn't about to pass on.
Dean looked at Angel amused.
"So what's the real reason you left Sam with Loki?"
"I might need his help convincing your brother to keep from going off the deep end once you're gone. See there's more behind you going to hell than just Azazel, though he played a big part of it. Loki happens to be one of the few in the know enough that he's very vested in keeping Sam from doing something that would be a pain in the ass to reverse. And thanks to my unique status among heaven, if they learned he was in contact with you two it would become very complicated, very fast."
"Why?"
"Micheal, the arch angel. He's pretty angry at Loki leaving before the final battle with Lucifer, and he wouldn't hesitate to use me or anyone Loki was close to in order to bring him back to the Host. So we have to keep his presence at a minimum. For right now they think I'm hanging with you two for protection. If they knew I was bonded to Loki..."
Dean winced.
"They really think you're with us for protection?" he asked.
"They felt my ascension, and quite a few of them noticed it was in your presence. What better way to hide a fledgling with developing powers as strong as mine than with the Winchesters? Your status among heaven and hell makes my presence a side note at best," said Angel flippantly. She swiped her card through the machine, paying for their dinner and Loki's usual bribe to stick around.
"What do you mean our status in heaven and hell?!" said Dean, once they were outside.
Angel flinched. That had been a slip of the tongue.
"It would be easier to explain once you're out of hell. Needless to say you're not going to stay in there as long as you think and it won't be because Sam made a deal. They don't want him in hell just yet."
Gabriel had told Angel everything he knew about heaven and hell's plans for the brothers when he realized she had accepted them as her surrogate older brothers, much as she had the Weasley twins. And he was fine with that, because the Winchesters were extremely loyal when it came to family. They considered Angel their baby sister at this point.
It helped that once she lightened her hair color to a cinnamon brown, she could pass as their sister considering she and Dean shared the same eye color.
Dean and Angel returned to find a very happy Sam and an amused Loki. Apparently Gabriel found Sam's faith and enthusiasm about heaven amusing...and a bit sad.
Sam was just lucky Gabriel was humoring him, considering most of his brothers considered Sam an abomination for something he never had any control over.
"So did you get anything good?" asked Angel.
"Loki helped pick yours," said Sam grinning.
She raised an eyebrow, but he didn't say anything else.
"Coincidentally, I may or may not have gotten told off for your pets recently," said Loki wincing.
Three sets of eyebrows were raised.
"It turns out that the deity in charge of them found out I had been making my own versions and he got really irritated with me and told me off. He said if you want anymore you'll have to go and get them yourself, and he said you'll have to retrain the ones you have now," said Loki.
Angel raised her eyebrow higher.
"Arceus told you off?" she repeated incredulous. Gabriel nodded.
"What do you mean, retrain them?" said Sam.
Gabriel pointed at the bed. The moment he showed up, all five of the creatures he had made previously had become eggs.
"So basically he made you put them in egg form so now we'll have to hatch and train them, this time properly. Did he say anything about me?"
"Only that he would prefer if you kept that form for emergencies and made sure to visit soon," said Gabriel.
"So any idea what the hell we're hunting? Cause so far we think it's Santa gone rogue."
"Couple of pagan gods who have a fetish for all things Christmas. Never did like those jerks, considering they got off on ruining the holiday for perfectly normal (and therefor boring) families."
"Ah."
Dean didn't bother to ask if Loki would help. He had already done enough by telling them what it was that they were hunting, which left the hard stuff for them.
A few hours later Dean was cursing up a storm for dragging Angel along with them, because they were all tied up and the pagan had captured all three of them.
Needless to say the hunters were the only ones not shocked when a very angry Loki appeared without warning and glared at the two 'gods'.
"Loki? What do you want?" demanded the female one.
"You two morons are about to attack two of mine. The third one is annoying but he's still under my protection," he growled.
Dean didn't need a translation for what Loki had just said. Sam evidently got on the angel's good side, and Angel was his girlfriend, leaving him the odd man out. Still, the fact Loki bothered to show up at all to help them was a blessing he wasn't about to ignore.
Loki killed them both without a second thought and freed them from the bindings. Angel greeted him with a kiss.
"Thanks," said Dean.
"You two are annoying, but you're still more tolerable than most of my brothers. And the fact you embraced my Angel, despite the fact she has magic is enough to give you two muttonheads my protection."
Then he grinned.
"Besides, Sammy said he was willing to go pagan if it meant learning more about his natural, not-demonic, powers. Hex bags are just the beginning," said Loki.
Dean gave his brother an odd look.
"Seriously Sammy?"
"Angel said she could help train me in magic, since I apparently have a natural core. And Loki was willing to help when I mentioned it," said Sam sheepishly.
Angel laughed when she found out what Sam's present to her was. All of the Pokémon games and a handheld to play them with. Dean got her a set of throwing knives as a joke. And Loki? A set of full-body massage coupons, courtesy of her boyfriend.
Sam got his own magical laptop and Dean was going to get an illusion just for him courtesy of Loki's magic.