I own no one but my own people
"Please don't let it be that bad, please don't let it be that bad!"
Amaro repeated the mantra in his head over and over as he raced his car down the Manhattan streets with the lights on and the sirens at full volume, his lip trembling as he choked back tears of rage.
How could he have been so stupid? He knew in his heart Olivia would never say what she said to him and actually meant it. She had been trying to tell him something was wrong but he didn't look any deeper then the surface.
"Damn it!" he roared as he pounded the steering wheel with his fist. He barreled down the streets towards his partners apartment groaning in annoyance when the streets were filled to the brim with a typical afternoon Manhattan traffic jam.
"Get out of the way!" Amaro bellowed at the drivers as honked his horn. Some attempted to thanks to the sirens and lights but most stayed contently in one place. Amaro narrowed his eyes as he jerked the tire to the left and began racing down the pavement in between the lanes of cars, scratching and denting each and every one on either side until he got to the head of the traffic jam and continued on his way.
He knew he would pay later but right then he didn't care. He had to get to her apartment and see the damage He had to know if she was alright or not... but as he looked in the rear view mirror and saw the car containing Cragen pull the same highly illegal maneuver, Amaro knew the scolding wouldn't be that bad.
After a long painstakingly five minutes had passed he pulled up to her building where multiple cop cars and a CSU van was already parked out front.
Not even bothering to pull his car over to the side, Amaro stopped in the middle of the street and sprinted towards the building. He flashed his badge at the officer who was stationed at the door and raced up the four flights of stairs to where her apartment sat.
The yellow crime scene tape was stretched tight across her doorway and Amaro swallowed hard as he paused to look at it before he walked into her apartment. He wrinkled his nose in disgust at the noxious fumes that invaded his nose. The smell of drugs burning, alcohol, rotten food, stale cigarette smoke, blood and, he had to hold back being sick at this one, burnt flesh, wafted heavily in the air.
Amaro glanced around the soiled apartment. Her kitchen was covered in beer cans that had been used as ashtrays, tiny bags that at one time contained meth littered her kitchen island, her beloved painted picture Calvin had given her tossed carelessly to the floor, stepped on, ripped, and had some form of black sticky liquid spilt onto it, while keys and wire hangers cut into a straight line littered her stove.
He swallowed hard as he slowly walked into the bedroom where Amanda was talking to one of the CSU's. Her bed was littered with blood and other stains Lewis had caused and two cut cables were still tied to the headboard.
Amaro stared at the dark red stain that was in the middle of his partners bed, wanting nothing more then to put Lewis exactly through what he did to Olivia, when a voice broke him of his thoughts. "Amaro?"
Amaro turned and saw Rollins, her eyes red and puffy from crying before they got there but for now she remained dignified and confident, standing behind him. "I... I don't know where to start," she admitted with a hint of shame in her voice. "I mean this isn't just a regular case, this is Olivia."
Amaro nodded, her statement reminding him that Rollins was still just a rookie really in terms of Detective work.
But she was right. This was Olivia, not just a regular victim. They couldn't miss a single hair or fiber or anything when it came to her case but at the same time everything had to be strict, vivid, by the book with no corners cut. Lewis wasn't getting away on a damn technicality this time...
Amaro reached out and gently laid a hand down on Amanda's shoulder and gave her a gentle smile. "It's gonna be okay, Rollins. I promise."
"Bu- but she wasn't breathing when they took her away and Cassidy was covered in blood and I don't know if he's ever gonna be the same, and-."
Amaro narrowed his eyes in confusion at the new information. "Cassidy was here?"
Amanda nodded towards the bathroom. Wordlessly Amaro walked over and took a look into the bathroom.
He had to force his lunch not to make a reappearance. "Jesus Christ," Amaro groaned as he searched over the blood stained tile. "He was still alive after this?"
Amanda nodded as she and Amaro turned away from the blood. "He's got heart," Amaro mused. "Probably went down defending Liv."
Amanda nodded in agreement before a voice shouting for the two of them broke their concentration.
Both novice Detectives hurried out of the bedroom and stopped in front of Cragen who was filled with such an irate rage his entire body was trembling. "Amanda, get to the hospital," Cragen barked. "You do not leave her side until she has a rape kit done and her next of kin is notified. While you're waiting you need to call Munch, tell him to get his ass back here to Manhattan and handle Cassidy's case. Tell Fin to get his ass back over here, me and him are gonna be searching for Lewis. Amaro you stay here and lead the CSU through collecting."
Amaro shook his head. "I know you don't want defiance right now, Captain, but I'm going out looking for him."
"No you aren't."
"Yes I am."
"Amaro, you aren't getting near this guy and that's final."
Amaro and Cragen stared at one another crossly for a moment before the younger Detective crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Is this because I didn't rescue her this morning when I had the chance?"
"No," Cragen sighed. "That isn't it at all."
"Then what is it?"
Cragen looked him dead in the eyes "What is it is I am your commanding officer and I told you to do something else. Are we done with the questions, Detective?"
Amaro glared at Cragen for a moment before he nodded. "Yes Sir."
Cragen gave him a curt nod. "Good. You both know what you have to do so get going. I want this wrapped up with a box by the time Barba even hears about this case."
Without another word Cragen walked off towards the bedroom leaving the two of them alone.
"This is bullshit," Amaro muttered as he yanked gloves out of his pocket and pulled them on. "She's my partner. I should be out there investigating her attack, not holding CSU's hands!"
Amanda remained silent as Amaro stormed off towards the kitchen without another word. Knowing she was about to get her head bitten off by Cragen or Amaro if she stayed there too much longer, the blonde hurried out of the apartment and down the stairs.
When she arrived at the hospital a half hour later she saw Fin in the waiting room in the trauma center. She walked over to him and the moment he spotted her he rose from his chair. "Any word?" asked Amanda.
"They're both still in surgery. She's lost a lot of blood, plus the shock along with the emotional and physical trauma he put her through... They're trying to repair the damage and they can't let us get a rape kit until she's out of the OR meaning that their surgeries and what not-"
"Will get rid of a lot of evidence," she finished with a sigh. "But honestly we don't that much evidence, we know who did this. How's Cassidy."
"Haven't heard that much about him. Lot's of lacerations to the head, blunt force trauma...If he comes out of this there's no telling what he'll be like."
Amanda blinked back tears. She saw the way they looked at one another, they loved one another. Olivia would need all the support and love and acceptance she could handle when she woke up. If her boyfriend died or was a complete different person when he woke up... Amanda couldn't begin to imagine how horrific that would be.
She cleared her throat as she nodded. "Cragen wants you to meet up with him at her apartment. I'll stay with them."
Fin gave her a weak smile before he wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to rest her head on his shoulder and embrace him as well. "They're gonna be fine, Amanda. They're both too stubborn to let someone like Lewis ruin their lives."
"I know." Her voice cracked with tears but she didn't care at this point. "I'm just scared for them, Fin."
"Don't be. They're tough. Neither would want you crying over them okay?"
Amanda let loos a shaking breath as she nodded; sniffling and wiping her tears away before she pulled away from her partner. He gave her another quick smile before he leaned down and kissed her softly on the forehead. "Call me. Let me know how they're doing alright?"
Amanda nodded and wiped her tears once more. "Okay."
With another soft smile Fin turned and walked out of the hospital.
Amanda took a moment to compose herself before she walked over to the nursing station and flashed the nurse her badge. "I'm Detective Rollins, I need to see the emergency contact information for Brian Cassidy and Olivia Benson."
The nurse, who had been busy playing Candy Crush Saga on her phone, groaned as if she had been interrupted doing something important and logged onto the computer. "What did you need?"
"Emergency Contact Information for Brian Cassidy and Olivia Benson," Amanda repeated.
The nurse quickly printed out the forms she had requested. "We already tried contacting both of them, several times, neither one answered."
"That's because Bart Ganzel is in jail and Simon Marsden has fallen off the grid completely and neither one bothered to update their medical information yet," Amanda said with a sigh. "Is there an older form they filled out?"
The nurse groaned loudly as she pressed several more keys on her keyboard. "Brian Cassidy's is the same but the last person in the system for Olivia Benson apart from Simon is someone called..." She typed a few more keys. "Elliot Stabler."
Amanda's eyes widened at the name of the man she had heard about but never met rang in her ears. "Do you want me to call him?" the nurse asked a stunned Amanda.
Amanda swallowed hard before she nodded. "Yeah. Yeah try him."
The nurse quickly dialed the number on the phone and Amanda's hands began to sweat. "Hi, is this Elliot Stabler?" the nurse said after several moments. "This is Jackie Rydell, I'm an RN at Mercy Hospital in Manhattan. Your name is on an old contact information sheet for an Olivia Benson. She's a patient here in the ICU." There was a long pause that made the nurse think he had hung up on her. "Hello? Hello, Mr. Stabler, are you still with me?" Another pause. "It doesn't look good, Mr. Stabler. She's lost a lot of blood, she's in shock, multiple internal injuries... I can't give out any more information on the phone but looks like she was the victim of an attack. I got a Detective Rollins here from if you'd like to speak to her."
Amanda's heart jumped into her throat as the nurse handed her the phone. Wiping her palms on her jeans Amanda took the phone with a shaking hand. She took a deep breath before she spoke. "Thi- this is Detective Rollins."
"What the hell happened to Olivia?" a loud voice demanded making Amanda jump.
"She was attacked in her apartment and it doesn't look good."
"What kind of attacked?" Amanda swallowed hard but before she could think of what to say he was yelling at her again. "I worked SVU for 20 damn years, I can handle it! Just tell me if she was raped or not!"
"We... we believe she may have been raped and sexually assaulted," Amanda told him quickly. Now she realized why everyone called the former Detective the 'poster boy for Anger Management' whenever they spoke about him.
"Son of a bitch!" Amanda jumped as she heard a loud crash that sounded like something getting thrown hard against a wall followed by someone slamming open a door and a woman demanding to know what was going on. "Call in to work, tell them you got a baby sitting emergency, I can't watch Eli today."
"Why? Elliot, what the hell is going on?"
"Olivia's in the hospital."
Amanda heard the woman who had just joined gasped. "Oh my God! Is she okay?"
"I don't know, they say it's really bad. Will you please call in, Kathy?"
"Of course. I love you."
"Love you too. What hospital is she at?" Amanda jumped back to attention as she realized he was talking to her instead of the woman he had dubbed Kathy.
"She's at Mercy, fifth floor."
Without another word Elliot hung up, leaving Amanda standing there holding the phone to her ear. She handed it back to the nurse who hung it up and went back to the addictive app.
This was about to get a whole lot more interesting
6 Days Earlier
Olivia had finished up her paperwork as Fin and Amanda brought Lewis in in handcuffs. He turned towards Olivia and their eyes met. He smirked at her while she simply maintained the steely glare that had most criminals cowering, neither one breaking until he was brought around the corner.
Amaro followed afterwards and immediately beelined for his partner. "You tell your fucking uni boyfriend he needs to grow up!" Amaro snarled at her as she stood up from her chair. "And this is a police precinct, not a damn brothel!"
Olivia raised a brow as she looked behind her and to the side before she turned back to her irate partner. "I'm sorry, who are you talking to because I know you aren't speaking to me like that..."
Amaro glared at her for a moment before he jabbed his finger in the direction Amanda and Fin had dragged him off in. "That guy raped and tortured a sixty year old woman and all you care about is playing grab ass with that immature punk!"
"I'm not in the mood," she warned as she grabbed her paperwork.
"No apparently you're in the mood for that immature ass hat instead of doing your job!"
"Amaro, stop, NOW," Olivia told him, leaving no room for argument in her tone. "Yes Brian came over to give me dinner because I haven't eaten in thirty six hours, yes he gave me a massage in the crib while I waited for results on the computer." Olivia decided that for now it would be best if she left out about the part she was one second away from turning that massage into something a lot further. "Yes, he made a joke at your expense but get over it!
I'm tired, I'm hungry, It's two a clock in the morning, we still have nothing on that sadistic asshole apart from Alice Parker's attack and I swear to God I don't need this right now, Nick. I know you don't like Brian and trust me he isn't that fond of you either. But right now you need to put it the hell aside and do your damn job."
"I'm trying to do my job but-!"
"But nothing! Right now I'm the senior officer here and I'm giving you an order to shut your mouth, buck the hell up, and help me interrogate that monster so you can go home to your kids, do you understand me?"
The two glared angrily at one another before Amaro went to attention before he saluted her. "Yes, Ma'am."
Olivia rolled her eyes at the younger detective, "you're an ass," she grumbled as she pushed past him.
Amaro followed her, both still seething at their respective partners, to the interrogation room where Amanda and Fin were struggling to pretend they hadn't heard the shouting between their colleagues. Olivia went to throw open the door but Amanda stalled her. "Hang on, shouldn't you have a plan of attack before you go in?"
"This guy is to smart for any of the tricks. We're gonna just go in there and hammer him."
Amaro shrugged carelessly. "You're the boss."
Olivia threw a glare at him as he threw open the door and walked inside with Olivia who slammed it shut behind them.
Lewis, who was still in cuffs laughed at the anger ringing clear in her eyes "Someone isn't having a fun night."
"Shut up, Lewis," she barked as she walked over next to him, far to wound up to sit while Amaro stood at the opposite side of the table and crossed his arms intimidatingly over his chest. "We caught you all but red handed. Your fingerprints, your DNA, it's all over Alice Parker and her apartment."
Lewis narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What are you talking about?" he asked as he looked between Olivia and Amaro.
"What she's talking about is Alice Parker was found raped and beaten and tortured in her apartment around noon yesterday," Amaro snapped at him.
"Oh wow. Is she okay?"
"You know damn well how she is considering you're the one that did all that to her!" Olivia barked. Lewis' face fell before his eyes narrowed in confusion and a soft laugh left him. "Wait is that old lady saying I raped her?" His laugh got more pronounced. "I told you she was crazy the first time."
Olivia began walking towards Amaro. "So you're saying she did all that to herself?"
"I know enough to stay away from her."
"So where were you yesterday then?" Amaro jumped in. "Not the halfway house."
"nah, I'm done with that place. Supposed to be all about recovery. All they do is steal tax payers money. There's no service, there's no security. The whole things a farce."
"Okay so where were you yesterday?"
Lewis rolled his eyes at the Detective's lack of caring. "Yeah, thanks for the sympathy."
"Sympathy?" Olivia chuckled as she looked at Amaro for a moment, hardly daring to believe he had actually said that. She walked back over and leaned in closer. "What you did to her you're lucky I didn't kick your teeth in," she hissed in a deadly whisper.
"What I did," he whispered as he turned to meet her gaze head on before he looked over her curves. "You should be so lucky someone does that to you."
"Hey!" Amaro barked as he pulled the table away from Lewis. "Shut the hell up or I'll take you out right here and wipe that stupid smile off your face!"
Amaro may have been mad at Olivia but NO ONE talked to her like that, especially not someone like Lewis who appeared more entertained with the threat then even remotely afraid.
Olivia put a gentle hand on his shoulder, her own smirk prevalent on her face. "It's okay, Nick," she told him, momentarily willing to forget their latest fight. "I wanna hear this."
Lewis' face fell as Olivia grabbed a chair and sat it down beside him. "I should be so lucky," she mused as she sat backwards in the chair and leaned closer to Lewis. "How? Tell me."
"Oh sure, Sweetheart," he said carelessly as he turned to look at her. "What do you wanna hear?"
"whatever you got," Olivia challenged as their eyes locked once more.
"You mean like how disturbing it would be to make a fine educated cultured woman like that disrobe? How humiliating it would be? How she might try to cover herself with her hands?"
"Go on," she challenged, not showing a single expression other then curiosity. "
"You wanna hear how I tied her to the bed," he said as his smirk reappeared. "Not to tight so I could watch her struggle?" Still she remained emotionless. "No, not your thing huh? Oh... what if I made her go down on her knees. Forced myself in her."
He looked over her face , still seeing nothing that would particularly disturb her. "Or maybe... you wanna hear about the pyrotechnics? How I put my cigarettes out on her?"
She couldn't help it. She knew it was what he was looking for but she couldn't help the cringe when he mentioned the fire. It disgusted her well beyond anything else he had done to her.
Lewis caught the change the moment he mentioned it and his smile widened and he felt a bulge in his jeans at the look of fear on her face. "Yeah, gotcha," he whispered more to himself then her. "How I branded her private parts with keys... and hot hangers..."
Amaro saw the disgust and the fear in her eyes as easily as if she had said it out loud. He had to stop this. "Okay I know you're getting off on this," he barked, "but ya know what? I wanna know how you got in that apartment."
"Nah, that's by the numbers," Lewis said carelessly before he turned back to Olivia with that same psychotic smile. "Men are from Mars, right, Detective? He wants the logistics, but you... you want the emotions."
Olivia swallowed hard as she forced a smile to her own face. "I do," she whispered softly as if this was exciting her. "So tell me more."
Amaro swallowed hard as he walked away from the table. He couldn't look at the look on his partners face another moment without breaking this guys neck...
"You wanna hear how she was alone with me all night. A 60 year old woman. She did things she never expected to do. She never... imagined were possible with her fingers... With her mouth..."
Olivia didn't even attempt to hide the fear or disgust now because she couldn't no matter how hard she tried.
Lewis' smile fell as he leaned in closer towards the brunette, his voice nothing higher then a soft whisper. "Or do you wanna hear how at the beginning she said she would do ANYTHING. She begged me for her life. By the morning time she was begging me to take her out of her misery. Which one do you think I enjoyed more?"
Olivia swallowed hard as Lewis leaned in a hair closer before a sharp knock jolted her out of her thoughts.
"Detectives?"
"Hey it's my lawyer!" Lewis announced with a grin as a young red head walked over to them. "I told them they weren't allowed to do this."
He turned back towards Olivia and gave her another smile. "It's all hypothetical."
"You know better, he's invoked."
Olivia faked a smile as she stood up. "Good."
She walked out of the room with Amaro and Cragen behind her. "Because I need a shower..." she muttered.
Cragen shut the door behind the three of them and walked up to Olivia. "You okay?" he asked gently.
Olivia shook her head as she let out a shaking breath. "I'm fine he just... he just got to me a little. I thought you were staying with Alice?"
"Amanda called, said they got him," Cragen told her. "But... this guy is psychotic..."
Cragen nodded. "If you wanna talk, you know where to find me."
Olivia nodded and with a soft smile Cragen walked away. When they were left alone once more Amaro cleared his throat and walked up to her. "I... I'm sorry about earlier. This case is just-."
"I know. You don't have to explain," Olivia said as she made her way to her locker. "It's getting to everybody."
Amaro glanced down at the floor as Olivia unlocked the thin metal cabinet and pulled out a spare change of clothes and a towel along with some travel sized totalities. After she shut the door and locked it again she turned towards him and gave him a weak smile. "Thanks for that by the way."
"For what?"
"For trying to distract him off from... Whatever the hell that was
Amaro gave her a soft smile. "You're welcome."
"It's just fire and branding and burns... I can't do it it's too personal," she admitted to him with a shudder. Seeing the curious look in his eyes she continued, "I was six and was involved in an apartment fire. To this day I still got a scar on my thigh from a burn and the idea of someone burning me or someone else terrifies me."
Amaro nodded in understanding. "I got it. But are you sure you're okay?"
"I'll be fine as soon as I get him washed off."
Amaro chuckled and nodded. "I gotcha. Want me to call Cassidy to see if he wants to join you?"
"You just don't know when to quit do you?"
Amaro saluted her again. "I apologize, Ma'am."
"Once again you're an ass."
She pushed by him again only this time she did it with a chuckle.
A/N Okay PLEASE Don't think this is gonna turn into EO because it's NOT! In anyway. At all. In no way, shape, or form. Usually I don't give away plot points like this but I don't want my Bensidy fans thinking they just put in a lot of time and chapters into a story that will ultimately end up EO because that's NOT the case. The romantic partner for Olivia in this story is, was, and forever shall remain Cassidy (rather or not they're both okay to remain in a relationship is another story but she's not gonna hook up with Elliot if that happens) So please trust me when I say don't think it'll turn into EO and don't abandon it because of that. Have I ever let you down before?
Steps off soapbox* Please Review :-)