10. Jerk All Over Again

It was nighttime -- well, more like eleven PM. Lyn was pacing back in forth in Kuronue's living room.

"Where are they!?" she snapped. "It's been five hours! Five dagblame hours!"

"Lyn, if you pace any more, you'll make a rut in the floor," Kuronue said, sweatdropping.

"Well, I'd rather go outside and oh, I dunno, LOOK FOR THEM, but SOMEBODY won't let me..."

"It's dark out! You're not going out there!"

"Urgh, if he's done something to her, I'll dip him by those pointy ears of his into a vat of boiling oil and feed his entrails to the carrion fowl..."

"Lyn, calm down! I know Youko, and he won't let anything happen to her," Kuronue assured her, but he couldn't help let out a chuckle.

"What's so funny!?" she demanded with a glare.

"Well, it's just that.. Back in the old days, when I told you that you were going to have a godsister..." He smiled a bit. "You were always overprotective of her. You wouldn't even let Youko or Ruby near her until you checked to make sure that they didn't have anything that could hurt her."

He laughed. "One time, Ruby and Youko had just fone through a battle, and they had blood on them. So you gave them a rant about how you shouldn't let Reneey see all that blood, and what kind of parents are you!"

He grinned. "It was really funny, and you gave Youko quite a lot of bruises on the shins."

"I'll give him more than bruises if they don't show up soon..."

Finally the lock was picked, and there stood Youko, who had Reneey asleep in his arms. Well.. half asleep.

"I har yer dar," Reneey said in sleepy talk.

"What?" Youko blinked.

"She said 'I hate you, Dad,'" Lyn translated, rolling her eyes.

"Wakin' me up," Reneey grumbled.

"I needed you to be awake," Youko said.

"Oh dur you coc sucie as hoe..." (AKA: Oh fuck you, cock sucking ass hole)

"Lyn?" Youko asked.

"I am so not repeating that!" She shook her head. "You really must learn to speak Reneey. And Sleepy Reneey. And Sick Reneey. And Excited Reneey. And all of the dialects of Reneey, for that matter."

"Kuro, do you have an extra bedroom I could put her in?" Youko asked as Reneey fell asleep again.

"Yeah -- go upstairs and take a right."

Youko nodded and left, and Lyn let out a sigh. "So, they're back and they're alive and they're okay. Now, I'm gonna kill him!" Then she paused and looked thoughtful. "No, wait, death is too quick. I shall carve his heart out with a plastic spoon. No, wait, a plastic knife. Plastic spoons are sharper than plastic knives, so a plastic knife will take longer."

Kuronue raised his eyebrows. "Your death threats are like your mother's. She was always good with random death threats."

"They're not random, thank you. I put a great deal of thought and effort into perfecting them."

"Riiight," Kuronue said with a chuckle. "Anyway, I'm going to bed. Just don't kill your godfather, all right?"

He hugged her good night and left for bed, and at the same time, Youko came back down.

"I should go home before Suichi's mom comes home from work and freaks out..."

He started to leave, but was still by Lyn's dagger-piercing-glare-of-death. (Lyn: It's patented! D)

"Where in the name of all that is good and holy have you two been for the past five hours!?" she hissed in a low voice so as not to wake up Reneey or alert Kuronue to the fact that she was going off on his best friend again. "Where do you get off, wandering around randomly with a thirteen-year-old until eleven o'clock at night!? So help me, if you don't stop being such an inconsiderate jerk, I'll impale you on a pike and hang you Babylonian style!"

"Well, first of all, she was asleep the whole entire time. We were at the same place where you saw us, until someone attacked us."

"WHAT!?" Lyn interrupted.

"We got attacked, Reneey slept right through it. How you can possibly sleep through someone attacking you, I will never know." Youko shook his head and went on, "So then I killed him --"

"IN FRONT OF RENEEY!?"

"She was asleep!"

"And what if she woke up!?"

"Well.. then she would've seen it."

Lyn's left eye began to twitch.

"So then I woke her up and dragged her here," Youko concluded with a shrug.

Lyn was still battling furiously against that seemingly ever-present desire to whack him upside the head. "Are you out of your cotton-picking MIND!?" she demanded in a whisper-scream. "Why the crap were you just sitting there all this time, anyway!?"

"Just sitting there? I was fighting him! Though all I really needed was to send my death tree plant after him, but I wanted to have some fun with him. I don't take kingly to those who attack me or the ones I care for," Youko finished with a shrug.

Lyn's left eye was still twitching, and now she was clicking her fingernails, too. "You expect me to believe that you were fighting for FIVE HOURS!? And Reneey just slept!?" She paused and then shrugged. "Well, actually, I believe the Reneey sleeping for five hours part; she could sleep through a tornado, siren and all. But seriously! It's been dark for five hours!"

"No, no, no, you misunderstand me!" Youko said, shaking his head. "We sat there for four hours, then the attacker came and I decided to show him what happens when he tries to kill my daughter."

"But then -- wait, WHAT!? Tried to kill her!?"

"Hey, I stopped it! And she didn't get hurt!" Youko said defensively, but suddenly Lyn hit him in the side of the head -- hard, this time, not just a half joking smack like before. There was unfathomable disbelief and outrage in her eyes as she all but exploded:

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH, BUT LEAVE RENEEY OUT OF IT! I COME FROM THE COUNTRY, WHERE YOU COULD LEAVE YOUR DOORS UNLOCKED AT NIGHT AND NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE WERE NAIVE ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY DO THAT! AND EVEN THERE I DIDN'T GO WANDERING AROUND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT! WHY IN HEAVEN'S NAME WERE YOU SITTING AROUND UNTIL TEN O'CLOCK AT NIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE!? AND YOU DIDN'T EXPECT ANYTHING BAD TO HAPPEN!?"

"Lyn? Are we under attack? And who's the asshole with a death wish that woke me up!?" Reneey snapped as she appeared, glaring at them both. "And why doI have a bump on my head and a scratch on my arm?" she added with a blink.

"YOUKO!"

"Well, I killed him before he could do any more damage!" Youko shouted back.

"YOU DADBURNED IMBECILIC CARPETBAGGING SCUMBAG LIAR!" Lyn thundered.

"Huh? Oi, what happened this time?"

"Wait, you can sleep through an attack, but you can't sleep through yelling?" Youko asked, blinking at Reneey.

"Yeah, I g.. wait, what!?" Reneey shouted.

"Oi, Lynni, what happened?" Reneey asked.

Lyn was busy giving Youko a glare that seemed to wish him a slow and torturous death. Her eyes gleamed maliciously as she growled, "No, I think I'll let him tell you how he almost got you killed."

"That got what? What is she talking about, Daddy?" Reneey asked Youko, who sighed.

"We got attacked. While I was fighting him, he apparently made a clone and it knocked you out, which is why you have that bump, and you cut your arm. But I killed them before they could do any more damage."

"Oh, okay.. so am I supposed to be, like.. idk.. on fire? And why are you two spinning?" Reneey asked, blinking.

"The crap?" Lyn asked.

"No," Youko said slowly.

"Okay, stop spinning, damn it!" Reneey snapped.

"Er, Rea, we're not spinning," Lyn said slowly, eyeing her friend with concern. She had been attacked, and now she was going on about being on fire and things spinning? Probably she was just stressed.. dizzy... that would be all it was...

"Hey, people?"

"Mm?"

"Yes?"

"When I fall, and you people let my head get cracked open, my ghost will haunt you all."

And thus Reneey fell down, but Youko caught her before she could hit the ground. He seemed to smell for something, and then growled, "Poison!"