Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! belongs to Kazuki Takahashi.

I said that the last chapter was the end. I lied. It happens sometimes.

This isn't exactly a ficlet, or insane!Ryou, and it's not really a story on its own, but...eh. It amused me. This works only if you assume that whenever Bakura 'dies', he winds up in the Shadow Realm instead of the afterworld.
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"Back in my day, we had it all set up. You lined up when you died, and you'd answer for your evil deeds and your good deeds, and if your evil deeds outweighed a feather, we'd feed your soul and your heart to Ammet, the Eater of Souls."

"He must have eaten a lot of people."

"Not as many as you'd think. It was a really heavy feather. We had it made special. You had to be pretty damn evil to tip the scales on that baby."
-- Anubis and Shadow, American Gods by Neil Gaiman

Bakura stumbled over the last step and had to cling to the banister to keep from falling face-first on the carpet.

Go back and put the Ring on, the thief ordered.

No, he answered.  It took a long time to get like this.  I'm not going to start over again.

You're being an idiot, respected landlord, was the reply.  Just go back downstairs.

You don't understand, Bakura answered.

I understand perfectly well!  You've kept the Ring off for too long--any more and we're going to risk death!

You see? the teenager said.  You don't understand.

....

You won't make it, Bakura said flatly.

Sure I will, he answered.  It's only a few feet.  I set everything up last week.

I should have known.  The words were not meant for him to pick up, but the teenager did anyway.  The connection had become so frayed with the removal of the Sennen Ring that everything bled over now.

I don't see why.  It's not like I've ever thought of this before, Bakura said.

Then why are you bothering to think of it now?  Turn around.

Nope.  Bakura stood up and stumbled the few feet into the bathroom.  Don't worry; I know what I'm doing.

He had taken the Ring off two weeks ago, and it was only now that he was certain the thief wouldn't be able to take over, no matter how desperate.  The problem was, he could barely move.  His attempt at severing the connection hurt--like the feeling that he got when his leg fell asleep and he tried to walk on it, only full-body.

I'll be glad to help you satisfy your sudden urge for pain, but not when you're risking my neck too, Bakura growled.

Pain? the teenager asked.  He leaned heavily on the counter and opened the medicine cabinet, pulling out an economy-sized bottle of Motrin.  I never liked pain.  That was always you.

Bakura leaned down to the open the cabinet underneath the sink and wound up falling heavily to the floor.  "Ow."

Go put the Ring on, and I'll forget that this happened.  If the thief's voice hadn't been so deadly calm, Bakura would have thought he was panicking.  Or maybe he was panicking because he was so calm.  After all, calm wasn't really an adjective that fit him.

Bakura managed to open the cabinet and pulled out the bottle of wine he'd put there, left over from the dinner his father had had for some fellow archeologists.  A few minutes later, he finally pried out the cork and took a sip.  He made a face.  It doesn't taste very good warm.

Do you really think this is going to work? Bakura asked, voice still calm.

The teenager popped open the bottle of Motrin and shook a dozen of the rectangular orange pills into his hand.  He slid them into his mouth and took another drink of wine.  I hope so.  I couldn't get a prescription for sleeping pills.

The thief stayed silent until he repeated the process.  I hate you.

Bakura wiped away some of the wine that had spilled on his chin.  I know.

I've waited ages for this chance at the Sennen Items, and now you have the presumption to kill me.  You can't possibly 'know'.  Bakura's voice still seemed calm, but when the teenager listened a little closer he realized that it was really so enraged that the words came out quietly.

He shook a third handful of pills out and washed them down with more wine.  I told you, you don't understand.  I'm doing this for a reason.

Really, Bakura said bitterly.  Enlighten me.

You should see pretty soon, the teenager answered.  At least, I hope you will.  I hope I guessed right.  I don't want to die needlessly.

All your deaths are needless, respected landlord.  The title was a knee-jerk reaction, not intended to be said anymore.  The teenager knew this because the thief thought it.

Everything was bleeding through with the removal of the Ring.

Bakura downed a fourth handful of pills, but spilled several in the process.  His coordination was getting worse.  It was supposed to take half an hour for the ibuprofen to start working--had that much time passed already?

If you hurry, you can still call 911.

I told you, no.

Bakura decided that the handfuls were taking too long.  He raised the bottle to his lips and tilted it up.  One of the pills fell out of his mouth, and he made a half-hearted motion to catch it before it hit the floor.  He took a longer gulp of the wine.  It was starting to taste better.

I would have expected you to be afraid, Bakura mused.  As angry as the thought made him, there was nothing left that he could do to stop the teenager.  He was reduced to powerless words.

This isn't the frightening part, he replied.  It's what's coming after that scares me.

What are you talking about now?

You still believe in them, don't you? Bakura asked.  Ra and Anubis and Horus and Ammet and whoever else you people had?

What?

He carefully tilted the bottle again, trying not to spill any more pills.  I hope you do.  We're in trouble otherwise, because I don't.

You've lost your mind.

I think that happened the first time I believed you were real.

Bakura almost managed to empty the bottle before he passed out.

~~~~~

Bakura blinked twice and pushed himself into a sitting position.  Where the hell...?

It worked, the teenager said next to him.

The thief jerked his head around and his eyes widened slightly when he realized Bakura was physically sitting next him.  What worked?!

We're at the scales.  He pointed.

Bakura glared into the gloom, and his expression froze when he saw a jackal-headed man standing before a set of scales.  What--

"It has been a long time since anyone has come here," Anubis stated.  "And I do not think anyone has appeared split in half."

The thief and the teenager stood up.  "It's a very long story, um, lord," Bakura said.  "I killed myself.  And we came here, because he believes in you."

"I know these things," Anubis replied.

The teenager nodded.  "Um.  Actually...I guess it's a short story.  You have to judge us now, right?"

Anubis stepped forward.  He reached one hand into the teenager's chest and another into the thief's, and pulled out a single heart. 

A tall woman set a feather on one of the trays with all appropriate reverence and pomp.

...who's that? he asked.

Ma'at, Bakura answered.  He folded his arms as Anubis placed the heart on the opposite tray.  It's going to tip.

I guess so, the teenager mused.  You killed a lot of people.

This wasn't very clever of you, respected landlord.  You're going to die alongside me.

That's never happened before.  Why would it happen now?

Bakura watched as the scale ceased rocking and settled, with the heart decidedly lower than the feather.  Perhaps because this is the end?

"You have been found unworthy," Anubis announced.  Something shifted underneath the scale.

The thief's face twisted up in hatred, and then Bakura stepped forward. 

"And since I'm the one who killed myself, it's my soul that'll be eaten, right?"

The thief's hands fell to his side as Anubis nodded and said, "Correct."

The teenager sighed.  "Good.  I was afraid I'd guessed wrong."

He stared.  What do you think you're doing?!  When Bakura took another step towards the scales and the creature beneath, he clenched his fists.

What does it look like? the teenager answered.  I'm trading with you.  You have a second chance now.

You...what?  Bakura clenched his hands tight enough that the nails dug into his palms and cut the skin.  You little fool!  I'm not going to change!

I know, he said quietly.  It's a second chance to get what you want. 

...Why?!

I'm tired of loving you.

Bakura took a third, hesitant step forward, and then could no longer force himself to move.  A moment later, Ammet slithered out from under the scale and open his jaws wide.

The teenager screamed very loudly.  The thief squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears.  The gods remained dispassionate.

It ended quickly, but the echoes took a moment longer to fade.  Bakura straightened and the jackal-headed god looked at him.

"You have been paid for.  Where do you wish to go?"

He folded his arms again and clenched his fists to hide the fact that his hands wouldn't stop shaking.  "I want to return to the living world."

"Very well."

The thief watched as Anubis removed the heart from the scale and fed it to Ammet.  He then fell to his knees and blacked out.

~~~~~

When he woke up, his body was still dead.  He checked for a heartbeat, and found nothing.

Respected landlord, he called.  There was no answer.  He was, finally, alone again.

Bakura stood up carefully, and looked disdainfully at the wine bottle and the few orange pills scattered along the floor.  Then he made his way downstairs and put on the Ring that the teenager had hidden.  He pulled on a coat and walked out of the house, heading towards the Turtle Game Shop.

If he gathered the Sennen Items within his reach quickly, their combined power would be great enough that he could prevent his body from rotting.