Chapter 10
"Amanda, what the hell was that about?" Mark demanded as soon as Linda left. He wasn't mad, just concerned.
"Just leave me alone." Amanda stormed off to her room and slammed the door like a five year old. She sat on her bed and covered her face with her hands. She opened the table next to her bed and pulled out a knife. She dug the blade into her forearm while tears clouded her vision. She'd never cut into her arm so deep and it took all her strength not cry out in pain.
She cut herself out of guilt. Guilt for the lives she'd taken. Guilt for the lives she'd ruined or threatened. She was cutting herself because she hated the memories and her past. She remembered Lynn Denlon and her husband. The cause of John Kramer's death. She hated them. And she hated Eric Matthews, for framing her. Her father for killing her mother. Her mother for neglecting her siblings. She felt bad for Allison Kerry, her first victim. And for Mark, the one who got stuck with her for a wife. Jill, who wanted to help her, but lost her child thanks to Amanda. John, who also tried to help, but she failed him. John and their unborn child because they had to be stuck with her for a mother.
She hated herself. Finally she let out a scream from the pain. She'd lost too much blood and she felt herself getting weaker. But she kept digging the knife into her arm. Finally she saw black spots and heard banging on her door.
"Amanda?! Amanda, what's going on?" Mark called.
"Amanda open up!" Jill screamed. Amanda ignored them and eventually blacked out.
Amanda woke up to see Mark and Jill leaning over her. Both of them looked concerned. Jill was holding John. Amanda realized she was on her bed. She looked at her arm, it was bandaged up in a white bandage. She looked up at Mark.
"Jill, can I talk to Amanda alone please?" Jill nodded and left with John. Mark took her hand and sat on the bed next to her.
"Manda, sweetheart, what's wrong? Why did you do this to yourself?" He asked. She shrugged. "Amanda, you know damn well why you did this!" He tried to stay calm. She sat up and hugged him as tears clouded her vision.
"Lindsey Perez," She mumbled, finally remembering.
"Wha-"
"Linda said you were cheating on my with Lindsey Perez." she explained, embarrassed by her own foolishness. Mark pulled her away from him and looked at her.
"That's what this was about?" He asked. She nodded. He sighed.
"She another detective whose working on this case with me." He said.
"Why'd you get nervous when she called?"
"Cause she never calls. I was worried something happened to Erickson." He explained.
"But you're always gone."
"This is a really complicated case. This guy is really smart."
"You never talk about it." She said. He sighed.
"Because this case is too much like the Jigsaw case. I didn't want you to do…this." He explained, pointing to her arm. She looked at him apologetically and hugged him.
"You know I love you." He said.
"I know." She pulled back and kissed him. "I love you too."