CHAPTER NINE
Reminders
Hey guys! I know, it has been a struggle to make it this far but I promise you that the next few chapters are just getting you started on the action. Piece a few things together for me and tell me if I did it right. I'm going to tell you right now that even I want the excited chapters to come but you know how all books start. No worries. In a few chapters, you'll be up to your armpits with humor, romance, and lots of action. Have fun.
P.S. If you ever meet Letsaimpastthesky1, tell them they're a great writer. Sky, I hope you read this and I hope it makes your day that much better.
I am dedicating this chapter (and the whole book) to my friend Sky for supporting me with this thing and that one message at one thirty a.m.
Pounding. It was all she could feel. Hear. Voice after voice chased her down the tunnel, shame stepping heavily in her wake. Tears dripped down her chin. That was why she had immediately left the warm and cozy comforts of the lair. She couldn't let them see her cry. No. Weakness was not an option, no matter how kind her father had been about it.
No. No, the walls were closing in. Karai thought in a panic. Can't breathe. The constricting pain hit her hard in the ribs, slowing her pace. The water pulled at her feet. It's an illusion. Gotta be.
Karai never stopped until she reached the end of the tunnel, where it met the main tunnel. She sank down against the wall, her sobs finally catching up to her. Stupid Raphael. Couldn't give her a minute. A minute to worry about something else. A moment to let herself forget her crimes.
"She killed him Leo! She killed Splinter!" Raph's harsh voice sounded in her ears as she tucked her head into her arms. This was too much to handle. She'd been on her own to long, no one to turn to. The wrecking ball hit her barricaded walls. Inch by inch, they came down.
Splinter stroking her hair when she had first come home. Crack!
The old rat who made her tea in the morning and listened to her rantings with patience. Crack!
Her father, who helped her perfect the complicated katas she could never practice while she had been with the Foot. Crack!
Splinter who had taken the fatal blow for her. And the walls came tumbling down.
The sobs wracked through her, even though Karai struggled to keep them in. Her thoughts raced. Where would she run now. Wait. Not run. Running is weak. Cowardly. But it fit her just right. She'd run out on Splinter. Run out on her friends. Stupid.
Splash. Willing herself to be still, Karai listened to the footsteps coming her way. Lifting her head, she stared straight ahead and tried to discern who it was. Oh no. Not him. Not now. Karai wiped the steaming makeup from her face, satisfied that she could erase some part of her weakness. For a moment she paused.
Was that all Splinter's memory added up to now? Weakness?
"Karai! I know you're here." His voice bounced off the concrete, rippling the water at Karai's feet. She didn't make a sound. She wanted to be alone for once and not have someone always trampling on her business. One half of her hoped he would give up the search and leave. The other half of her, well, wanted him to find her.
The second half won.
Leo's right foot appeared at the end of the tunnel, a few yards away from where she was sitting. Soon, he had fully emerged from the entrance of the tunnel he had been in. His posture seemed stiff. Loosen up Leo. It's fine if you let me get lost once in awhile. She thought bitterly. I'm not THAT important.
Blue searchlights now scanned the sewers, searching, searching for the girl that ran from her problems. Finally, they rested on her. His eyes half closed with relief and Karai felt an involuntary shiver race up her spine. Leo was by her side in an instant, checking her over. What was it with him and his little, 'protection first' perks. He knelt down beside her, his gaze trapped in hers.
"I was beginning to think I wouldn't find you." Yeah, and you should've left it that way. She lifted her head so that she was staring in those deep sapphire eyes. "What happened back there?" That was actual concern flickering in his gaze. Wow, when had that ever been expressed toward her after the accident. She had almost forgotten what it looked like.
"I'm so sorry. Raph has been super impulsive lately and… " He trailed off, noting the wet shimmer in her eyes; the tear streaks staining, stark against her pale skin. "Is something wrong?"
Was that a question?
"No everything's fine. I was there when my father was murdered and it was partially my fault, thanks for asking." Karai threw her hands up in the air as she spoke to emphasize her words. "So yeah, everything is wrong Leo. They hate me, Splinter's gone! Where have you been?" The blue masked terrapin simply took it and blinked knowingly. He knew better than to try and stop her from venting. She took in a calming breath, looking him straight in the eye.
"Now don't you lie to me. Do you see me as a monster like the Shredder?" Leo stared at her.
"You are no monster, Karai. This mess, it isn't your fault. Raph…" He struggled to find the right words. "...He suffered the same situation and pain as the rest of us, but he needs someone to blame." Leo gently grasped her wrist to catch her attention. The fire was starting to return to her eyes. Leo felt himself burn slightly from the hopeful glance she gave him before that molten gaze returned to stare at his hand over her arm.
"He still remembers the old times. He misses you, but he is too big a bonehead to admit it." Karai's eyes welled, but somehow the flame reflected on the glassy surface.
"Remember how I said Raph had no right to blame me?" She let a tear slide from one eye. Leo watched it fall, releasing her wrist as she faced him fully. Karai took a deep breath, knowing he was listening. Leo's deep, soulful eyes enveloped her and for a second, she felt safe. "Maybe...maybe he's right."
"What do you mean?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't act so clueless." Karai closed her eyes. "He tried to persuade me into coming home that night on the roof." Her confession bounced off the tunnel walls, echoing in Leo's head. His eyes widened. Karai continued.
"What if…" She choked up slightly. "What if I am responsible?"
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The Shredder pulled the blades out of Splinter's chest and the rat slumped to the ground.
"NOOOOO!" Karai shrieked from her position on the floor. Her gaze was transfixed on the empty eyes of her father. Oh please, please no.
"How does it feel Karai?" Shredder's booming voice echoed in Karai's ears. She let her head drop, still on her hands and knees with wide eyes. "This is how he killed Tang Shen! Her death has finally been avenged!"
"No." Karai whispered, staring at the ground. The sobs rippled up her spine, causing her to choke on them. Small tears hit the cement floor, spiraling like a river down an empty streambed. She tried to focus on her breathing, tried not to think. Of course, in that moment, she was swarmed with memories.
"Your time with them has made you weak, Karai. You have come to lean on
them." The Shredder kneeled by Karai's head. "Thank you for bringing him to
me." When she didn't respond, he lifted her chin. Brokenness mingled with the auburn pools.
"Thank you for helping me finish Hamato Yoshi." In that moment she snapped.
"You killed him!" Karai's eyes morphed from hopeless to cold and calculating. "If I were you…" She yanked her head out of Shredder's grasp, eyeing the glass ledge above him. " … I'd watch my back."
Shredder didn't have time to process what happened next. As if her several injuries were only minor inconveniences, Karai grabbed his still outstretched hand. Using it as leverage, she flipped herself onto the Shredder's back. She used him as a stepstool to launch up to the glass ledge. He whipped around, but she was already sprinting through the red door at the end of the hallway.
"You may try to run Karai…" The Shredder slowly stepped up to Hamato Yoshi's body. The fingers of the rat were stiff and cold, devoid of life. "But you cannot run from this." No, she would bring the rest of his enemies to him.
And under the mask, Shredder smiled.
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Karai didn't notice she was crying until she stopped talking. Now, the tears rolled freely down her face. The presence beside her had stiffened, struggling to process her words.
"I… I'm so sorry Leo." She sniffed. "It was me. It was all me." Leo didn't respond. Karai presumed it was shock that had silenced him. She had seen that coming, but what he did next was something she never would have expected of him.
Two strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer. For a second, Karai couldn't seem to move. Leo's head rested on top of hers as he set her down in his lap. Settling into the embrace, Karai let herself cry.
"I know it wasn't you." A whisper in her ear. Karai blinked through her tears. Did he really believe that? "Splinter…" The voice faltered for a moment. "Once he had something set on his mind, no one could change it. He chose to save you and you had nothing to do with that."
"I was the reason he gave up." She whispered, but despite her words the tears began to slow.
"Splinter once told me that even though you feel responsible for a situation, it is how you deal with the aftermath that counts."
"Do you...do you really expect me to believe that?" Karai sputtered.
"You're going to have to."Leo told her. She could almost see the smug grin on his face. "Because I'm going to say it every day when you decide to come home." Karai sniffed at his tone, her tears gone.
"I hope you realized you said 'when' and not 'if'." Karai muttered, leaning forward and wiping away all evidence of her tears.
"I know what I said, Karai." She pulled away fully, wiping the last of the salty, stinging water from her face. The bricks that made the tunnel were all of the sudden very interesting. She stared at them, desperate to escape that calm gaze for a moment. It reminded her so much of Splinter. Leo shifted and Karai could almost hear him thinking. Oh boy, here it comes.
"Karai, come home with me...us!" Leo added on the last part a bit too fast. Karai muttered something along the lines of 'dumb as a doornail' and Leo's cheeks burned. As he struggled to think of something else, his brain hammered him. Shoot I pulled a Donnie. Ugh, why? "April would love to have another girl in the lair." Karai smirked at him.
"Nice recovery." Leo stood up and offered her his hand. With the return of her ever-present stoic face's return, Karai took it.
"I don't know Leo. The Foot have been up to old tricks." Karai bit her lip. Am I trying to push away my only friend? Shoot.
A hint of disappointment flashed in Leo's eyes as he pulled her to her feet. She tried to smooth it over.
"I'm just...not ready yet."
"I understand." A fake smile crossed his face and he sighed, looking back over his shoulder.
"I have to get back to the lair. No telling what is going on in there." Karai nodded, blinking a few extra times.
"I can't live where I'm not wanted." She whispered, her emotions battling each other under the surface of her gaze.
"I know." Leo turned to leave. "Drop by sometime."
"WAIT!" Karai mentally slapped her forehead. Why did she sound so dang desperate? "I'll think it over. Channel Six building at six o'clock tomorrow. Don't be late." Leo gave her a slight nod.
Karai caught his smirk right before she turned on her heel and let the shadows swallow her whole.
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Water rippled around Karai as she leapt up to catch the first rung of the ladder up to the surface. One rung after the other, she made her way up.
Man, maybe Leo is right. Or he's being stupid. Am I the stupid one?
She reached up to lift the manhole but a voice from above made her freeze in place. Someone was standing in whatever alleyway this was. And they were playing music at full blast. Karai strained to hear the lyrics and soon they echoed around her.
I never thought that You would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around
And you knocked me off the ground from the start
She listened closer, enjoying the song. The only difference was she had knocked Leo off his feet. Literally. Suddenly she snapped her head up. Was she comparing the song to her life and Leo's? Oh she was way in the deep end.
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home
The lyrics wove the memory she had just shared in the tunnel with Leo.
How many times will let you me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
The world is coming down on me
And I can't find a reason to be loved
Karai shivered. This song was playing her life story.
I never wanna leave you
But I can't make you bleed if I'm alone
On her watch, Leo would never get hurt because of her. Maybe it was better to be alone.
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
Karai's face turned to stone as she shut out her emotions. It would be easier if she just walked away.
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
Who cared if she was falling? She could catch herself.
And Karai dropped to the sewer floor.
The men in the sewers, who were working on the tunnel a few yards down, would later report a 'girl made of shadows with a face of stone', walking out of the tunnel. That she had simply kept walking, never giving them a glance.
That she was made of concrete.
I'll never let a love get so close…
A/N DOOONNNNNEEEE! Oh that feels so good. I just lost my notes to the other fan fiction II was writing so that was stuck in my head for the whole week. In case you were wondering the song Karai heard was "Arms" by Christina Perri. You should listen to it sometime. And thank you Sky for not getting bored by this story. Please R&R