Chapter title taken from Hello, Dolly.

In which Buffy and Spike figure out what they want and transition from bargaining to acceptance.

Dialogue from "Touched" included.

XVIII

Buffy vaguely remembered reading something about the five stages of grief. She was probably sure that she went through the denial stage and she got through her anger and maybe some depression. If Buffy had to pick which stage she was currently in, she would say she was somewhere between bargaining and acceptance.

Still, she felt the anger she unleashed onto Angel lingering, turning slowly into tears that welled in her eyes.

"You alright, luv?" Spike asked

"To be honest, I'm not sure," Buffy said. "The past week has definitely been of the crazy. I'm still trying to process everything."

"Still trying to figure out what you want?"

"Yeah. I know what I don't want, though, that's for sure. I don't want the grownups to act like kids again. I'm glad that Anya fixed that. And I know now, I don't want to be with Angel anymore, even the Angel I used to know. Most of all, I don't want to be helpless. What about you?"

"I have the feeling Dru-I mean Cat, already knows what she wants. And I'm not gonna stop her, even if it means I can't be with her anymore."

"That's surprisingly selfless of you."

"I've always been selfless to some extent. I took care of Cat for a century in spite of her insanity and unfaithfulness. We've had our ups and downs, but we've stuck it out. I just feel sad knowing we're going to part ways and this time, there may not be any going back."

"I get what you mean. It's like I'm trying to figure out who I am all over again. I used to define myself by being the Slayer and my relationship with Angel. Now that I don't have either one, I can't help but wonder...am I still me?"

"I think you are who you always were," Spike said. "I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker, but I've seen your kindness, and your strength...And as barmy as it sounds, I think I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy."

"That's exactly my problem, Spike. I don't want to be The One. I miss the fight. By God, I miss the fight. But I don't want to fight alone. I know that Faith is around but I want to fight with someone at my side. I don't want someone just watching me or my friends putting their lives on the line. I want to be sure that the one who's fighting with me is someone I can count on. Is that too much to ask for?"

Spike tentatively took her hand. She looked at him with surprise. It was one thing when they were laughing things off after sparring, but this moment was completely different.

And yet it felt so right.

XIX

William was surprised when they arrived at Buffy's house and didn't find anyone home. Buffy let go of his hand and went to check the messages on the answering machine.

"Buffy, I'm calling again from your librarian's apartment just to see if you're still home. I'm staying the night with him. No, we're not going to do what you think. I just don't feel safe going back to the house until we can keep Angel out of it. Anyway, I'll see you in the morning."

Buffy turned to look at him after the answering machine beeped. "So...are you gonna go?"

"I don't wanna leave you by yourself, luv."

The blonde Slayer giggled. "Can you stop calling me luv? I'm not your girlfriend."

He took a tentative step closer. "Do you want to be?"

She took a step closer to him. "I'm definitely intrigued on the notion, don't get me wrong, but...I don't want this to be a rebound thing, for either of us. Would you feel the same way about me if you were still a vampire?"

Another step closer. He was about arm's length from her now. "It's definitely possible."

Her fingers brushed against his. "I don't want to rush things."

"I wouldn't want you to."

"But…"

The space between them was bridged by a kiss. They held each other's hands tightly. It was a light, soft kiss, but it promised so much more.

"I have a spare bedroom," Buffy said as she let go of the kiss.

"You don't want me to stay with you?" William asked, tilting his head to the side in an intriguing way.

She scoffed and let go of his hands.. "Did you not hear what I said about the not wanting to rush things?!"

"I did! I was just thinking I could just hold you. I promise nothing will happen."

"You really didn't have to make that joke, you know."

"I can't turn down an opportunity to piss Angel off, luv."

"Fine." She led him up the stairs to the hallway that led to the bedrooms. She stood at the threshold of her bedroom and kept her eyes focused on the man in front of her. "William...please stay with me."

"Always," he said as he took his first steps inside.

Sorry to leave y'all hanging like this, but there won't be an update on this fic until Monday. I'm gonna be going on a weekend trip and I'll be uber-busy. Check your dirty minds in at the door because there won't be any hanky-panky here!

I'll be seeing y'all on Monday. Like and review please!