(A/N: Yes, I've been back for a while, now. Yes, I should've updated sooner. Yes, Stars Hollow suffers from quantum mechanical anomalies that cause time to move at an unfixed rate, thus explaining any time discrepancies in my story. Any more questions? Please Read & Review.)

The night of the charity benefit had come. David took a last look at himself in the mirror, making sure that his tuxedo was flawless. He could not afford to stand out, especially not tonight. His tie was straight; his cummerbund fit perfectly; his dinner jacket was the perfect shade of black; and his boutonnière was fresh and colorful. He was ready.

I haven't worn this tux since Laura's and my wedding, thought David, wistfully. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and went down to the lobby to meet Lorelai.

"Wow," said Lorelai when she saw him, "Shouldn't you be standing in a Dior window display?"

"Well yes," said David, "but I jumped out when they weren't looking. You look very lovely, yourself." And he meant it; Lorelai was wearing a dark blue, strapless evening gown, accentuated with a gold necklace. Her hair was tied into a chignon.

Lorelai glanced at the clock and said, "It should be here right about . . ."

A horn honked.

" . . . now," said Lorelai, "My parents sent their limousine."

"Well then," said David, holding out his arm, "Let's be off, shall we?"

"Let's," said Lorelai, taking his arm and walking out the door.

Meanwhile, there was a big hockey game taking place at Stars Hollow High, and Dean felt well enough to go. It had been more than a week since he got zapped by the gamma knife, and he was still weak.

"Dean," said Rory as she helped him into her car, "Maybe you shouldn't go."

"No way," said Dean, "I missed two games and five practice sessions. If I don't at least show up for the semifinals, coach is gonna kick me off the team."

After a few more minutes of trying to convince Dean that he should stay home, Rory gave in and they went to the game together.

Hartford University

"Okay, David, let's go over the game plan," said Lorelai as the limo neared the University, "Someone comes up, I'll take a drink. My mouth will be full. I can't talk. How would that look, right? Then you jump in, offer your hand. 'Hi, David Benson. And you are?' 'I'm Mr. Blockenfeffer.' By then, I will have swallowed. 'Oh hi, Mr. Blockenfeffer, I'm Lorelai, remember me?' 'The bane of your mother's existence?' 'Exactly. Nice to see you again.' 'Nice to see you again. And nice to meet you, David.' 'Nice to meet you, Mr. Blockenfeffer.' 'You kids have a lovely evening.' 'No, you have a lovely evening. Our love to Mrs. Blockenfeffer.'"

David just laughed and said, "Are your parents' socials really that bad?"

"You have NO idea," she replied, rolling her eyes in a childish way. David truly found Lorelai's offbeat ways quite endearing, and finally agreed to play along.

Once they were inside, Lorelai lead David straight to the bar, so she could put "the plan" into action. She ordered a champagne cocktail, and David had a Hip and Hen over ice.

"Lorelai!" said a pleasant sounding female voice from a few feet away.

"Get ready," Lorelai whispered to David.

"Mom, Dad," she said, turning to greet them.

"Wonderful to see you, Lorelai," said Richard, "And I don't believe we've met."

"David Benson," said David, shaking his hand firmly but gently.

"David is a doctor that's been staying at the Inn," said Lorelai.

"A doctor?" said Emily, "What sort of doctor?"

"I was an emergency physician for almost 15 years," said David, "and I helped out in the pharmacology lab from time to time, but now my main focus is nuclear medicine."

"Well, you picked a good place to be," said Richard, "I don't understand some of the finer points, but I'm told that this ISO-36 is truly a miracle drug."

"It is, if it can do what they say it can do," replied David, "A former patient of mine was once exposed to very high levels of gamma radiation, causing him to develop a genetic disease. I'm curious as to whether or not this would have saved him."

David stared at the small glass box in the middle of the room, containing three vials of green liquid.

Stars Hollow High

The game was nine to seven, with the Stars Hollow Minutemen in the lead. Rory had discovered, to her immense delight, that she loved stadium food. Dean tried to cheer on his team, but he kept coughing whenever he tried.

"Dean," said Rory, after his third bout of coughing subsided, "You sound terrible. I think we should go home."

"No way," said Dean, trying to sit up straight, "I'm fine, Rory."

"Dean, you are not fine," said Rory, "You're lucky to even be walking after what happened."

Dean sighed. He knew Rory was right. "Okay," he said, "Just let me go get something out of my locker."

"I'll go warm up the car," said Rory, kissing him on the cheek.

Hartford University

"So, Dr. Benson," said Emily, "How long to plan on staying in the area?"

David was about to reply, when suddenly the doors were thrown open and several men with guns and wearing pantyhose on their heads charged in.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," roared the leader of the group, "this is an old-fashioned, low-tech stickup. We're interested in the basics: Cash, jewelry, cellular telephones, etc. Surrender your valuables nice and quietly, and no one will be hurt."

David hurried the Gilmores under a nearby table and said, "Don't move, I'm going to call the police."

"David, wait," said Lorelai as he ran off. She attempted to follow, but Richard and Emily held her back.

Tense minutes went by, and suddenly the robbers left, as quickly as they came. The Gilmores got out from under the table.

"David!" called Lorelai, looking around the room for him, "David!"

"I'm all right," said David, coming up to her, "I was trying to get to a payphone, and I got knocked down."

"This is disgraceful," said Richard angrily, "I will sue that security firm for every dime they have. They were supposed to be protecting us!"

Emily followed him as he continued to bluster and rage, and shared in his indignation when one of the three vials was discovered to be missing.

Stars Hollow High

Dean walked through the hallways until he finally reached his locker. He stopped once to wipe the sweat from his forehead.

Jeez, he thought bitterly, I really am still sick. Least it can't get any worse.

"Hey there, Dean," said a friendly voice from the other end of the hall. Dean looked up and saw, partially hidden in shadow, Jess.

"What do you want, Jess?" asked Dean, doing his best to sound normal.

"Just takin' a walk through the hall of good old Stars Hollow High," said Jess, "What's the matter, Dean? A little sick?"

"None of your damn business, Jess," said Dean.

"Let's see if we can improve your attitude," said Jess. Without further warning, he punched Dean hard in the stomach. Dean crumpled to the floor.

"You - you," hissed Dean, the wind knocked out of him.

"Yep," said Jess, "me. Ever since I got that little shock back in Benson's lab, I've never felt better." He punched Dean again.

"And by the way, stock boy," said Jess, "I was the one ripping off Taylor's store." To emphasize his point, he took out Taylor's key and threw it at Dean's feet.

"You son of a bitch," said Dean, clenching his teeth. In all his life, he'd never felt such intense hatred, or such anger as he did now at Jess.

Jess was about throw another punch, but Dean's hand shot up and shoved him back.

"Good, you've got some fight left in you," said Jess, standing. But he stopped when he saw Dean's eyes. They were orange and glowing.

On the way back to Stars Hollow

Once the mess had been cleared, the party had resumed, and David and Lorelai continued to enjoy their evening.

Perhaps it was due to relief of being unharmed, but both David and Lorelai had drunk far more than they'd originally intended. Lorelai was currently sampling from the mini-bar in the limousine.

"This was a GREAT evening," she said, drunkenly laying her head on David's shoulder.

"I would have to agree with you," said David. If not for his unusual precision and enunciation, one would never even know that he was drunk himself.

A funny thought occurred to David as the limousine dropped them off at Lorelai's house: Lorelai reminded him of his first wife, Laura, in terms of her quirkiness and optimism, and of his second wife, Carolyn, in the way her cheeks reddened when she giggled. Of course, neither woman had such magnificent breasts . . .

"You want some coffee?" asked Lorelai as she stumbled toward the kitchen.

"Sure," said David. He stared at her swaying hips as though nothing she could offer him would as toothsome a morsel as herself. With a grin, almost a leer, he followed her into the kitchen.

"I'm a little too drunk to make it from scratch," she said, digging through the fridge, "but Rory bought some of that frozen stuff the other day."

"Wonderful," said David.

Lorelai dropped one of the glass bottles.

"Let me help you clean that up," said David, kneeling down next to her. They both looked into each other's eyes, as though only just aware that the other was there.

Stars Hollow High

Jess watched with horror as Dean begin to change before his very eyes. His muscles grew exponentially; he gained over a foot in height; his hair became long, black, and shaggy; and his skin took on a vividly red hue. When this was done, only his black jeans remained on his massive body. A Red Hulk.

"Mother of God," whispered Jess, now shaking in fear.

"Rrrrrr," growled the beast that was Dean.

"Dean," said Jess, his voice trembling, "Can you understand me?"

The Red Hulk roared and grabbed Jess by the collar. With a hateful snarled, it hurled him against the lockers, knocking Jess out instantly.

Staring at his fallen foe one last time, the Red Hulk began to run, going through the school's stone wall as if it were paper, heading toward the forest.

(A/N: A little rushed? Maybe, but I like it. The Red Hulk is played by WWE star Dalip Singh Rana. Please Review. Bonus points for whomever can identify the extremely cruel irony I snuck into one of the "Hartford" sections.)

TO BE CONTINUED.