A/N: TRIGGER WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SUICIDE. SO PLEASE, PLEASE READ THIS CHAPTER WITH EXTREME CAUTION.

Boy this is a heavy chapter. It was pretty hard for me to write.

Thank you for reading.

xoxoxo

Chapter 9

"Where are you!?" Lauren shouted as she slammed the door shut. Her stomach was in her throat, from running up the flight of stairs to get to the apartment speedily. Her eyes were red and wide, dark streaks of makeup ran down her face from crying. She wiped her face confused.

When did she start crying?

She peered around the trashed apartment for the first time. It was messy, dirty with dry stains of blood staining the living room floor.

The couches was turned over, the small television set was smashed on the ground, and shards of tiny glass littered the frayed multicolored rug.

Two small tables was broken, the legs snapped off where fragments laid all through the room.

This was where Bo died.

After Bo explained how she died she took it upon herself to research the details. Found out where she lived. She had to see where it happened. It was all she had left. Since Bo refused to return her phone calls, her texts her shouts into every empty room.

She thought back to three days ago after they made love. Everything had changed after that.

Bo shrugged before nodding. "Obviously since you're the only person who can sense me. I really was captivated with you, Lauren. When I was alive and ticking I never really paid attention to parapsychology. I thought it was bullshit." She shook her head incredulously. "Boy, was I wrong."

"It doesn't matter. None of that matters. I don't care if no one else can meet you or if I won't be able to take you home and meet my parents or friends...well my roommate." Lauren cradled Bo's hands, admiring the beauty of each finger. It was a miracle she could caress the smooth fingers under her own.

"I want this. Whatever this is between us. Being with you has really opened my eyes…I haven't really been living before. I would bury myself in my music, in perfection for what? I don't even know anymore. I mean-it would be great to be in a world renowned symphony, but I don't want it over love."

Bo frowned, her forehead creasing." Lauren you don't know what you're saying."

"No I do." Lauren smiled, her eyes suddenly shining like she just had an epiphany. "This means something. It has to, why am I the only person that can touch and feel and taste you?"

"Lauren I-I don't know, but I'm not taking you away from your dreams. You have a performance that you have to focus on. I…"Bo sighed lowering her head. "I never should've came to you."

"What? "Lauren croaked. She felt her stomach drop at the guilty words. "What do you mean?"

"We...we can't be together. I'm sorry." Bo looked into Lauren's worried eyes when she felt calloused hands slip from her fingers. Even with the stinging in her chest, she refused to take the words back. Lauren was meant to do great things. She wouldn't dim the light of those dreams with her shadow. "It was just enough for me to be around you, but this is going too fast. You're not thinking clearly, Lauren."

Lauren frowned tilting her head. "Stop trying to tell me what I think or not. You think something's wrong with me? You think I'm not in my right mind." A humorless chuckle fell from her lips as she got off her bed.

"That's not what I'm saying. That would be crazy for me to even say that. I'm not even alive anymore!" She watched Lauren flinch at the words. Bo looked away licking her lips before continuing. "Let's just...rein the horses in a bit. I don't know-just focus on you living your dream."

"I know what my dream is Bo. And it's to be happy, to be...in love. The cello...the cello is my passion, but it cant keep me warm at night."

"Neither can I Lauren. Not really. Not like you deserve."

Lauren crossed her arms as she stood in the middle of her room. Faint noises was heard from the kitchen. Jade must be up. "Let's see if Jade can see you or if I'm really going crazy."

"Lauren don-"

"Jade!" Lauren shouted over her shoulder. Her door was closed but she knew her voice carried to where Jade was. She would see how crazy she really was. Bo just shook her head at Lauren, Her brown eyes pleading Lauren not to do this.

"Lauren don't do this"

"Laur did you call me? "Jade knocked on the door.

"Yeah, come in."

Jade opened the door with a smile before rubbing her forehead, her eyes narrowed. "Is everything okay? What you staring at?" Jade shoulder brushed against Lauren's as she looked around the room trying to figure out what was up. Lauren was starting to freak her out.

Lauren clenched her hands, shaking her head as she stared at Bo. The brunette just stared at her hands, a curtain of dark hair obscuring her features.

She couldn't believe this, she had gone crazy.

"You okay Lauren?" Jade rubbed her shoulder. "You're just standing in the middle of your room staring at the wall. You look like you seen a ghost or something."

Lauren laughed heartily and Bo winced. The chuckles fell into weak heavy awkward sighs that sounded like the beginning of a sob. She felt Jade arms surround her body. Lauren clung to her roommate with every ounce of strength she had.

Bo felt real to her, she could feel her skin tremble under her fingers, tasted the saltiness of her flesh on her tongue.

What was the difference in the end?

"It's okay Lauren. Ssssshh. It's okay." Jade rubbed her back. Her heart hurt watching Lauren break down. "You're under too much stress. I can't wait until you're done with this performance. I know the mentors have to be total assholes right now to you. But I promise everything is going to okay. You're the most talented cellist I ever met. You're gonna rock that performance and get the accolade you deserve."

Lauren looked over Jade shoulder to see no one there. Bo had left. The heaviness in her chest only made her cry more.

For some reason it felt like goodbye.

Lauren sighed shaking the thoughts away. Everything had went to shit. The days before performance was a living hell. She was restless and worried and fearful for so many reasons. All the emotions piled in her brain causing her migraines. She couldn't sleep even if she wanted to.

All the pressure had built into a time bomb ticking away in her brain that was waiting to explode. Life moved in slow motion. Her mentors were harder on her as the days inched closer to the performance. Every practice session was harder than the next as they meticulously went over the selection of music she would play.

Lauren wasn't naïve; she knew they were rooting for her to make a great impression and win the hearts of everyone in attendance. Especially if she had any chance of playing for a world renowned symphony and making Juilliard look just a bit more prestigious.

And when performance night came Jade cheered her on from the crowd. Her performance brought tears to her eyes as she played the piece. It was a ballad for Bo. Her lost lover. She casually looking in the dim crowd hoping to see the familiar face, the dark brunette with beautiful brown eyes.

But she was only met with nameless faces barely distinguishable over the blinding lights. The pain stung, but her fingers continued to master the cello stroke after stroke, while the audience watched in awe. Her fingers blistered, yet she didn't care. The pain reminded her this was reality.

A standing ovation sounded in the hall when the last note sounded. Afterwards she was introduced to composers that eagerly shook her hand and complimented her on the flawless evoking performance. They adored the palpable ache that cloaked her like a shield. They felt the longing in every note. The yearning in the silence.

All she felt was alone.

"Where are you? Come out you fucking coward! Come out and face me like a woman!" Lauren shrieked kicking the glass on the floor with her boot. She fell to the ground exhausted, and groaned when the tiny pieces of glass pelted her knees. The pain was welcomed, anything to take the focus off of the steady stabbing in her chest.

Her heart was breaking, her world was spinning out of control but she was helpless to fight the rapid changes. She couldn't even begin to process what was going on. Everything felt like it was disappearing, her reality was slipping through her fingers.

"I d-don't want to be this way anymore. It's killing me." Lauren felt the rush of tears cloud her vision as she the cries shook her body.

Nobody wants you Lauren. Nobody. Everyone always leave you. They only want you for your gift and even then they don't appreciate you. How can they appreciate you? How can they? How?

She shook the thoughts from her head. Her shoulders slumped as she laid on the wall, her legs stretched out before her. She felt resolve come to her, yet her limbs felt heavy, stagnant. Her heartbeat raced as she picked up a narrow piece of glass and held it tightly in her hand. She pressed the sharp edge against her wrist, the small veins protruding from under skin.

Her tiny bit of happiness abandoned her. Even her cello couldn't fill the emptiness that was suffocating her.

She gritted her teeth as the blade cut into her skin giving way to the blood fast that began to rush out like a leaky faucet. She repeated the process to the other wrist.

Her hands felt weak, she couldn't even hold grip the glass anymore. It just fell next to her on the floor. Where two tiny pools of blood was growing.

'A litte more blood to decorate the apartment.' Lauren thought morosely.

"Oh god. Fuck! Don't fucking do this Lauren please! Just stop alright! Stop it! I'm not gonna let you do this!" Bo quickly materialized from thin air. She rushed to where Lauren was slumped. She kicked the bloody broken shards of glass away before kneeling on her jean clad knees gripping Lauren's gashed wrists. The blood was falling from her wrists too fast.

'She must've sliced through a major artery' Bo thought frantically.

She felt Lauren's eyes on her hands as she stared at the slick blood between her trembling fingers. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Are you crazy!?" The heat sunk between her ghostly body.

Car horns and sirens blared through the open window from the street below. She always meant to fix that window. Now Bo hated it; it combated with the sound of every precious breath Lauren took.

Her body was slumped like a rag doll against the wall, her chest breaths drawn-out wheezes escaping her dry lips. Yellow police tape laid cut by the door on the dirty floorboards.

Bo was only mildly surprised the landlord or local police hadn't made any changes to the crime scene. Everything was how she remembered it, the living room was trashed exactly when she took her last breaths here at the hands of Kyle.

And now Lauren was trying to do the same.

"Yeah I am crazy. Obviously I am! I'm talking to a ghost." Lauren narrowed her eyes, wrenching her slippery wrists away from Bo's grasp.

"I'm sorry" Bo's eyes got wide, as she inched her hands closer to Lauren like she trying not to startle a wild animal. Her bloody fingers held Laurens once more. Applying pressure to the mortal wounds." I didn't mean that, I love you, you're not crazy. You're not. " Bo shook her head as she cried as a feeling of hopelessness fell heavy on her shoulders. "This is all my fault. I-I should've never left. I was just wanted you to be happy. I c-can't make you happy. I can't give you w-what you deserve. You don't deserve this Lauren. Please call Jade. Please." Bo pleaded staring into Lauren's glassy eyes.

"You don't under…stand, Bo." Lauren swallowed, closing her dim eyes for a second; she could feel tiny pricks of glass underneath her pinch through her clothes. "I just want…to be free. I don't wanna do this anymore. Reaching for some faraway concept of perfection. It just left me so broken. With all the notoriety in the world, I still feel empty... Did what we have true at all or was it just my imagination? I don't know what's real anymore."

"Yes, what we have is real." Bo sullen eyes stared deep into Lauren's to try convince her. She could see Lauren's focus wane, her head begin to lull. "But please don't do this." Bo caressed her face with a shaky hand. she winced seeing the blood mar her alabaster flesh.

"I can't. I can try and-and get you help. I know…if-if I try hard enough I can do it. I have to! I can't watch you die. You can't ask me do to this." Bo sobbed, her words blurring together as she collapsed clenching Lauren's shirt with a guttural wail. Her heart was breaking with every slow heartbeat beneath her. She just held her feeling Laurens grow colder, her limbs becoming more slacken. Bo could practically feel Lauren's eyes start to shutter, fighting to stay open.

Since being dead she couldn't feel the elements. Only vaguely did could she recall being alive anymore. Time moved so differently to her now. But she felt Lauren's heat seep out of the holes of her wrists. A lump was lodged in her throat. She didn't want Lauren to know that sensation, that emptiness. Even if she could spend eternity with her in the void because of it she would gladly mend every ache and hurt Lauren felt.

Lauren was her light. It would be too selfish.

"I'll be right back. I gotta get you help." Bo barely moved before Lauren's weight shifted in a frantic way. She cut her eyes back to blonde for fear what would come out of her mouth. Her skin was growing pale and cold.

"Don't leave. Just… stay with me…please. Just stay until I fall asleep. I'm so tired." Lauren whispered. A tired smile on her clammy face. Clumps of blonde hair fell across her brow to hang over her nose. Puffs of air moved the strands. "Just stay. Just hold me."

With a grimace, Bo nodded with tears falling from her big brown eyes. Her beautiful angel. She pulled Lauren into her lap, her head laid on her thighs.

The puddle of blood stretched farther on the littered floorboards, staining the brown couch cushions and their clothes. With every passing moment, every labored breath taken Bo grew anxious. Felt like she wanted to jump out of her skin.

"It's okay." Lauren smiled lazily, her empty eyes stared at Bo. She lifted her red hand to Bo's face, her thumb caressed the wet cheek. "Everything's going to be alright."

Bo felt Lauren's hand drop, plopping on the ground with a thud. Her chest was still. Sobs wrecked Bo's body as she squeezed Lauren's body close to her own. Their clothes sticky and dirty with tears, blood and dirt.

She ran her fingers through Lauren's blonde hair, her fingers staining the golden strands. She kissed her lips before closing her lifeless eyes, leaving streaks of blood on her closed eyelids. "I'm sorry I did this to you. But I'll find you, I promise." Bo whispered. The ambient outside noise fought with her quiet words. "I promise" She whispered before she vanished from the room.

FIN