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I immediately went back into avoidance mode. I left the house early and didn't come back until well into the evening, but it was all easily explained with my new course load. I wanted to apologize to Bella for my boorish behavior, but I thought it best to stay away for now. I simply didn't trust myself around her.

But running into her was inevitable. I would greet her politely when it happened, and then disappear into my room. Still, I was reminded of her in small ways every day, whether it was her car in the garage, the apples Dad and I never enjoyed suddenly appearing in our fruit bowl, or the small pair of sneakers that were always sitting in the front foyer; I was simply never free of her. And I wasn't sure I wanted to be. Which was the crux of my problem.

I had decided to add a biology major in addition music; it would make my father happy and I had always had an interest in the sciences. My father was ecstatic when I told him and I was sure he was convinced that I would some day see the error of my ways and follow in his footsteps. I doubted it, but I was starting to see the wisdom in having a back up plan.

I had been having trouble composing ever since I came home from Chicago and it was making me deeply unhappy. I could have blamed it on my load of bio classes, but it was more than that. I was struggling to get the music out on a daily basis and the things that usually kick-started my creative process were failing miserably. I was able to begin a new composition but the end was eluding me, only adding to my frustration.

Since I had been spending most of my time on campus playing, I thought maybe I would try at home. I knew no one would bother me in my music room and I was becoming desperate; It was already over seven weeks into the semester and I had yet to produce anything new. If nothing else, I welcomed the change of scenery.

I went home late, as usual, but instead of going to my room, I sat at my piano and played. Nothing new came to me, but I somehow enjoyed playing more than I had in a while.

When I stopped much later, I was tired, but optimistic that perhaps a change in venue was all I needed.

"That was beautiful."

I put a hand to my heart, willing it to stop beating so violently, and turned to find Bella standing in the doorway to the music room. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"I was already awake and I heard you playing but I couldn't really hear it, so I wanted to get closer."

"I'm sorry for disturbing you," I said, glancing at my watch and turning back to the piano. "It's so late. I had no idea. Dad usually sleeps right through it."

"It's really okay, I wasn't sleeping," she said softly from behind me. "What were you playing?"

"Something I wrote a long time ago," I said, my back still turned to her.

"You...wrote that?" she asked, a hint of awe in her voice.

"I did."

She was closer. I could feel her moving toward me.

"I've never heard anything like it." She paused briefly, sitting next to me on the bench, her legs over the opposite side. "I tried, you know. To get Carlisle to change his mind about your music. He wouldn't listen to me. Your mother, though..."

"I think that had more to do with me than with you," I said, trying to assure her. Her head was down and she was twisting the belt to her robe around her hand. "They've both known me longer than you have. I'm sure that's the only reason she was more persuasive."

"Maybe," she said softly before taking a deep breath. "Will you play something else for me?"

"Sure," I said, straightening my back and placing my fingers back on the keys.

I played the song I couldn't find an ending to, hoping against hope that maybe she would help me find it. As I played, instead of becoming less aware of my surroundings, as usually happened, I became hyper-aware of her presence. My head was swimming and my body was tense as my fingers flew across the keys.

The music ended abruptly and I felt her jump next to me when I stopped. "Is that it?"

"It's new and it doesn't have an ending yet."

"Why not?"

I shook my head and looked down at the keys, my fingers absently playing notes.

"How do you want it to end?" she asked, giving me the impression that we weren't talking about the music anymore.

"What I want doesn't matter," I said softly, my eyes still on the keys. I hadn't looked at her yet, and didn't want to. It was just too much sometimes.

I felt more than saw her nod her head. "Will you play something else for me?"

I nodded and began to play a soft, melancholy tune that I'd been playing with greater frequency. Partly because it was a difficult piece, and partly because it matched my mood.

When I finished, I noticed she was crying softly next to me.

"I'm sorry," I said softly, my arms twitching with the need to reach out and comfort her. But I didn't.

"Me too" she said, getting up abruptly and leaving the room.

I watched her go and continued playing long into the night.

I called Jasper the next day to meet me for coffee. I needed to talk to someone, and no matter his reaction, he had been my friend since we were in diapers and he wouldn't judge me too harshly. I hoped.

But now that he was sitting here with me, coffees ordered and sitting in front of us, I didn't know what to say.

"Come on, man. I know something's been up with you. What is it?"

I ran my hand through my hair and rested my elbow on the table. "Fuck... I don't know what to say."

"Is it that bad?"

"It's just..." I couldn't make myself say the words. Hell, I didn't even know what the words were. So I just blurted it out, hoping he would help me make sense of it. "It's Bella."

His eyes narrowed and he stared at me for a minute before his face relaxed. "Oh, shit. You're kidding me," he said, shaking his head.

"I wish I was."

"Has anything happened?"

"Nah, nothing worth mentioning, anyway. But it's...there, and I don't know what to do about it."

"It's there for who?" he asked, eying me speculatively.

"Fuck, I don't know. I definitely feel it, and sometimes I think she does too."

"Are you sure you're not seeing something that isn't there? You're attracted to her, right?" I gave the barest nod of my head. "I get that, but are you positive she feels the same way about you? I'm not trying to be an asshole here, but this is a big deal and you need to make sure you don't fuck up."

"I know that!" I exclaimed, a frustrated hand in my hair. "That's why I'm here talking to you. It feels so fucking wrong, but it won't go away, no matter how much time I spend hiding."

"So, what? You want to bang her?" he asked, taking a sip from his cup.

My eyes flashed to him and my jaw clenched angrily. He held up his hand and put his cup down. "Whoa, calm down," he said calmly. "You're not exactly being clear. I was just asking."

I relaxed a bit and sat back in my seat, rubbing my hand across my face.

"So what then?"

"I don't know," I groaned.

"But it's more than wanting to fuck her?"

"I don't know," I repeated.

"Dude, I just asked you if you wanted to bang her and you looked at me like you wanted to kill me where I sat. So maybe you don't know, but maybe you do."

I groaned and put my head in my hands.

And then of all things, I heard her voice. I looked up and there she was, standing with a tall blond woman at the counter, ordering a coffee. Regular, milk, no sugar.

Jasper followed my gaze and whistled lowly when he saw her.

"How's that for coincidence," he said, turning back to me, his elbows on the table. "You want to go somewhere else?"

"No. Yes. I don't know," I said, tearing my eyes away from Bella.

"Listen to you. You are confused."

"I told you!"

And that's when Bella noticed me; I felt her gaze on me and looked up quickly. She seemed shaken but when our eyes met she smiled tentatively at me before the blonde occupied her attention.

I looked back down and cursed softly under my breath.

"You have it bad, my friend," Jasper whispered.

"I know."

"Edward?"

I looked up and Bella was standing there with her friend, coffees in their hands. Seeing her here made me feel strangely warm and gave me a pleasant feeling in my stomach.

"Hey, Bella," I said, my face red and my voice barely above a whisper.

"This is my sister, Rosalie. Rosalie, this is Carlisle's son, Edward," she introduced calmly.

"Hey," I said, standing up and putting out my hand. "It's nice to meet you." Standing meant I was closer to Bella and I felt her body tense as I got nearer. As for my body, I think it was as confused as my mind.

"You too, Edward," she said, taking my hand and eyeing me curiously, as if I were an exhibit in a museum. She was very pretty, and her ice blue eyes had a depth that seemed to convey she knew much more than her outward appearance would suggest.

I released her hand and introduced Jasper to Rosalie before sitting back down. "Would you like to join us?" I offered.

"No, thank you," Rosalie said quickly. "I need some alone time with my sister if that's all right with you."

"Of course."

We all said our farewells and they took a table across the room, making me feel Bella's absence immediately.

When I turned back to Jasper, he had a sympathetic look on his face, which just made me feel worse.

"You're fucked. You should have seen your face."

"Fuck, what am I going to do?" I asked, burying my head in my arms.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"You weren't wrong."

"About what?" I asked, lifting my head and looking at him.

"There's something there. For both of you."

"I don't know if that makes me feel better or much, much worse." My stomach hurt and I wanted to lie down. Because as intrigued as I was by what Jasper said, she was still married to my father. So much of me wanted to run over to her and touch her the way I longed to. But the stronger part of me knew that it was wrong and would destroy so many lives and relationships that it would never be worth it.

I just didn't trust that part to stay stronger forever.

"I gotta go, but I'll be out of class in two hours. You want to do something later?"

"Yeah, call me after class," I said, grasping his hand across the table. "And thanks."

"No problem," he said, releasing my hand and standing. "I don't have a good answer for you, dude. Just try to keep this to yourself for now, okay? We'll talk more later."

"Yeah, okay."

I sat there for a few more minutes with my head down before I didn't have the will to not look at her anymore. When I picked up my head, she and her sister were hugging, and Bella looked like she was crying, which made me sit straight up in my seat.

I watched as Rosalie threw a glance my way and then left quickly through the front door.

Bella was alone.

She wiped her cheeks and then without looking in my direction, turned and made her way toward the back of the cafe.

Without thinking about it, I followed her.

She was standing just outside the ladies room, leaning against the wall, her head in her hands.

"Bella?" I asked softly, approaching her slowly.

Her head shot up and she looked at me, her eyes bloodshot and a hopeless look on her face. I didn't know what was making her sad or what to do, I only knew that I had to do something.

"What happened?" I whispered, finally reaching her and putting a tentative hand on her shoulder.

When she looked up at me with huge red rimmed eyes and leaned into me, I took that as my cue. I pulled her gently to me and wrapped my arms around her, and after a brief moment of stiffness, she relaxed into my embrace and began to cry in earnest. It was the first time we really touched and despite wanting to only offer comfort, I was powerless to prevent my body's reaction to her. She was soft and warm and her breath on my neck made me shiver. My heart was pounding, my stomach was doing flip-flops, and I loved how she made me feel.

I wished I knew what was making her so sad, but she wasn't talking so I stood there and held her, kissing the top of her head and running a hand soothingly up and down her back. This comforting thing was new to me, but I found that I liked it, even though Bella was upset. Comforting her made me feel strong and wanted in a way I never had before.

"I'm sorry," she said, pulling away from me and sniffling.

"It's okay," I said, reluctant to take my hands off of her. "What happened?"

"Nothing," she said dismissively.

I arched an eyebrow and the barest hint of a smile graced her pretty face. "Okay, nothing I want to talk about," she said, suddenly serious. "I just...I'm fine, Edward. I'm sorry you had to see this."

"But –"

"Really," she interrupted, her voice as cold as ice. "Thank you. I'll see you at home."

She turned and walked into the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind her.

I stood there for a moment, stunned at the sudden turn of events, before walking slowly from the hallway and out the front door of the coffee shop.

The fine ladies at the PPSS wrote a lovely review of this story. I'm humbled by their kind words. http : / www . pervpackssmutshack . com/ 2011 /05 / team-angst-is-constantly-changing-team . html?zx=ecf71a3a39140b82 (remove the spaces to follow the link)

Thanks for sticking with me and for all of your kind reviews.

One more chapter to go. It should post on Friday. It's written, but I may get itchy editing fingers – I'll do my best.