Chapter 10

'Dawson shouldn't be shouting at her,' Pacey growled striding up and down in front of the TV.

'He must be shocked,' Jen pointed out carefully.

'Yeah, well, she's pregnant and he needs to be careful with her.'

'Sit down man. You're wearing a hole in the floor,' Jack looked pointedly at the empty armchair where Pacey reluctantly sat himself continuing to tap his foot anxiously.

'She'll be ok. Joey's a feisty girl, you know better than anyone that she can give as good as she gets. Dawson might have some strange bizarre hold on her but she's stood up to him before,' Jen tried to reassure Pacey, as the door to Joey's bedroom burst open and Dawson stormed out, his mouth set in a thin angry line, and his eyes full of tears as he ran down the stairs. 'Are you ok?' Jen couldn't stop the question slipping from her mouth. She'd never seen Dawson look so possessed.

'I'm leaving,' the words were almost a curse. 'I'm going to Capeside.'

'Is that a good idea? You don't look like you should be going anywhere,' Jack attempted as Pacey headed for the stairs and Joey.

'Just leave me the hell alone, all of you. I'm going out,' he yelled and grabbing his coat headed out into the brisk winter night.

Pacey didn't need to knock on Joey's door for it stood open from Dawson's sharp exit. Peering nervously inside, he wondered how she would respond to him. Upon seeing Dawson's fury he felt the swirling sensation of anxiety in his stomach as he debated whether he'd done the right thing or not. He knew that it wasn't right to betray Joey as he had, but the situation between her and Dawson needed to be sorted so they could move on with their lives. As much as Joey wanted to protect Dawson, Pacey knew that his friend would rather be a father to his child than live in blissful ignorance.

Looking into the room Pacey was surprised to see Joey sitting straight backed on the edge of her bed, still in her uniform, her dark hair a tangle of curls around her shoulders. What scared him was his inability to read the expression on her face, if he could term the blankness there an expression. He stepped cautiously into the room, knowing he deserved whatever curses she might deign to give him.

'Hey Jo,' he said softly sitting down beside her.

'Hey Pace,' the words came out as a breath.

'So I take it the news didn't go down that well,' he asked gently and cautiously took hold of her hand to stop it twisting together anxiously with her other hand. For a moment she stared at where his hand held hers then looked at him and smiled slightly, her eyes flashing with typical Potter spirit. She was making him nervous. He was expecting anger and she was looking at him as if everything were completely normal.

'I would definitely say LA has made that boy more self-centred. I mean, I know I can be a little self-orientated but I'm pregnant and supposed to be. Whereas Dawson, you know it took him a full five minutes to notice my stomach?' she flashed a huge smile at Pacey.

'Really?' he touched her stomach affectionately, feeling relief flood him at her passivity, although warning bells were ringing somewhere distant.

'And in this? My least flattering outfit! Whoever designed these uniforms did not have pregnancy in mind!' she fiddled with the blue material.

'So what did you talk about for five minutes?' Pacey asked and Joey rolled her eyes. 'His movie?' Pacey's eyebrows shot up. 'You've got to be kidding me?'

'Nope. Just wait till we see it,' Joey said in a silly voice that sounded nothing like Dawson.

'That guy! So did you bring it to his attention?' Pacey threaded his fingers through hers, allowing his thumb to subtly stroke the skin on the back of her hand.

'Well eventually he looked at me, I mean really looked at me and asked me all tactful like whether I'd put on a little weight,' Joey actually laughed and at the sound Pacey chuckled. Her laughter had always been contagious.

'And you said?'

'I told him that he was very bold to ask any girl a question like that, even if he has known me forever...and of course that made him suspicious and so I told him.'

'Not very happy?' Pacey asked knowing the answer but wanting more of an explanation for Dawson's rage.

'He was hurt I hadn't told him, hurt in lots of ways,' Joey sighed deeply, the first real impact of his reaction showing itself in her demeanour.

'He'll come round Jo, he loves you.'

'Is that why you flew him over here?' she asked arching her brows, the coolness that had been in her tone all along suddenly audible to his ears, along with much louder alarm bells. 'So Dawson and I could sort everything out and I'd be off your hands? He and I could walk off into the sunset together? Is that what you want?'

'I well, I wanted you guys to sort things,' he began hesitantly. 'Not get back together, you have to know I don't want that...well unless you want that, then I guess I'd want that, and the baby...I guess maybe if it was with its dad...but that would only work if you were happy...I just though if you and he cleared the air, sorted things, you'd be happier...'

'Did you now?' she wasn't masking her anger anymore and Pacey wondered how foolish he'd been to be deceived by the casualness of her approach.

'Well with the baby and everything, and you, you're so stubborn, you know that? What was I supposed to do? I want you to be happy.'

'My happiness is not your responsibility,' she shot at him coldly, snatching her hand from his where he was gripping her in an attempt to hang onto her.

'But I want you to be happy,' he attempted.

'Well done! I'm deliriously happy,' she muttered sarcastically.

'Look Jo, I just thought...' he attempted again.

'You thought? You just thought? I don't think you thought at all. The audacity, the complete and utter disregard. I asked you not to tell Dawson and I had my reasons, but you had your assumptions.'

'What assumptions?' Pacey was getting mad now. 'Jeez Jo, the guy has a right to know. He's your best friend if nothing else. You think you're protecting him but you're not,' they'd ending up standing face to face, both furious.

'But I'm not protecting him from what you think you I am you stupid boy,' she growled, her voice dangerously low.

'So what are you protecting him from Jo?' Pacey bristled at her stupid boy remark.

'What gave you the right to waltz into the situation between Dawson and I and think that you knew better? What made you think that I wasn't handling it on my own? I can't believe you Pacey. I thought we were becoming friends...'

'Becoming friends?' he repeated with an utterly wounded look.

'Yeah, and I guess since we were only becoming friends we should forget all about it, because what you did shows that you don't know me at all.'

'You're going to have to help me out here Jo, because I don't get why what I did that was so wrong. I know I went about it all wrong but you guys getting together needed to happen, he did need to know,' Pacey emphasised each word, feeling guilty for shouting but misunderstood at the same time.

'Just leave me the hell alone Pace. I told you months ago I could do this alone and I will,' she shouted pushing him from her room, tears coursing down her cheeks, too upset to be rational anymore.

'So how is she?' Jen jumped up as Pacey came down the stairs looking pale and upset.

'She hates me,' Pacey was distracted, trying to think of something to make her forgive him.

'She'll calm down,' Jack attempted.

'Joey Potter and calm aren't exactly synonymous,' Pacey pointed out.

'Let Jen talk to her, we need to think what we do about Dawson,' Jack urged him.

'Right now I couldn't give a damn about Dawson,' Pacey frowned, deeply troubled.

'It's late and he's alone out there,' Jack told him quietly.

'He'll be back,' Pacey assured them both.

'How can you be so sure?'

'He left his movie here and the mother to his child,' Pacey added the latter reluctantly.

'Pacey, you don't think that maybe someone else might be the baby's dad? I mean it would explain Joey's reluctance to see Dawson...' Jen asked slowly and hesitantly.

'I um,' Pacey gulped at the unexpected question and searching look.

'Like who's!? Of course it's Dawsons. They've been together forever. When would there be a chance for another interaction?' Jack asked looking between Pacey and Jen.

'Pacey?' Jen asked.

'Well, I...'

'What's going on?' Jack stared at Pacey his mouth slightly open.

'So is there anyone else has she been with?' Jen looked pointedly at Pacey knowing without being told.

'She told you,' Pacey stated.

'Actually you just did,' Jen smiled easily. 'So could you be the dad?'

'June the math doesn't add up, it's like a month out,' Pacey shrugged sadly.

'That sucks,' Jack patted his back.

'So why is Dawson so pissed?' Jen asked.

'Probably because she's rained on his parade,' Pacey shrugged. 'She won't move west and if he wants to be near the kid, well then he'll have to move here.'

'Dawson can be really self-centred,' Jack frowned.

'But he's our friend and one of us should go find him,' Pacey admitted at length really not wanting to leave in case Joey decided she wanted to talk to him.

'I'll go,' Jack stated unexpectedly. 'Given how much it's snowing out there I doubt he's gone further than Hells Kitchen. Jen can talk to Joey and Pacey you should come with me.'

'But what if she wants to talk?'

'Then you'll talk later. I'll look after her, ok?' Jen stared at Pacey until he nodded.

'I got you a whiskey,' Pacey shoved the dark liquid in front of Dawson who sat glowering at a corner table, as he and Jack slipped into seats.

'Hmm.'

'And clearly you need it,' Pacey nodded.

'And what do you know?' Dawson spat out leaning back in his chair eyeing the drink.

'I know you're upset and you're hurt,' Pacey began, wondering what sick sadomasochism was possessing him that had him trying to talk Dawson into reason.

'I don't think you have a clue about any of it, I mean what were you all trying to prove? You keep something like that from me and then bring me here to surprise me?' Dawson spluttered through his anger and hurt.

'Joey was worried about telling you,' Jack put in.

'Oh and I wonder why,' Dawson was scathing.

'Ok, so it's not ideal but this is Joey - you were together forever and you're soul mates or so you say. Surely you can work something out?' Pacey beseeched and Dawson laughed a bitter laugh that cut straight through his two friends.

'Yeah we were together forever, huh?' he asked.

'Yeah so now you can surely be parents together, even if just as friends?'

'You don't get it do you?' he shook his head in frustration. 'You two think it's all so simple. She cheated on me! She had to have cheated on me,' Dawson threw the drink into the back of his mouth ignoring his friends stunned expressions.

'How can you be so sure?'

'You want to know how?' he chuckled sardonically. 'The whole time we were together she wasn't ready or I wasn't. We weren't ready. We never had sex, we never even came close,' Dawson ran his hands through his hair.

'Oh!' Pacey and Jack exchanged a look, Pacey suddenly feeling sick to his stomach.

'You guys know who,' Dawson accused, eyes blazing. 'Do you know who she cheated on me with?' he asked more insistently reading something in their shared look.

'She didn't cheat,' Pacey defended.

'What do you mean didn't cheat? She slept with another guy! How is that not cheating?'

'You'd broken up with her, at least I think?' Pacey looked at Jack who shrugged. It didn't make sense for it to be Pacey, unless Joey was lying about the due date. However Pacey had been there at the appointment. Which meant either Joey had slept with two guys and didn't know who the father was, or knew full well it was Pacey and wasn't telling him for some reason.

'Who was it?' Dawson insisted again.

'I don't know,' Jack answered honestly and Dawson turned to Pacey.

'You'll have to ask her man,' Pacey shrugged hoping he wasn't as red as he felt.

'I did.'

'And what did she say?'

'She wouldn't tell me. She was furious.'

'That's because we thought you were the father, that's why we forced you here,' Pacey admitted.

'Well, I'm not,' he muttered feeling the sting of tears in his eyes. Pacey felt a similar sting in his as the possibility of becoming a father to Joey's baby crossed his mind making him feel relieved and scared all at once.

'Hey Jo,' Jen said quietly entering her friends room, where Joey was sat cross legged on her bed sorting through a pile of baby clothes she'd bought at a charity shop and those Bessie had sent to her.

'Hello,' she muttered darkly.

'How you doing?'

'How do you think I'm doing?' Joey turned her tear stained face to Jen.

'Do you want to talk?'

'Were you in on it?' Joey asked, her mouth set, her eyes boring into Jens.

'Yes I was,' she admitted. 'It was Pacey's idea but we were all in on it.'

'Right,' Joey turned back to the baby clothes.

'Look Joey, you can be just as mad as you want to be. I can understand why. In fact we can all understand why you're mad and we knew that it would be a consequence of our actions, but we thought you sorting things with Dawson was more important than our friendships.'

'Why is it so important to everyone that Dawson and I retain our friendship? If it really is that important to you all, you sure screwed it up because now he won't speak to me and I was going to tell him you know,' Joey spat out.

'What? When the baby was born? When you saw him in spring? When were you going to tell him? '

'When I saw him, when I'd sorted things out.'

'But what did you have to sort out?' Jen knew she was pushing. She wanted to push.

'God Jen,' Joey threw the clothes on the floor in frustration. 'What is with everyone trying to sort my life out for me? I didn't ask for it. I just wanted to do my own thing in my own time.'

'It's only because we love you,' Jen sat down next to her, wrapping her in a hug.

'I've made such a mess of everything. It's all such a mess,' Joey leant into Jen, suddenly grateful for the support she had spurned only moments earlier.

'Tell me Joey, see if we can't work something out,' Jen soothed.

'I screwed it all up at first when I found out I was pregnant. I was so gutted and I hated myself so much for letting myself get in that situation. Dawson and I were together then and god...'

'Just tell me Jo,' Jen said firmly.

'Well, that tequila night?' Joey began and Jen nodded knowing what was coming already. 'Pacey and I took things to far, in fact further than I've ever gone with anyone, including Dawson. So when I found out I knew I had to finish things with Dawson. The boy I was so in love with, the boy I thought I was going to marry? Suddenly I realized I'd gotten it all wrong. How could Dawson be my soul mate when I was having Pacey's baby? How could Dawson be my destiny when we were together for two years and we never came close to sleeping with each other and yet in one night I went from hating Pacey to having sex with him? How could fate be leading me up the aisle to Dawson when through all of this Pacey has been the one who's there for me?'

'You love him don't you?' Jen asked and they both knew who she meant, as Joey nodded mutely.

'But I didn't back then. Back then he was just my friend, the doofus I exchanged insults with and yeah, I liked him but I, well he was just my best enemy,' Joey pleaded with Jen to understand.

'There was a chemistry between you both and you loved to fight with him almost as much as you loved to love Dawson?' Jen attempted.

'I probably preferred it,' Joey admitted.

'But you weren't in love with him,' Jen countered.

'No. Then he left a couple of days later and I was in love with Dawson or so I thought. Now that I feel this way about Pacey, since we've been spending so much time together, well I don't know what it was I had with Dawson, maybe comfort? Friendship? History? I don't think it was love.'

'You and Pacey have a history too,' Jen reminded her softly.

'I know we do, I know but he'll never forgive me when I tell him,' Joey sighed deeply.

'Why didn't you tell him?' Jen asked.

'Well I found out a week before we came here and I was confused at first because of the problems I had, I bled in the first couple of months. I didn't know when I had fallen pregnant. I thought I was a month pregnant and I hadn't had sex except for with Pacey and it was so confusing...you have to remember I wasn't expecting this. I was with Dawson and Pacey was gone. Of course deep down I knew it was Pacey, I'm not that stupid, but I was confused, upset and completely overwhelmed.

But I knew that I had to finish with Dawson. It wasn't fair to him to be with him when the baby couldn't be his...'

'Are you sure? I mean were there any close calls with Dawson?'

'Dawson never even took off my underwear or went near it,' Joey stated.

'Oh.'

'So when I saw Pacey again I just freaked out. I didn't see how I could destroy his life, I mean we were just friends, no feelings. He'd been away for so long, all we had was a feisty friendship and one embarrassing night. He himself told me he wasn't mature enough to handle something like that.'

'And now?' Jen asked and Joey was glad for the millionth time that she and Jen were friends, that Jen could provide gentle coaxing questions to lead her through her story.

'Now? I love Dawson, but as a friend, and Pacey, I love him, and well, he's been the perfect father to be, without even knowing that was what he was, but I don't get why he's doing it? And I don't know how to tell him. I wanted Pacey to know before I told Dawson and somehow I could never manage to tell Pacey. I don't understand why he looks after me like he does, why he does everything in his power to make my life easier.'

'Really?' Jen couldn't quite manage to hide her surprise.

'Yeah,' Joey frowned slightly.

'Come on Jo he kissed you, why do you think he did that? In fact from what I've seen he can't stop touching you and he has that look permanently in his eyes that says he wants to kiss you. Why do you think that is?'

'Because he's a walking hormone?' Joey suggested hesitantly.

'Look, how you and Pacey feel about each other is for you two to figure out although you've said you love him and yet you hit him away from you when he kissed you, perhaps reducing his kiss to a hormonal impulse is a little unfair,' Jen told her.

'Fair point.'

'I think the real issue is telling him about the baby,' Jen prompted.

'But he'll hate me. How can I tell him now? After all these months? After letting him look after me without telling him. He'll hate me. I'd hate me. I keep trying to tell him. I pushed him away because I needed to tell him, and he went and kissed me making me freak out in typical Joey Potter fashion, and shout and stomp and do anything to distract from the way I'm feeling and the secret I'm trying desperately to share. And now, every time I'm with him I want to kiss him and we get so close, but then I just pull away because I hate the fact that I have this secret between us.'

'Just tell him. The sooner you do, the sooner you can deal with the consequences.'

'I know.'

'And Dawson?'

'I couldn't tell Dawson because he'd feel like his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend.'

'Jo, whether or not you tell Dawson and Pacey the truth or not, it'll still be Pacey's baby.'

'Whats that mean?' Joey raised teary eyes to meet Jens.

'It means that the truth isn't affected by whom you do and don't tell. Not telling Dawson doesn't change the fact that its happening and because he's a best friend you want to keep, you'll only do so by being completely honest. And Pacey? The truth is the thought has crossed his mind that the baby could be his, and you know Pacey. He may be angry, and he may shout, but he'll do his best to be a good dad and to support you.'

'But what if he doesn't forgive me?'

'He'll have to,' Jen said simply.

'Why?' Joey's question seemed to echo in the room.

'Because from the time that baby was conceived you and Pacey were linked together for the rest of your lives. You'll never drift apart again because you can't. You'll be forever linked and he'll have to forgive you so you can work together to be good parents.'

'Thank you Jen,' Joey hugged her close.

'Where did everyone go?' Joey looked hesitantly at Pacey who was sat on the couch listening to music and waiting to speak to her, a million questions on the tip of his tongue.

'Well Jack took Dawson back to Grams house.'

'Oh,' Joey sunk down onto the couch next to Pacey, resting her head against his shoulder, surprising him.

'You're speaking to me again?'

'Yeah, sorry for getting so mad. I don't condone what you did but I understand why you did it.'

'I am sorry.'

'That's ok, lets just forget it for now. So where did you find Dawson?

'Hells Kitchen,' Pacey told her.

'How did you know where he'd be? He stormed out pretty quick.'

'Hey it's Dawson, we're like brothers, spent so much time together we have this psychic connection,' Pacey bluffed.

'A psychic connection?'

'Yeah, right about now he's downing a stiff drink,' Pacey told her.

'Really?' Joey smiled disbelieving.

'Yeah, well, he acted like an asshole and now he's doing what every good Dawson does and is throwing a pity party.'

'Isn't that a little harsh?' Joey frowned, surprised by Pacey's attitude.

'Maybe, I just don't know where the guy gets off being such a jerk. It's not like you got into this situation by yourself. He needs to take responsibility. If it were me, well...'

'If it were you?' Joey prompted when he trailed off.

'Well I'd be really proud that you were my baby-mama,' Pacey shrugged embarrassed.

'Thanks Pace.'

'Any time Jo.' A comfortable silence fell between them, as Joey snuggled up against Paceys chest, not really thinking about what she was doing, but knowing that she felt safest tucked up against him.

'Did you know that the baby was a boy?' she asked softly after the long silence.

'You're having a boy?' Pacey looked at her stomach, wide eyed.

'I don't know about this baby,' she put a hand on her stomach, 'I meant the baby that died,' she bit her lower lip.

'He was a boy huh?' Pacey's tone softened and he wrapped an arm around her more firmly pressing a kiss to her head.

'Yeah, his heart, it had a problem, that's why he died. I never told you but I should have.'

'Nah, there's no should haves between us Jo. When you feel like talking you know I'm always here.'

'I know,' she snuggled even closer into the warmth of his chest pressing her lips to the space above his heart.

'Your little boy would have been an amazing kid,' he whispered.

'I think so,' she lowered her eyes, but then looked up at him, 'I did love him.'

'I know you did.'

'No you don't understand Pace. When I first found out I was pregnant I didn't want any of it. I felt like my life was over, like I'd screwed up beyond anything. I used to lie awake at night wishing my baby away,' she felt tears fill her eyes as she looked up into Pacey's sympathetic face.

'Jo sweetheart,' he pulled her closer.

'But when I found out about my little boy I, god, I loved him so much and I hated myself so much because I wished more than anything that he was still growing inside of me.'

'Joey you can't help how you felt, and that had no impact on what happened. The important thing is that you did love him. Sometimes love finds you when you aren't even looking. Just because you didn't know immediately how much you loved him doesn't make it any less real or any less deep. In fact sometimes it can make the love even stronger.'

'How do you do that?' she couldn't look away from him.

'Do what?' he felt so close to her.

'Always say the right thing?'

'It's just the truth Jo,' he whispered feeling the electric tug between them drawing his lips nearer to hers.

'You want to know something?' Joey shifted, breaking eye contact and putting some distance between them, changing the atmosphere.

'Sure?' Pacey tried not to feel hurt at the shift.

'I think the baby will come early,' she tried to smile.

'You do huh?'

'Yeah I do. I think around March, that's what I think.'

'And why do you think that? Thats would be like a month early,' Pacey frowned, his thoughts whirling, wondering just what she was trying to tell him especially after Dawson's admission.

'I well, I just do,' Joey suddenly wasn't smiling and her hands twisted in her lap.

'It'll be ok Jo,' Pacey tried to reassure her.

'Can we go get the things I need? Will you come with me?'

'Sure, a trip to a baby store!' he grinned like a kid, 'I'll be right at home.'

'True,' she smirked.

'But why the sudden feeling?' he pushed gently.

'I just, you know, get a feeling. Mothers do get feelings about these things!'

'And you want me to come shopping with you?' he asked carefully and she nodded. 'Because Dawson is still in town, and once he calms down I'm sure...'

'Pacey,' Joey protested, her face showing her disdain for the topic.

'You know, over in Hells Kitchen Dawson told us the strangest thing,' Pacey began watching her as she shifted position so she was looking straight ahead, her hands resting on her stomach, as her teeth bit into her bottom lip, her brow furrowed as she sat thinking deeply.

'Oh yeah?' she asked faintly.

'He seems to think you cheated on him because apparently, and I find this a little hard to believe, the two of you never even had sex,' he watched as tears pooled in her eyes but he was going to push the truth out of her if it killed him.

'Yeah?' she whispered the word.

'Apparently so,' Pacey let the implication hang between them.

'Pacey, I...' she began to stutter some sort of explanation but couldn't find the words.

'What? You knew it wasn't his but found it easier to let everyone assume it was?' Pacey asked, feeling fury come unbidden into him. It was a fury he hadn't even realised was there, but now it was dripping from every word he said.

He watched as she nodded.

'And what? Did you ask the doctor to make it a later due date just so I wouldn't know it was mine?' he threw the accusation at her.

'No Pacey, no I didn't. You were with me the whole time. She based it on size and my menstruations, but the baby was small because of all the problems after the other baby was gone, the one still alive could grow and about a month later she revised the due date by a month and...'

'You never told me, you just decided to not tell me,' he growled.

'I was trying to protect you,' she whispered and knew instantly she'd said the wrong thing.

'Protect me?' he scoffed. 'Give me a break here Jo. You were trying to protect yourself. You knew the baby was mine but you didn't want to share it with me, you didn't want to be tied to me forever and you didn't want to lose Dawson.'

'No that's not how it is,' she spluttered through tears.

'Admit it Joey, you were gutted when you found out you were pregnant because you were having my baby and not Dawsons,' he towered over her, so angry.

'Fine I was gutted,' the words shot out before she could stop them and she thought Pacey might explode, but instead he sunk to the couch as if she'd physically shot him.

'Of course,' he murmured. 'Of course you'd be gutted. I'm a screw up, an ass-hole and Dawson - he's the golden boy. Of course. But you should have told me,' he turned eyes on her, pleading, furious eyes.

'Pacey, listen to me,' Joey knelt down in front of him, wanting to comfort him.

'No, Joey. No,' he wanted to push her away, but her arms had snaked around him and she was holding his head close to her, running her small hands through his hair, placing soft butterfly kisses on his head. 'Joey no,' he tried to insist but wanted nothing more than to be held by her.

'Listen to me Pacey,' she spoke clearly, carefully and soothingly, she moved her hands to his face, holding it, forcing his eyes up to meet hers. 'When I realised I was pregnant I was gutted it was by you, and of course it was you. That night with you was the only time I ever had sex. But lets not forget how things were then,' she spoke in even tones, watching emotion after emotion flit across his blue eyes.

'Back then, you had been with Andie and I'd been with Dawson. We were friends that liked nothing more than to pretend we weren't. You called me prude and Ice queen more than Joey. I liked you Pacey, I did and I cared about you, but I was in love with Dawson. So yes, I was gutted that one night of drunken compassion and shared misery had changed my life so dramatically,' she paused letting the words sink in.

'Lets not forget either Pace, that you left for almost four months a couple of days later. I couldn't tell you even when I knew because I didn't know where you were. I got a couple of post cards, you've got to understand how that was for me - I was alone. Bessie would have killed me and Dawson, well it was nothing to do with him.'

'I get it,' he croaked not sure if he'd be able to cope with hearing any more.

'No Pacey you don't,' she insisted. 'I've been trying to tell you. I have. I've felt so bad accepting your help and support without you knowing. You've been there for me one hundred percent of the time and it wasn't even because of some misplaced sense of duty, you were there for me because you're a good person you're an amazing guy.'

'And because I care about you,' Pacey whispered.

'You've got to understand Pace, things are different now.'

'Different how?'

'I used to believe in fate and destiny and when I found out I was having your baby I thought it was a cruel trick but now? Now I'm glad there's no such thing. I don't think it was fate that you ended up being the one to look after me. I think it's because you're one of the most amazing guys I've ever met and I can't believe I missed out on knowing this side of you for so many years.'

'Really?' Pacey looked at her wide eyed.

'Really Pace. You're my best friend, the best friend I could ever have,' she whispered trying not to cry.

'Oh,' his face fell slightly. I thought you knew how I feel about you,' he told her.

'Pace, it's complicated. I don't think we should go there at this point,' she explained.

'That's fine. That's your decision,' he tried to brush it off, to be brave about it but he knew the hurt was written plainly in his eyes.

'Pacey, I'm really, really sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I know you're pretty mad about it, and I feel like I've deceived you. I promise that was never my intention. It was never my intention for you to feel something for me. It just wouldn't be a good idea to get involved in a new relationship when we're having a baby together. We need to focus on the baby and the relationship would fall apart before it even began,' she rushed the words.

'It's ok Jo. You don't have to feel the same. And I am mad and frustrated that you didn't tell me. I would have been at every appointment with you, you know that? I know you were trying to protect me...'

'And myself Pace, I needed to be strong and if you'd rejected me and the baby well, I...'

'I wouldn't have rejected you and you know that,' Pacey told her firmly.

'No you're right. I guess I was more worried that you'd want to be with me because of some sense of obligation,' she admitted.

'Jo, that's not what this is about,' he began.

'Look Pace, lets stick to the issue of the baby and leave the complexity of you and I out of it,' she pleaded softly, her face still close to his. He breathed deeply,

'Ok.'

'Thank you.'

'So what now?' he asked.

'Lets just carry on as we are. Things are ok.'

'Carry on with the way things were a week ago you mean?' he couldn't help but feel slightly bitter.

'Yeah, that's what I mean. Before you kissed me, before I kissed you. Lets keep it simple.'

'Forgive me for being cynical, but I just found out I'm going to be a dad to your child. It's not simple.'

'Please Pacey, please understand, please know that I...I... just can't deal with everything right now...'

'It's ok Jo,' Pacey felt suddenly guilty and he pulled her against him, hugging her tightly.

'I'm so sorry Pace. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I'm so sorry I messed everything up. I'm sorry, so sorry, I didnt mean to hurt you, I'm sorry,' she sobbed into his chest feeling so many emotions for the boy holding her close. 'I'm glad it's you Pace, I'm glad.'

'Me too Jo.'