Through the glass

When something like a soul becomes initialized

And folded up like paper dolls and little notes,

you cant expect a bitter folks, so while you're outside looking in,

describing what you see, remember what you're staring at is me.

Stone Sour – Through the glass

I wrapped the towel around my hair, flipped it backwards and wiped away some steam from the mirror then leaned against the counter. I looked at the face that stared back at me. The girl I saw in the mirror looked tired. She was mentally stressed and run down. She looked pitiful, and it made me want to cry knowing that the girl in the mirror was me.

I sighed pushing away from the sink and wrapped a towel around my body and looked over at the pile of clothes sitting in the corner. I hadn't planned on spending the night away from home, so the only clothes I had were the ones I wore last night. I scooped them up and gave them a nasty look. I hated having to put dirty clothes back on after I had showered, but I didn't have a choice, I couldn't go home naked.

I heard a light knock on the door before it slowly cracked open.

"Lana. You decent?" Criss asked from the other side of the door.

"Yea." I answered back. He poked his head through the crack before he opened the door completely and stepped into the bathroom. I looked at his hands and noticed he had some clothes.

"I know you don't have any clean clothes." He held them out to me, almost as if he read my mind. "They may be a little big, but I figured it would hold you over until you get home." So he was really going to just let me leave? So much for dreams coming true. I sighed heavily and took them from him.

"Thanks." I said with a little anger seeping through. "Yours?"

"Yea, that's all I have with me." He said.

"Thank you."

He gave me a light smile, turned on his heels and walked out the door, closing it behind him. I stood there for a moment lost in thought, I wanted to reach out to him and stop him from leaving the room, but it wouldn't make a difference. I didn't understand what he was doing. Why was he hanging around me if he obviously didn't think I was right for him?

And better yet, why was I still there for that matter? Why did I even care? It wasn't like me to let a guy make me feel like shit, so why was he any different? Because he was a celebrity? Hardly. He was a man, just like any other ordinary Joe out there with a penis. And just like any other guy, he had his bad side and could always find a way to piss me off. So why did I put up with it? Normally I would have walked away by now, but yet there I was, in his hotel bathroom, wearing his clothes. The more I got to know him, the harder it was to walk away. And there was no denying that from the moment I met him, there had been something that was bringing us together.

Flustered with myself, I mentally slapped the thoughts from my head. I needed to get out while I still could. I rummaged through the drawers looking for a brush. After going through five of the drawers I finally found one. I pulled it through my hair and styled it the way I wanted so it would dry. I took one last glance in the mirror before taking a deep breath and walking out of the bathroom.

Criss was laying on the bed, on top of the covers. His arms were folded under his head and he stared up at the ceiling. He was now fully dressed in a pair of Jeans, and a black hoodie.

I snatched my phone from the night stand and tried not to sound angry. "Ill just call a cab." I said and walked to the door.

"Lana, please," Criss pleaded quickly.

I hesitated by the door, my hand resting on the knob. "Criss," I lightly pressed my head against the door. "I'm really hung over and my head feels like its gonna explode. Do we have to do this now?" I mumbled into the door.

"So you're just going to run away then?" he snapped.

I sighed and turned around to face him. "Look, there's no point in doing this to ourselves. You think I'm not right for you, and I understand that, but please, lets just stop this before things get ugly."

"Is that what you think?" he snapped, pushing himself onto his elbows to look at me. "That you're not good enough for me? That's far from the truth."

"Then what is the truth?" I asked folding my arms across my chest. "Please, enlighten me! Whats going on in that brain of yours, cause I have no fucking clue!" I snapped, a little too harshly.

He sighed heavily and closed his eyes while he searched for the right thing to say. He took a deep breath and looked over at me, hesitating for a moment. "This is getting serious, isn't it Lana?"

"I think so." I whispered and looked down to the floor. "Does that worry you?" I mumbled, hoping that I was finally going to get some answers.

"No." he replied, "It scares the hell out of me." I snapped my eyes back to him, puzzled.

He sighed and looked to the ceiling. "I'm scared. Ive been dating one wrong woman after another, and suddenly, I'm with someone who could be right. Its frightening." My mouth fell open, how was I supposed to respond to that? I couldn't, I stood there, staring at him, the silence in the room was growing thick.

He got up from the bed and walked to me, pushing me tightly against the door with his body. "Please, don't run from this Lana."

"What this?" I asked a little breathless from his sudden presence. He lowered his head down so his lips were barely touching mine. So close that one slight move, and I could taste his tongue.

"Don't tell me you haven't felt it." he whispered against my lips. "From the very first time we met, there's been an unexplainable attraction between us, like some.. magnetic force, that's pulling us together. You can't tell me you haven't felt it too. I know you have."

"Yes." I whispered breathlessly.

He rested his forehead against mine. "I like you Lana. A lot more than I should."

"Then why do you keep pushing me away?" I asked softly.

"I'm not pushing you away." he looked up at me, staring into my eyes. "You need to know who I really am before we commit to this." he confessed.

"Criss, I know who you are?" I said, searching his eyes for some meaning behind his words.

"I don't want you to have the wrong impression of me. I'm not who you think I am."

"Criss, you don't know who I think you are." I said and placed my hands on each side of his face. He sighed and pushed away from me.

"I know you've heard things about me." he said as he began to pace back and forth. "People hear those things and they paint a picture of me, and that picture couldn't be further from the truth. I just don't want you to look at me the way the rest of the world does Lana." He stopped pacing and stopped in front of me. "I want you to know the real me, and make your decision from that."

"What decision?" I asked.

"Whether or not you want to be in a relationship with me. Me, not Criss Angel, but me."

I stepped to him and looked up at him. "Criss, I didn't think you were what the media said. I know better, most of the stuff you hear from them is not true, if there's any truth at all to what they say, then its a twisted version of the truth. But I already see the real you, and to be honest, the real you is so much better then the 'Criss Angel' you."

I smiled at him. "As for a relationship with you. I think with all thee obstacles we have to work around, that we should take it one day at a time."

I swore I heard my heart crack as I uttered those words. I was trying to put on the brave face, but it was growing harder to keep up the charade by the second.

Criss placed a hand lightly over my cheek and rubbed his thumb against my skin. "Lana, I don't know if I can leave you. I don't want to leave you Lana." He said quietly.

"One day at a time." I smiled up at him, hoping my facade didn't break.

"One day at a time." he repeated back and stared down at me.

"Why don't you want to sleep with me?" I suddenly blurted out of no where without thinking.

His eyes grew wide with shock and he took a step back, getting a clear view of my face. "Lana, I never, ever said I didn't want to. I more than want to, trust me. But," He paused trying to gather his thoughts, "I don't want to rush things, this could be right, I don't want to blow it by going to fast." I stared at him and raised an eyebrow.

He sighed in frustration and went to sit on the edge of the bed. "Lana, every relationship I've had mainly consisted of sex. That's all we ever did, and that's all we ever cared about. We took things in a direction they shouldn't have gone, and I'm afraid it'll complicate things between you and I. And I don't want that. I really like you Lana, and I want to do things right with you. I'm not willing to give you up."

"So what? You're never going to sleep with me?" I asked, letting some of my anger slip out. It was just sex, I didn't understand why I was making such a big deal out of it, although I couldn't help but feel a little rejected.

"God no." he looked horrified, "I don't think I could restrain myself for that long anyways. All I'm saying is, lets take it slow."

I smiled lightly and walked to him. Taking a seat on his lap, I pushed him backwards so he sprawled across the bed and I straddled him. My plan was working, I could already see the frustration leaving his face as he crookedly smiled up at me.

"Criss," I said softly, "You're not going to lose me. And I can promise you, that sex, will never get in between us." I reassured him.

His smile grew wider as he placed his hands on my hips. "Even if its the best you've ever had and you just cant get enough?" He laughed.

"Even if its the worst I've ever had." I teased. His smile turned into a grin when he suddenly rolled my over and laid on top of me.

"Now that will never happen." he laughed and leaned down to kiss me. He placed his hand on my cheek and gazed down at me. "I've been waiting for you my whole life." he said, his face now series, before he pressed his lips to mine again.

"Lana?" I heard Criss whisper into my ear as he kissed my cheek.

"Hmm." I mumbled softly and slowly opened my eyes. We must have fallen asleep.

"You look so beautiful when you sleep."

I blushed and smothered my face into his chest. "Shut up." I muffled into his skin.

"You do. You move around a lot, and you talk in your sleep." He laughed. I kept my face hidden in his chest to hide my embarrassment.

"Come on," He said as he lifted himself up with his elbow and looked down at me. "As much as I would love to lay here in bed with you all day, we do have things to do."

I rolled my head to the side to look up at him. "What do you mean things to do? Its Friday, we don't get smashed again until Saturday." I grinned at him trying to be cute.

He smiled. "I'm taking you somewhere, but this time its a surprise, but we have a long drive, and its 1:00 already."

I grabbed the pillow beside me and threw it over my face. "Uhh, really?" I whined.

"Its now or never, and I'm not letting you off the hook, you'll really enjoy it, I promise." He insisted. "Besides, what else do we have to do today?"

"Lay in bed and be hung over." I grumbled.

"Funny girl. You're time to be hung over is gone. Now its time to spend the day with me." He ripped the pillow off my face, throwing it across the room. "Come on. For me?" He pleaded.

I sighed and propped myself up on my elbows. "Fine. You know, you make it very difficult to be pissy."

"Consider this one of your birthday presents." he smiled crookedly. My mouth dropped open.

"How did you find out when my birthday is?" I eyeballed him suspiciously.

"I have my ways." he shrugged.

"Well its a little too early for a birthday present, so, I'm going back to bed." I stuck my tongue out at him and plopped back down onto the bed.

"February is only a little more than a month away, so nice try. Now come on." He said. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I frowned at him when I realized I was still in his pajamas.

"Uh, as much as I love getting in your pants," I grinned at him hoping he caught the insinuation, "I'm not going anywhere looking like this." I said looking down at Criss' clothes that hung loosely over my body.

"We will stop at your house on the way." Criss said as he pulled on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt. He slipped on his shoes and his jacket.

"God you look sexy like that!" I said out loud. I gasped and slapped a hand over my mouth. He snapped his head to look over at me. "That wasn't supposed to be said out loud."

He laughed and turned to me with a grin. "Its alright, you don't have to worry about what you say around me. I kinda like bluntness, no point in not saying what you're thinking, other wise no one will know the truth. Besides, I am sexy" He said with a huge grin.

"Boy aint that the truth." I laughed.

"Alright, come on, lets get going." He said. He handed me another jacket of his. "You didn't wear one last night, so I figured you might want something until we get back to your place."

I took it from him, flipped it over my back and slid my arms inside. "Thank you." I told him. I could smell him on the coat. He smelt ridiculously good. I didn't want to ever take it off. I wanted to smell him forever.