"Honey, it's time to go." Esme spoke softly, her hand holding onto mine tightly.
The seven of us were standing silently beside two coffins. A headstone without a body to bury under it was mocking my pain. I glanced at the crowd gathered on the other side of the graves. There were dozens of men wearing suits who worked for the Cullen's and had worked beside Sam and Garrett. Their eyes kept glancing at me, only looking away when caught. My wrist hurt from the amount of hands I had already shaken, dully accepting their condolences. I was screaming inside, angry that they were all giving up, so willing to accept things at face value.
The police had shown up two days after Edward was taken, handing me a small bag that contained the only part of Edward they had found. The night Edward had been taken, Firefighters responded to a call about an abandoned barn going up in flames fifteen miles from our home. A pedestrian was driving by and saw a man running out of the burning building, his body covered in flames. They called the police immediately, who then notified the firehouse. When the police arrived they questioned the man's motive for being inside of the bordered up barn, only to be told there were two others trapped inside. By that time it was too late to try and save them. The man was able to confirm who had been in the building with him, gasping the name of his partner, James, and Edward Cullen. He had no idea how the fire started, only that he managed to escape while Edward and James did not. The man died two hours later on his way to the hospital. After the fire was extinguished and overhauled, the fire investigator went through the ashes, trying to find a cause. That's how Edward's wedding ring was found. There were no other remains, nothing left of him to bury.
It was my fault. If Edward had never met me, if I had refused to stay with him, he would be alive. I could have gone to my father instead of marrying him. If I had done so many things differently, Jacob would never have come after Edward.
"No." I shook my head stubbornly, my eyes burning with the need to shed the tears that long ago dried up, there weren't any left to weep with.
Emmett and Jasper let go of their wives hands, each wrapping an arm around me and start to turn me away from the headstone.
"Let me go!" I screamed, trying to pull away from their firm grasps.
"Isabella, we need to leave." Carlisle's his voice full of pain. "Please, think of the baby. Edward is gone, but you carry a piece of him inside of you. Keep it safe, not just for you, but for us all." He pleaded.
I felt my legs weaken, something that has happened more often than not since Edward was taken from me. Emmett's quick reflex's had me in his arms within a blink of a eye, carrying me effortlessly to the car.
I could hear the sniffles from Esme, Rose and Alice as they followed after us. Part of me wanted to join them, the other part just wanted to scream.
"Bella?"
My body tensed, hearing the sound of my fathers voice calling out for me.
"Bella, please look at me." He pleaded.
I ignored him, hiding my face in Emmett's chest.
"Mr. Swan, she doesn't wish to speak with you. I must ask you to respect her wishes, especially on this difficult day." Carlisle stepped between us.
"I'm so sorry for everything that I said. I didn't realized how much Jacob had changed, how disturbed he had become."
My father called me a week ago, asking if I was going to attend Jacob's funeral. I hung up on him and had no idea how he learned the day of Edwards or why he had even bothered to come.
"Leave me alone." I muttered, remembering the harsh words he spoke to Edward the last time I had seen him.
"I heard about the baby. Come home with me, I'll help you. You need to get away from this family before the same fate Jacob and Edward died from happens to you and your child."
Emmett kept walking, the family ignoring my father from where he stood watching me leave with them.
Once we arrived at Esme and Carlisle's house, Emmett once again picked me up and carried me from the car. Walking past all the visitors who came to offer condolences, and bringing me up the stairs to the bedroom I was staying in
"Sleep, Sweetheart. Just call if you need anything."
"Don't leave me!" I screamed out when he tried to step away.
"Bella?" Rose called softly from the door.
"I can't do this." A sob escaping. "When does it stop? I can't breath." Gasping for breath, scraping my nails across my throat.
"We're here, whatever you need." Rose kicked her heels off and climbed into the bed beside me, Emmett laying on the other side.
Rose and Emmett's eyes were glued to the other, tears falling from Emmett's eyes. I stared up at the ceiling as the room darkened, listening as they fell asleep with me between them.
X
For three days I wouldn't speak or look at anyone when they came to check on me. Refusing to eat as they begged and pleaded with me to keep my strength up, not just for myself but for the baby too. I just laid in the bed, staring blankly at nothing.
"Bella, you are to drink every bit of this or I will be forced to have a doctor come and put in an IV to make sure the baby thrives. I've lost my son, I will not lose the last piece of him I have left." Carlisle ordered, his voice stern as he held out some kind of drink.
I looked at him with unfocused eyes. I couldn't reach up to take the drink from him if I wanted to. He must have sensed my weakened state because he sat on the edge of the bed after propping me up and put the straw near my mouth. Even in my current state of mind, I knew he was not to be argued with. I pulled the straw between my lips and drank. I hadn't realized how hungry I truly was. Once the liquid was filling my empty stomach, I greedily sucked hard on the straw.
"That's my girl." He spoke softly.
He withdrew the empty glass from me, sitting it on the nightstand. He was silent as he looked down at me, his expression full of pain.
"I'm so sorry." I croaked out.
He looked surprised, the first words I had spoken in days.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I chanted over and over again till they turned into rough sobs.
"Hush now, you need to calm down." He pleaded, pulling me into his arms.
He crushed me against his chest, soon his own tears wetting the top of my head as he held onto me. Both of us crying together, sharing our grief.
"You have to come back to us, Isabella. We all need you and you need us." He said quietly when his tears had finally stopped.
"My fault." I whimpered.
"No, none of this was your fault. You mustn't think like that. If anything it's my doing for raising my children in this sort of lifestyle."
I don't know how long we stayed like that, Carlisle cradling me as I tried to calm myself. My throat was dry and sore, my eyes itchy, a raw patch under my nose. I tried to brush my fingers through my hair, cringing over the greasy feel and tight knots.
"I'm going to send Rose up to help you dress, it would help Esme greatly if you came out of this room and joined the family for a little while." Placing me back on the bed and standing to leave the room.
"Even though Edward is gone, you're still my daughter." He spoke quietly before walking out the door.
Rose came in shortly after and silently walked into the bathroom to start the shower. Giving my a small smile she helped me undress and assisted me into the shower.
"Just call if you need me, I'll wait in the bedroom."
I nodded, falling onto the shower's bench weakly. I hadn't been taking very good care of myself before the funeral and now that I refused myself nourishment, I couldn't stay on my feet for very long without feeling dizzy. The smoothie Carlisle fed me helped some though and I was able to wash my hair and body before my arms started to shake from over use. As soon as the water was turned off, Rose appeared with a towel and wrapped it around me. She pouted when I shooed her away to dry myself but admitted I needed her help to dress.
"Please, I need him." My lip trembling when she held out a sweater and pair of jeans. "I need to feel him near me."
"I understand." She whispered, putting my things away and returning with a pair of Edward's sweat pants and a t-shirt of his. We had to roll the waist of the pants to keep me from tripping on the hem of them, the shirt almost reaching my knees, but I didn't care as I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent.
"Bella." Rose whimpered. "We'll make it through this heart ache." Pulling me into a tight hug before we left the room together.
I didn't tell her that I didn't believe her, that I didn't think I would ever get over the pain of losing him. Everyone was sitting in the living room, falling silent when I entered.
"Bella!" Esme ran to me tearfully.
Carlisle stood and escorted us to the couch, her arms clinging to me. It was the first I was able to face any of them and I was determined it was the last day I would allow my own sorrow to hurt the family even more then they already were.
"Carlisle, I was wondering if you could help me with something? I need to make some decisions a-and..." I couldn't finish, not without ending up in tears and I didn't want to do that to Esme who looked so broken.
"Of course."
We went to his office after I promised Esme I would drink another smoothie that she pushed into my hands as we talked.
"I know it's only been a few weeks, but I know I will never be able to enter that house again." I admitted, looking down at the mug my hands held. "I can't go back there without being haunted with memories from that night, the nightmares are bad enough without visual stimulation."
"You are always welcome here, for as long as you need. Esme would be thrilled to set up a nursery in the room beside the one you are using."
"I was hoping you would help me find a house of my own." I asked quietly, worried about his reaction.
"Is that what you really want?" He asked with concern.
"I honestly don't know what I really want anymore. I just know I can't go back to that house, I can't!"
"I understand the family agrees with you wholly, none of have any desire to go back to the scene of the crime. I am assuming that you have many good memories there, but the bad overpowers them?"
"I have our memories in here." I whispered, placing a hand over my heart.
"I'll have some of the men pack up your personal belongings. If you would like, we can sell the house furnished, it would increase the value.
"It's really up to you."
"No Bella, you were his wife. Edward was thorough with his legal work. The day after you married, you were put on everything. His will, bank accounts, the titles for the cars and deed to the house. You received everything."
"I don't want it."
"I know, but it's yours. If you want the house sold, I will call a Realtor and help you with the process but I wont take over for you."
"Sell it furnished, I just want his personal belongings. Clothes, books..."
"I understand and will be sure anything of his and yours is packed. When you feel ready, we can look at houses together."
"Thank you, for everything. I can never repay you for all your kindness."
"As I've already told you, you're my daughter."
X
Today was exactly two months since we had said goodbye to Edward. I went to the cemetery every morning after breakfast, Esme sometimes joining me but I sensed it was too much for her to do daily. Carlisle smiled setting a shake down in front of me. Since he made me drink one that first day, it was all I could hold down most of the time besides raw fruit and vegetables. The baby held a grudge against almost anything that was required to be cooked. The doctor informed me that I was farther along than I originally thought. I was now four months into my pregnancy and besides being a little underweight, everything was going smoothly.
Carlisle and I talked about what I was looking for in a house. Knowing Esme wasn't going to be happy when I finally moved, I told him I wanted something close by to make it easier for her to accept and nothing overly extravagant. We already looked at two but neither were to my liking, this morning we were suppose to go view another. We left together, Esme refusing to go see a house that would 'steal me away'. She assured me she knew I had to move on with my life, but she would be sad to see me go, no matter how I insisted I wouldn't be far away. I needed to do this, for myself and for the baby. It was time to stand on my own two feet.
"I hope you know how proud I am of you. You've grown so much in strength."
I gave him a tight smile and turned to look out my window, swallowing back the sobs that threatened to slip out. I may seem stronger to him, but behind closed doors I cried myself to sleep every night.
The car stopped and I looked at it in awe, a gut feeling telling me this was the one. It was a two story, dark gray house with bright white trim and a white wooden fence surrounding the property. Carlisle opened the car door for me and and walked up to the front door. After knocking, it was quickly opened.
"Mr. Cullen, a pleasure! I'm Ms. Stanley, I spoke with you this morning."
"Of course, thank you again for allowing us to view the house."
"It was no trouble, the couple who owned the house have already moved so it's been empty for a while."
I ignored her, hating her fake smile and the way she gushed over my father in-law. I stepped through the doorway into the open floor plan. Straight in front of me was the kitchen with an eat in dining area. To the left was a living room, and to the right was an empty room with built in bookcases. I walked down a short hall with two doors, one a laundry area, and the other a half bath. At the end of the hall were wide stairs. Looking behind me, Carlisle nodded his head in encouragement.
Upstairs held a large master suite and bath, three smaller rooms and an additional bathroom. When I went back down stairs I walked into the kitchen, running my hand over the stone counter tops, the new appliances pleasing me, and saw that there were sliding doors that lead out to a large deck and the back yard. Walking out on the deck I appreciated how the yard was fenced around the trees. The woods keeping my yard private.
"What do you think?" Carlisle asked, stepping beside me.
"I love it."
"I thought you might. I have been in this house once before and it came to mind as soon as you mentioned wanting to live close by. Esme will be pleased that you're only ten minutes away." He added with a sly wink.
"Thank you." I turning to face him, a small smile playing on my lips.
"Of course."
A week later my new home was furnished comfortably and I was spending my first night in it. It was also the first night I would be in a house alone. Esme and Alice helped me find the soft colors I was looking for in furniture. I wanted light colors, nothing overly large or dark. They went above and beyond to please me with their selections. My bedroom was furnished, but the other three remained empty. They were eagerly waiting for me to give the okay to start the nursery.
It was a beautiful night, so I grabbed a book and mug of hot chocolate to sit on the deck. Rose and Emmett had surprised me with overstuffed patio furniture. I had no idea how much time had passed, engrossed in my book, but I was suddenly covered in goosebumps. The sense of being watched was over powering. Uneasily, I looked around the yard, my eyes stopping at the trees that lined the edge of my property. From the corner of my eye I noticed an orange glow, like the burning end of a cigarette. I looked quickly to the right where I thought it had come from but didn't see anything unusual. Even though I couldn't prove there was someone there, the feeling was enough to make me scurry back into the house and set the alarm. I knew if anyone tried to get into my home, the alarm would notify Emmett and Carlisle, along with Embry. After many arguments, they conceded that I didn't have to have a guard all hours of the day but only after I promised I would call Embry if I thought anything was suspicious. I knew they had him watching the house periodically through out the day, thinking I was unsuspecting. I went to my bedroom, changing into a t-shirt of Edwards and looked out my window toward the woods again, unable to shake the feeling that someone had been out there.
My breath caught when I saw the same small orange dot. I could see their outline now, of someone standing there smoking. I almost called Emmett, but what if it was just a neighbor walking past? I didn't want them thinking I couldn't handle being on my own, having to call them my first night here. I knew they would be angry I didn't call them or Embry if they found out, but still closed the curtains and crawled into bed. I laid there staring at the picture of Edward that sat on top of my nightstand, wishing his arms were there to hold me as I slept.
X
After the first month passed, I was feeling more secure being in the house by myself regardless of the person I saw the first night making a nightly appearance. Since there was no evident attempt of someone trying to get into my house or walking on my yard, I assumed my thought of it being a neighbor to be accurate. Maybe a husband who's wife didn't know he had a smoking habit. Regardless, who ever it was wasn't proving to be a threat. They never came closer or further away. I had started writing, working on remembrance book of Edward and the short time we had spent together. I hoped to sit with my child one day and read it together, for him or her to know their father. Other than the book and spending time with my family, I did little else. My father called me once a week and I had just started to answer his calls. Talking briefly about my pregnancy and to assure him I was well. I still refused to see him much to his disappointment but he seemed to respect my wishes. I couldn't look past the one and only time he spoke to Edward, the cruel and hostile words he spit at my husband.
I had a doctors appointment today and was laying on the examination bed, my entire family squeezed into the small doctors office. Esme and Rose holding my hands as we all stared in awe at the tiny figure on the screen, with the big head and limbs that thrashed about. I was sure the doctor was overwhelmed with the large, loud group that had followed me into the room. Jasper and Emmett arguing over who got to be closer to the screen, Rose yelling at them to stop yelling, Alice and Esme talking animatedly about getting to see the baby for the first time, and Carlisle repeatedly asking me if I had made up my mind about finding out the baby's gender.
"Please, please, please Bella!" Emmett and Carlisle pleaded together, sounding like little boys asking for their dessert before dinner.
"Alright!" I giggled at their begging.
It helped that Carlisle looked like an older version of Edward, I found myself hard pressed to deny him anything for that reason alone.
The Doctor chuckled and moved the wand a bit as she studied the screen. I watched in fascination as more of my baby was revealed, smiling softly as I saw little toes wiggle when the wand passed over them. I had been able to feel the baby kick for two weeks now, loving the feel as he or she moved under my hands.
"Carlisle, the baby has Edward's nose!" Esme cried out.
I didn't see how she could tell, but I wouldn't take away her joy by saying so. He just grinned and gave us both a wink.
"Any guesses?" The doctor asked, tapping a few keys on the machine.
"Is that what I think it is?" Esme gasped.
"A penis!" Emmett boomed with his hands in the air. "The kid has a penis!"
"A boy!" Rose and Alice squealed.
The room vibrated with noise, everyone trying to talk over one another, laughing and crying. I was sure the entire building could hear the commotion my family was making.
"A boy." I whispered, looking at the screen as my baby wiggled. "Edward, we are having a boy."
Our son.
"Edward Anthony Cullen." I said, loud enough for everyone to hear.
The silence in the previously overly loud room was deafening. My cheeks flaming as I looked up at all the faces looking down at me.
"Really?" Esme asked, hope in her voice as her eyes teared up.
"Of course. For his father and my husband. Four your son and your brother." Looking at Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Alice in turn. "This baby is our miracle, the gift Edward unknowingly gave us before he was taken away." My voice cracking.
"Can I call him Little Eddie?" Emmett the first to speak.
And just like that, there was laughter, yelling, and celebration again in this tiny room as my baby boy wiggled and squirmed over each loud boom of his Uncle Emmett's laughter.
I drove myself home, the girls already wanting to go out to shopping for baby essentials, the men going out for a celebratory drink for 'Little Eddie', 'Junior', and 'Edward the Second'. The polls were still out. Pulling my car into the garage, I walked to the front door and froze. Sitting on the porch steps was a small blue stuffed puppy. Looking around I saw no one. How did the girls beat me home, especially if they had stopped at the store first? I bent to pick it up, smiling at the soft toy, the very first, and brought it inside with me. Heading into the room I dedicated for the nursery, I sat it down in middle of the floor.
X
Sitting on the deck that night, something I did every night to relax, I watched for the tell tale sign of the person walking past the borderline of my property. Without fail, I saw the orange glow. I had come to expect their presence, as if a friendly gesture was being made. As always the figure stood in one spot, always disappearing once the cigarette was finished. I brought my hand up and gave a small wave, wondering if they could see me just as I saw them and if they would return the greeting. Moments passed and my breathing hitched when I saw the soft orange glow slowly being raised in the air, the meaning clear. They could see me. Knowing I should be concerned over being watched, I felt secure knowing they were there. My mind was made up by the time I woke up the next morning. I was going to walk to the spot I saw them stand in every night and see if there were any clues as to who it could be.
The grass crunched under my feet, the first frost of the year covering the ground and making the grass hard, sparkling like glitter. I pulled my coat tighter around me, trying to prevent the cold wind from seeping in. Opening the gate in my fence that led toward the trees I made quick work, worried that someone would come by and see me snooping in their spot. I stood in the general location I thought was right and looked around, seeing nothing at first. Looking at the ground I finally spotted a small pile of cigarette butts. I stared at them, hoping for some kind of hint. I glanced around one more time, ready to go back home when my body froze. The tree nearest the pile of butts had something carved into the bark.
E+B
"No." I whimpered with a shake of my head.
It had to be a coincidence, but it was such a painful reminder. I stumbled backwards, falling before I could catch myself.
"No, No, No." My chest pained, sobs erupting.
Hearing the sound of sticks snapping and leaves crunching, I stood as quickly as my growing stomach allowed and rushed back to the house. Slamming and locking the door behind me. I leaned against it, my body shaking and breathing uneven.
"I miss you." I cried out, sliding down to the floor.
I skipped the deck tonight and watched out my window, keeping the lights off so I wouldn't be seen. I wasn't sure if I was disappointed or relieved when I never saw the orange glow. As I laid in bed that night I couldn't get the stranger, who I had never seen, out of my mind nor the carving I had seen in the trunk of the tree. I tossed and turned till sleep finally consumed me.
I was jerked awake by the sound of someone pounding on the front door. Looking at my clock I realized that it was almost noon, the lack of sleep finally catching up with me. Pulling on my robe I rushed down the stairs, punched in the code for the alarm, and threw the door open. There was a man I had never seen before standing there, making me regret my decision immediately.
I should have asked who it was and looked through the peep hole before opening the front door.
"Mrs. Cullen?"
"Yes?" I asked uneasily.
"I have a delivery for you, if you would just sign these papers." He said, handing me a small clip board with a slip attached to it.
I quickly signed and watched when he walked back to a car I hadn't noticed earlier. It was unmarked, no company logo decorating it. My nerves grew, closing and re-locking the door and quickly reached for my cell phone, dialing Emmett's number.
"Yo Baby-B. What craving is Little E asking for now?"
"Hey Emmett, I don't want to bother you, but would you mind staying on the phone with me? There's someone I don't recognize here saying they have a delivery for me. He isn't wearing a uniform or anything to tell me what he might be delivering."
"Of course." He chuckled." Though I know what it is, there is nothing to worry about."
After his statement the man came back to the door holding an enormous arrangement of white and blue flowers.
"We wanted to thank you for the little man." He said, after hearing my gasp of surprise.
"Oh Emmett, they are beautiful!"
"You did the right thing by calling me, talk to you later." He said as we hung up.
I opened the door wider, allowing the man to carry the flowers inside for me. The size of the bouquet along with my growing stomach would make it impossible for me to do it myself.
"Where do you want me to put them?" He asked once inside the house.
"On the coffee table in the living room, if you don't mind." I smiled, plucking out a white rose to sniff.
I was walking behind him when without warning, the sound of a gun firing and glass breaking filled the air.
I screamed out, throwing myself onto the couch and wrapping my arms around my stomach.
"My car!" The young man yelled out, running out of the house.
"Emmett! Someone has a gun!" I screamed into the phone that was now pressed to my ear, not realizing I had even called till I heard his voice.
"Lock the doors and keep low." He ordered, hanging up quickly.
I ran to the door, shutting and locking it. I wasn't willing to let the delivery guy in without knowing who he really was.
Emmett showed up with Embry five minutes later, talking to the guy before walking to the house and telling me to open the door.
I glanced to the driveway and saw bullet holes scattering the car, windows busted out.
"Bells, I have no idea." He said exasperated. "This dude is just some college student, earning money delivering flowers part time."
"I don't understand..."
"Maybe you should come stay with me and Rose?"
"Well, the guy was the target right? I mean, if it was me wouldn't the house have been hit?"
"I don't know." He sighed, looking toward the ceiling. "Fuck! This was Edward's territory, I'm no good at this!"
"I promise to call you, Jasper, or Carlisle if I see or hear anything else. Honestly, I just want to be in my home." I pleaded quietly, though my reasonable side was urging me to leave with him.
I knew he was having a hard time taking over Edwards role in the family, making the decisions to keep us all safe.
"We are having a family dinner here tonight." He stated.
What he really meant was that the men of the family would discuss what actions they would take and if my request to stay would be granted or not.
"Okay." I muttered, feeling overwhelmed and a tad grumpy.
"We'll bring take out, don't worry about cooking." He kissed my forehead, his phone already to his ear as he walked back to his car and left.
He had already paid the delivery guy enough to buy two cars if he felt so inclined as long as the police weren't called.
At six the family showed up, Emmett and Rosalie carrying half a dozen pizza boxes from my favorite place. I smiled at the sight of my loud family at the door, the smell of food making my mouth water.
We all sat around the living room, the men talking quietly as us girls discussed nursery colors and what furniture was a must.
Laughing loudly at Esme and Alice's argument over the different shades of blue, I grabbed for my phone that had started ringing. Glancing down at the screen my heart stopped.
"Carlisle!" I cried out, feeling my breaths coming short and fast.
"Bella, you're having a panic attack, concentrate on your breathing." Alice spoke softly, at my side instantly. Carlisle ran to me and took my phone, letting out a sharp gasp.
"Edward." He whispered, looking at me with wide eyes.
I screamed, unable to hold my pain in any longer. My body crumpled into Alice who was holding me, trying to get me to calm down. I couldn't think or breath through the pain that radiated through my body. Seeing Edward's name pop up on my phone, his phone calling mine, was more than I could bare.
I watched Carlisle answer the phone, my ears ringing so loudly I couldn't hear anything being said. I felt my body moving, realizing Emmett was carrying me up to my bedroom with Rose hot on his heels. He laid me down, Rose quickly getting in beside me and wrapping her arms around me just as she had done the day of his funeral.
Some time later my tears dried, my breathing calm and leaving me with hiccups. Carlisle entered my room, carrying something in his hands.
He knelt before me, looking at me with sad eyes.
"Bella, I know this is extremely painful, but someone found Edward's phone abandoned in a field while they were walking their dog. Next to his phone was his wallet. They called your number because he had you saved as 'Wife'. They figured the items fell out of his pocket and that he would be looking for them."
I just stared at him, feeling myself returning to the day we didn't have a body to bury. I couldn't speak, I had no will to move. I just closed my eyes and tried to block out the pain.