Chapter Ten: Even the Stars, They Burn

Jasper's POV

Things seemed to get better the more I talked to Dr. Miller. It wasn't a cakewalk and I did not look forward to our sessions. But, after all the tears and broken things, I felt better after each time we talked. She wasn't judging me on what happened like I thought people would if I told them. She didn't think I was weak, or stupid, or some kind of pervert. She saw through my tough guy act, and broke down each wall I'd put up.

Bella didn't come to any other sessions, and it was for the better. The things that happened to me were dark, and it was just a reminder that it did happen. I didn't want her exposed to that anymore, so I was happy when she declined my offer to continue to go.

Another week had passed and tonight was the night. I was going to walk up to Bella's door, and take her on the date of a lifetime. My mother and Dr. Miller trusted me enough to be out of constant supervision and I was going to celebrate. Taking Bella out was one of the few goals I'd set for myself when we first arrive, and I was finally going to do that.

I stood in front of my mirror, scarred to move. She could say no. She could walk away from everything that had happened between us this past month. But then I came to my senses. It was Bella. Any other girl in the world could very well do that, but not Bella. I knew her better than I knew myself. I took a deep breath before grabbing my wallet and walking out of my bedroom.

I opened the front door and stopped breathing. Jackie Parker was standing in front of me, wearing one of her short skirts and tight shirts. I hated to admit it, but I forgot all about Bella at the sight of her. My legs began to work again as I walked towards her, not taking a moment to think about the consequenses of getting involved with Jackie.

"It's been a long time." She whispered in my ear as her hands wrapped around my neck, and mine wrapped around her waist.

"Maybe too long." I said as I kissed her, shoving my tongue down her throat. She moaned softly as I picked her off the ground. Her long legs wrapped around my waist, and I could feel myself harden as she began grinding against me. I deepened the kiss as my hands traveled down to her house.

"Fuck me" She whispered and my eyes snapped open. She wasn't Bella and I didn't want to be with anyone else but her. I pulled away from her, and gently set her on the ground. She smirked and grabbed my hand, trying to pull me up the stairs and into the house. But I didn't move, and I tried removing her grip from my wrist.

"What's the matter?" She asked, letting go and placing her hands on her hips. "Haven't seen you or fucked you in months and you aren't following me upstairs?" She asked, clearly very annoyed.

"I'm sorry, Jackie. But I can't be with you like that anymore." I told her and her face turned red.

"What do you mean? Is your dick not functioning properly anymore?" She asked, making me angry.

"My dick is working perfectly fine." I told her as I rolled my eyes. "I just don't want you anymore. I met someone."

"So...your pussy whipped?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "I am. I'm in love with this girl and I'm not going to ruin it by sleeping with you. Now go home." I huffed before walking over to Bella's house. I took a deep breath before knocking on the door, praying she hadn't seen anything I'd just done with Jackie. When she answered the door, though, I'd knew she'd seen everything. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her face was tense in anger.

"Hey, do you wanna go for a walk?" I asked, hoping we'd get to talk everything out.

"You have a guest Jasper. I wouldn't want to take your precious time together away."She told me, sarcasm in her voice and then slammed the door in my face. I was hurt by her reaction, but knew I deserved it. I'd told her I wanted to be with her, then did what I did with Jackie. I took another deep breath before knocking again. The door flew open and she looked annoyed as she put her hands on her hips.

"Bella, what?"

"The blonde girl who was wrapped around your waist? Yeah, I saw it Jasper. It was hard to miss. Have a nice time with her. I hope she makes you very happy." She said before slamming the door in my face again. I knew I'd screwn up...bad. This wasn't going to be easy to get over, and it was going to take a long time. Bella was the only girl who'd given me the time of day, and tried helping me when I said I didn't want it. And I'd thrown that all away for a few seconds of pleasure from Jackie.

I sighed before walking back to my place, wher unfortunately, Jackie was. Jackie's sister, Zoey, was one of Rosalie's closest friends back in LA and I knew this was coming. Zoey and Rosalie had known each other long before Jackie and I did, and it was my fault for getting involved with Zoey's older sister and I regretted it now more than ever. I walked inside where my mom and Mrs. Parker were sitting in the living room, in deep conversation about how great my father was and I assumed Zoey and Rosalie were in her room.

"Jasper? What are you doing here? I thought you were going out with Bella." My mother asked as I sat down in my father's recliner.

"She couldn't go. Family thing." I lied. I couldn't tell her about Jackie because the two of them didn't know about the two of us sleeping together, they didn't even think we ever talked. "I'm going to my room." I said and walked upstairs. I opened my door and found Jackie...naked on my bed.

"Girlfriend dump ya?" She asked, smirking.

"Get some clothes on." I sighed, throwing her underwear to her. She rolled her eyes and stood up, walking over to me.

"Come on, Jasper. You arne't this kind of guy to be held down by a girl. You're a guy who likes to fuck and go home. You won't have that with...her." She whispered in my ear, sliding my sweatshirt off of my sholdered. I shut my eyes as a shiver went down my spine as she kissed my neck, something she knew made me weak.

"Hey, Jasper I..." I heard Bella begin as the door opened. I shoved Jackie away and turned towards Bella who looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"Bella, this isn't what it looks like." I tried as I saw Jackie begin to get dressed again.

"In love with me, huh?" She asked as she began walking backwards. "Is that what you say to all the girls you wanna fuck?" She asked before slamming my door and running away. I sighed before going after her. I couldn't let it end this way. It had barely begun. I needed Bella in my life. She was the only one who understood me, who had wanted to help me from the beginning. I couldn't let her get away, not like this.

"Bella! Please stop!" I yelled as I saw her running across her lawn. I ran and grabbed her arm and she struggled to get away, but was powerless. "Please let me explain!"

"Explain what? I get it, Jasper. The 'I love you' is your line to get girls into bed. I may not be a virgin, but I'm not some dumb bimbo!" She yelled at me, trying to fight off tears.

"No, it wasn't a line. I really do love you Bella." I told her and she let out a snort. "Jackie and I were never comitted to each other that way. I never felt anything for her. She was just an outlet for me, like the alcohol and cigerrettes were."

"Yeah right. Why should I believe you, Jasper?" She huffed, and it hurt. We'd been through so much and I was an ass to her in the beginning but I'd never lied to her. I had many flaws...but lying wasn't really one of them.

"I've never lied to you, Bella." I told her, truthfully.

"It doesn't matter. You made your bed and now you have to sleep in it." She told me, her voice low and unemotional. "Please let go." She asked, and I did. She began walking into her house and I felt my chest begin to hurt. I was loosing her already.

"You said I was important to you! You said you'd never give up!" I shouted before I had time to think. She stopped at her door, looking pained as she turned towards me.

"And you said you loved me." She said before going inside, slamming the door. I couldn't move. I was frozen. I'd just lost the only person who'd ever gave a damn about me. The one girl who I loved more than anything in the world. Life really wasn't worth living anymore. A cold wind finally woke me up and I went back inside my house, happy to see that Jackie and her family were gone.

I walked in my room and went to my guitar stand...which was empty. I regretted smashing my guitar on the concrete almost as I regret what just happened with Jackie a few minutes ago. I slammed the door and walked over to my window, hoping to get a glimpse of Bella. Her bedroom window was right across from mine and that's how she knew when I needed her. It was our silent comunicater. But her curtains were closed and I wouldn't see her tonight.

I went over to my iPod and put it on the iHome, looking through my playlists. Music always helped me when I needed it. But, now with the loss of Bella, no music sounded good enough to listen to. She was everywhere. My room. My music. My mind. I'd never be able to forget my feelings for her. Never.

It'd been two weeks since Bella spoke to me...or even looked at me. It killed me everyday she wasn't apart of my life. But I deserved it. I screwed up, and this was why I didn't like having relationships; someone always got hurt. That's just the way it was. But I wasn't ready for this to be over, it hadn't even started yet.

My mother had finally given in and bought me a new guitar if I promised not to smash this one and begin heling around the house more often. Playing didn't make anything better, or fix anything I'd done, but it brought me to peace if only for a little bit.

I sat in my room, leaning against my bed, trying to get the heart to play. If things weren't bad enough with Bella, I'd caught her and Mike having a moment in an empty hallway this afternoon. She thought I'd never loved her, and seemed to be moving on, and it stung. Even if my feelings for her had been phony, she said she loved me and she's already moved on. And to Mike of all people.

I gave up on trying to play and placed it back on the stand again. I sat at my desk and tried to concentrate on studying for my English test the next day, but became distraced as I saw Bella walk into her room. She'd finally opened the curtains so I could see her again, but she was never looking over over here anymore. She looked gorgeous, dark wash skinny jeans, and a Seahawlks t-shirt that seemed to cling to her curves.

I groaned as I heard Rosalie blasting her music in her room, something I'd yelled at her many times before. I began to stand up, but the lyrics of the songs seemed to speak to me.

"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love. I'm still looking up."

Things with Bella were going to take time to mend, but I couldn't give up on her. She was everything to me, and I couldn't loose her. Not now...not ever. As I listened to the song, I looked over Bella's way. She was at her desk, marker in hand, probably studying for the English test we had the other day. It hurt that we didn't have our long, silents banters through the window anymore.

She looked up, her beautiful brown eyes locking with mine. She looked as if she was on the verge of tears before flashing a weak smile. I had done that to her. I had hurt her. I waved at her, almost trying to say I was sorry, but she closed the curtains before I could do anything else. I had been so focused on Bella, I hadn't even noticed the song had changed from a beautiful melody, to Call Me Maybe.

"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me, maybe?"

Played as I ran to pound on Rosalie's door. She turned it down and thankfully, I was able to get my mind off of Bella and study for the English test that was a quarter of my final grade. I tried to find Bella that morning, but she was no where in sight. She tried her hardest to avoid me now, but it was a small school and we eventually ran into each other.

I became even more worried when she didn't show up in English. It was her favorite class and she knew how much this was to her grade. I walked out to my car and Rosalie was already there, so I didn't have to spend ten minutes waiting for her. We got into the car, and the ride was in an awkward silence like it had been for the last two weeks. Rosalie had found out about Jackie and I after Alice told her what I'd done to Bella.

Not only had I ruined things with Bella and I, I put a snag in Rosalie's relationship with Alice. Alice was faithful to her older sister and wanted nothing to do with the Cullens after this happened. I felt bad. Alice was the first person who welcomed Rosalie to the town and school, and I had also managed to screw that up.

"Was Alice in school today?" I asked her as we pulled into the driveway.

"No." She answered before getting out and slamming the door. I jumped out the sound and hated myself even more. Rosalie and I had just begun to develope a relationship, and that was shattered. I took a deep breath before getting out of my car. I looked over at the Swan's house, and was surprised when I saw Charlie's police cruiser sitting in the driveway.

I walked into the kitchen and was happy to find my mother baking. She hadn't done any goody making since my father died, it was something they'd always done together and it was hard for her. I was happy to see her taking steps to heal.

"Hey, Mama." I said, kissing her on the cheek. Living in Texas was giving me a weird southern apeal and I found it funny.

"Hey, Jas. The cookies should be ready soon. Do you wanna come with me to give them to the Swan's?" She asked.

"Why are they going over there?" I asked, beginning to get worried.

"Honey...Bella's aunt died today. Renne's sister. Charlie said they were really close with her. She only lived half hour away. Bella's devastated." She said and I felt my heart break.

"How'd she die?"

"Her heart failed. They don't know how, she was only thirty-four and perfectly healthy." She told me and I slumped down in a chair. Bella was hurting and I was sure she didn't want me to help her feel better. I went over a half hour later with my mother and Rosalie to give them the cookies. Charlie opened the door and thanked us before taking the plate from my mother. As he was closing the door, I caught a glimpse of Bella walking by.

She looked like she'd been crying all day. He hair was a mess on top of her head, and she was still in her PJ's. My mother was right, she was devastated. I held out my hand to stop Charlie from shutting the door and followed Bella upstairs. She was closing the door, and I thankfully got there just in time.

"What the hell are you doing?" She screamed and I didn't miss the tears forming in her eyes. I didn't have an answer, I just wanted to hug her and make her feel better. "Get OFF Jasper!" She yelled, breaking free of my grip and slamming the door in my face. I didn't bother knocking, knowing she would ignore me and walked into her room.

"Bella..."

"Get the fuck out!" She yelled, trying to push me. But I was stronger and we both knew she was fighting a loosing battle. "Get out Jasper! I don't want you!"

"Bella, please. Stop." I said calmly as she began hitting me to move.

"No! I hate you! I hate what you did to me! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" She yelled one final time before falling into my embrace, crying histarically.

"Shhhh." I whispered, kissing the top of her head. "I'm here. I'm always here."