"Tell me about your world."

So this is how me and Saito decided to spend the small amount of time we had available, sitting on the porch drinking tea, my voice relating to him stories I have heard or read. I have started and drafted a plan, I would tell him one night about a pub and the wild fun going on inside of it, the following how I cried while reading "Me before you" and how I cried again when I watched the movie. I even wanted to draw for him so he could have a visual of the tall buildings, fancy clothes and hair styles out there.

He would join me in the kitchen when I would take my turn and marvel at the new dish I would prepare while always making sure he had the first taste just so I could read his expression and giggle when he would blush and realize I stared in his eyes a second too long.

Then there was the 17th when Saito's turn came to cook so as many times before I volunteered to go and help him out. Seeing me being more constant made him relax slightly especially since he realized as well as me that I was stuck. Not in a bad sense don't get me wrong, but I would not disappear overnight.

I watched him through the corner of my eyes how his hands worked, sleeves rolled up. The temperature from outside and from inside the kitchen became a bit too much even for him and he finally decided to discard his scarf and puller at his clothes a bit to reveal s small portion of his chest.

"Are you alright? You look pale."

I shook my head as my attention focused back to the pot I was stirring in.

"I'm fine Saito."

Not believing me more than likely, he put the knife aside, wiped his hands clean and edged closer to me.

"If you're not well then go rest, I'll finish up here."

My eyes followed his jaw line, moving up to his lips lingering before finally looking in his eyes. My left hand reached out and touched his chest, action that made him flinch slightly at the skin on skin contact. I knew I wanted to kiss him the moment my breath trembled when he edged close to me. He made me want it even more when he gazed in my eyes with such intensity that froze and melted me all at once.

But there was one thing wrong.

Pulling my hand away I clutched my chest breath intensifying with every gulp of air that reached my lungs. Saito caught me as my legs gave out and my mind raced.

Cursed, I'm cursed, he fucking cursed me!

I balled up, the pain in my chest making the breathing from before hard. My heart was rapidly beating against my rib cage trying to match up the panic building up in my brain.

As Saito yelled out for Yamazaki, soon him and Okita were in the kitchen kneeling next to us. It took me a few good minutes to calm down and some cold water to cool myself. The same water was used for dipping a rag and patting my face until I gained some colour back.

"What happened? Heart attack?"

I strained to look at Okita, my lids feeling heavy. I'm guessing he had never seen someone have a heart attack, but Yamazaki was quick to dismiss the theory. He opened my mouth and tapped my cheek a couple of times then sighed in relief.

"Lack of vitamins and most probably sleep."

To which I nodded. My body could not produce on its own enough calcium and magnesium and I could keep that in check with some supplements from the local pharmacy. But here it was a different story and to be honest the last thing on my mind.

I rested that day that day and Yamazaki was adamant I follow a strict regime that he put together so which I agreed to.

But after sleeping all day, late at night I was wide awake. Tossing and turning did not bring back the sleep I should have craved for and neither did it calm my nerves. If I had kissed Saito would it have meant cheating considering I in a way hold Valery? Would a part of me suffer, all of me or none at all?

So I ran, once again through back alleys, holding onto my chest that still hurt after the previous episode. I ran up the temple stairs, stopping at the top to catch my breath. The pain would fade, I kept telling myself. There had been too much stress, that's all. Too little sleep and not eating properly.

"Apologies but I need to ask you to come with me."

My head shot up to see Amagiri all alone on the temple grounds. As I practiced on him my best stare the sounds of the night shattered, sword fighting going on the in distance. The headquarters, Kazama must have went after Chizuru.

"What do you need me for?"

He had not yet made a move towards me but I knew he could do so in a split second.

"You have access to a words where we belong."

I scoffed not being able to control my reaction. Of course that enticed Kazama.

"And you think that if you have me you can get in?"

He gave a sharp nod extending a hand to me.

"Your husband will come for you."

Debating on whether to draw my swords I glared holes in the demon before me.

"If you use me you'll die, simple as that. You won't get in."

His hand dropped to his side as he mentioned he had no intention of fighting me the second my hands went for the swords. But he must of knows I would not come quietly.

"If I may ask, where is your husband?"

"Making a mistake."

I hissed through my teeth as he started taking slow steps towards me, but I knew he wasn't my enemy, not truly, not by how he acted. He was following orders, orders that he could have well lived without. But how could I convince him to let me pass and not take me to Kazama?

"Demon World has different rules so don't think for a second threats are the way to go." Abandoning the idea of fighting him entirely because frankly it would have been a stupid move I kept on speaking "if you take you'll be considered a traitor. Trust me one life is not the way in, even if I am the queen."

He looked at me, standing there in complete silence probably trying to figure out if I was speaking the truth. But I wasn't lying. One world would not fall on its knees for me, queen or not. His gaze flickered passed me so I also turned for a second to see Saito running up the stairs, sword already drawn.

"If you are here, it must mean this world has more to offer you."

Amagiri spoke before Saito could reach us, before his words could come to his ears. Oh how right he was, despite him not knowing it. As I looked back at the demon before me on the edge of tears his face softened as his hand rose to touch my cheek.

"I apologize if I spoke out of line."

Next thing Saito's sword came in view as Amagiri took a step back, the valiant warrior standing before me, stance ready however Amagiri bowed and just left.

It was then I could breath.

Hiei knew I was alive, he surely sought out Spirit World to find out how I was doing, he knows but he's not the one standing saving me. Saito's arms wrapping around me brought me back to reality.

"I saw you going up the stairs."

That's right, he had the night patrol, I didn't think of that. My wild thoughts came to a stop when his lips covered mine. But he…he said he wouldn't.

"I thought I couldn't reach you in time."

But he did. My arms wrapped around his neck. I needed to feel him close to me, to convince myself that he was indeed real and I wasn't on the verge of madness.

"I thought you said you wouldn't touch me."

His embrace tightened as he whispered slowly into my ear.

"And I thought I told you I am not that strong of a man."

I could feel his heartbeat against my body, if he wasn't real I didn't know what was anymore.

That night was successful for both me and Chizuru. We were both safe and sound. As my heart calmed down my thoughts went back to a discussion Valery once had with Koenma.

He asked what she really wanted, what was she doing and what she was going to choose. She couldn't keep it up, fighting for all the worlds out there. He knew she had to choose a side sooner or later. Human World? Demon World? The realm of the Gods? Lost worlds? Alternate worlds? Where did she truly belong?

But that night I was the one that made a choice. As Saito sought out all the bravery in his heart, as he kissed me and laid me on his bed I knew what would I would choose. I belonged to Human World.

There was something that melted my heart as I looked at Saito covered only from the waist down, arm over his eyes yet I could still see his flustered even as his breath evened.

"Aren't you going to look at me?"

I asked trying not to giggle like a little girl as he shook his head the red reaching his ears, but I did laugh to myself. When he spoke, his voice trembled, agitated yet trying to remain calm and keep up his stoic appearance even while naked.

"I apologize I need a few minutes."

My brows lifted as thoughts began to spring to life.

"You need a few minutes to think if you made a mistake or what?"

That finally got his attention although the look he gave me was far from pleasant.

"You still haven't decided. It was inappropriate, you are not mine to have."

All I could do was scoff and laugh although that sounded nothing like my laughter.

"Not yours yet you enjoyed it. Tell me, what's going to happen now? Do we go back to before, do we become more? Do we leave it as a one night thing?"

My lips moved as well as my hands as I did my best to get dressed fast enough. He got up, walking towards me, glancing in my eyes from time to time.

"You are the one that needs to decide, you are aware of my feelings for you."

"Me or Valery?"

His eyes widened as my teeth grinded against each other until my jaw hurt, but he still didn't answer.

"I think it's best I leave."

As I slid the door open and stepped out I saw Hijikata turning the corner. He froze me in place with a vicious glare as he closed the distance between us. Damn that man, he's scarier than a demon. He stepped into the room looking at Saito and ordered him to get dressed. He didn't want to hear a word from us and by the look he gave me he was tired by the problems that resulted by my presence there.

I have no idea what he told Saito, but he wasn't too happy when I came in and took a seat looking him dead in the eye.

"I will tell you a few things and I expect for you to understand everything." He was mad alright "This is a headquarters full of men, I can't have them distracted by you, especially one of the division captains. I ordered him to stay away from you so you can form your own resolve or have you given up on finding your way back?"

I took a small breath to calm myself trying not to make the situation harder for me or Saito.

"You are to obey the Shinsengumi rules since you are one of us. If not you will commit honorable suicide." Looks like he wasn't done "You will be punished however I can't make an example out of you since I can't have your escapade reaching the ears of the men." Looking to the side I kept repeating in my head to calm the Hell down. "I don't know what you've done to Saito."

"ENOUGH!"

In a few steps he was in my face, hands coiled in my robe.

"What did you say?" those demon eyes were menacing.

"I said enough." I repeated returning the glare "What can you do to me? Hit me? Make me train and push me around? I can take all that human and all." I pried his hands off me "But listen to what I have to say as well. If I find my way back or not is not the point. I made my choice and even if tonight was a mistake so be it. I have to deal with it. If Saito will obey your order to stay from me then his intentions towards me where not what I imagined them to be." He finally calmed down as he listened to me speak "I know the rules and there's nothing in them about two member having sex and you can't put that in there or else people will know where to look and last…I have done nothing to Saito. He can make his own choices and is not your lap dog."

He came back in my face picking me up by the arm forcefully dragging me to the training grounds where he placed a wooden swords in my hands as he took one for himself.

"If you are honest, have formed your resolve and care for him then you will withstand the training with me."

Just as expected he let his anger out on me to see if I could bare it. I knew and have always known Hijikata to be the devil commander yet he worried for his men like a mother hen and that night he was worried Saito would get hurt. Yet whenever I failed and his sword bruised another part of my body he asked a question and expected an answer by the next time he got to hit me again.

"Why did you think you came here?"

Dodge, slide.

"Because I feel safe here. Argh!"

A blow landed on my arm.

"Why did he leave you?"

My hands shook when our swords collided.

"I don't know."

That time he kicked me in the dirt as I wasn't paying attention, my brain being rattled.

"Will you even forgive him?"

I barely managed to say "no" his skill outranking mine. Yet I told him I needed to know the reason for my abandonment and he quickly counteracted saying I have surely not formed my resolve.

When dawn broke I was shaking from head to toes, bruised and battered, hurt and tired. Hijikata dropped his sword panting.

"Now tell me, why did you marry him?"

That's when I fell to my knees sighing.

"Because I loved him. We've been through so much together and I really thought he changed and matured. I thought nothing would or could break us apart, nothing but us I guess. Shortly after leaving me in Human World we went after our attackers on a hint received. We really wanted to make Demon World a tad safer. I can't remember the context of our discussion after but he was so furious because they wanted me and I think at that time and place he felt powerless."

I took another deep breath dropping my sword.

"But I told him we'll make it and after all that we'll go back to our lives and perhaps" my voice broke "Start a family."

Hijilata's eyes widened as he stepped closed to me.

"He didn't take the idea well. Not at all in fact."

The commander's hand rested on the top of my head as I rose my eyes to look at him. I expected myself to break down and cry but I was calm.

"What is your resolve?"

"I want to save you all when the war comes."

He kneeled before me and spoke softly, smiling.

"So you know our destinies?"

That's when my eyes watered. I knew so many would die, so so many.

"If it reached your time then it must have been a good death, one that mattered. That's enough for me."

But it wasn't for me.