Heeey guys, I'm sorry for not updating and taking so loooong. There's no time, you would think that "Oh now that I'm on Vacation I will be allowed to write as long as I want at least until I have one of my writers block" but noooo.

Anyway, I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! Goood, you can't understand how bad I'm feeling about this. I always updated this story but with everything that had been happening I hadn't been able. But thank you for waiting and being so sweet in your reviews! I'm happy you're enjoying the story.

So here it is, ((long chapter)) and kind of cheesy too, but angst will come again, don't worry. Moreover i'm happy to tell you I have the next at least 8 chapters already planned! Yaaay.

I do not own GMW but GMHS P1 WAS GOLD AND I'M DEAD FOR IT.

Maya gazed at her phone looking at the contact name, she had been with Riley for over a week now and there were still no news on Lucas. She didn't mean that she had been stick to her phone the whole week; she had been glue to Riley's hip ever since she landed and she couldn't be happier about it, she had missed her best friend like crazy and she felt complete. Nonetheless the thoughts on how Lucas was doing began to invade her mind more and more as the days passed, Maya wanted to do something, the memory of his sea-foam green eyes filling with sadness as she told him she needed space was driving her nuts. She was debating herself through the whole week, trying to decide whether she should talk to Lucas or not.

"Maya, let's go to Topanga's, I have a surprise for you!" Riley exclaimed as she burst into her room with that silvery voice so characteristic of her.

"Another one?" Maya groaned as she lifted her head from the bed and put her phone aside.

The whole week Maya had been there Riley had prepared her a bunch of surprises. First, Riley and Farkle took her to see a movie and then to eat pizza, during the dinner they told her how they got together and the whole take out had been wonderful since they were finally reunited. Next thing, her whole class threw her a surprise party; apparently since Trent had been recovering just fine they stopped seeing Maya as a threat and actually missed her. Maya didn't knew if that was truth or it was just because Riley told them to do so, but it was nice catching up with Sarah, Darby, Dave and everyone really. After that, Shawn and Katy appeared out of nowhere, actually they wanted to take that vacation too of the whole Austin moving and spent time with their friends so both of them asked for a few days off work and they reunited with their daughter, the whole reunion between the Hart and Matthews family was wonderful.

The whole week when on and on reuniting with old people, going out and basically trying to recover herself from anything that had happened in Texas and in general her past. It wasn't easy thought, Maya felt troubled about how she had left Lucas, it had been clearly a mess and although she had been talking to Vanessa since she got there, she hadn't gave her any news on Lucas and well Maya hadn't ask either.

"What's wrong with surprises? Come on!" Riley said as she threw Maya some sneakers and waiting impatiently to go out through the bay window.

Maya put the sneakers on and then she clipped alone to Riley who was beyond joyful about her little surprise. Maya had missed the light that her best friend irradiated and somehow being with Farkle had made her shine brighter, Maya was happy for her and she couldn't believe how much she had grown up in the last few months.

"Riles wait for me!" Maya called her best friend who was already in the corner whilst Maya was still coming down from the fire escape. The weather in New York was getting cold, after all November had arrived and winter was juts in the corner.

"Hurry up!" Riley insisted with a smile on, as she made her way down the Topanga's stairs.

Maya simply ran as fast as she could, sometimes she swore she could barely catch up to Riley's rhythms sometimes. Maya strolled down the stairs and enter Topanga's just behind Riley without putting much attention to anything around her.

"I don't now about you Honey." Maya said as she breath out, wearily. " But I'm not made for any sports, I swear."

"Maya lift your head." Riley then said softly.

"What?"

And so Maya followed her best friends indication and as she lifted her head she saw those grey eyes that had made her crazy for the most part of her life; the guy she had lost it to, the guy she loved before she moved to Austin, the guy that had made goose-bumps appear in her skin and butterflies to fly in her stomach.

"Josh?" Maya asked as she saw the handsome young man approaching to her with a smile.

"Maya, It's awesome to see you." Josh said as he wrapped her up in his arms.

Maya felt a bit uneasy for a moment, for the fact of the sudden appearance of the prior love of her life. It wasn't that she didn't wanted to see him, she had thought of him sometimes in her time out of New York but tried to ignore him because it hurt, but she barely even picture him while she had been going out with Lucas. She had barely talked to Lucas about her life in New York, but she had told him about the important persons in her life and Josh was included, he wasn't too happy to hear how in love she was with her best friends uncle but Maya wasn't happy either about his numerous girls so they dropped the topic.

"Well Maya, aren't you happy to see him? It's a nice surprise!" Riley beamed as Josh pulled away from the hug, both of them gave her a stare.

"Of course I am." Maya quickly reassured Riley with a soft smile, she tried to avoid Josh' gaze, she was nervous about it.

"Well, we need to catch up, don't we little ferret?" Josh said a little bit distracted, clearly he wasn't paying that attention to Riley. "I'll wait for you over there, Maya." Josh said as he walked over to the almost bay window near the bookshelf.

As soon as Josh was far enough Maya began to talk.

"Riley, is there a plan behind this? Because I'm not coming back for another 9 months and I don't even know if I'm going to College he-" Maya began saying with distress as her baby blue eyes looked at Josh who was sipping from his coffee and calling a waitress.

"I know you aren't Maya, but I know you're good friends with my Uncle. Whether you are in love with him now or not, he is there and he will always be there." Riley prodded, glaring at Maya.

"Riles, I don't know if-" Maya began saying again a little bit given up by her best friends honest intervention, either way she was interrupted again.

"Maya, I'm trying to do whatever I can so I can see you back on your two standing feet." Riley scolded Maya, Maya shrugged, she knew this tone and she knew her best friend well enough to see she was being beyond serious about it. "I've known you my whole life and you are the strongest person I've met. You have been there for me since day one and I'm going to be there too, you are my safe place and I'm yours." Riley breathed out and Maya felt a pressure on her chest. "I want to see you rounded by the people you love, I want to see you happy with your energy charge because I know you are not going to stay here forever so I'm trying to give you the best so you feel happy in Texas too. So you don't feel that you are alone, because you are not, you have a bunch of people who love you that are just a little bit far away."

Maya felt her heart sinking, she didn't know what to say, how come she deserved someone so good like Riley? Truly she prayed and thank God, everyday for her best friend because she had managed to find someone who would be there for her no matter what happened, someone who would worry as much as she did for her, someone who would worry so much about her happiness it would even annoyed her sometimes. Maya felt lucky, she felt her heart beat rising between some happy tears.

"I love you Honey." Maya simply said as she hugged Riley with all the strength she had, she felt safe and she needed this.

"I love you Peaches." Riley said as a few tears streamed down her cheek as well. "Now go, he's waiting for you and I need to talk about something else too when you're done." Riley said as she pushed away and pointed at Josh with her head.

Maya nodded and gave Riley a squeeze with her hand before cleaning her eyes and strolling to Josh' table. She wondered what they would talk about, since they became friends they usually talked about music, movies and art in general, how NYU was and basically everything Maya aspire to be one day. And if they weren't talking about those things they were probably making out or fooling around in Josh' dorm in NYU or in Maya's house or in a close café, clearly not Topanga's. Although Maya wasn't a prude or anything, she did felt a bit bad for judging Lucas when she fooled around too but with only one guy. Now here they were, both in totally different scenarios, without seeing each other for a while and now Maya with a little to none attraction to him, it was more like a burn that hadn't heal, they hadn't said goodbye when she went away and they hadn't talk in her time outside New York. Maya was a bit apprehensive about it, but she decided she would talk to him, more for Riley than for herself.

"Little Ferret." Josh said in an introductory tone with one of those bright smiles of him, Maya reciprocated his smile, the one that before shook her with waves of excitement and now only gave her a tingle.

"Uncle Boing." Maya replied, they both laughed and Maya relaxed a bit, things had changed and maybe for good but their friendship seemed to be intact, something that Maya hadn't hope.

"What are you doing here, huh? I always thought it would be Riley who would go down to Texas to see you, guess I was wrong." Josh announced as he looked at her and fixed his beanie.

"I know, I know." Maya declared as the waitress put on Maya's coffee on the table and she took a sip of it, she taste the flavor, so characteristic of her. "You remembered." Maya said with a smile, their gazes linked together.

"How can I forget anything regarding you, Hart?" Josh reply and Maya felt her mouth drying, it was cute and Maya felt her cheeks getting a bit red but that was nothing to compare on how her heart skipped a bit with Lucas only appearing in the room.

"So what's up? How's NYU treating you?" Maya said as she cleared her throat, trying to dismiss Josh maybe flirting tone. Josh had always been flirting, no matter in what context it was put, he had that ability to always sound appealing to Maya, until the point where she didn't know if it was on her head or if it was real.

"It's fine, you know, being a lawyer and all will be hard but I'm halfway there." Josh said calmly, as he took a sip of his cup and looked around. "Some classes are kicking my butt, really but I'm great in others, I just hope I have what it takes for it."

"You do, you work your ass off there, there's no way you can possibly be a bad lawyer. I mean it's impossible." Maya reply with normality but also glowering at him, he tended to do that, dismissed his worth a bit and that offended her.

"Whoah there, you're still full of fire, aren't you?" Josh said chuckling as he looked at her, he then caress her hand that was over the table and Maya felt her heart stop for a second, thought it wasn't because she liked him, it was because she wanted him to be Lucas. "It feels weird without you here, why hadn't you text me?" Josh asked, a bit concerned.

Maya smile fade away quickly after that, she knew it was maybe because of the fooling around or the basic fact that Maya runaway fast enough from New York and Josh was in finals that they really didn't talked about the fact that Maya needed to leave.

"Hadn't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch here." Maya said sarcastically as she sipped from her cup and gaze down. It was uncomfortable, bringing back the memories about her sudden moving to Texas and the fact that they didn't had a real closure, either way they didn't had a real thing to put the closure on.

"I heard about it, believe me." Josh shuddered as he moved a bit closer to Maya.

Josh knew about it, how come he didn't? He was Uncle to Riley her best friend and basically they had been 'together' and friends for months; of course he had to know about it. But what frustrated Maya was that after all they went through they didn't actually had a closure, things didn't ended, they simply stopped and she was still into him when she moved. It wasn't that she still liked him, she definitely experience another thing with Lucas that was much stronger than any bond she had with Josh, but it hurt her still, more because she felt she was losing a friend after a while, after she decided she no longer liked him. And now he came here today wondering why she didn't texted him, why couldn't he text her?

"Then why didn't you texted me?" Maya hissed as she glowered at Josh. "I know we are not a thing but god I actually thought we were friends."

"We are." Josh interrupted her, his eyes fixed on her. "I've missed you and I care about you, you know that better than anyone."

But Maya felt her skin burning, she was hurt, something that she hadn't really allowed herself to feel these past few months. She had been trying to recover with determination, distracting and completely zooning out of her previous pain that it had come back a bite her butt. She had been hiding it, the pain, when she arrived to Texas and Lucas made her simply forget about it and made life a bit easier to carry on; But she hadn't allowed her old wounds to heal and now they were still burning, something she didn't wanted but she needed to.

"Then why didn't you text me? I went to hell and back these months and I've felt alone and heartbroken for everything that happened here. I couldn't even get a Fresh Start with someone I actually care about for a stupid mistake-" Maya ranted but was interrupted by Josh.

"I know you have, I know you Maya and I've been worried about you too." Josh said with determination, his brows furrowed together. "Don't you think I wanted to talk with you?" Josh asked Maya, she let a breathed she was holding back.

"Then why you didn't?" Maya asked.

"I didn't because I thought you needed time." Josh reply.

"Time for what Josh? I was gone and I was alone, I barely had Farkle and Riley by my side when I left." Maya said, she felt a pressure in her chest; she tried to restrain the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes.

"To be ready to talk to me, you went away so quickly that I believed that I you didn't wanted to talk to me." Josh said, defeat in his voice.

"Why wouldn't I want to talk to you? You were my friend and I was into you." Maya contended, she felt how a tear touched her cheek; she wiped the trail from her face.

"I wasn't there when the whole thing happened and I was so busy with University that as soon as I was available you were already gone." Josh said then he swallowed hard; it hurt him too, something that it hadn't even crossed Maya's mind. "The incident happened and summer went by so fast, you left early and that was it. I hadn't seen you in almost six months and I thought you were mad at me because I didn't acted when I should've."

"Josh…" Maya whispered as she placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it, trying to let him know it was okay.

"I'm sorry about everything. About fooling around with you and giving you false hope, about not being your friend when you needed me the most, for not talking to you because I believed you were mad at me and needed some time, for not giving you the closure you needed to move on." Josh pleaded, his grey eyes sparkling with tears and Maya felt a knot in her throat.

It had been something she needed, she had been hiding this pain for so long and although she didn't wanted him anymore, not as a boyfriend at least, the pain of not having him as a friend hurt like hell. She had lost a great amount of those when the incident happened, and she believed that she should forget about him the way he forgot about her. It was a great deal for Maya to deal with that loss friend, but she tried to ignore it and she had for the last few months, it had simply disappeared. Maya felt and saw the consequences of the incident, when she remembered those old moments of her old life. She had been distracted and happy with Lucas over-all, she was grate-full with her Texan friends and more than happy with that goofy cowboy she loved but at the end she saw how her wounds hadn't heal and now they emerging again.

"Weren't you mad or afraid at me?" Maya asked, her voice trembling.

"Why would I be mad or afraid of a Little Ferret like you?" Josh said chuckling, Maya laughed softly as well and Josh pulled Maya in for a hug.

Maya felt something healing in her heart, things had been left here in New York without the needed closure and so messy that Maya hadn't realize how much it affected her, how long had been carrying that dead weight of leaving things like that in New York. Now with the help of Riley and her re-found friends and family, she felt better than before, obviously some sequels were left and she was still afraid of the incident, she hadn't let it go but she felt happy and safe for a moment.

"Thank you, I needed that." Maya said between sniggering and soft sobs. She smiled and Josh' face light up. He placed his hand over Maya's and gave her a tight squeeze, reassuring how much he cared.

"So how are Texas and the boyfriend?" Josh said as he cleared his throat, his factions relaxed and he leaned against the back of the bay window.

Maya enter a bit in panic, she winked a few times and she was wide-eye. How come that he knew about Lucas? Maya cleared her throat and tried to avoid his gaze.

"What?"

"You know, the cowboy, the one you've been dating." Josh said with a smirk in his face, he loved seeing her like this and Maya knew it.

"Oh god, what has Riley told you?" Maya said as she rolled her eyes. Obviously her best friend was behind this.

"Nothing, only that you're in love with him." Josh said calmly.

"I'm not." Maya shrugged, as she wrinkle her nose annoyed by it.

Of course Maya knew she might be in love with Lucas, how couldn't she? Everything that he had made her feel was just… but she didn't wanted to finally accept it, and least of all in this moment when she had broke up with him.

"I know you, you can't lie." Josh said scornful.

Maya sighed, she needed to talk about him to Josh, this is the kind of thing friends talked about and Maya trusted him enough to tell him, even if it might be a bit uncomfortable.

"He's great, he cares about me a lot and although he was an asshole when I first got there, he had changed, a lot." Maya said calmly although she felt a sharp ache in her heart. At least he used to, Maya thought.

"So what's wrong?" Josh asked her with a deadpan expression.

"How do you know something is wrong?" Maya said as she bit her lower lip, and drifted her gaze away but then turned back and looked at his sly expression and his eyebrow lifted. She knew it; she couldn't escape him so easily. "Fine." Maya growled as she sighed and moved her body so she could face him properly. "I had an incident in Texas, some girls literally wanted to, I don't know, give me a scare and they tight me up in a hunted house where the water was coming high." Maya breathe deeply, because she felt her hands were shaking, she bristle and touched the scars that were left on her wrists. "I had a panic attacked because it reminded me of the thing that happened here."

"Why did they do that?" Josh demanded, his voice sounded gravelly, he was clearly upset.

"They wanted to get revenge on Lucas. He was a jerk with a lot of girls and they were jealous or maybe hurt that he had a serious relationship with me." Maya felt a knot in her throat. "I broke up with him before I came here, I was too hurt and he…I just couldn't tell him about what happened here, it would change everything and I would be ignore and hurt again by people, I just can't say anything."

Maya lifter her head to see Josh' gaze burning here, his eyes showing how worried he was about her, about her current situation and the pain that was causing her. Maya felt warm in her chest because she felt like he would have a great advice, she trusted him enough to believe he would help her get through this.

"And now?" Josh asked.

"I don't know…I mean we haven't talk for a week and I don't want to ask my friends there how he is doing." Maya said softly, she had given up a bit.

"Why?"

"Because… I'm scared, about everything. I just don't know if I could've a relationship with someone that put me on that place again. I have trying to forget about Trent and everything here, but the Panic attack just turned on everything that I had been trying to push apart."

And it had, it had affected her so badly she thought she couldn't resist something else like this, she had lost her home and she had to go away because of that event. She was now afraid of diving into something like that, something risky and Maya felt an ache because she wasn't like this before and she knew it. She was fierce and confident, she wanted to be her old self again yet now she was so fragile after all she didn't believe she would get back to who she was before, she was afraid she had lost herself.

"Maya…" Josh began saying as he lifted her chin. "You're the bravest and strongest person I know, nothing could break you. This is not you, at all and I think you are losing something real wonderful because of that fear."

Maya knew it, the fear was taking over her and even Riley was aware of it.

"What can I do about it?"

"You said you've been trying to forget about it, but have you tried letting it go? We can remember things, they teach us and you can grow thanks to those things. But the problem here is that in order to move on from things like what happened to you is to let them go." Josh said seriously, he sounded just like his brother. "Have you let go?"

Maya knew she hadn't, she had been trying to forget but the memories of Trent hurting Riley, hitting her and the aftermath about it had been hunting her since they happened. Maya had believed she had to ignore it, zooned out about that painful memory but she hadn't let them go, she was still holding on to the memories and that was why it had affected her so badly. She had cover her wounds but hadn't let them heal and now she was losing herself thanks to it

And that's when Maya broke down.

She began sobbing, because it hurt so badly, to lose one self and lose everyone around her, the tears began to stream down her cheeks, she lifted herself and hugged Josh, she put her head on the crook of his neck as she felt his arms wrapping her up. Someone she trusted and loved, had made her realize about what was happening to her, how she was losing herself, how she even hurting herself with the way she dealing with that traumatic event.

"Maya, you're losing people and losing yourself. If I know something in this world is that Maya hard wouldn't allow herself to do that." Josh said as he patted her back and the tears began to be less frequent. "You have to let go, maybe you won't move on right away and you can keep it a secret for as long as you feel the need to. But you don't have to feel that way anymore." Josh said softly as Maya nodded and then pushed away looking at him with a smile.

"Thank you." Maya whispered as she tried to wipe away the trail of tears, she felt finally in a peace, maybe not total peace but she was calmer about everything regarding that event.

Maya knew she had to move on from it, she thought she had been doing that the last few months but she clearly hadn't and it was killing her. But now she felt like she finally broke free and now she could let that event be part of her life without hunting her and hurting her present, she had to leave it in the past, she had to let go.

"I will always be here and you know that Little Ferret." Josh said with a smile as he caressed one of Maya's cheeks and she smiled back.

But there was still something bothering her.

"So what should I do now anyway? I broke up with him for that." Maya said lowly, she closed her eyes, she had screw things up thanks to that fear that now had no control over her.

"Don't be a leaver." Josh interrupted her quickly. "If you know he cares about you and you care about him then go and fight for him and your relationship, don't give up."

Maya nodded as she felt her heart skipping a bit.

Josh was right, there was no one who had made her feel like Lucas did. He had something that made her feel like fire and there was nothing better than it, she felt happy and safe with him, she felt like herself and she thank him so much for giving her such happiness. She wanted him, she had done him wrong but she wasn't letting that stepping in her way of her happiness, maybe she wasn't in New York but it felt like home with him by her side.

"I need to talk to him." Maya blurted out with a smile on her face.

"Then go ahead Little Ferret." Josh said as he pointed her the way out.

Maya gave him a quick peck on his cheek and then she run out of Topanga, climbing the stairs as she felt a cold wind of New York and a bunch of dead leafs began falling from the tears. Creating a rain of gold and orange and red, colors that clearly represented Maya's happiness. Maya laughed out loud and then she took her phone and began to dial up Lucas' number.

Maya waited a few seconds; the beep rang once before it directly went to voice mail. Maya found it odd, usually when Maya called him Lucas would answer right up, really he picked up his phone always, and even if it was mid-night he would be there. Maya felt an odd feeling in her chest, like something wasn't right and she grew anxious about the fact that Lucas wasn't answering. She called again, and it went straight to voice mail, another phone call and straight to voice mail again.

"Hey, what happened?" Josh said as he was in his way out of Topanga's as he put his coat on, his brows furrowed and eyes fixed on Maya.

"I don't know he's not answering…" Maya said softly, her expression somber. "I… I'm going to call Vanessa." Maya said as she walked a few steps away from Josh. She dialed Vanessa's number and she prayed that she would answer her, her heart beat increasing, and she closed her eyes.

"Hello? Maya?" Vanessa's voice sounded in the other side and Maya finally let go of that breathed she had been holding so badly, she thanked god.

"Yes, Vanessa it's me. I need to talk to Lucas but he's not answering his phone." Maya asked Vanessa a bit agitated about everything; she was worried about him so badly.

"Maya…I don't want to give you something to worry while you're there but…" Vanessa tapered off and Maya felt beyond anxious.

"What Vanessa?" Maya demanded, she heard how Vanessa struggle to articulate the words, she was clearly doubtful of what to tell Maya and Maya felt irritated.

"There's something wrong with Lucas."