This... chapter is weird. I was so tempted not to post it, cause it is THAT weird, but I decided to post it anyway. Once again, this is just plain funky. I'm still unsure about it, but... here you go. I'll go ahead and post another chapter later today most likely, but... hope you like it?
Yea. Weird. Established relationship.... and weird.
17
Drug
a chemical substance used to stupefy or poison
Jim stood in the transporter room, arms folded over his chest while he waited for Scotty to get a lock on Spock and the away team. The Vulcan had taken two of the Science team with him to a planet that had given off readings of useful ore that they could have taken aboard, though they hadn't been able to determine what exactly they were from long range scans. While Jim had wanted to go, Spock had told him no firmly and left him on the Enterprise, something that the blond was going to pout about later to guilt Spock into giving him some really great apology sex.
The red lights signaled the start of beaming, and then three people materialized on the platform. Jim smiled as his eyes met Spock's and then the expression fell from his face. Spock looked unusually tense, eyebrows twitched together, frown on his lips, and tightness all over his shoulders.
"Spock?" Jim asked softly, pressing slightly at their bond. It was like hitting a brick wall and Jim had to stop himself from physically jerking back, surprised. While sometimes Spock would dull their bond to help them function apart, he had never bluntly blocked Jim since the bond had been formed.
The Vulcan stalked past him, leaving the transporter room and Jim with a shocked look on his face and confusion in his heart. Even Scotty seemed surprised, he looked towards Jim, and their eyes met before the Captain gave a half-hearted shrug. Jim turned to follow Spock, briefly pausing to give Scotty the orders to debrief the away team. The engineer nodded and didn't argue, knowing that something was wrong that Jim and Spock needed to work out.
Jim found Spock standing quietly in their quarters, against the wall with one hand fisted, resting above his head. Moving forward slowly, Jim tried to enter the bond again, only to be forcefully shoved backwards this time. He winced at the bolt of pain that shot through his head at the force, and finally spoke.
"Spock, what's wrong? Did something happen on the planet?"
Spock's back tensed. "I request that you leave me alone at this time, Captain."
Surprise flowed through Jim at that word. Spock hadn't called him 'Captain' in private since they had begun dating. Jim stepped forward, reaching out a hand to brush his fingers over Spock's back. "Something's wrong, talk to—" His voice was cut off by a surprised, nearly frightened sound as Spock whirled around, his hand lashing out and wrapping tightly around Jim's wrist.
"I told you…" Spock growled lowly, his voice a rumbling thunder that Jim had never heard from him before. "To leave me ALONE!"
At the final word the Vulcan clenched his hand, and Jim couldn't stop the surprised cry that exploded from his throat. He tried to yank backwards, but Spock's grip was too strong. "Spock, stop it!" Jim said frantically, blue eyes wide with fear. His wrist was throbbing; if it wasn't broken, it would be shortly. "Something's wrong, we need to get you to sickbay…"
Spock's eyes were alien as they met Jim's, the naked rage and hate on the Vulcan's features making Jim's heart race. "There is nothing wrong with me. Cease your annoying prying this moment!"
"Spock, you're hurting me!" Jim tried pleading, pulling backwards again. "Let go! I have to go get Bones so he can help you!"
A roar escaped Spock, and the next thing Jim knew he was being slammed against the wall, the back of his head bouncing off with enough force to leave him barely conscious, stars dancing in his vision before Spock pulled back a hand.
"There is nothing wrong!" Spock growled. "And you need to learn to be silent when I tell you!"
Pain. Oh god so much pain. Jim opened his mouth to try and speak, a bloody gurgle escaping him as blood spilled down his chin. "Spuh…" Jim forced out before coughing violently, blood splattering across Spock's pale skin.
The droplets across his face seemed to snap Spock out of whatever he'd fallen into, and he came back to awareness to see Jim's rapidly paling face in front of him, blue eyes filled with terror, pain, and a strange sort of acceptance as blood poured from his lips. Spock's eyes widened in surprise, and then he looked down.
His hand was buried to the wrist in Jim's chest.
With a startled gasp Spock pulled backwards on instinct, forcing a choked scream from Jim's lips. The right side of his chest was caved in, denting oddly inward.
Jim was fading fast, blood bubbling at the corner of his mouth as he began to drown in his own blood, watery gurgles coming from his throat. Spock spared no more time, quickly lifting his mate and running from the room, sprinting as fast as he could to sickbay.
As soon as he exploded through the doors he let out a shout, bringing several people running. McCoy's face went white as soon as he saw Jim, draped lifelessly in Spock's arms, already shouting out orders as he pulled Spock to lay Jim on a bio-bed.
"I haven't got a pulse!" McCoy shouted. "He's not breathing either! Damnit, Jim, don't you dare die on me now!"
Spock wasn't aware of his next actions as he sprang forward with an angry roar as Jim was taken away from him. There was a hiss near his ear and then darkness came in.
The last thing that he saw was Jim's eyes, half-lidded and dark, staring endlessly through him.
"Feel like telling me what the hell just happened?" McCoy asked, his voice tense as he stood above Spock's bed, arms crossed over his chest.
The Vulcan wasn't looking at him, his eyes turned towards the door of the room where Jim was on the other side of sickbay. "I find myself… confused." he said softly after a moment. "I do not recall returning from the planet, nor how I ended up in the quarters I share with Jim. The first sight I remember is…"
McCoy ran a palm across his forehead. "Your fist punching through Jim's ribcage, I assume. We found traces of trillium-D in you, Spock. Not much, but enough to cloud your senses and release your emotions for a short time. No doubt anger."
"Will he…"
"Four broken ribs, all four embedded in his lung. One pierced his back; two more came within millimeters of piercing his heart. He was technically dead for 12 minutes, oxygen-deprived for 14. I managed to repair what little brain damage was caused by that, and he still on a ventilator because he can't breathe on his own, but he'll live." McCoy responded, tone clipped and professional.
Spock lifted a hand, placing it over his eyes and struggling with himself. The Vulcan pushed himself into a sitting position before swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing. "I will… take my leave."
McCoy blinked in surprise. "You don't want to go see him?"
"I do not deserve to be in his presence."
"Spock…" McCoy felt a wrench in his heart; he knew how much Spock cared for Jim, even if the Vulcan never really showed it in public. "It wasn't your fault. You were drugged; Ensign Jamel told me that you found traces of trillium-D in the atmosphere when you were down there; none of it was your fault."
Spock's eyes were full of guilt and anger that McCoy had long since learned to read. "I injured my mate, my t'hy'la. I nearly killed him; I do not even deserve to continue my own life!"
McCoy had never heard so much anger in Spock's voice, and he knew that the anger was directed at the Vulcan himself. "Spock."
The Vulcan looked sharply at him since he had turned away to look at the door to Jim's private sickbay room. There was naked remorse written on his face, and McCoy knew at that moment that he never wanted to see that much pain on his face ever again. Spock was a dear friend, and after the terror of today, he wanted to be sure that he made it right.
"I know that you're going to continue to think that this was your fault, but I just want to you to go and sit with him. He'll wake up before too long, and then just talk to him. Tell him what happened. He'll understand, and he'll tell you himself; this was not your fault." McCoy said firmly, folding his arms over his chest. "You weren't yourself."
"That does not change the fact that I performed these atrocities." Spock bit out.
McCoy sighed before flapping a hand towards Jim's room. "Go sit with your husband."
Spock was still for a moment, and then he started moving towards the door. He paused for a moment again, and then forced himself to enter the room.
Jim was lying on the bed in the center of the room, a brace around his wrist and blankets pulled up beneath his arms. The movement of his chest was accompanied by a soft whoosh and hiss of the ventilator beside the bed, and Spock nearly forced himself to leave again before going forward and sitting in the chair beside the bed.
He waited a few more moment before reaching up to slide his hand over Jim's and threading their fingers together. "Jim…" he murmured quietly. "I am so… very sorry." Lowering his head, Spock pressed his forehead against the back of Jim's hand, noticing faintly that he was shaking. "When we bonded I pledged myself to you, told you that I would always protect you and be by your side, and I have betrayed that trust. The trillium does not excuse what I did. I believe that I should…"
There was a press at his mind, and Spock looked up sharply to meet dazed blue eyes staring at him quietly. Jim's mouth moved slightly, a soft sound coming from his throat before he fell silent, realizing that he couldn't speak. Spock felt Jim squeeze his hand gently, and then there was another push at their link.
Spock paused only another moment before allowing their bond to open, welcoming Jim's presence back into his mind and relishing the warmth of his mate's thoughts against his own once more.
Spock…
I'm so sorry, Jim…
Jim's hand rose, fingers skimming over Spock's cheek as the Vulcan leaned down to lean into the touch. It wasn't your fault, Spock. What Bones said was right; none of it was something you did on purpose. His fingers skimmed across Spock's temple, petting gently. I don't blame you for any of it.
I nearly killed you. Spock replied bitterly, shrinking slightly in the mental touch. Jim's eyebrows twitched together, frowning. It was irresponsible of me, and I do not deserve to be in your life anymore.
Jim's grip on his hand tightened and he shook it slightly as a faint spike of anger through their bond. Don't you dare think that! You will never lose that right, and I would never let you go, even if you tried. Now quit feeling sorry for yourself, we both know that it wasn't your fault, and I don't blame you for it, so you shouldn't blame yourself.
Spock had no response to those words; he merely sat quietly, though his fingers slowly started stroking over the back of Jim's knuckles. I would understand if you wish me to leave.
Never. Jim said firmly.