Chapter 10: re_-_of_the_prince

Long, long, really totally long ago,

There was, like, a costume party. For Halloween. There were many spiky-haired bros and hot babes…all pretending they weren't minors.

Well, maybe some of them were of age.

Anyway, people…How's about a drama-romance musical fight scene? With ninjas? That would be nice, but…

-X- Mountaintop!

Sora hid behind one of the few cabins dotting the heights of Destiny's mountain range. Peeking around the wooden home's corner, he spotted various clones of Pence and Hayner poofing in and out of existence; each time they appeared near each other, a deadly clash ensued, resulting in either ninja getting punch, stabbed, poked in the eyes, or kicked in the crotch.

Suddenly, Sora forgot what he was doing. He looked down at his pants.

"Weird. I didn't even notice I was wearing a jumpsuit this whole time. It's like my pants is my shirts, and my shirts is my pants."

And then Sora…well, he kept talking to himself.

"Cool, it zips up just like my red outfit! That also means it zips down…"

He zipped his pants down.

"Oh, no wonder I've been feeling like a bad-boy! I'm totally going commando!"

With the edges of his pants in either hand, Sora humped the air repeatedly, making his junk do jumping jacks against the fabric of his jumpsuit.

"Oh, dude—I'm hung right now. I might just walk up and hit someone with this thing." Then, he moaned out loud. "Ho-ho-ho, and I just remembered I saw Kairi waaaay naked earlier, and now I'm running out of real estate. Oh, man, this thing's outta control…"

He clenched his glutes, now humping twice as fast.

"Aw, yeah—I bet you like it like that, you bat-crazy, gutter-mouth slut-chick…. You like gettin' whacked by the tip, don't you? Oh wait—now you want the jewels, too? Never thought you were so greedy, Kai…Aw, shit—you got it so sensitive right now…aw, shit…awwww-shit…aww-shit—AWW! Heheh, just kidding."

"Sora, what the actual fuck," said Pence.

"Dude, like…I can't even…what is life?" Hayner was distraught.

Zipping his pants back up, the horny vampire greeted them, "Oh, what's up, guys? Weren't you in the middle of battling each other to the death, or something?"

"Yeah, but that kinda killed the mood for both of us, bro," Pence admitted, nervously tugging at his blue ninja collar.

"What? Never seen a guy bounce his junk before?" Sora snapped his fingers. "Oh, yeah—that's right. You guys don't even have dicks."

Hayner hotly retaliated, "Hey—screw you, Sore-Cuck! We got dicks for days!" He then took his own ninja-bulge in one hand.

"Whatever that means. Queers, ahem. Hey, wasn't this supposed to be a drama-romance musical fight scene? What gives? Where're the hot skanks, the cool stunts…the bomb-ass tunes? It's just you nitwits."

Pence speculated, "Pretty sure you ruined everything with your dick-foolery, ass-hat."

"Aw, c'mon. Don't be like that. Just, uh…play some Imagine Dragons while I pummel you, and we'll call it a night."

Behold, a thin sliver of daylight broke over the horizon.

Sora laughed out loud. Deceptively, he pointed out, "Well, would you look at the time? It's half past—Bababooey! Do it now, guys!"

And so, there was this awkward silence. Hayner and Pence simply stared in confusion-slash-annoyance as Sora stood there pointing one finger in the air.

"Ahem, I said—do it now, guys!" Sora repeated irritably.

Breaking monster protocol, Wolf Riku and Kairi simply walked out from behind cover, both glaring at the vampire.

Sora shrugged. "What?"

"'Bababooey'?" Riku repeated. "You and I both agreed the codeword'd be 'Rooster Pussy!' You ruined the whole plan!"

"Oh, yeah. That's right. It made no sense…"

Crossing her arms, Kairi added her two cents, "I'm just pissed you called me a 'gutter-mouth slut-chick.' Actually—no, I'm not mad at that. Just a little vexed about the whole 'greedy for your jewels' thing."

"When did that happen?" Sora drew a blank.

Meanwhile, Kairi snapped her fingers and declared, "Well, actually, I am pretty greedy when it comes to jewels—balls and diamonds, alike. But still…how dare you assume I enjoy being tip-whacked! Aw…okay, you got me again."

"Who are you?" Sora had more blanks, like blanks for days.

Riku inquired, "Is this the part where I kill Sora?"

"Might be," said Kairi. "But that part usually comes after I bang one of you."

"Did I leave the fridge open?" Sora pondered.

"What the fuck is even going on here?!" Hayner shouted in pure rage.

Just then, Elsa took a step out from behind cover. Shaking her head in grief, she explained, "I'm too late. They've gone nuts."

"Who the fuck are yooouuu?" Angered beyond a doubt, angry Hayner was becoming pretty angry.

"I'm a queen without a kingdom, ninja-boy." Elsa laughed at her own joke. Then, "Anyway. Those costumes seem be fusing with their identities. Or some anime crap. Just know what happens next is completely indeterminable…"

Wolf Riku delayed his reaction to Kairi's proposal. Meanwhile, Sora started levitating off the ground, placing both hands in his pants' pockets. He lowered the span of his wings to hang low by his feet.

That's when Sora and Riku suggested in unison, "The usual?"

"Good boys." Kairi was proud of her monster-mates. "What's it gonna be?"

"Race first?" said Riku.

Sora shook his head. "That's hardly fair. I can basically teleport."

"Guess a quick round'll do the trick. Grab your sword."

"Cool with me."

Riku chuckled. "By the way, the lady did say that one of us would get to tap that before the fight starts, so…" Behold, the wolfman pulled Kairi in close to him, linking their waistlines together for a full-frontal make-out session. She did little to fight back his sudden advance, letting him cop a handful of feels while kissing him just as deeply.

Back with Elsa, she warned Hayner and Pence, "You ninja-boys might wanna beat it. Your story arc…it wasn't that important, anyway."

Initially defiant, Pence retorted, "No way! We're master ninjas! We're not gonna—"

A surge of clear energy crashed down upon Sora from the heavens at dawn, creating ripples in the air. Still levitating low above ground with both hands in his pockets, the rigid vampire seemed to call upon another surge of energy, increasing the atmospheric interference tenfold.

Elsa shrugged and said over the raging wind, "See? I told you. This is no place for a couple of ninjas. Just run—oh, they're already gone."

-X- Down the Mountain

"Aw, man—this part was supposed to be about us—the ninjas!" Hayner exclaimed as he and Pence barreled down a mountain slope. "What happened to the good stuff, for crying out loud?"

"I don't know man, but it can't end like this!" Pence cried. "We—we—we have to look cool before this story ends! It just can't end like this! It just can't!"

Just then, a giant spider came running after them, although it seemed more confused than predatory.

"Hey, what ever happened to my part, y'know?" the spider asked. "There was supposed to be this whole subplot about finding all my spider eggs before they hatched into explosives, y'know!"

"We all got jipped!" Hayner yelled.

Remember Garnet? Well, she was flying casually above the racing trio of forgotten monsters, also adding, "There was also supposed to be a plot point about lighting up the sky to fool Selphie or something, but that got retconned straight to hell."

Meanwhile, Elsa had created an ice-slide down the side of the mountain, traversing past Hayner, Pence, Rai the spider, and Garnet at an impeccable speed. Smirking in the wind, she noted to herself, "Looks like my work here is done. The universe is safe, and it's because of you, Sora. Hm…you can handle my darkness any day."

-X- Yeah…

"…. What else is new."

-X-

A/N: The End.

This retaliation must be documented beyond FanFic Dot Net. In others news, Kairi Totally Went Shopping and Sora Must Die. Pretty soon, things will also be Coming Up Destiny!

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