Chapter 10

"You can sleep here if you want." Levi said quietly as he laid Eren down on his bed gently. This was easier said then done seeing as Eren still clung desperately to every part of Levi he could reach.

"Where are you going?! Don't leave, please don't leave!" said Eren frantically tightening his grip as Levi tried to pull away.

"Calm down brat, I am just going to wash up a bit." Levi tried to reason with him grasping his fingers and trying to untangle them.

"No," whimpered Eren softly as he tried to pull Levi closer to him, "Don't go."

"…Understood." said Levi at last, kicking off his boots before letting Eren pull him onto his bed and press close. Honestly Levi felt disgusting from the long ride back and he cringed inwardly at laying on his clean sheets in this filthy state. But Eren… he couldn't say no. Guilt like he'd never felt before weld up within him. To say Eren wasn't acting like he usually did around him would be an understatement. When he'd left Eren had cringed at even having minimal contact with him. Now… Eren tangled his fingers in Levi's short hair and pressed feverish kisses all over his face again.

"You can't leave again. Please, I won't make it without you." Eren said over and over between shaky kisses.

"I am not going anywhere." Levi promised letting Eren do what he wanted to him. He had nearly had a heart attack when Eren had first pressed that clumsy kiss onto him. There was a scary moment when Levi nearly lost control and grabbed Eren to return every kiss with just as much pressure and desperation of his own. However his shame had suck-punched him in the gut before he had a chance to give in. Eren obviously wasn't thinking clearly. In fact Levi doubted very much he was thinking much at all. If Levi was a good person he wouldn't even let Eren kiss him at all in this state. But he was not. He let Eren control what was happening and tried his best to keep him safe within that… but he was still selfish enough to saver every shred of misplaced affection the young shifter dolled out knowing that once Eren calmed down from whatever this triggered state was that it would never happen again.

"You'll stay close?" asked Eren in such a child-like manner that it caused pain to squeeze Levi's chest at the reminder that boy he was in love with was so shut down that only this very young and frightened self seemed to remain.

"As close as you want me." said Levi softly. Eren at last let out a warm puff of air relaxing slightly as he tucked himself under his Corporal's chin. Cautiously, Levi wrapped his arms around Eren's waist and pulled up the covers. The boy merely 'hmm'ed softly in response and tangled his feet together with the shorter man's. Still, Levi didn't relax until the brunet's breathing evened out as he fell into an exhausted sleep.

Levi felt like such a piece of shit. He should have insisted on staying with Eren. He should have pressured Erwin and Hanji more into higher security while he was away. He should have- He should have-! Levi let out a shaky breath and buried his nose in Eren's brown hair. He was here. Right here in his arms. He wasn't bleeding out or dying. And that meant there was still a chance for him. A chance to change things. And this time Levi would hold tighter to what was precious to him.

This time he wouldn't let it be destroyed.

Eren woke up slowly. His body felt weird, but not the weird that he was used to… His eyes felt puffy and almost glued shut, his throat was sore and his chest achy, his limbs felt brittle and hollowed out but though they felt weightless they might as well have been made of led for the lack of strength within him to move them. His internal clock told him that he had been asleep for a long time but he still felt exhausted. Still, despite feeling rather terrible he felt no desire to try and move. It was warm and his senses were filled with a familiar and strangely comforting secant. He pressed his face closer to the warm skin against his cheek and felt the heartbeat underneath it quicken slightly.

Eren's eyes snapped open and he pushed away from the lose grasp that held him.

"Eren." said Levi evenly sitting up as well and watching him cautiously, "calm down."

"I- yes sir." said Eren swallowing and attempting to follow the order.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" asked Levi calmly observing him with alert grey eyes.

"Last-?" Eren swallowed as memories of desperate kisses and clutching tightly to his superior as he sobbed. Well no wonder he felt awful, he didn't remember the last time he had allowed himself to cry like that. Eren could no longer meet his Corporal's eyes as he felt his face turn crimson and he hung his head in shame, "Yes. I am sorry sir, you must feel quite disgusted with me."

"Tsk, don't apologize brat." muttered Levi clicking his tongue in annoyance. Still Eren couldn't look at him. He clutched soft sheets tightly remembering the way the sight of his Corporal had seemed to cause all his tight control to disappear. He had felt strangely like an outsider watching himself do and say all those things. What a pathetic person he was. Not only had he allowed the needy desperate thing in his soul to exist at all, he had surrendered his control to it in front of the person he admired most. Truly disgusting.

"I… can leave if you want…" mumbled Eren swallowing back the shame that seemed to roll within him like a physical sickness. He should leave. Levi probably never wanted to see his face again. But he couldn't seem to get his body to move. His skin felt raw and uncomfortable making the small bed feel much too cramped. The small whiney thing inside him still craved to be pressed as close to this man as possible. Still felt as if it would shatter him to be apart from him. But this time his self loathing was much more powerful.

"I meant what I said you know." said Levi suddenly causing Eren to look up startled to meet that intense gaze.

"What're you-?"

"Last night," Levi clarified, "and every time before that. I don't hold you accountable to any of the shit you said or did. I am not stupid; I know you weren't yourself. But I just wanted you to know I wasn't just fucking with you ever."

"Levi…" Murmured Eren feeling something warm and foreign bubble up in his chest, stronger even then all the wretched parts of him.

"So… If you want to go, you can go. But I meant it Eren, I'll stay as close as you want me. I won't leave unless you ask me to." said Levi and something in his gaze seemed to soften slightly, "So Eren… what do you want?"

"I want-" Eren choked slightly on the strange words. He felt his throat tightened with emotion. Great walls above, he was going to start crying again. When had it ever been about what he wanted? It was always about what was needed. What had to happen. Did he even know what he wanted?

"You want?" prodded Levi patiently.

"I…" Eren searched his eyes feeling lost. At last he let out a shaky breath and hung his head in shame as he wordlessly reached out a shaky hand and grasped one of Levi's, "I don't know what I want… but I don't want you to go, and I don't want anyone else…"

"Understood." said Levi solemnly letting their fingers intertwine, "I'll make it happen."

Heads up. For any of you who have been thinking 'oh man, this person updates really randomly' let me just warn you now that school is starting. School takes priority and so I make no promises on updates during that time. Not that there was before either. However, I anticipate that this semester will be intense and that I won't have much time or energy for free-writing. So there is this SUPER short little chapter for you, and possibly one more before school starts.

Thought you might like a heads up before I disappear off the face of the planet.

So long.