I had entered the school early, trying to get to the library before the hallways got crowded. In addition, I wanted to actually get something done before Kevin interrupted my reading. He had made it a habit to visit me during my free period to chat. I didn't mind his presence- in fact, I had grown a bit fond of our greetings-but I was losing precious reading time, which I was now trying to make up for. It was weird not to have an excessive amount of time dedicated to the spoken word, and instead, time dedicated actually practicing it. I hadn't been this socially involved since...since my friends left. It was exciting, strange and utterly terrifying. I usually didn't know what to say! Fortunately, my ginger haired companion did not seem perturbed by my lack of social graces. In fact, he almost seemed encouraged by it.

He had become almost familiar to me lately. He spent most mornings in the library with me (unless he slept in, which happened more than he'd like to admit), walked me to class when he spotted me between periods, and offered me rides home if he didn't have practice. We were slowly moving from polite acquaintances to friends. It was humbling and entertaining to be around him- we were such different people, naturally.

And yet... he never stopped trying. He was persistent, honest, kind and surprisingly sweet, even when my defensive attitude didn't warrant it. He seemed absolutely determined to stick near me. At first, I thought it was purely because he pitied me. Perhaps, deep down, that was his original motive, but after some time it changed. He asked less and less about my attacks and didn't seem nearly as afraid for me when he was around me. It was relieving for both of us, I'm sure.

As we both adjusted to our new found bond, I felt I was really starting see the boy's true character. It wasn't hard to see he was well liked, confident and hard working, but there were other things there, as well. For instance, he was very family oriented. I truly fear for anyone who would speak ill towards his parents. Which was another thing. I had always seen him as one looking for a fight, but whenever he told me about them, it was never the athlete who initiated the violence. He was, of course, always willing to finish them, however.

There were also sides I would never have guessed even existed. While he was not entirely an airhead, he was apathetic about schoolwork, claiming it bored him to tears. I couldn't understand it, but he insisted that going to high school was worse than prison itself, showing off his legendary stubbornness. He was willing to admit defeat in a fight to save himself from harm, but there was little that he wouldn't debate verbally to the death. While his close mindedness was something I struggled to accept, I was reassured in the fact that he did in fact think about things before making up his mind about it.

He was not complicated, exactly. No, he was really quite simple to understand. But it was more than I had originally thought.

The only part of him I didn't understand was his connection to a person such as myself. I hated to admit it, but he wasn't doing himself any favors by being around me. I was really quite comfortable knowing that I was far from popular, but I hadn't ever seen the boy without a posse of friends that he held close. That, and we didn't have much in common. He was physically driven, spoke with loud conviction, seemingly fearless, and I was...

Well, me.

.

It wasn't long before the first bell rang, and Kevin popped his head into the library hesitantly. I don't think he realized I could see him out of the corner of my eye even while I was reading. He often would pause just outside the door and stare for a moment, as if he were spying on me or trying to find an excuse to enter the room. I never looked up, as my curiosity begged me to let him enter at his own risk. He always did, losing his somewhat bashful attitude and going back to his open, grinning self.

"Yo, Dee."

I looked up, as if I had just noticed him. "Salutations, Kevin! How are you?"

"I'm good. Stayed up pretty late doin' that paper for Richard's, though. I'm beat. How're you?"

"Splendid. I finished my paper last week, however."

"Damn, that's impressive! What did you write about?"

"Lack of real world physics in the mainstream media."

"Huh?"

"...stunts, Kevin. In movies? Most are impossible, or at least, highly unlikely."

"You're kidding- you mean I can't go pick up a car with my bare hands?" he asked, winking. I rolled my eyes, smiling. Kevin was constantly sarcastic and teasing, and while it was a little hard to adjust to, I found it a bit endearing.

"No, I'm afraid not even you would be able to pull such a feat, but I wouldn't mind watching you try, of course."

The boy sat unceremoniously, leaning on the table with his chin propped up in his palm, shaking his head slowly. "O ye of little faith. I'm hurt, Dee. Just devastated," he said with an amused grin on his face.

"You'll recover soon enough, I'm sure."

"Ouch. Merciless today, aren't we?"

I simply shrugged. I reached over to get inside my bag for my deck of cards- I had looked up a few new games the night before that I wanted to try with him. His voice stopped me, however.

"Uh hey, listen. I was hoping you could help me out with something today. I don't know who else to ask."

I straightened, giving him a wary look. What could he possibly want from me? "How can I be of assistance?"

"It's...ugh," he sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes in embarrassment. "It's so stupid. Really, it just...man. Okay. I was just thinking about what you said the other day. About luck and stuff? I think the team you could really use some of that positive thinking stuff. Is there any way you could, I dunno, help me do that? I have no idea what to say or who needs to hear it. Some of the guys are super cocky but some are still kinda wimpy and don't speak up much. I just...I don't know. You're good with people. I'm not."

I opened my mouth to respond, then shut it again, thinking. The last part of his little speech really got me. What on earth was he talking about? People loved him- I would know, I had seen it! I saw it every single day- the way he walked the halls with confidence as dozens of people greeted him warmly, the smooth way he got himself out of trouble, his success in the sports teams...

"I-wait. I don't understand. You would like me help you to encourage the baseball team by...what?"

"Watching, I guess. Figuring out who needs what. You're really good at that."

"I am?"

"Sure! You always notice things that no one else does."

"I do?"

"Yeah, man, geez. Don't believe me? Here- I'll prove it. Uh, lemme think..." he tilted his chair onto the back two legs, putting his hands behind his head. I hated when he did that- it was bad for the chair and his shirts always rode up and caught my attention. Staring was incredibly rude.

"Oh! Remember when Eddy and I got into that huge fight in eighth grade? He was calling me a spoiled brat, but you totally shot him down?"

Boy did I. I hadn't meant to defend Kevin, as he was at the time, my enemy, but I couldn't help myself. We had been stopped in the hallway by Kevin and his friend Gray, who then made jokes about our childish, awkward appearance- not that they were wrong, really. I had outgrown almost everything I owned, Eddy had became a fan of clothes much too big for him, and Ed hardly washed.

But Eddy's response was worse.

"At least we're not pretentious dick heads! You rich, privileged son of bitches probably don't even sleep without getting tucked in to bed by your personal servants! You think you're so cool- does your mommy drive you to school? Does she carry you to the front steps so you don't get your fancy stuff dirty? You cocky bastards!"

I had responded without thinking. If we had been in private it wouldn't even have been so bad, but...

I scoffed slightly, catching the attention of those around me before anyone else could speak up. I stared at my hands and spoke quietly and clearly.

"Hardly, Eddy. The Barrs live in a modest home. His father is often absent at his job, which I doubt he would if their family was especially wealthy. And look at their shoes. Yes, they are worn, but that could be from practice. But there are burs stuck in both of their shoelaces, which only come from the field behind the school. There isn't a drop off for cars on that side, so it can only be assumed they walked here from their houses. In addition, they are both wearing hand me downs, not 'fancy' clothing. You can tell because Kevin's shirt has a black logo on the front, which was only a popular for that company about twenty years ago, meaning he probably got the shirt from his father or some other family member. Mr. O'Conner is wearing a jacket he's worn almost daily for years. But notice the stains on the hood lining? They are likely temporary hair dye- something that Mr. O'Conner does not use, at least not to my knowledge. Also, the jacket sits a little snugly on his shoulders, which may imply it was made for a woman. I'm assuming that he inherited the jacket from a sister- perhaps one that moved away when he was younger. You cannot draw conclusions on your emotions alone- you need to look at the facts first."

After my lengthy and detailed analysis, my face went red with embarrassment for having known so much. It was a time when I was very jealous of those with a lot of friends- so I watched them often. I was curious as to what made them so appealing to everyone else. In time, as well, I had learned a thing or two about who I was watching in a more personal way.

Who were then watching me, disgust, curiosity and surprise written across their faces. Eddy was so furious he didn't even speak- he just grabbed the tallest of our trio and stomped away, leaving me alone, terrified, with the two boys. Before I could defend myself Gray had grabbed my collar and shoved me against a locker, sneering down at me. I remembered the feeling of the cold metal, the books falling from my hands and my knees knocking below me.

"You creep. You think it's cool when you spy on us? You think you're so smart. You arrogant bitch." He looked like he very much like he wanted to hit me, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. "C'mon dude, we're going to be late for lunch. He ain't worth it." Gray had let go, kicking my books as he walked away. Kevin looked back once as I stood there, too frightened to move. He closed his eyes and shook his head a bit before turning and walking away.

It wasn't a fond memory of mine, and I shuddered.

"Yes. Yes, I remember that," I said quietly. "what about it?"

"You knew everything, man!"

"I guess," I said flippantly.

"C'mon, man. You're the smartest person I know."

"That's ridiculous," I retorted. "Most of our teachers have years of experience, thus far exceeding my own intelligence."

"Okay, fine. Smartest person I can stand."

That made the corners of my lip turn up. He wasn't exactly saying he considered me a friend, but it seemed close enough. The ginger haired boy wasn't very big on affection, and I knew that, so it always seemed to special to me if he showed it.

"I'm not sure that I would really be that effective," I said, shrugging. "But I wouldn't mind giving it a try."

Kevin's fallen expression quickly became bright again, and he slapped the table with his palm as his chair righted itself. "Awesome! Can you come to practice today? It would be until five-ish."

"Alright."

"Sweet! Just come and watch on the bleachers. I'm not gonna tell the guys or anything, cuz then they'll act stupid just to mess with ya. Sound good?"

"Yes, that's agreeable. I would like to stay as far away from their attention as possible, if that's okay."

The athlete's face became a bit cautious, and he leaned forward a little. "Sure thing, dude, but listen. The guys... they can be pretty stupid sometimes, but they're nothing to be afraid of, yknow? They aren't gonna do anything, trust me."

Something in my chest froze, and I looked away, setting my mouth into a thin line.

Oh yes they would. We both know it's possible. It's happened before- and you were one of them.

How can I trust you?

.

Later that afternoon, my unsettling thoughts still hadn't ceased, and I was growing increasingly anxious. I had no real reason to be afraid- but I couldn't help it. His words had brought up a handful of painful memories, ones I wasn't ready to face just then. I continually rubbed my thumbs against my palms, my sleeves, and my books, trying to find comfort in the action. It helped...a little.

When school ended I stalled, slowly grabbing my things and waiting in the restroom (while washing my hands repeatedly) for the hallways to clear. After that, I went out the back door to the baseball field, where the team was. They were currently running, and I guessed it was because they were warming up. A large man who I assumed was the coach was yelling out orders, telling so-and-so to go faster, or for so-and-so to stop 'prancing like a little girl'.

I cringed, wondering what I had gotten myself into.

I climbed the bleachers as quietly as possible, sitting down and clinging to my messenger bag which was currently on my lap. There were probably twenty boys on the team, some dressed in the jersey white and red, others dressed in regular workout clothes. I quickly found Kevin, who sported a tight fitting green athletic shirt and black basketball shorts, his red hat situated on his head backwards, as always. When he caught my eye he smiled a bit wider, nodding slightly. Though it was discreet the boy next to him noticed and looked back at me, giving me a confused look and turning back to Kevin with wild hand gestures. Kevin just laughed and ran faster.

After they warmed up the coach had them break into groups and practice different things- like batting, catching, running and tagging someone out. It was chaotic but fun looking, and I was vastly entertained by it. I turned out that Kevin was could run the bases quickly and could throw well, but he wasn't the best at catching. Long distance catching was easier for him, but short distance usually ended with him getting hit by the ball in the chest. It was peculiar.

It made me wonder if his reflexes were off, somehow. Normally he seemed normal in his reaction time, but the short distance throws were much faster than that.

Peculiar indeed.

I also noticed a sort of pattern. When two boys worked together they would start off by insulting each other- sizing each other up, most of the time. Then they would work for a period of time- hardly any words passing between them, both sweating and working hard...then it would end. At some point the boys would being to slack off a bit, not exactly as playful as before, but more subdued. Either they were easily distracted, or they didn't have high endurance stamina.

All too soon it was over, and the boys began shuffling towards the building to shower and change. I considered staying on the bleachers and wait for Kevin to come back out, but he motioned for me to follow him, waiting for me at the bottom of the bleachers. I stood hesitantly, climbing down to where he was. He was slightly out of breath and sweat beaded his forehead and upper lip, but he gave me an energetic smile.

"Hey there," he said. I nodded in response, not trusting myself to speak.

"So I'm gonna get ready- it shouldn't take long. But you don't wanna go in the locker room...it's disgusting. You can wait out here or in the hallway, if ya want."

"I'll just stay out here, if it's all the same."

"Okay. I'll be quick, okay?"

With that he jogged away, catching up to his teammates and entering the back of the building. I perched on the edge of the seat closest to me, watching as the clouds floated lazily above me, amid the sky that was turning a pinkish color from the sun that was starting to set. It was a warm spring afternoon, but it was going to get a bit cooler as the sun started to disappear. A slight warm breeze tickled the hair on my face, and I crinkled my nose, shaking the hair away from me.

It was only a minute or two that I realized something was off. I desperately tried to convince myself that it wasn't happening- that I was fine, but it didn't work.

My fingers were already numb and I could barely keep myself from shaking. My head began to spin and I half stood, half fell off my chair. As the dread took over my body, my bag looped awkwardly around my arm and I clutched my hands to my chest, trying to focus on something, anything, coherent.

Ohdear, oh good heavens no, nope nope, I need to leave, I need to leave, I need to leave, get out...help, help, someone, Kevin help...

Kevin.

I stumbled towards the school, gasping in shallow breaths of painful oxygen.

Once I made it shoved the door open, feeling tears drip from my cheeks as I slipped slightly on the wet tile. I tried to regain my footing, shutting my eyes tightly. It was hot, muggy, and loud. My head pounded as I tried to vault myself forward, trying to find...what?

Something.

Safety.

Somethi-

Comfort, I'm okay, I'm okay!

I need I'm not I need I need I'm stuck I can't

Someone

Someone

Kevin

Help

Kevin

Kevin

"Ke-Kev.." I stuttered, running into people and bouncing off lockers. There was noise, lots of it. It felt like people were yelling in my ear or screaming or things were breaking and doors were slamming and it was so loud, too loud, very loud, too loud too loud-

I hit the floor with my knees and slumped onto the tile, unconscious.

.

"Kevin! Shit, dude- KEV! Get in here, man!" Spencer yelled, angry and afraid. He'd just been getting his clothes from the locker when one of the nerd kids had run into him- barreled him, really- muttering something under his breath and sobbing. Spencer had tried to talk to him, but the boy shrugged him off, walking forward a few more steps before calling out the ginger's name and passing out on the hard floor, hitting his head pretty good. It was at that point that Spencer realized just how serious the situation was.

After yelling for someone to get Barr, he crouched on the floor, trying to see if the thin kid was still alive. His breathing was quick and shallow, sounding harsh and broken. His hands were dirty and scraped up, and there was a cut on his cheek that was dripping onto the floor. His eyes were so sunken and wrung with black circles he looked like he had been beaten- maybe he had.

"Shit. Shithshitshit. Kevin! C'mon, man!" he yelled, waiting only a moment before a head of ginger hair poked into the room, looking angry.

"What the fuck, dude I- wait. Dee?" the boy, dressed in only a pair of shorts and flip flops, scrambled into the room, falling next to Spencer and shoving him lightly.

"What'd you do to him, man?!"

"Nothing! He came in here, freaking out and then just fainted! I didn't even touch him- he ran into me!"

"Fuck. Fuck, okay. Here, back up," Kevin ordered, moving so that he could wrap his arms around the thin boy's shoulders and lift him into a sitting position. Blood dripped from the boy's cheek bone to his neck, a two inch long laceration just under his eye looking like a battle wound on his pale skin. Kevin laid the boy's head onto his shoulder, shifting so that he could pick the boy up slowly and without jolting him too much, looping an arm underneath the boy's knees and carrying him bridal style.

"Spenc- get the first aid kit. Don't bug anyone about it- if he wakes up to a crowd, he'll just pass out again. got it?"

The spooked freshman quickly agreed and ran for the box, leaving the athlete alone with the frail boy. I twas only a minute or two before the younger boy returned, with a small white box in his hands.

"Set in on the bench. Thanks man. I got it form here. He's fine- I think he got a concussion and was spooked or something. I'll make sure he gets home okay. Thanks for your help, though. See you tomorrow?"

The younger boy nodded, obviously not wanting to leave but receiving Kevin's hints that he was not welcome. He went back to the shower room without a word. Kevin moved so that he could reach the box, pulling the boy into his lap. Balancing the boy's head on his shoulder he opened the box with one hand, pulling out a roll of gauze and awkwardly tearing off a piece that he carefully pressed against the boy's cheek to stop the bleeding.

"Man. I can't take you anywhere," the boy muttered with a smirk, noticing that the boy's breathing had become more even and more deep, causing Kevin to assume that his panic attack was officially over. He continued to press the cloth to the boy's face until it was no longer bleeding freely, sticking a small bandage on the wound.

"There. All better."

Not sure what else to do, Kevin closed up the kit and readjusted the boy in his lap into a more comfortable position, waiting for him to wake up. He didn't have to wait long, and not five minutes later the raven haired youth stirred, instinctively cuddling closer to the warm body currently holding him. It was Kevin's husky laugh that really started to wake him up, and it was only a few moments later that he realized who he was snuggling against. He blinked, sleepily detaching himself confusedly.

"What are you..?"

"Don't worry, you're fine. You passed out a few minutes ago. Guess you were in the middle of an attack and came looking for me in the locker room, but you crashed and hit the floor. You were only out for twenty minutes, tops."

The thin boy's face paled slightly, and he groaned. "Despicable," he muttered groggily, trying to move out from where he was currently sitting.

"You okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Embarrassed is all, I assure you. I'm very sorry I caused so much trouble."

"Whatever, dude. You're no trouble. I guess I shouldn't have left ya on your own."

"Perhaps."

Kevin shifted, moving out from underneath the other boy, pulling his dark haired companion stand slowly, catching him when the thin boy stumbled. He scooped up the boy's bag which had been lying close by and slung it onto his shoulder, taking the smaller boy's arm around his neck to help him walk.

"There ya go. Let's go," the athlete muttered, moving back towards the locker room and stashing the kit before grabbing his bag and heading back out for his bike. Once there Dee leaned against the bike as Kevin pulled on a hoodie and put a helmet on the other teen, climbing on and ushering his companion on the seat behind him.

The ride back was smooth, since Dee was still a bit disoriented, and they made it back to their cul de sac unharmed. Slinging the boy's arms around his shoulder once again, Kevin helped the boy into his home, discarding his bag and keys on the floor near the door. He let go of the raven haired teen, letting the boy find his footing and stand on his own. Dee rubbed a hand over his tired eyes and sighed, still feeling incredibly humiliated.

"Thank you," he said quietly, staring at the floor.

"Yeah, no problem, dude. You sure you're okay?"

"Oh yes, nothing to worry about here."

"Right," Kevin said, obviously not believing it. "If you need anything, or whatever, I'm across the street, yknow?"

"That's quite alright, really, I don't-"

"I know you don't," the athlete interjected, his voice firm but kind. "You hate having people help you. I get it, man. Just..be careful, okay?"

The genius nodded. "I don't deserve your kindness," he muttered, more to himself than to the taller boy. Kevin must have heard it however, because he paused, looking at the young boy with a blank, open look.

"D'you really believe that?" he asked, his voice carefully even.

"No? Well, no, maybe... I don't know."

The jock waited for the raven haired boy to continue. When he didn't, he nodded to him.

"But...?" he prompted, bending down a bit so that the shorter boy would have to meet his gaze.

"But you shouldn't have to do it. You don't owe me anything, and you have far more imporant things to take care of. And I-I don't..."

"Don't what?"

Dee closed his eyes. "I don't want to be a burden."

"Well then its a good thing you're not, isn't it?" the jock asked, smirking. "You really gotta stop worrying about it. I mean, yeah, I can see where you're comin' from, but dude... I wouldn't be helpin' if I didn't wanna. It ain't your fault you get attacks, so it ain't your fault you need help sometimes. And...I mean, it's kinda cool you trust me. I know there probably aren't a ton of people you trust, huh?"

The thin boy looked up and shook his head. He couldn't think of anyone that he trusted fully. That had been Eddy's position. Ultimate confidante. But he was long gone.

"Exactly. So don't worry, man. Okay?"

"Okay," his companion answered sheepishly.

The redhead gave him a wry smirk and opened his arms, inviting the stiff boy into his embrace. Dee smiled and stepped into his arms, hugging him briefly. He then stepped back, shutting his eyes and flinching when Kevin put a hand on his beanie and rubbed it affectionately.

"See you around, nerd."

"Goodbye, Kevin."