Title: Understanding
Author: Jrn77
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Summary: After Callie's speech in 9x19
Rating: T for now
Disclaimer: All characters belong to ABC/Shonda Rhimes.
Note: Sorry this took forever,college is a tad overwhelming sometimes!
Remember
Our minds are a complex structure. Our brain holds our reactions, opinions, and thoughts. Most importantly, our brain holds filing cabinets. These cabinets that seem to be in never ending rows hold folders. Folders that are filled with colorful pages that paint the pictures of our lives from the very first second on this earth to the final word we just released from our mouths.
Simply, they are our memories.
After finishing her TED speech given through the online video streaming, Callie thanked the Chief once more before grabbing her wife's hand and walking down the hallway to the locker rooms.
"I...I just wanted to say thank you. I know that cartilage and orthopedics is not the most exciting subject but it meant a lot to me for me to be able to give that speech." Callie said in a stern voice as she gripped both of Arizona's hands.
"Sometimes I forget how hard you really work. I am so used to you being on top of your game all the time that I forget to step back and remember how truly great you are. You are great,and so is your work. You are the most amazing and I mean amazing orthopedic surgeon on this planet. Not only is this hospital lucky to have you but so am I. So, this little thing was the least I could do for you." Arizona says, ending her statement with a smile.
Callie, unable to think of any other remarks to the perfectly pieced together statement her wife had just made, did the only thing she could do without words; kiss her.
"So...lets go home and celebrate your victory of finally overcoming your fear of public speaking. This still counts because you were on camera and still looked like you wanted to punch me or pass out at the beginning." Arizona says smiling even larger as she drags her wife down the hall.
After picking Sofia up from daycare, they continued their journey home heading towards the parking lot.
"Do you remember when good old Chief McDreamy made me do that presentation in front of everyone and I pretty much ruined my rep as the hard ass after spilling water everywhere and nervously dancing on stage." Callie says with a chuckle.
"Uhh...yeah I do because I had to spend all morning getting the puke out of your hair,which I never received any type of reward for by the way." Arizona replies.
"Well,that's when I knew you really did love me. You passed the puke test. Now if thats not true love I don't know what is." Callie says with a smile as she looks at Arizona, lifting her hand to her mouth and kissing her knuckles.
"I guess we are even. You had to clean up my messes. Especially after that one ladies night at Joe's," Arizona says sarcastically as she rolls her eyes.
"Which time? Are we talking about the time when you were so drunk that you fell asleep at the table drinking your beer with a straw or the type when I had to carry you home when you started crying because you missed your tiny humans," Callie says.
Arizona lifts her eyebrow in the air, attempting to recall either incident.
"Yeah,I don't really remember either one of those. I'm a light weight, what can I say!" she replies with a shrug of her shoulders.
"I'm glad you don't remember that. I had to carry you up the stairs and put you on the couch. Then when I brought you your pajamas you refused to change and instead pulled me on the couch."
"Ohhh,yes now I remember that. Don't finish the rest of that story. Sofia is listening you know," Arizona says as she looks to the backseat where their daughter has fallen asleep.
Callie shakes her head with a laugh before turning to look at her wife. It seems like it was just yesterday that the person sitting beside her was just a stranger. She at one point thought that the old Arizona was never going to appear again.
"Callie, I know I look cute in my scrubs and my hair that looks like a bird nest but you don't have to stare," Arizona continues as she pulls her hand into Callie's.
"Oh,what? Sorry. I was just thinking."
Thinking? About what Arizona begins to wonder. Is there something wrong? Did I say something to upset her?
"About what,are you alright?" Arizona replies in a worried tone as she begins to fidget in her chair like a child.
"I was just thinking about how glad I am that you are still here with me," Callie states in a stern voice as she continues to look Arizona directly in the eyes.
Arizona,who barely could keep her composure during Callie's speech, couldn't fight back the tears any longer.
"Damn it. Please don't cry I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry hun," Callie says as her eyes get wider watching her wife began to have a meltdown.
Arizona just shakes her head and continues to grip onto Callie's hand, unable to speak from the tears crushing down onto her cheeks.
Luckily they were only moments away from their apartment.
"I'll grab Sofia, you go ahead of us and wait by the elevator," Callie says after opening the door for her wife.
"Alright," Arizona replies in a quiet tone as she gently hops out of the car.
After a silent ride in the elevator, Callie put Sofia down to sleep hoping Arizona would snap out of whatever trance she had suddenly fallen into.
Callie stood in her daughters room for a moment, thinking back to the words that had been exchanged during the car ride and throughout the day. Wondering what could have been the trigger to set off Arizona.
She wandered back into the kitchen to find her wife with her head down sitting on one of the bar stools.
"Do you want to talk about it..." Callie says as she places a hand on Arizona's back and begins to rub circles, hoping she will open up.
"No." Arizona says bringing her hands to clear the fresh tears that have fallen from her eyes.
Callie continued to stare at her wife. Whenever she would cry,her eyes would change colors. They went from being a soft blue to a blue that was like the ocean. They were brighter and vibrant yet carried so much sadness within them.
"Alright, well I don't think sleeping here is going to be very good for your neck Arizona."
"I don't even want to move Callie. I'm so tired. Mentally and physically."
Callie put both hands on her thighs,contemplating what to do next. Should I continue to argue with her? Should I just sit with her? Should I just bring her a pillow and call it a night?
No. I'm her wife. This is our life. We both keep each other from falling apart. If she's falling apart then I will keep us together.
Like it was some type of ritual, Callie knew exactly what she was going to do.
She pulled Arizona's hands off of the countertop and moved the stool around so she was directly in front of her.
"Look at me, I'm here. I'm here and were fine." She said as she pulled Arizona out of the chair and begin to carry her to their bedroom.
Too weak to fight, Arizona clenched her hands onto Callie's hoodie and wrapped her legs around her waist. She hadn't even realized she was still crying until she noticed all the tears falling onto Callie's face.
Callie pushed the bedroom door open and gently placed her wife onto their bed. She straightened both of her arms out and stayed above Arizona, so close that their noses were almost touching.
"What's wrong. What is going on in that pretty little head of yours," Callie says as she begins to tuck Arizona's fallen strands of hair behind her ears.
"I think for the first time in so long I feel happy. I don't feel the anger anymore. I don't feel frustrated. But, then I think back to before all of this and I wonder if I am at all the same. If my life is the same. I feel like so much has been taken from not just me but us Callie," Arizona says as she brings her hands to cover her face as the tears continue to pour out.
Callie stayed in her position, looking down at her wife. She was so healed and yet so broken at the same time.
"I know. I know things have been horrible and now we are finally starting to have a normal life like we used to. I can't guarantee that things will always stay good. Bad things just happen. But, I do know that we will always have each other alright?" Callie says pulling her wife's hands away from her face, waiting for her to shake her head in agreement.
"We have made it through everything. We can deal with anything that is put in our lives. We have each other and thats all that matters. We have to remember the good and bad because it is what has gotten us here today and has made us the people we are today."
Arizona continued to cry. But, it wasn't a sad cry. It wasn't a broken cry. It was a cry of relief. She still had Callie. They were together. Through the good, bad,happy, and sad they had made it out.