Disclaimer #1 - Not my Characters.

Disclaimer # 2 - AU, Dark Fic, pregnancy, Mpreg.

A/N # 1 – Thanks to Linze for her suggestions.

A/N # 2 – A little smidgeon of MM/FF.

Severus Snape decided it was long past time to go home to his little family. Let others cruelly mock his burgeoning affection for his little family, but the vacant headed Al and Nessie, his exceedingly overprotective House Elf were the closest he had ever experienced to having a real family. Yes, he would unwillingly admit that he was the physical spawn of an unfortunate coupling between Tobias Snape and Eileen Prince, but their emotional abuse and casual neglect had long since destroyed any warmth towards them he had once possessed.

He vowed that he would take better care of HIS family than Tobias and Eileen had ever dreamed possible. They'd never want for anything… Severus nearly barked a harsh laugh when he realized how bloody trite that sounded. His duffed up cabbage would only care for the occasional sweet to cram into his mouth, and what the bloody hell would a House Elf desire anyway?

Unsuccessfully pondering that thought for a bit, Severus admitted that he was at a loss. What would Nessie like? Perhaps a new blanket for her bed? Nessie deserved a gift that would show her his gratitude for protecting Al as well as she had. Though Severus was admittedly confused, she was a House Elf, why had she decided to bite Yaxley's spawn rather than use her magic?

It was late and the shops were closing, so he promptly bought a heavy down comforter and two fluffy pillows in Slytherin colors for Nessie. Not that what she currently possessed was that particularly shabby, but still she deserved the treat. That done, he Apparated back home.

To his complete astonishment, Nessie had left the kitchen table a frightful mess. There was a clothes iron, a wooden walking stick that gave him unpleasant flashbacks of Lucius Malfoy's cane and other strange items. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Was that an honest to Merlin Quidditch beater club?

Severus was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and therefore he decided that he'd worry about Nessie's out of the ordinary messy streak tomorrow. As it was, he had tentatively scheduled for the early part of the morning, a serious conversation between him and Nessie regarding Al's spontaneous eruptions of wandless energy. It appeared that the catalyst for each of Al's magical outbursts had been Nessie being abused. Severus wasn't sure which was potentially more problematic, that Al was capable of spontaneous outbursts of uncontrolled magic, or that Al had enough awareness to sense that Nessie had been harmed and that Al had desired to protect the House Elf.

Either way, Severus knew that he now had to be very careful dealing with the powderkeg known as Al. The Dark Lord would not be particularly chuffed to realize that Al was regaining his magical ability.

Bloody hell, Al had his physical body, and his magical ability was apparently returning, but where were Al's soul and intellect hiding? If Severus was correct in his hypothesis, the Head Master had willingly torn his soul and his body asunder in order to protect the Rebellion. Perhaps there was a way to heal the Head Master by re-fusing his mental and physical parts. But how? That was the question for another day.

Severus put the contents of the two hampers away, as even though he was slightly hungry, his tiredness was taking precedence. Plus his family deserved to enjoy the munificent bounty of the Malfoy table. Lucius could be a complete arse at times, but Cissy knew how to throw one hell of a party, and she never stinted on anything.

To his complete lack of surprise as it had been THAT type of evening, Severus found that Al had once again taken over most of the bed.

"No wonder I never saw you to take a lover all those years at Hogwarts, Head Master. You didn't know how to share your bed. It would have taken me only a night or two to break you of that rude and naughty habit, Head Master."

His cabbage was snuggled against Nessie, and his arms were wrapped around her. Perhaps Al should get his own bed, but Severus had nowhere to put it, and he didn't relish having to move his laboratory. As it was, the tadpole would have to be put in Severus' library, an undersized room that was too small in which to put a full sized bed.

"Budge up, Al," he hissed, as he carefully pushed the sleeping Al toward his side of the bed, but only after carefully ensuring that Nessie didn't fall onto the floor. If Al stubbornly insisted on sleeping with the House Elf as his own personal teddy bear, Severus could just imagine what little space he would have when Al was close to term.

That thought brought the entire situation home to him. In a few short months, there would be three children for him to protect. Al, Nessie and the tadpole.

It was overwhelming, the sheer weight of responsibility that having a family put on one's frail shoulders. Before his decisions had been easier, as it had only affected him. But now… his successes or his failures would affect the children. What if he wasn't up to the task of being a proper father? Bluntly, Severus admitted that he didn't have a bloody clue how a father should behave. All he had was a few treasured moments where Mr. Evans had been pleasant to a dirty little ragamuffin.

Those few memories wouldn't be enough! What was he supposed to do? Decide what his parents would do in a certain situation and then do the polar opposite?

Fortunately, he remembered his conversation with Minerva, and her parting words.

Severus? I believe that you'll be a good father, irregardless of the child's irregular conception.

Severus focused on those comforting words until he was fast asleep, his arm resting on Al and Nessie.

Molly wasn't a vindictive person.

Truly, she wasn't.

On the other hand, others might say that she was a shrew. Many might also state with firm conviction that she was vindictive and that most assuredly, she was the prime example of an oversexed witch. On those charges, she would admit guilty to the first with mitigating circumstances. Truthfully, how could anyone not be a shrew when dealing daily with Fred and George? But she would plead not guilty on the second charge and guilty as charged on the third.

But Minerva need not carry on like Molly was a vindictive shrew. It wasn't as though Molly had volunteered to be Minerva's nurse just for an easy way of enacting revenge on Minerva declaring the Weasleys dead. She had offered to watch Minerva because Molly aka Muriel was a loyal member of the Order, and "Muriel" was limited in what she could do. Now that she was carrying, she was further restricted.

"Broth?" Molly offered. "You haven't eaten anything today."

A slight curl of Minerva's expressive lip was all the response Minerva gave to that suggestion. Minerva McGonagall loathed broth, as it was on the list of "What Minerva would Never Ever Willingly Touch" right after warm milk.

"Juice?" queried a persistent Molly. Since Filius Flitwick was visiting, Molly knew that Minerva would strive to behave as the very last thing she'd want was reports of her boorish behavior making the rounds of the rebellion.

"Perhaps, a little bit of apple juice might not go amiss, please," Minerva decided after a long pause in which Minerva reminded herself of the need for her to behave. "Please make sure it's cold. I'm sorry, Molly, I know that I'm being waspish."

"Didn't notice a thing," Molly assured her.

The two witches exchanged a glance which confirmed that Minerva knew Molly was lying, and that the older witch was appreciative of the younger witch's empathy. When Molly returned with a chilled pitcher of apple cider, Minerva gratefully thanked her, and then poured the juice into a tumbler.

"To Albus, a damnable daft prat with no taste in clothes," Minerva offered as a toast. She then sipped from the tumble and the witch cheerfully smiled after she swallowed.

"Minerva, did you change that?" Molly quickly questioned, as Minerva happily smiling was not a sight that she had seen since before 'Muriel' had been designated Minerva's official baby sitter. "Did you ferment it into say… 'Apple Jack'?"

Apple Jack was a potent mix of whiskey and apple juice and on occasion, Minerva was known to have a sip or three.

"Molly!" Minerva protested. "I like apple juice."

"Especially when it has been fermented into cider," inserted Filius. "Let me take a sip, Min."

The Charms Instructor took a small, cautious sip from an unresisting Minerva, and then he disapprovingly glared at Min.

"I'm rather disappointed, Minerva. It's not cider!" Filius sadly admitted. "You're behaving!"

"Like I could actually get away with anything with Molly here," Minerva pouted like a sulky first year given an unjustified detention with Filch.

"She's tried to work, and I caught her," Molly stated proudly, as she poured Filius a tumbler of apple juice. "Repeatedly! Minerva was given specific instructions, and she's been busy disobeying!"

"Gryffindors are well renowned for their obduracy, while Ravenclaw is known for seeing the obvious. I promise that I'll keep both my eyes on her and ensure that she behaves. You look tired, Molly, why don't you have a rest? I'll stay here until she goes to bed," Filius promised.

Molly had no faith in Minerva's pledges, but Filius Flitwick was another matter. She gazed at him for a long time, and then she nodded her head in agreement. Molly was feeling a little peaked, and she naively believed that the mild-mannered, much respected Filius Flitwick was a wizard of his word.

In all honesty, Filius normally was a very honorable man, but he was blessed with more than a smidgeon of whimsy. He had survived and thrived at a magical school that often teetered on the brink of complete anarchy thanks to Albus Dumbledore after all. Everyone continually underestimated Filius Flitwick and he quite liked it that way.

"Your husband appeared to be missing you when I last saw him, Muriel." Filius slyly admitted. "Minerva, it was quite evident that Gideon was longing for Muriel."

Alas, a blushing Molly had barely left Minerva's quarters before both mages were busy quaffing Apple Jack.

"She's mothering me to death!" That plaintive protest burst from Minerva's lips before she could stop it.

"Molly's worried about you," Filius assured her. "In fact, we all are. The reason why I'm here is because I thought you'd like to read the latest edition of the Daily Prophet."

"That rag," Minerva dismissively snorted; her contempt for the rag palpable. "Why would I want to read that trash?"

"There was a Phoenix merrily flying over Lucius Malfoy's manor house last night," Filius informed her with real delight. "As instructed, I sent someone to the closest bookstore, but there wasn't a message from Severus."

Minerva looked blank, obviously wondering why a daft Severus had set off a Phoenix over Malfoy's house if he didn't have anything new to report, and Filius prevented himself from sighing out loud. As a teacher, he had less patience for his exceptional students then he should as he expected more from them. Minerva wasn't feeling one hundred percent, and he shouldn't blame her for not seeing the obvious.

"Last night was a big social event for the Death Eaters. Everyone that is anyone was there, and they had to deal with a fiery Phoenix," Filius smirked and then he began to chuckle. "But I truly believe that you'd enjoy Rita Skeeter's latest column. Since you're on bed rest, I know you're bored and in need of light entertainment. You must be bored stiff since Poppy's confiscated your smut!"

The quick response Minerva made to that quip was rather uncouth and Filius' laughter grew louder.

"'My dear faithful readers, I know many of you are wanting to know about the lovely that has stolen the heart of Severus Snape, one of the most eligible wizards of the current era'," Filius' voice was a perfect mimicry of Rita's less than dulcet tones. In his normal tones, Filius continued. "Apparently, Rita hasn't realized that her extremely eligible bachelor is exceedingly and excessively and utterly... bent."

"What else did the bug write?" Minerva questioned. In spite of her best efforts, Min was terribly curious about the mother of Severus' child.

"Skeeter wrote, 'I took the liberty of chatting with Severus' intended but Severus' lovely was rather reserved besides being tenderly cosseted by a devoted Snape House Elf. Naturally, I asked all the questions you wanted me to ask, my faithful readers. How did they meet? How did Severus propose? What is 'Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome like in bed?"

"Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome?" Minerva shrieked her disbelief. "She did NOT call him that!"

"Does he whisper seductively in her ear? I assure you readers, that if Severus whispered sweet nothings in my ear, I would melt. Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome does possess a voice of dark chocolate," Filius continued in what only could be described as a coo.

"Merlin's beard! Rita's prose is getting more and more purple by the minute!" Minerva protested. "Voice of dark chocolate? The boy drawls! I don't know how often I warned him about his need to properlyenunciate when he was a student."

"Min, love, you're ruining my presentation," Filius retorted. "Do you want to hear about Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome, or as we affectionately know him here at Hogwarts, Mr. Brusque, Snarky and Acerbic? I predict that Severus will set her office on fire after he reads this!"

With a wave of her hand, a grinning Minerva urged him to continue.

"Alas, the future Mrs. Snape being such a shy soul, was obviously overwhelmed by the magnificent gala that the Malfoys threw. There is a tasty rumor which my secret sources have assured me to be the complete and utter truth, that the soon to be married Snapes are eagerly anticipating an addition to their new family. Severus, unlike most confirmed bachelors, has seemingly enthusiastically jumped into the dual role of both husband and father, and was last seen protectively squiring the ailing mother of his child home early from the party. All I can ask is, since it's obvious that he's a natural, what took you so long to settle down, Severus?'," Filius continued his uncanny mimicry of Rita before changing his voice to Severus' dark yet dulcet tones. "Because you daft cow, I like boys!"

Filius laughed so hard he nearly spilled his Apple Jack, and then he settled down.

"Rita also predicts that the prodigies of their couplings will probably be some of the most magically talented students at the new school they're building." Filius continued in his normal tone. "I'm surprised that the soon to be Mrs. Snape didn't say anything for Rita to twist and distort beyond recognition!"

"The reason why the poor girl didn't say anything is because she's been harmed, Filius." Minerva reminded Filius. "Severus says that she doesn't have enough of a mind left to be interested in reading. Get that look off your face; Severus insists that he had nothing to do with that or with the conception of the child. He was just presented with her and she was already pregnant."

Filius shook his head in disgust at that thought. "I'm used to decoding Rita's handiwork, after all, and there's something here that I'm obviously missing. There's the usual disguised snarky comments about the other Death Eaters at the party, veiled comments about what a lousy education Hogwarts gives its students as something truly spectacular appears to have happened involving the fumble fingered Trenton Yaxley, but whatever she's saying about Severus' new love, it's beyond me…"

"How was Severus' intelligence from Galway?" Minerva questioned after a few minutes of watching Filius intently read and reread Skeeter's column. He even read the paper upside down a few times to ensure that he read everything.

"Right on the money. Remus and I agreed that it would be a good idea to strike last night as everyone was at the party of the century." Filius' blues eyes were twinkling, as he waited for Minerva's reaction to that tidbit.

"You waited to tell me?" Her voice was nearly a shriek. "I'm sick, not dead! Filius, I must be informed when there's a mission…. AND WHAT HAPPENED?"

"I think I hear Molly returning, Arthur must be occupied with his plugs," Filius quipped. "Drink up, Min! Or I'll charm it back to juice! Poppy is worried that you were skimping on proper nutrition especially your vitamins. Apple Juice has plenty of vitamins; Apple Jack not so much."

"Filius! Please, you must tell me what the Order did!"

"Several small strikes at various offices. The classified section of the Daily Prophet was modified..." Filius' voice slowed after admitting that comment, and his blue eyes were merry.

"Modified?" Minerva questioned.

"It seems that their educational records were posted, and the fact that the majority failed to obtain so much as a single solitary OWL seems to have been a rather well kept secret, don't you think?" Filius admitted. "Considering that they're running the Ministry, it is extremely odd that they're all such colossal dunderheads. Plus, we caught several extremely pissed guests returning from Malfoy's party, and since they were in no shape to have a battle of the wands, we tried the magical damping spell on them. They should be unable to cast anything more powerful than Wingardium Leviosa for the next week or so. That is, if they get over their obscene fetish for Irish sheep. We were tempted to use goats, but we thought Aberforth would complain that it was unfair to the defenseless goats."

Minerva laughed hard, perhaps too hard, as the pain in her head returned, and while she strove to hide her agony from Filius, he knew her too well.

"Take a long hot shower, then get to bed, Min. Don't bother putting your shirt on, as I'll massage your head, neck, shoulders and back. I can feel your tension radiating all the way over here."

Minerva gave a loud gasp of pretend shock, attempting to appear horrified, rather than just pained and weary. "What would Muriel say?"

"She'd want a massage also, and Gabriel can handle that." Filius primly answered. "I don't massage married women."

"What if they're women wedded to a doomed cause?" Minerva attempted a forced joviality and realized that she had utterly failed.

To her surprise, Filius put his fingers under her chin, and forced her to look at him. His blue eyes were kindly… but there was a spark in them directed towards her that she hadn't seen in a very long time.

He didn't see her as Minerva McGonagall, the Iron Maiden of the Resistance, Bastion of Hogwarts…. No…

Flitwick saw her as a… woman.

It had been almost twenty years since Merry Flitwick had died in a magical ambush thanks to Voldemort's followers, and a grief-stricken Filius had mourned his much younger wife's death for all those long years. He had never so much as looked at another woman… and now…

Filius?

Filius' blue eyes were looking at her in that special way and it seemed that he heartily approved of what he saw.

That sweet thought honored, humbled and yes, frightened Minerva to her very core.

Minerva had patterned her role as leader after her longtime mentor, Albus, which meant that her Herculean task was her be all and end all. Dumbledore had been so utterly consumed by his role of the Resistance Leader that he had only allowed himself the rarest of stolen moments with Elphias Doge. Therefore, there was no conceivable way that Minerva would able to reciprocate Filius' feelings in a way that the widower deserved. Filius was worthy of far more than a few nicked schoolboy kisses with an exhausted witch.

But damn it, Minerva recalled how those all those too brief episodes of snogging Elphias had given Albus such a much needed boost.

"Well, I confess that I especially enjoy enticing those brave, dedicated women. They are such a challenge, because much like the Pied Piper, I will put my all into leading them astray," Filius gently assured her. "Even you deserve a few stolen moments where the weight of the universe isn't on your shoulders."

Her green eyes were filling with tears, and Minerva roughly brushed her eyes to prevent her tears from escaping.

"Albus was a great mage…. Minerva… but you and I both know that he was lonely, terribly, dreadfully lonely, as he never accepted the simple fact that he was more than deserving of being loved. Don't make the same horrible mistake he did," Filius' voice was full of affectionate concern. "Do not believe in the redemptive power of love so strongly and yet judge yourself inherently flawed and intrinsically unworthy of such a boom."

"Filius," she tried to be gentle, but she needed to nip this in the bud. The sooner Filius' sweet infatuation was nipped, the better for both of them. Well… for him at least… "You deserve better…"

"Hush," he protested. "You need me, Minerva."

Flitwick blushed, and he bequeathed her a smile of gentle amusement.

"Not that way, love. You need someone you can trust, who knows that behind the fearless Iron Maiden façade is a woman that needs to be held, touched and caressed. Now, go take your shower, and I'll massage you. Don't worry, I'll keep my touch completely chaste," he promised. "If you agree, I'd like to take this delicate understanding twixt the two of us slowly, to see how it develops."

She stood in her shower, letting the hot water beat itself against her tense muscle until she was in imminent danger of turning into a large Scottish prune. Since it was only Min in the shower, she allowed herself the rare luxury of tears.

"I wish I was stronger, Albus. I can't keep this rebellion together, as I lack your ability to install fanatical devotion in my followers. I have no devotees, willing to die for the cause, just a group of weary warriors who bicker and fight among themselves about the best way of surviving another day," she tearfully admitted. "We're focused on merely surviving, not winning the war! My body can't handle the stress. Now… Filius? I tried to gently turn him down, but he didn't listen!"

For a moment, she truly believed that she heard Albus' voice in her head, gently chiding her for her lack of faith.

And yet, Severus trusts you thoroughly, Minerva. Do you think he would have bought fish and chips for Remus? Mad Eye? Harry? Trust Severus! Trust me! You were my second in everything!

But damnit, Albus, you didn't tell me everything that I needed to know! You didn't trust me to tell me everything!

Albus' chatty spirit had no answer to that, and she exited the shower. Merlin's pants, upon a close inspection in her mirror, Minerva was horrified to realize that she was looking pretty rough. To be honest, pretty rough didn't adequately describe her appearance. She appeared to be the loser of a bloody brawl with a drunken hippogriff, and Minerva had enough pride remaining that she didn't want Filius to see her like that. Recklessly, she cast a pick me up spell, so her eyes were bright and shining, rather than red rimmed and tear stained. It was a foolish gesture as her pain rebounded to a new level of exquisite agony.

Who was she trying to impress? Filius was well aware of her debilitating headaches and one of the few that Minerva trusted enough to be completely honest. Therefore, she cursed her foolish vanity, before she wrapped herself in a large, scarlet and gold fluffy towel that was emblazoned with a rampant lion. Albus had given it to her years… decades… previously as a Christmas present, and she had never sunk so low as to actually use it. But now, she was at her spiritual nadir, and she decided to wrap herself in Gryffindor bravado in order to booster her spirits.

To Minerva's distress, Filius was sitting on the bed, and he had positioned her pillows into a support. That wasn't the problem, it was the fact that Poppy was also there which meant that Filius had ratted her out to the Mediwitch.

"Don't look at me like that. Filius did the right thing by contacting me!" The mediwitch softly protested. "I want you to sit on the edge of the bed. Then drink this, and then you are to immediate lie face down on the bed. Filius will massage you so your muscles will stop spasming."

The mediwitch handed Minerva a small vial, and a sitting Minerva quickly gulped down the potion.

"Nasty!" was her immediate response.

The second less coherent thought was, Poppy had actually unbent enough to give her the really good stuff as the fact that Minerva was wearing only a loosely wrapped Gryffindor towel and a pair of pyjama bottoms wasn't bothering the rather prim and proper Min in the slightest. She was barely lucid enough to assist her two friends as they positioned her on the bed. Floating, a few meters off the ground, she was surprised when she felt Filius' small hands began to lightly and soothingly massage her aching head.

"Can you sense it?" Poppy questioned, her voice sounding as though she was underwater.

Was she under water? Why wasn't she drowning then? She hadn't developed gills, had she? Minerva pondered these farfetched thoughts intently before deciding that Poppy was at the bottom of the sea having a secret assignation with the Giant Squid.

Minerva bit her lip so not to laugh, as she was so buoyant that her laughter would cause her to float off the bed.

"Yes," Filius whispered. His voice was also gargled.

Merlin's scrote! Was Filius involved with Poppy's tryst with the Giant Squid? That was funny, and she laughed. Fortunately as she was holding intently onto the mattress, Minerva didn't float away… but damn it, hadn't Filius stated his interest in her old carcass? She should be miffed, that the shameless Filius was flirting with her and Poppy and the Giant Squid…

The Giant Squid spoke in Severus' voice and he complained that his voice didn't not sound like melted Dark Chocolate, no… he thought his voice sounded like smooth fifty year old scotch.

"Can you pull it out? Put it in the wall like I explained to you? I'd do it, but your hands are far defter than mine."

Poppy wasn't making any sense as what was being put in the wall?

"We should have asked her before we did this," Filius protested. "I shouldn't be rummaging through her brain like this. Merlin's beard, what was in that potion you gave her? I'm sure that she'd have a sharp word or three if she were coherent enough to talk. I can't believe that she's giggling right now."

Actually, Filius' agile hands were so comforting that Minerva would be sorely troubled to dreg up a harsh word. And if Filius was truly interested in shagging, he'd stop telling everyone that she giggled. She had her formidable reputation to maintain.

"If you can relieve the tension that's building, I might be able to better manage her headaches," Poppy reminded him. "There's an all too real possibility that she'll have a brainstorm if she continues to have these headaches. I'm sure Minerva would agree that she'd prefer not to have that happen."

"I do agree indeed," Minerva muttered as her mother had died a slow, lingering death from a paralytic stroke. "But can you keep me like this? This feels amazing."

"Did she just say something?" Filius softly questioned.

"Probably. No doubt giving us strict orders on what to do," Poppy's voice was light. "Or maybe not, I did drug her very heavily so she's probably whispering something illicit to you, Filius."

"I should be so lucky…Wait! There it is!" Filius' voice was intense. "Very well then. Let us hope that this succeeds."

Filius' hands were no longer quite as soothing, instead they were becoming painful. The pressure her head was increasing exponentially and she unwillingly voiced her pain by moaning. Just when Minerva thought she'd involuntary scream from the agony, there was an easing in her discomfort.

"Got it!" Filius quietly exclaimed.

"Put it into the stone, Fi!" Poppy softly but intently commanded. "Stone can hold it, withstand it…"

Minerva bit back her scream, as the pain flared a new, and then with a gentle tug, the hurt was gone. In its place was a warm feeling of delighted contentment, an almost post orgasmic bliss. There was a loud crack as though stone had shattered but Minerva didn't flinch. She back to floating… in a cozy, dark area and Fawkes was cheerfully singing the memories of her excruciating pain away.

"Poor Min, I never realized how agonizing her pain was," whispered Filius.

I never realized how deft your small hands are, Filius, so I guess we're even.

"This should give her a week or so free from pain, but I wish I could start her on that new potions regiment that sounded promising. It doesn't have the risk for addiction like the narcotic based potions do. There's still the valid concern about the rebound effect, but it would be a new tool in my effort to keep Minerva's migraines manageable."

"Why can't we start her on it?" Filius questioned.

Minerva thought that a wonderful question and she was grateful that Filius was quick witted enough to ask. She was a tad bit distracted as Fawkes was still singing. For a moment, she was surprised that nobody else heard Fawkes, but then Filius gave her a very saucy, very unPhoenixy wink.

Ah, you're the drugs affecting me….

"We don't have the necessary supplies." Poppy's voice was clearer as she admitted that to Filius. "Several of the ingredients need to be fresh picked."

Fawkes stopped singing, and then the Phoenix whispered in Albus' voice, "Tell them to give the instructions to Severus."

"Give to Sevvers…" Minerva muttered.

Fawkes gave her an approving wink with a startling sapphire colored eyed and whispered "Have more faith in yourself, Minerva. It will all work out. As for Filius, take what he's offering you, grab it with both hands, Minerva, and don't let the chance escape! Don't be a stubborn, too proud fool!"

Then the damnable Phoenix disappeared.

Damn feather duster, it sounded just like Albus, and just acted like him! Popping out when you most needed him after dispensing trite advice on love. Albus! You're a lousy Agony Aunt! You were in love twice!

TWICE!

Grindlewald was your grand obsession and Elphias was your Hogwarts sweetheart. Elphias desperately wanted the family society would never permit you two to have and so he married a willing girl who longed for a kind, compassionate man for a husband. Yes, his wife knew the truth about the two of you attending conferences together, and she turned a blind eye, but you deserved more than a few stolen days of happiness!

How you failed to see that Severus was interested in pursuing a relationship with you, I do not know. He would have been delighted to dally with you for as long as you wanted! Bloody clueless Albus Dumbledore!

"I beg your pardon?" Poppy questioned. "You were saying, Minerva?"

It took a great deal of effort, but she managed to lift her head off her pillows long enough to regally and clearly order, "Give the instructions to Severus. No doubt he's got plenty of supplies!"

She quickly collapsed back onto her pillows, leaving Filius and Poppy staring at each other in befuddled amusement.

"Yes, let's just ask Severus!" Filius happily chirped. "Why didn't I think of that?"

His moustache quirked and then he stated in his normal tone, "Because you daft Scottish harridan, we don't know how to get into contact with him!"

Nessie woke the next morning, and to her dismay, she realized that she was in Master's bed. A sleeping Al was cuddling her, and adding to her overwhelming shame, her sharp hearing picked up the sounds of Master's deep breathing.

MASTER WAS IN THE BED! He knew that his nasty, lazy House Elf had despoiled his bed!

Yes, Nessie's kind Master had often looked the other way when Al had fallen asleep, clutching her… but after last night after Nessie had failed him so! Then Nessie looked at the clock on the chest of drawers and realized that she had overslept. By now, Al should be up and cleaned, his long hair neatly coifed, and a proper, hot breakfast should be waiting for her hungry, important Master. What a truly horrible House Elf Nessie was, and she nearly voiced her overwhelming fear and terror. She didn't mind being punished, as Nessie was a stupid, slow House Elf, but to have failed her Master repeatedly!

"Wakes up, Al!" Nessie desperately hissed, urgently attempting to awaken the slumbering Al without waking her beloved Master. "Wakes up! Nessie needs to cleans you!"

Al didn't wake, and Nessie grew more frantic. Master didn't want Nessie to use magic on Al, claiming Al was… tetchy.

"Please! Wakey wakey Al!" Her apprehension made her voice shriller than she would have preferred, but Nessie needed to get Al dressed and presentable before Master woke.

"He was never much of a morning person, to be honest. Al will wake when he wants to do so. But Nessie, you and I must talk about what happened last night."

To her shame, Nessie began to uncontrollably weep.

Severus Snape readily admitted that he didn't understand woman. Merlin knew that heterosexual men didn't understand the fairer sex, so how could a gay boy like him hope to understand such maddening, contrary creatures? Minerva McGonagall utterly baffled him with her fierceness, her obsessive love for speed and Quidditch and the fact that she'd go barmy cooing over a former instructor's newborn baby. Cissy's love for Lucius was incomprehensible to him, and her mindless obsession for parties, embroidery and finery completely unfathomable.

But he had foolishly believed that he understood the female House Elf. She was infatuated with Al and the baby, and merely tolerated him, but Severus could handle that. He knew first hand the intensity of allegiance that Albus' zealous devotees showered on him, so why would he dissuade her adoration of Al by telling her that Albus would never return her love? Why break her heart? Her life was cruel enough.

But why was she uncontrollably sobbing and begging him to punish her?

The two of them were standing in the kitchen, the House Elf gibbering hysterically about what he should do to her, and Severus finally could take no more. One couldn't blame Severus, he was rather exhausted, Nessie's voice was more than a bit shrill and Severus believed that he was doomed to a long, extremely painful death at the hands of an exceedingly irate, very knocked up Albus Dumbledore.

Plus he desperately wanted a cuppa, and with the hot clothes iron, the cane, the Quidditch bat on the kitchen table among other tortures devices, there was no hopes for him to immediately acquire it.

"Enough!" His voice cut through Nessie's hysterics like a silver knife slices through gillyweed. "Must I give you clothes to silence you?"

That verbal threat caused Nessie to keen once like a banshee and then the Elf collapsed into a catatonic, quivering mass of House Elf flesh. While Severus was staring at Nessie, still recovering from her sonic shriek that completely rattled his brain, he heard Al wake.

Great, Sleeping Beauty finally woke up! And all I want is a damn cuppa! Is that too much to ask?

One hour later, after the medicinal quaffing of two small House Elf sized tumblers of butterbeer, an ingestion of a large bar of curative chocolate and a judicious application of a long cuddle session on Al's lap, Nessie was once more able to converse in a sensible manner.

"Master needs to punish Nessie!" Nessie squeaked.

Merlins' short hairs, they were back to THAT again?

"For this conversation, Nessie will only speak when I give her permission. You may nod your head if you understand," Severus ordered.

Nessie nodded her head rapidly and stared intently at Severus, her big brown eyes full of unshed tears. Whatever she saw in Severus' face frightened her, as the House Elf then hid her face in Al's green dressing gown and began to sniffle loudly.

"In two concise and succinct sentences, kindly explain to me why I should punish you?" Severus used his best instructor's voice, the one that normally caused his students to be blessedly pithy in their explanations.

"Master told Nessie to keep Al out of trouble and Nessie DIDN'T! That Mean boy HURT AL and Nessie BIT HIM!"

Then there was another banshee shriek of sorrow building, but this time, Severus and his wand were prepared.

"Silencio!"

Nessie continued to shriek silently for a time and then she began to noiselessly and hysterically weep. It was fortunate that Al was still tightly holding her, so a restrained Nessie was unable to self inflict any injuries. Perhaps it wasn't proper to have the vacant headed Al restraining Nessie, but this mess was partially Al's fault, so Al somehow had to pay the piper.

"Nessie, I am quite content with how you defended Al last night. In fact, I was so pleased with your dedicated service that I had decided that you deserved a present." Severus calmly stated, as though a mute, hysterically shrieking House Elf was nothing out of the ordinary for him.

But then again, after being an instructor at Hogwarts for near two decades, there was very little that he hadn't seen. He had seen hysterical House Elves quite a few times over the years, which is why he knew that butterbeer, chocolate and a hug could calm their hysteria down to manageable levels.

If and when Severus ever saw Filius Flitwick again, he must remember that he owed the Charms Master for sharing that trade secret with him.

"Apresent for Nessie?" silently mouthed the stunned House Elf.

Merlin's scrote, she was in tears again! At this rate, Al would need to be changed… AGAIN. Twice! Before breakfast! Plus no doubt, Al's delicate tummy would erupt in protest shortly as he had reached the power puking stage.

"Yes, a present for Nessie from both Al and myself for taking such stellar care of him. I understand that you love Al deeply and that's why you are so needlessly worried about last night. But I need to discuss last night in detail with you, but I won't talk to you if you're in hysterics."

That threat settled Nessie down to being somewhat calmer, though she was still prone to sniffling.

"You may answer only yes or no to my question. Will you cease your needless caterwauling if I give you permission to talk?"

Nessie nodded her head, and Severus refrained from curtly snapping, "I told you yes or no, I did not give you permission to nod your head!"

"Very well, you can change Al into drier clothes. When you're done you can check your bed for your present," Severus informed her.

Just because the very idea of becoming a father had turned his stone heart to mush didn't mean that Severus Snape would spoil his children. He had his standards after all.