A/N: I'm sorry it has taken me awhile to get this update out. My mom is having somebody clean our computer and he completely took everything off so I haven't been able to type up this chapter until now. But thanks everyone for your continued reviews. I truly appreciate them.
Leanna R.- I wanted to pull on some heartstrings with the memory with Michael and I'm glad I accomplished that goal. But this chapter is going to be emotional as well. I hope you enjoy it!
emmalee05- Their vacation isn't going to get any better in this chapter. But thanks for the review and I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as well.
journeyrox- I know the last chapter was extremely short and I apologize for that. I hate it when I write short chapters, especially when I have written some fairly long ones before. But I hope this one is long enough for you. Thanks for the review!
ImJustKidding89- My homework just grew even more! I'm off all this week for thanksgiving vacation and I have THREE projects to work on and an essay that is due at 7:15 in the morning next Monday when I go back to school. And it's not easy to type everything up when the computer is being worked on. But thanks for the review and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
luvthemorgans- Bre, Bre, Bre… You weren't in the mood to read my story. tear Now I'm hurt. No, I understand. I know exactly what you mean. Lol So I won't hold it against you this time. But thanks for finally reading and reviewing. I miss ya gurlie. Hopefully I'll talk to ya soon!
Thank you all again for your great reviews. I LOVE reading them all! So without further ado…
Nothing Less Than an Impossible Fate
Chapter Ten: Remembering the Dreaded Past
One year, fifty- two weeks, 365 days they had waited and the day had finally arrived. Nothing really seemed out of the ordinary. The sun rose that morning and the birds were chirping outside their window. To any normal person, it was just another day. But to Jason and Courtney it was the literal one year anniversary of the events that now shaped their lives.
Courtney stared through the glass pane on the door. On the other side was the love of her life lying helplessly in a bed, fighting. She had been to this same room so many times in the past couple weeks, never seeing anything different than the day before. She always walked through that door and stared at his lifeless body lying completely still. The only thing showing that he was actually still alive was the rise and fall of his stomach, which he had no control over. She could hear the door close behind her, secluding her from everything except what was in this room. Her eyes swept across the room seeing the flowers and balloons mixed in with the bulky machines lined up beside his bed. She saw the tubes coming from all different sides of his body. This wasn't the man she loved. This wasn't the man that Michael and Morgan adored or Sonny and Carly's best friend. This wasn't Jason Morgan.
She finally grew the nerve to walk to his side and grab his hand, the cold and clammy feeling shooting pains through her chest and sending a chill through her own body. She remembered how it felt to be held in his arms and to be touched with his hands. Everything around her just seemed so foreign. Jason would never have been that cold and he never would have been laying there that helpless. He never would have wanted the life he was living at this moment. He hated hospitals. He hated the smells and the sounds, the death. She knew that if he was awake he wouldn't have stayed in the hospital. He would have signed that release and left on his own. The doctors, despite their protests, couldn't have kept him in there.
But he wasn't awake and it was her and Sonny's decision what to do for him. They both knew that Jason wouldn't have wanted any of this. He wouldn't have wanted any of them to suffer and worry about him the way they were. But Sonny and Courtney weren't ready to let him go yet. Neither one could bring themselves to tell the doctors to take him off his life support. That would mean ending his life, and they weren't ready to say goodbye.
Courtney walked out onto the patio that sat facing the ocean. She could see the waves crashing against the shore and she could feel the breeze blowing on her face. They were in paradise just being together, and that should have been all that mattered. But instead this trip had pain written all over it. She knew what Carly was doing the minute she announced they were going to the island. She was trying to get them to forget and not remember. But nothing could prevent them reliving the events of that day and those weeks.
So much had changed in their lives from when they first were together. In the very beginning they were happy with just being together, in their own little world, in their loft. Nothing else in the world mattered to them. Jason would run off when Sonny needed him to work and Courtney would worry until he walked back through the door later. Then it was just the two of them again. Nothing else mattered. Not Sonny, not Carly, or AJ. All that mattered was the way they felt for each other. They had their times when it felt like things would never be right between them. They had done so many things to hurt each other over the years but none of it mattered when they looked deep into each other's eyes. Once blue met blue, nothing mattered and they were the only two people in the world.
The danger had been the main reason that Courtney had first left him. She couldn't handle knowing that the life he led was one day going to get him killed. She couldn't sit around, waiting patiently, for the day when Sonny would tell her that her husband was gone. But despite everything they had stayed close. They had never fully separated themselves and the love had always remained. That's what was leading them back to each other when their lives changed forever. She had fought so hard to stop from putting herself through the unbearable pain of losing him but she let herself get pulled back in and she suffered the consequences.
She took her normal seat next to his bedside and stared at his face. It was so plain, never showing any emotion. The doctors told him before that he would never feel when he had his "brain damage" but she knew they were wrong. They had shared too many moments for her to believe that the man that she loved with all of her heart was as coldhearted as they all said he was. When she was actually able to sleep, she dreamed about his eyes. They were the most beautiful shade of blue and they held so much love. They were the only eyes that could look into hers and be looking into her soul. She just wanted him to open those eyes one more time and look at her. She wanted him to reassure her that he understood why she couldn't let him go. But his face never flinched.
The nurse came in a few minutes later and smiled at her. She knew that smiled too well now. It was the pity smile. Everyone felt sorry for her, all saying she was holding onto to something that was already gone. The doctors, the nurses, even her own family argued with her, but she was the only one that knew Jason well enough that he wasn't gone. He would never leave the people he loved and cared about in so much pain. He would never leave her. She felt the nurse's eyes on her as she left the room and closed the door. She felt sorry for her but she was happy that it wasn't her going through this heartbreak. That's the way they all felt. The doctor's tried to give her hope but gave her none. They watched her fall to pieces with every word, and they got that same look of sadness in their eyes, but they were all happy it wasn't their husband or wife lying in that bed. Even Sonny and Carly looked at her that way. They loved Jason like a brother but they both only held pity and sadness for Courtney, both happy that it wasn't one or the other laying in the bed. So Courtney sat alone in his hospital room, waiting. Waiting for any sign of life. Waiting for him to wake up.
"Jason…" She began. She often talked to him. The doctors told her that he might be able to hear her and maybe her voice would bring him out of wherever he was. But they had said that almost a month ago and he still hadn't woken up and she had been there everyday. They now just looked at her and him as a lost cause and they just waited for the day that she would finally realize he was gone and be willing to let him go.
"You have to wake up." She rubbed his cheek with the back of her hand. "I know I say this everyday… But I need you. We all do." She paused and looked at him for some kind of response but nothing changed. "Michael and Morgan are missing you like crazy." She smiled. "Michael's birthday just passed. He was upset that you weren't there and none of us really knew what to tell him…" She wiped away at the tears that had managed to escape her eyes and slide down her cheek.
"I blame myself for all of this. I was probably what caused all of this to begin with. If we wouldn't have had plans that night and you wouldn't have had to come and cancel with me…" She stopped and looked at the floor. "I didn't want you to leave that night but you said you had to. You left thinking about how much you were letting me down again…" She didn't bother to wipe away the tears this time. She had to finally let her emotions out and it was the truth, she blamed herself.
"I should have distracted you. Or done something, anything to stop you from leaving. This is my fault. You lying here right now, it's my fault." She knew that in all reality, he didn't blame her and he never would, but he wasn't able to tell her any differently.
Courtney wrapped the blanket tightly around her tiny body. Just the thought of that day sent chills down her spine. She had come so close to losing him and at that time she did blame herself. So many scenarios ran through her head. She could have stopped him from leaving. She could have gone after him. Then came the what ifs. What if he hadn't left that night? Would he still be living a normal life? Would they be married? What if she had gone after him? Would she have been hit instead of him? Would she be the one in the wheelchair?
It seemed like just yesterday they had been in the hospital going through that pain but in reality they had survived and they were even stronger. There had been plenty of nights where she dreamed about having that normal life with him again and there had been nights where she dreamed about making the best of the life they had now. But the truth of the matter was, she couldn't and wouldn't change a thing about how she was living now. Things certainly weren't perfect but he was alive and they were together and their family was growing. What more could she truly ask for in the end?
"Courtney?" She heard Jason yell from the bedroom. She smiled and headed toward the sound of his voice. He was alive and that was all that mattered.
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