A Slow Overture

She fidgeted with her fingers nervously, breathing a bit shallow and uneven. Her heart seemed to beat irregularly and it was doing nothing to calm her down. And she kept unlocking her phone constantly, just to check if she was in the right place. She was. It was just... Her nerves prevented her from relaxing. Not that there was anything relaxing with the situation she was in. She hadn't seen Alex in two weeks and that was about to change. In just a few minutes, the raven haired woman would join her for a coffee.

She'd actually expected it to take months before getting to see those beautiful green eyes again, but for once in her life, the universe was smiling at her, granting her this one thing. However, she was very aware that it was just a coffee. There was no way of knowing if it would lead anywhere or if Alex just wanted to meet up to turn her down. Either way, she sat there in the corner of the cafe, a large cappuccino in front of her, waiting for the love of her life to show up.

Her eyes were so focused on the phone, preparing herself for a text from Alex cancelling the plans, that she didn't notice when another person showed up beside her. It wasn't until said person sat down in front of her that she looked up, cheeks heating up immediately as her eyes landed on the features of a gorgeous, raven haired woman.

"Hi," Piper breathed, feeling slightly out of breath.

"Hi," Alex answered, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. The blonde could tell that she wasn't completely relaxed, posture stiff and smile seemingly nervous. Their last encounter hadn't been all that great so it really wasn't that unexpected that the other woman was uneasy. Piper was nervous as well, after all.

The silence stretched out between them, this awkward sort of silence where it's impossible to relax. Piper had kind of expected them to just fall into easy conversations and that would be that. It had seemed so effortless when Alex had opened up to her all those weeks ago, when she'd shared experiences with her like they'd know each other forever. Piper had come to love those stories so much, had loved how it'd felt like she'd been to Spain herself, walking along the beach there beside Alex, how it'd felt like she'd been the one ruining that toaster in Cambodia. It had been such a relief to take part in those little adventures, to have heard Alex share those private moments with her, like she actually meant something, like Alex wanted her to be part of her life.

Sitting in front of her in that café felt far from inviting, though. Alex had built up that wall again and Piper didn't even have a small clay pick. She had nothing that could tear it down.

At least it didn't feel like it.

"So-" Piper began, interrupting herself as Alex said the exact same thing at the exact same time, also closing her mouth once she realized that Piper had spoken as well. They both gave out awkward little laughs, the blonde's cheeks heating up at the clichéd moment. Alex nodded towards her as if to tell her to continue.

"How have you been?" Piper asked, question almost a whisper. Alex's smile faltered a bit as she nodded, seemingly contemplating what to answer. It was such a loaded question. Piper didn't just mean the last couple of weeks, she meant since they split and Alex looked like she knew that, seeing as her eyes flickered down to Piper's cappuccino. She almost regretted asking, but she was dying to know. She wanted to know if it was even possible to move forward or if their relationship was doomed before it could even start. Alex had looked so fragile, so weak, when Piper showed up at her apartment. If she'd felt even half as bad as she'd looked, Piper would never be able to forgive herself.

Alex wet her lips before she spoke.

"It's… it's been tough," she said and looked up at Piper again, her piercing green eyes looking so honest. It felt like a slap in the face. Not that she didn't deserve it.

Piper nodded, clenching her jaw. Alex's gaze didn't falter when she continued.

"I, uh… I didn't think I would want to talk about it today, but..." There was a slight pause before she continued. "You really fucked me up," she said with a humorless chuckle, vulnerability flickering in her eyes, but disappearing quickly, as if she wasn't willing to share those kind of emotions again.

Piper swallowed thickly, feeling her lungs close up. It wasn't a surprising statement, but just like Alex, she hadn't expected to talk about this so soon.

"I-I know. I'm sorry." It sounded so simple, too simple, like the words leaving her mouth didn't even begin to describe how bad she felt. They didn't. They were just flat and meaningless in the grand scheme of it all. I'm sorry would never erase what had happened. I'm sorry would never erase the guilt. I'm sorry could never erase the pain that Alex had felt, that Piper had caused.

"I never meant for it to get like this," Piper said. "I never meant to hurt you." Again, it was an oversimplification. While her words were true, it just sounded like they held no meaning, like she was just spewing out clichés because it was expected of her.

"Yeah, well, you did." Alex's eyebrows were furrowed ever so slightly, lips parted as if she wasn't done talking. But nothing else was said.

"I know, but I-" Piper began, sentence getting stuck in her throat. She'd said it aloud before, but it was still hard. It was hard to admit her weaknesses. They meant that she wasn't as strong as she tricked people into believing.

"I know that it's no excuse, but I was…" She took a deep breath. "I was really scared."

"Scared of ruining your career, I know." Alex's words were so dismissive, like she knew the reason for her fears without understanding them.

"Yes," Piper answered lowly, looking down at her hands. They were holding onto the mug on the small table between her and Alex and to anyone passing by, it might have looked natural, relaxed, but that mug was her lifeline. It kept her from shaking, from crying, the heat against her palms grounding her.

"But you have to realize that-" Piper's voice was starting to tremble, words coming out strained. She took another deep breath, squeezed the mug a bit and met Alex's eyes again.

"My career was everything I had, Alex." The only reaction Piper got was a slight scoff, but she didn't feel deterred. She wanted to explain her behavior and if Alex still didn't accept her reasons when she was done, then that was that. She couldn't force Alex to give her a second chance if it didn't feel right and she didn't want to. No matter how much she needed Alex, it obviously wouldn't work if it was one sided.

"It was something I had control over," she continued, furrowing her eyebrows and lowering her gaze again. "Or, something I thought I had control over."

"I had no control over my personal life and I had no control over my emotions." It had been made clear that she wasn't supposed to show people anything, really. At least nothing other than her indisputable heterosexuality. She'd basically been a fabricated person with handpicked attributes to make the ideal female politician.

"Politics was just… it was something with structures, something I could calculate, something I was good at." Piper nodded distractedly, as if to underline her words.

"Until it wasn't even me making the decisions," she almost whispered, crease between her eyebrows deepening.

"I never realized that I was just a puppet." Her voice got a bit sharper, but it was still low. "Healy was… he was in my head, pushing buttons I didn't know I had and… I did things that I didn't want to do." Her eyes found Alex's again and she was relieved to see that there was a calm sort of understanding in them, like something had just clicked.

"I was used to just repressing all my feelings and when I met you, everything just fell apart." Alex was listening intently, seemingly on the edge of her chair. It was good to see her actually taking in what Piper was saying and not just sitting there rolling her eyes. It sparked a bit of hope in her chest.

"I was already unstable, but you just… you made me feel again. You made me feel something that wasn't just anxiety." She let go of the mug in front of her with one hand to reach for Alex's that rested a few inches from her, but stopped mid-movement. While Alex had agreed to meet up with her, it didn't mean that she could just take liberties.

"And then I panicked," she said and put her hand back on the mug again. Alex gave a short nod before lowering her eyes to the table.

"I panicked because I knew that we couldn't be together," Piper explained. "I knew that I had to end it." Her tone was somber, eyes glossing over. She wouldn't cry. She didn't want to make it seem like she wanted pity or like she was the victim. Instead, she swallowed before speaking again.

"I still wanted to prioritize the only certain thing I had in life, the only thing I knew." Piper could see the muscles in Alex's jaw get taut.

"I know now how wrong that was," she said, watching as Alex looked up again, meeting her eyes. The impulse to grab Alex's hand got stronger when she saw that vulnerability again. There was hope in her beautiful, green eyes and Piper held onto it.

"I'm done being scared. I just want you." Alex wet her lips and leaned back in her chair, adjusting her glasses that had slid down her nose a bit, suddenly looking so unsure. Piper really didn't blame her, but it was frustrating watching her withdraw.

"If you'll have me," she added carefully, still holding onto that little bit of hope. Something in Alex's face changed, but she couldn't quite tell if it was for better or for worse.

"I don't trust you, Piper," she said finally, voice careful. It was as if that sentence was a needle, popping her lungs and deflating them. Piper couldn't hold back the shaky sigh escaping her lips.

"But I don't want to lose you." It was as if the room silenced around them, like the world stopped turning on its axis. Piper's mouth stretched into a wide smile, her whole face lighting up like a firehouse.

"Don't make me regret this," Alex said, masking her own smile poorly. Piper bit her bottom lip, shaking her head enthusiastically.

"Never."

xxx

It wasn't a very large apartment, but then again, she didn't really need that much space. Especially since she'd decided to rid herself of most things she'd gotten with Larry. She didn't own much anymore, and while that sometimes felt kind of sad, she always tried to remind herself that less things would make for an easier transition to start over. All of her political obligations were long gone and she'd even gotten a new job. She worked at a youth centre for LGBTQ+ people who needed a safe place, a place to connect with others in similar situations as them.

For once, it felt like she was sticking up for the people who she'd vowed to help as the mayor of New York. For once, it felt like she was being true to herself. For once, it felt like she was doing the right thing.

It was exactly four months since she'd held that press conference and not only was John still very much there for her, Alex was as well. They were taking things slow, but Piper could proudly call herself Alex's girlfriend. There were still things they were unsure of, things they hadn't really talked about, but they were getting there.

And at the end of the day, she could call Alex hers.

But even that wasn't enough to keep all her insecurities at bay. A large part of her was still in shock, was still sure that Alex would realize her mistake and just leave. Piper had been horrible and that was sure to leave scars.

Whenever they talked about what had happened, whenever they tried to work through some unresolved feeling, Alex would close up and get quiet. Piper hated that. Not because Alex wouldn't speak, but because she was afraid to open up, afraid to let Piper in. But eventually, she would come around and they would discuss whatever problem they had.

But sometimes, it would take days for Alex to do so.

"Jesus, is that wall really necessary?"

Piper looked to where Alex was pointing, a half-wall separating the kitchenette from the small living room. Alex had complained about minor details in all the apartments they had looked at. It was like she expected Piper to move into the Hilton's or something.

"Well, it's not really in the way, is it?" Piper pointed out, humor lacing her voice. Alex turned to her and squeezed her hand, looking mock-offended.

"Are you telling me that my eye for interior design is bad?" Alex asked and placed her free hand on her chest.

"What if I am?" Piper challenged teasingly, pulling Alex a bit closer to herself. They were only about one feet apart, neither of them bothered by the intrusion of their personal space.

"I'm not sure you can be my girlfriend anymore. You clearly have poor taste," Alex said with a twitch of her eyebrows, corners of her mouth having a hard time not quirking up.

"Oh, is that so?" Piper laughed, taking a step back, hand still securely holding onto Alex's. "You didn't complain when I picked out those wallpapers for your place, did you?" When she got no immediate answer, she tilted her chin up to add a bit of cockiness , biting her bottom lip as if to prevent herself from speaking. It didn't last long.

"I thought so!" she triumphed, laughing again, watching Alex roll her eyes fondly.

"Alex Vause, speechless for once," Piper teased, being the one getting pulled in this time. They stood closer than before, both grinning widely. Piper let go of Alex's hand and placed her arms around her neck instead, embracing her. It didn't take long before Alex's arms were around her waist.

"I don't think this is the right apartment for me," Piper said lowly, like it was a secret, getting a hum in response. It didn't really matter much what apartment she moved into. She would still end up spending most of her days at Alex's anyway.

They stayed like that for a while, swaying a bit to imaginary music while other people came into the room to check out the apartment. They were absolutely in the way, but neither of them cared enough to pull away from each other. Until the realtor separated them to ask if they were even there for the tour.

They both laughed harder than what was appropriate when they were kicked out for having said no.

xxx

She traced the features of Alex's face with her fingertips, memorizing all the little details she hadn't let herself notice before. The birthmarks on each side of her face, the laughter lines, the soft curve of her lips. They were all so small and to others, insignificant. But to Piper they were beautiful parts of a constellation, details that made Alex, Alex.

They'd lain like this for hours, just taking each other in, occasionally speaking softly. It had been a little over five months since they'd started seeing each other again and everything felt right, like they were supposed to be with each other. However, despite how good it felt when they were together, it didn't take away how much it hurt when they were apart. Not in the sense of just wanting to be together all the time, but in the sense of guilt. She still felt so bad for what she'd done and even if Alex had begun trusting her again, she couldn't stop thinking about how little she deserved that trust.

Alex wet her lips, eyes flickering down to Piper's for a split second as she moved a little closer.

"We shouldn't," Piper whispered, retracting her hand. They hadn't kissed yet. She wanted to, of course she did, but she couldn't trust herself with that. If she kissed Alex, she wouldn't want to stop.

"It's okay, Pipes," Alex answered, cupping Piper's cheek. "It's okay." While it was very tempting to give in and just let their lips connect, she couldn't do that just yet. It was too soon. They still hadn't talked about everything yet. At least it didn't feel like it. There was this disconnection between them, this tension, that made it feel like something was still unresolved. Piper had tried to wrack her brain for what she could've forgotten, but no matter how hard she thought about it, how many times she replayed their conversations in her head, she couldn't figure out what was unsaid.

"Hey, I can see you overthinking this." Alex's words were soft, so soft. "Relax. Just let it happen." Piper swallowed thickly, but did nothing to move away when Alex got even closer.

"I don't… I don't want to rush," she breathed, eyes shifting between Alex's. "I want to do this right."

"If you don't want to kiss me, that's fine," Alex whispered softly. "But please, just… just don't think that I'm not ready." The hand on Piper's cheek moved down to her neck, thumb stroking her jawline.

"Because I am," Alex continued. Piper could tell that she was being honest, but she was still a bit unsure. The look in Alex's eyes told her not to worry, though.

"I want this, Piper." The words were low, just above a whisper. "I want you." Alex leaned in, movement so slow, as if to give Piper a chance to pull away. She didn't. The last thing she saw before closing her eyes was Alex's mouth forming a soft smile.

Their lips met in a tender kiss, a tentative one at first, but Piper couldn't help but to completely melt into it. She loved this woman so goddamn much and it just felt so right. From the way Alex's grip on her neck tightened just the slightest, as if to keep her from pulling away, to the way her lips just fit against hers.

There were no fireworks going off in her head, but she was immediately lulled into a sense of calm, a sense of belonging, like she was meant to be this close to Alex. She was, in a way. She had known it for a while. Alex was her home. Whenever they were together, the storm in Piper would ebb out. Despite her insecurities, Alex always made her feel safe and loved and eventually, any negative thought would dissipate. Until she was alone again. When she was alone, all the insecurities would come rushing back to her, almost crushing her under their weight. She was still so unsure, still so uncertain if she could ever be enough for the other woman, if she would ever deserve the other woman despite what she'd done.

But now she wasn't alone. She was with Alex, kissing her. The last time they kissed, it was a goodbye. Now it was a hello. This kiss meant that they were one step closer to each other, one step closer to being whole. But it was still a long way to go. At least for Piper. Alex seemed to have gotten so much more open, so much more secure in their relationship. Her wanting to kiss Piper was proof of that.

Piper placed her hand on Alex's hip, body moving closer on its own accord.

It was still a soft kiss and despite them lying flush against each other, it didn't turn heated. Neither one of them wanted more from it than the intimacy, the comfort of finally trusting each other enough to have this without it turning sexual. Piper would wait another year, several years, if that was what Alex wanted. She wanted her to know that their relationship meant more to her than the physical aspects.

Alex was the first one to pull away. She leaned her head against Piper's, exhaling deeply. Piper didn't mind the fact that they were breathing each other's air. It just added to the feeling of closeness.

They were silent for a while, just basking in each other's body heat.

"I love you," Alex whispered, as if to try the words out. Piper felt her body go rigid, fearing that she might have heard wrong.

"I love you," she repeated, louder this time. Piper deflated immediately, going limp against the mattress. The only time Alex had said those words was that night at the motel. It had stayed with Piper, but she hadn't heard it again. She hadn't said it herself since she showed up at Alex's apartment all those months ago, hadn't wanted to pressure on her to say it back.

Hearing it felt like the heavens had opened up for her. Nothing would ever come close to the feeling of hearing those words from the other woman.

"I love you too," she replied. "So much." Alex put her arm around Piper's waist and pulled her into a tight embrace. Piper did the same, burying her face in the crook of Alex's neck, the one place the felt the safest, and in that moment, it felt like they would be alright.

AN: Hellooo! Long time no see! I'm so sorry for this super slow update, but as I've said before, life happens. I'm also sorry for being slow with replying to comments. The past months have just been... crazy, to be honest.

This is the last chapter, but I do have an epilogue if people are interested in one. If yes, please, do tell me. If no, this is it. You guys have been so patient with me and I am beyond amazed and humbled. Thank you guys so much for sticking with this story until the end and just know that despite being the slowest person in the history of ever, I do appreciate every single one of you and every single comment, favorite and follow has made my stomach all tingly and my cheeks red. You guys are amazing. Again, thank you so much for your support and thank you for doing this journey with me.

Also, a huge thank you to Trasigtnintendo who has been a very good and patient beta. She's helped me so much and without her, this story wouldn't have happened. Thanks, babe. I love you.