Chapter 10: Revealed Hidden Knowledge

"Tim?" Thom looked around. The room was there, but Tim wasn't. "Tim! Tim, please!"

He was there.

"Thom, this isn't going to work, you know."

"What do you mean it's not going to work? It has to! I want to..."

"What do you want, Thom? Really," Tim asked. He dropped his gaze from Thom's face to the machinery separating them. "You don't really want to die again. What you want is to be able to live again. I don't blame you for that, but do you really think that you'll be able to give up this life if you don't want to?"

"I do want to, Tim. This isn't my life. There's no way of getting my life back. My life is gone. Even Lizzie...even..."

"Lizzie would love you, you know. She would. There's no way she couldn't. Oh, it might take some time to adjust to the idea, but she'd love you because you're family. More than I am. My only real family is Sarah...and she's gone...maybe forever."

"No, Tim! No...I..." Thom trailed off as he realized that Tim was right. If he thought there was a possibility, he would choose to live. He knew that there wasn't though.

Tim wavered again, put a hand to his head.

"Tim, please, don't leave me alone here."

Tim smiled tiredly. "I'll try...Thom."

"If you can't stay for me, stay for that other guy! Stay and help me figure it out for him!"

"I'll try."

"No! You can't just try. You have do it!"

Tim actually chuckled. "Who are you? Yoda?"

Thom laughed, too...but he was afraid. "Don't leave me here, Tim. This is your life. It's not mine."

Tim looked at the machinery. He sighed and then picked up the soldering iron again.

"Don't forget this, Thom. It's important."

Thom nodded...and watched.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Wow, Thom," Jimmy said in surprise. "You're almost done, aren't you? It looks like new."

Thom stretched and smiled a little. He'd been working on this for hours. "It's not. I'm still stuck with this section here." He pointed to the set of connections which were supposed to run to the base of the neck. "This stuff...it's so weird. I don't even get what it's doing."

"Then, how are you putting it back together?"

"Tim's telling me what to do."

"How?" Jimmy asked, curiously. He sat down and stared at the machine.

Thom shifted uncomfortably. "I don't really know how to explain it. I talk to him in my sleep...and when I'm awake, he helps me out...sometimes."

"Wow. That's kind of cool."

"It's...weird."

"I'm sure." Jimmy looked at his watch. "Hey, you want to come with Michelle and I to get some lunch?"

Thom did, but he didn't at the same time. "No. I think...I think I'll stick around here. There's more that I know how to do. I don't want to forget it."

"Thom, there can be more than this."

"No, there can't," Thom said, looking back at the machine. "Not if Tim is coming back. The more time I spend doing real things, forming real connections...the harder it is for him to survive." Thom didn't know where that certainty came from, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew they were true. ...and then, he realized that they were coming from Tim. Tim had known that but hadn't warned him of the risks. Tim had been willing to risk his own destruction.

Jimmy put a hand on his shoulder, and for the first time, Thom felt no inclination to shy away.

"I'm so sorry, Thom."

Thom couldn't look at him.

"So am I."

Jimmy got up and left. Thom only looked up when he was sure he was gone.

Tim, why didn't you let me know? Why didn't you tell me about that?

No response, of course. There never was.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"He's not coming with us," Jimmy said to Abby. She'd been waiting by the elevator for a report. "Maybe you could go down and try to..."

"He doesn't like me," Abby said. "I don't know why, but he doesn't."

"It's not that he doesn't like you...but he...well..." Jimmy stumbled over trying to explain something he didn't understand himself. "You could still try."

"Here, I'll go down. I haven't talked to him at all really...and I should," Tony said.

Abby laughed at him. "Are you going to be sensitive, Tony?"

"No...are you crazy?" Tony asked. "I'm not sensitive, but I should try and let him see that he's not a leper."

Abby patted him on the shoulder. "That's very sweet, Tony."

Tony rolled his eyes. "You can come down and repair the damage later." He got on the elevator and headed down to the evidence garage.

"Well...I'm going to lunch," Jimmy said in the awkward silence that followed.

Abby smiled. "Don't worry, Jimmy. We won't eat him."

"Good. I think..." Jimmy headed out, met Michelle in the parking lot and they walked to get something to eat.

Their observer followed them.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The elevator dinged open.

"Hey, Thom E!" Tony said with a forcedly jovial tone.

Thom jumped and looked at Tony with anything but good humor.

"What?"

"Thom E! Gemcity has too many syllables, but Thom has too few. So I have to call you something else."

"Why?"

"Because...just because. That's how it has to be."

"Why?"

"You'd...probably have to know me to understand. Do you mind?"

Thom shrugged and went back to work. "I've been called worse."

"Uh...right."

"Do you need something?"

"I was going to ask you that."

"You an expert on electronics?"

"No."

"Then, I don't need anything you can give."

Tony winced. Not even on his worst days had Tim sounded so cold.

"How about some company?"

"Why would I need that?"

"Do you like sitting here alone with that thing?"

Thom looked up at him. "Are you trying to say that you'd be good company?"

"Better than nothing, Pr... Thom."

He looked back down. "You enjoy being a spectator watching someone killing himself?"

He didn't know why, but that was the moment when Tony really saw the person sitting in front of him as Thom and not just Tim acting strangely. He sat down across the machine.

"Hey, Thom, I know you don't trust me. I don't blame you. I probably wouldn't trust me either, but...well...even when I'm joking around...you can trust me."

The soldering iron shook in Thom's hand. He set it down and sighed. He didn't look up.

"Tony...I do understand that you're trying to be nice, that you're trying to be supportive and all...but... You're trying to make me feel better. If I feel better, Tim might never come back. Is that what you want? Do you really want to be stuck with me for the rest of my life?"

"No. I'll be honest. I do want McGee back, but... I hate that you think you have to be miserable while you're here."

Thom shook his head. "I do have to be miserable. The times when I'm happy...Tim slides further away and it's harder to get him back. I don't want him to die for me. So...you can't help. It's better if you just leave me alone."

"Did you ever have a chance to really live, Thom?"

"Not for half my life. Because I really died when my parents did. I just didn't realize it...and I kept breathing." Thom looked up and Tony was surprised to see tears in his eyes. "I wish I hadn't. I was gone anyway."

Tony actually felt his own throat tighten. Maybe it was because, no matter that he knew it wasn't Tim talking, it still looked like Tim talking and he couldn't stand the idea of Tim feeling like he'd died without physically dying.

"Hey, Thom...is there one thing that you wish you could do before...this gets fixed?"

Thom laughed briefly and looked at the wires. "Sometimes, I want to pull out all the work I've done and pretend it didn't happen." Then, he was quiet for a long moment.

Tony waited, hoping that an answer was forthcoming.

"I would love to really see the stars again. I haven't had a chance to look at them. There are too many lights around here. I can't see the sky very clearly. I always loved astronomy." A wistful smile crossed his face and then he went back to work.

Tony took the hint and slipped away. That was something he could help with. Even if Thom was right about having to be miserable, surely one moment of happiness wouldn't ruin everything. ...and it was horrible to see a human being write himself off so thoroughly...and to know that it was going to happen.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

He couldn't take them right now. Now would have too many witnesses. Night was the time to do what was necessary. He smiled. He had tried being obvious...now he could use the training he'd been given and get what he deserved for years of service.