Rules and Religions

"And how, exactly, do you plan to ensure their survival?"

"Fixit still bears my Forge. So long as she keeps it on her frame or in her subspace, I can transfer energy from my spark directly to hers. And since my spark is stronger than hers, I can easily ensure both her survival and the newspark's."

"…but not necessarily yours."

"…no. Not necessarily mine."

"Why didn't you tell us Ravage was up there earlier!?" Ratchet fumed, waving his wrench threateningly over his helm as Red Alert had a panicked meltdown in the background. Inferno, Jazz, and Optimus were all busy trying to calm the poor glitching security mech down. Ironhide, Blaster, Prowl, and Wheeljack were all busy dealing with other issues around the Ark.

"I told you just as soon as I noticed he was up there," Fixit rebutted in mild annoyance, glancing up briefly from her datapad as Steve cowered behind her. "Contrary to what Steve and everyone else seems to believe, I am not omnipotent."

It was two hours after Ravage had gotten away, and most of the officers (plus the two modified Vehicons) were gathered together in a meeting room. The Ark had just come down off high-alert…which meant the Autobots now had time to interro- sorry, question the two dimensional travelers.

"I TOLD YOU THEY WERE DECEPTICON SPIES!" Red Alert screeched, static flickering around his horns. Fixit just ignored him with the ease of long practice as Inferno and Jazz had to practically tackle the mech. (The Red Alert back home didn't like her much either…but she was just pointing out holes in his security! Actual saboteurs would use something far more harmful than paint and glitter- she was just trying to help! Really!)

Ratchet continued to fume, but his undoubtedly obscene reply was cut off as the door hissed open and Prowl walked in. The stoic tactician frowned slightly at the scene Red Alert was making as the Security Director's screeching reached new heights. He was getting close to rivalling Starscream, now.

"Ratchet, if you would?" Prowl nodded towards Red Alert. The grumpy medic snarled a curse, but reluctantly stomped over and forcibly knocked the SD offline. The room vented a silent sigh of relief as the constant assault on their audios ceased.

"Thank Primus," Steve muttered, rubbing his helm from where he was cowering behind the seemingly-indifferent Fixit.

The SIC returned his attention to the dimensional travelers at the Vehicon's comment. He caught and held Fixit's dark crimson gaze, the two of them staring at each other for a long moment.

"Did you notice Ravage's presence before you mentioned it?" the Praxian asked coolly, never once looking away from the Eradicon.

"…I noticed him approximately fifteen seconds before speaking up. The fifteen seconds were mostly used to figure out how I should indicate his presence," Fixit answered honestly, keeping her gaze steady.

Prowl contemplated her a few moments longer before nodding in acceptance. "Very well. However, now that the Decepticons are aware of your presence, for your own safety you will have to be confined to the Ark."

Steve scowled, but shrugged in resignation. Being an ex-Decepticon left one with a very accurate impression of how bad it would be to be a prisoner of his former faction. Especially if one was a carrying femme.

Fixit clenched her mandible, narrowed optics meeting the tactician's assessing gaze. "I will agree only so long as I am allowed to take periodic flights. I am better at dealing with confinement than other flyers-"

"So much better," Steve coughed.

The Eradicon ignored him, as well as the way the Autobots suddenly seemed more interested. "-but even I need to get out and fly occasionally. Whether that's with an escort or not, I don't care, so long as I can fly under my own power."

"Which you can't do for very long anyways, because it uses up too much power."

"Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"Okay."

Prowl glanced over at Optimus, who was frowning slightly at Steve's comments. That didn't keep the Prime from nodding immediately, though. "Of course. You are our guests, not our prisoners."

"Thank Primus for that. Once was bad enough," Fixit muttered. Steve scowled at that. None of the Nemesis' former crew liked being reminded of the horrible condition the Eradicon always seemed to end up in whenever she escaped, whether it be from the Autobots, Starscream, or Predaking.

"Yah were ah prisoner of t' Autobo's afore?" Jazz asked curiously, sidling up to the glowering Eradicon. He looked faintly surprised when Steve turned his scowl on the saboteur, purposely moving protectively between the Porsche and the carrying femme.

"Back when we were still at war, yes. Steve, stop that. He's not going to hurt me," Fixit vented in exasperation. "Fraggin' overprotective moronic Roomba…"

The Vehicon muttered rebelliously to himself, but obediently retreated back behind the Eradicon.

"Sorry, Ah didn' realize i' was ah sensitive subjec'…" Jazz apologized sheepishly.

"I'm fine with it, but for some reason all the former crew of the Nemesis get all touchy whenever me escaping whoever my captor was at the time is mentioned…"

"Because you always come back with one pede in the Well," Steve fumed, optics narrowed and servos clenched into fists.

Fixit opened her mouth and paused. Then she closed it. And open. "Okay, can't exactly argue with that. Although I dunno why it sets you lot off so much…"

Steve stared flatly at the Eradicon. "Fixit, why does Soundwave get so pissed whenever someone hurts you?"

She frowned at him. "What does that have to do with-?"

"Just answer the question."

Both ex-Decepticons were aware of the Autobots watching attentively in the background, but just kind of ignored their presence. It's not like they would ever see them again after this was over, anyways.

Fixit raised her brow at the Vehicon, but answered anyways. "Because he's an overprotective, overly-possessive aft."

"And…?" Steve rolled his servo.

"And…he takes it as a personal insult?"

Servo, meet face. "…how Soundwave got anywhere with your oblivious aft, I'll never know…"

"Hey! What's that supposed to-"

"Fixit, why is he protective of you?"

"…because…I'm…umm…"

"Oh, for-! Because he cares about you. Because he loves you."

The Autobots did a double-take. "WHAT?!"

"…what does that have to do with-"

"Slaggit, Fixit! You getting hurt bothers us because we love you!"

"What!?"

"Practically the entirety of the Nemesis' crew worships the ground you walk on, and most of the Decepticons that have chosen to follow Soundwave's lead and honor the peace treaty are being converted as well!"

"WHAT!?"

"Frag, some of them are even seriously contemplating starting a religion legitimately worshiping you!"

"WHAT!?"

"Nah, just kidding."

"STEVE!"

The Vehicon laughed as he fled the room full of stupefied Autobots, the furious Eradicon hot on his heels.

"GET BACK HERE AND LET ME MURDER YOU, YOU SLAGGER!"

A/N: Ah, Steve. Way to end the chapter on an amusing note. But sadly, I can actually see some of the Roombas starting a religion around Fixit. (She'd be a wrathful deity of old, of course, demanding live bots brought to her temple (medbay) to sacrificed upon the ritual table (med berth) to appease her craving for fresh energon (repairs).)

…I should write a one-shot of that for Mischief Managed...yes! The Plot Z-Bunnies have finally struck again! Muahahahaha!