"Draco, please! Open the door," Narcissa ordered for the fourth time, knocking against the door to Draco's room. But again there was no answer. Draco had not left his room for almost three days, barely touching the food the house-elves brought him. Whatever spell he had cast, it kept his mother, Andromeda and Remus locked out.

"Won't you at least talk to your mother, darling?" Andromeda called, rubbing Narcissa's shaking back. "There's no use in locking yourself up."

Remus cleared his throat. "Bill will be here in a minute," he said and gifted Narcissa a smile that she did not even notice because her eyes were focused on the door that kept her away from her son. "He can surely open the door as ex-Curse-Breaker."

"This is my fault," Narcissa said, her voice hoarse from calling her son for so long now. "I was so selfish these last months. I should've been there for him. I don't even know why he's in there now… Taffy said he's crying." She looked at Remus out of tear-filled blue eyes before shifting her gaze to her sister. "What if he's hurting himself?"

Andromeda shook her head. "The house-elves would tell you," she said, trying to calm Narcissa down. "They would definitely let you in if Draco was in danger. Instructions or not." Andromeda pulled Narcissa close and hugged her, not caring that her sister tensed in her arms.

"My fault," Narcissa repeated. "I didn't spend enough time with him. It's not only hard for me that Lucius is gone. But Draco… I thought he could cope with it. He seemed okay…" She freed herself from Andromeda's grip and embraced herself, turning her back to Remus and her sister. "The last weeks he even seemed happy." She peered over her shoulder at Remus, frowning slightly. "He talked more to you than to me. Maybe he'll open the door if you knock, Remus Lupin." The bitterness in her voice embarrassed Remus and he looked away from the now so cold blue eyes.

"Cissa, this is definitely not Remus' fault!" Andromeda shook her head disapprovingly at which her sister snorted. Of course, they could not know that this was in all probability Remus' fault. He had scared Roger away and since then Draco did not leave his room. It would be stupid to think that he had nothing to do with it. And he did feel bad. But he did not regret it. Not until now…

"I didn't say that," Narcissa told Andromeda as if Remus was not standing right in front of her. "I just thought that maybe Remus might be able to talk to him after he literally clung to my son during the last weeks."

"Narcissa, what are you trying to say?" Andromeda looked at her full of shocked and took a step back when Narcissa let out a high-pitched laughter.

"Oh, as if you hadn't notice how he looks at my son." Narcissa gave Remus a reproachful look. "I thought you were old enough to control your feelings, but apparently… What have you done to him?"

Remus shook his head. "I never touched him."

Andromeda whirled around. "You aren't denying that you are… Remus!" She let out a heavy sigh. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"And what exactly? That I'm a pervy old man?" Remus reached out to touch Narcissa's shoulder but she jerked away – just like Draco always did. "I never wanted this to happen. And I never did more than look at him. I know it's not right."

Narcissa scowled at him. "Not right? Oh, Remus Lupin, I never thought you could be such a bastard. Just because my son was forced to work for the Dark Lord, you can't like him. He was a child and made mistakes. And because of this he's not worth your oh so precious affection? What is this for a horrible game you're playing with my son?"

"Remus is the last man in the world who would play games with your son," Andromeda blurted out and poked Narcissa against the forehead. "What are you thinking?"

"I am just worried! My son has locked himself up in his room for far too long!" Narcissa rubbed her forehead, flashing Remus a short look that was still very reproachful. "Every time we talked it was just about you and Teddy. I don't want you with my son, but I want Draco to be happy. And he seems to be with you."

"It's not like you think," Remus said, raising his hands in defence and blushing deeply.

Narcissa raised her eyebrow sceptically. "Whatever it is, I think you have more reasons to comfort him than I have." Before Remus could tell Narcissa that she was most likely just scared that she and her son had grown apart from each other, a house-elf appeared next to his mistress. "Oh, look. Your key service is here. It's about time." Narcissa waved at the house-elf before the poor creature could even open its mouth. "Get him here." When the house-elf was gone, Narcissa folded her arms defensively in front of her chest, turning away from Remus and focusing her eyes stubbornly on Draco's door. "You're going to talk to him."

"I'd rather not…" Remus did not finish his sentence because of the deadly glance he received from Draco's mother. He took a deep breath. "I'll talk to him. But not about that topic." Remus was glad that Bill came down the corridor before Narcissa could disagree or whatever she wanted to do with her mouth already open.

"So, where do we have our little problem?" Bill greeted Andromeda with a pat on her shoulder, waved at Remus and offered Narcissa a polite smile.

"Thank you for coming, Bill," Remus said, pointing at Draco's door. "I owe you one."

Bill shrugged that off and pulled out his wand, shoving it straight into the key hole. "I'll always play the knight in shining armour for a blond princess." His wand vibrated for a few second. Pulling it out again, Bill scratched his temple and finally cleared his throat before putting the tip of his wand back into the key hole. Tiny bolts crackled from the wood to the metal, and with a sudden noise the door creaked open. Bill flashed Remus a short smile and put his wand away. "Nothing against ancient Egypt spells, of course. I miss that… Do you have some more things that won't open, Mrs. Malfoy?"

Narcissa raised her eyebrows in blank astonishment.

"You shouldn't sneak around here, Bill. Honestly. Creepy stuff," Andromeda said, quite obviously ignored Narcissa's shocked expression when she examined her fingernails. "Want me to show you around?"

"Oh, I can never say 'No' to you, Andromeda," Bill said and offered his arm so that Andromeda could lead the way.

"Andromeda, you can't…" Narcissa shook her head and turned to Remus. "What a ruthless young man," she snapped and nodded towards the door. "What are you waiting for? I'm right behind you."

Remus gulped hard because of this obvious way to find out if this was his fault. Narcissa wanted to see Draco's reactions towards him and was hoping to find out if Remus was able to tame the hungry wolf inside him. Until now he was… well, at least when it came to Draco. Roger Davies might say different things about the normally gentle Remus.

With Narcissa one step behind him, Remus had a bad feeling when he entered Draco's room, which was completely soaked in darkness. The curtains did not let any light through until Remus ripped them open and received a deep moan from the person that now slipped under his blankets, turning into a huge clump of fabric.

"Draco, love?" Narcissa's attention was no longer with Remus and she had only eyes for Draco. She sat down next to her son and patted him through the blanket. "I was worried."

Draco mumbled something. Remus could not understand it from his position next to the window.

"I won't go away until you told me what's wrong with you," Narcissa said in a calm voice.

Listening closely, Remus thought he could hear something like "none of your business", and those words made Narcissa look guilty.

"You don't want to talk to me?" Her voice was so soft that Remus doubted Draco could understand her properly, but he seemed to be wrong because Draco's reply came almost immediately:

"Apparently."

Narcissa blinked hastily, shame and pain visible on her face when she turned to look at Remus, silently suffering because of Draco's rejection. She stroked one last time over Draco's back and stood up, opening her mouth to say something but then changed her mind and left without another word. Not even an order for Remus to stay and take care of her son.

"Draco…" Remus sighed heavily and sat down on the edge of Draco's bed, placing a hand on the warm body hidden underneath the blankets. "Are you going to stay in bed all day again?"

"Obviously," came the answer, drowned by the several layers of blankets.

Remus grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled it slowly down, exposing Draco's ruffled hair. "Tell me what's wrong," he demanded but Draco just pressed his face into his pillow and made some strange noises. "Draco, I'm not going to leave until you tell me what's bothering you."

"How did you come in?" Draco asked, his voice hoarse and unused.

"I asked a friend of mine and he opened the door for us. There's nothing wrong with asking for help," Remus said and reached for Draco's shoulder, rolling him onto his back only to catch his breath. Draco looked like he had not even slept the last days but had spent his nights and days with crying his eyes bloody. The veins on the white of his eyes looked like deep cuts, overflowed with tears that had left visible traces on Draco's pale cheeks.

"Friends, eh?" Draco laughed low in his throat and shook his head. "Friends will never come to help you."

"Am I not here?" Remus grabbed Draco's chin before the boy could look away. "You called me your friend. Empty words?"

"Words… are worth nothing…" Draco closed his eyes and tried to pull the blanket back over his head but Remus retrieved the fabric. "Leave me alone, Remus. I'm not in the mood for this. Comfort a pillow if you need it so badly."

"Won't you tell me what's happened?" Remus asked once again, still waiting patiently for Draco to sit up, but he did not expect that it would happen so soon. A blink later Draco's face was barely an inch from his away, but his expression was too furious to really think about the barely existing distance.

"The person I thought I liked is killing me with his empty words. That's what is happening. I trusted him. I gave him everything." Draco made a weak attempt to throw Remus off his bed, slamming his fists against Remus' chest. "And he just left." His fists hurt more than Remus thought they could, and Draco seemed to like using him as a punching ball. "Like everyone else." What hurt even more than Draco's fists hitting his chest, was the sight of Draco close to tears again. To prevent himself from sobbing, Draco bit so hard on his lower lip that the chapped skin burst open and soon small drops of blood appeared.

Remus reached out and wiped the blood away, enclosing Draco's chin and grabbing his wrist with the other hand so that he stopped hitting him. "I'm here, Draco, your mother and aunt are both worried and Teddy is slowly becoming depressed because he hasn't seen you for a while." He smiled gently when Draco sniffed and blinked the tears away. "You don't need Roger, okay?"

Draco backed away and Remus immediately let go off the thin wrist, although he already missed the feeling of Draco's pulse beating against his fingers. "You… Where did you… what…" Draco shook his head. "How do you know about him?"

Clearing his throat, Remus shifted his gaze towards the photos of Draco's friends. Well, probably not his friends anymore, because Remus had not seen one of them since he lived here. But that did not mean that Draco and his friends never saw each other these days. Remus had not even realised that Draco had something like a relationship, so he might be as uninformed when it came to his friends.

"Uhm…" Remus took a deep breath before he looked back at Draco. "I'm not stupid. Banking business isn't as good a code word as you might have thought. Besides Roger works with Bill Weasley… who is… uhm, here at the moment, if you want to say 'Hello' or insult him because of his earring, his hair, whatever cheers you up."

Draco stared at him in shock, obviously not caring about controlling his emotions at the moment. "He spread that around?" Dragging his blanket up to his chin, Draco blushed with embarrassment. "Such a bastard…"

"Draco, no…" Remus shook his head, patting Draco's knee that was pulled up to his chest. "It's just… I heard that Roger was into blonds and then this stuff with the… banking business."

"Oh, and that makes everything so clear? Just say it if I'm acting like a stupid fag!" Draco pulled the blanket over his head and jerked his legs away from Remus' hands.

"Well… Draco, you made these equivocal comments. I know you just joked around but normal boys don't really make this kind of jokes…" Remus noticed that he was not saying the things Draco wanted to hear right now, but it was hard to think straight with him around, so he ended up making everything even worse.

"There! You said it… I'm not normal." Draco moved under the blanket, coming to lie on the mattress and rolling into a small ball. "It's disgusting… Salazar, if my parents find out… If Father knew that I cried because of a guy… Don't tell Mother, please. She'll continue ignoring me."

"Oh, come on… You're not the type of guy who struggles with his sexuality, Draco." Remus tore the blanket irretrievably away. "You're wallowing in self-pity. Again."

Draco stayed curled up, clinging to his pillow. "Then just leave me," he sniffed.

"No, definitely not. And you shouldn't push me away, because you don't have many people who will come to you anymore. That's a fact, Draco," Remus said a bit harshly but Draco did not even flinch. "But that doesn't mean that everyone wishes you were dead, or something like that."

"A few people might," Draco muttered, pulling his pillow into his lap when he sat up. "But… Roger said something similar about my annoying addiction to self-pity…"

Remus smiled encouragingly, although deep in his heart he hoped that Draco would not tell him how awesome that bastard was.

"But he also said he wouldn't leave me and now he's obviously not here." Draco laughed hoarsely and not at all amused. He wiped new tears away with the back of his hand, avoiding Remus' eyes.

"You really like him, right?" The guilt formed a knot in Remus' throat that he unsuccessfully tried to swallow, and he thought that he was going to throw up when Draco nodded.

"But don't tell anyone," Draco said, cheeks gleaming in pink. "I know it was wrong to get emotionally involved these days. They all think that they can play games with me and I'm stupid enough to believe them." He ran a hand through his ruffled hair, noticing the mess and trying to comb it with his fingers. "I finally know why women think that all men are arseholes."

"Not every woman thinks that," Remus said, pulled Draco's hands away and moved closer on the pretext of fixing the blond strands.

Draco still showed him a glance of suspicious. "He left me," Draco hissed. "We fucked and he left me. That's so bloody clichéd."

Remus' stomach turned upside down because of Draco's words. Well, because of one word he would not allow Draco to say in front of Teddy. Apparently, Draco seemed to feel a little awkward now, most likely thinking that old Remus received Teddy from an owl that got the wrong window and could not cope with the F-word.

"Was it your first time?" Remus asked sympathetically, but Draco gifted him an astounded look.

"What? No! I'm eighteen!" Draco hugged himself, manifestly feeling uncomfortable. "I used to be a little more popular back in school than I am now, you know?"

"Oh…" Remus' tone made Draco roll his eyes.

"But I wasn't… fooling around either," Draco explained and shrugged. "I even had a girlfriend for quite a while. But… it's just that you hardly find boys who're interested in boys at Hogwarts. Roger was there at the right time, back then and now."

Remus frowned slightly. "You met him in school?"

"He was two years above me, and well, I think I've had a crush on him since I saw him in his Dress Robes at the Yule Ball. You could easily overlook the boy at Fleur Delacour's side, yes. But not if you weren't interested in the girl," Draco said while kneading his pillow, a soft smile tugging at his lips. "He always had a thing for blond hair. After Delacour went back to France and forgot about him, my hair caught his attention. It's way prettier, anyway… We sometimes met after Quidditch practise. He was captain, you know? Very cool and popular, but just well-liked by girls, if you know what I mean."

"He took advantage of your curiosity," Remus said, wondering why he had not broken Roger's bones when he had the opportunity.

Draco laughed softly. "I think it was more the other way round. You know… I stumbled into the wrong showers and just thought: make the best of it. So, I throw one of the oddest pick-up lines at him, something like 'you missed a spot there', but it worked. It got me a lot of secret kisses and unskilful fumbling during my fifth year." Once again, he chuckled before showing Remus that sorrowful expression that did not suit him at all.

"I didn't know that," Remus said and reached for Draco's hand, squeezing it lightly.

Draco shrugged. "Of course not," he mumbled and licked his chapped lips, flinching slightly when he noticed the small wounds. "He was there for me… I really thought he'd be serious about us. I mean, no one else would've sat down next to me in a bar, nobody else cared when children threw their stupid snowballs at me or… He didn't just ignore the people insulting me in the streets but he made them stop. He defended me. And all the time I was just worried that the people might call me a fag soon, so I pushed him away in public."

For a moment, Remus questioned his decision to always tell Draco just to ignore the nasty comments. Whenever they had taken a walk together with Teddy, Remus had never openly defended Draco, fearing that it might be embarrassing, but apparently Draco needed someone who was not scared to jump protectively in front of him.

"It's not your fault." Remus stroked Draco's pale hand, admiring the soft skin and still hoping that his gesture seemed only comforting.

"It is," Draco said. "And this is my punishment." Oh, that was so not what Remus wanted to hear, while he sat with Draco on a bed holding his hand.

"Do you love him?" He seemed to search for punishment himself, otherwise he would not make Draco break his heart. The grey eyes said everything and Draco did not even have to breathe a 'Yes' to confront Remus with the seriousness of his precipitate actions.

"It doesn't matter," Draco whispered. "Whatever it was it's over." He smiled at Remus, although full of melancholy. "But I'm glad that I'm not alone anymore." Biting his lip, Draco looked at their hands before he moved closer. Remus stiffened when Draco leant against him, but after a short moment he relaxed and wrapped his arm around Draco's back, holding him close.

The scent of Draco's hair… he had missed it so much. Remus turned his head slightly, feeling so perfectly comfortable that he almost forgot whose fault Draco's tears were. The hot wetness that dripped on Remus' neck shoved him roughly back into reality.

"His kisses," Draco said shakily. "His kisses felt like tornadoes, destroying all your protective walls and sweeping you off your feet. I felt like I could do anything when he kissed me. I felt like I was the wind."

Remus turned his head and stared at Draco, who sneered. "The wind?"

"I don't know why I'm saying this. It makes no sense." Draco's nose nearly brushed against Remus' chin as he lifted his head slightly to look at him.

"You are as restless as the wind," Remus said in a low voice because Draco was so close. "But the wind will never know where to come to rest. Neither can the wind decide what to be. One day it's a soft and warm breeze and then it forms into a mighty storm."

"Soft and warm, hmm?" Thin arms came around Remus, and Draco really seemed to enjoy the warmth of the other body, snuggling closer until Remus could not see an inch of space between them anymore. "He wouldn't have left, then. I'll never find someone again with my reputation and Roger only came to me because of the old times. I'll end up paying for the illusion of love."

Remus grabbed Draco's chin and lifted it up. "No, you don't have to," he said and smiled when Draco looked at him, frowning in confusion. "You're such a handsome, intelligent young man and whoever doesn't want to see that is a bloody idiot."

Draco's cheeks flushed slightly and he shifted his gaze downward, undecided if he should look Remus into the eyes or stare straight at his mouth. He licked his full lips when his eyes met Remus' again and moved a little closer, their noses almost touching.

"You think so?" Draco brushed his lips against Remus' mouth before the other man could even nod. Immediately, Remus withdrew, staring at Draco in shock and then cursing himself for not taking advantage of this opportunity to finally get what he wanted for so long. But on the other hand, he should not mess things even more up because he could never enjoy a relationship with Draco that started with an unforgivable mistake.

"Oh…" Draco moved backwards and pulled the blanket up to his chin, looking embarrassed. "I thought… I don't… well, uhm… so-sorry…"

"You don't need to apologise," Remus said, blushing deeply himself. He pressed his lips to a firm line, still tasting Draco on his mouth although the kiss had not even lasted long enough to be called kiss.

Draco shook his head. "I just thought… Back then in the kitchen I thought you…" Never finishing his sentence, Draco turned his back to Remus and hung his head in shame. "You were married… have a child, of course you don't like men. Can you just forget this and take my current state as an excuse?"

"I already said that you don't need to apologise, Draco," Remus said and reached out to knead Draco's shoulders until he relaxed a little. "I understand that you're confused right now." And how he wished he could give Draco the courtesy of a simple human touch but that would just make him feel even worse. "But I think locking yourself away from the rest of the world won't make anything better. Please, come down and have dinner with us."

Draco took a deep breath, before whispering: "For what?"

"For me," Remus said and thought that Draco shuddered as warm breath teased the back of his neck, so he could not resist leaning closer and whispering in Draco's ear. "Please…"

Pulling away from Remus, Draco buried his face in his hands and shook his head.

"Draco, you owe me something," Remus said, almost pleadingly. "I moved in here to help you and not to watch you… suffering."

Draco raised a hand. "I'm fine… It's not like I didn't eat or sleep. At the moment I just want to be alone… just a little longer until I can think straight again. We don't know if I might throw myself at the Weasley just because he's there."

"I don't have a good feeling about leaving you alone," Remus admitted.

Draco turned his head over his shoulder and shook his head slightly. "I'm not alone. You came for me."

Remus tilted his head in confusion, watching Draco reaching for his hand but never taking it because he seemed to feel uncomfortable touching him now.

"You already helped me, Remus. Your way of life… I hold it in veneration. You risked your life in two wars, lost so many people and still you continue… Seeing that has made me feel more guilt and it makes me think…" Draco tapped against his temple. "Am I allowed to lock myself up after all the mistakes I made? Am I doing injustice to all who died by thinking my life would be unpleasant? Or am I going to make at least one person happy when I never leave this house again…"

"Don't –"

"I think I've thought long enough," Draco interrupted, his lips curling up until they bore some resemblance to a smile. "It's time to make a decision. But I can't do this with my mind all fogged up. I need to be alone. Please understand this, Remus." Draco chuckled softly. "I don't want to be the wind. I want to be Draco Malfoy." He sighed heavily and dropped his head again. "It's just… since Roger's gone I don't have a single clue who Draco Malfoy is."

Remus nodded, trying to swallow the guilt that knotted his throat. "Sure, but…" He shook his head before Draco could do so to cut him short. "But leave your door unlocked, okay?"

Draco cocked his eyebrow. "So that the bad wolf can sneak into my room?"

Remus' eyes widened slightly but when Draco started laughing he sighed with relief. "You little tease," he said and reached out to ruffle Draco's hair before he stood up. "You call if you need anything, right?"

"Very loudly and dramatically," Draco said with a nod and waved at Remus before disappearing underneath his blanket again.

Remus closed Draco's door behind him and leant against the wall next to it, one step away from slamming the back of his head against it. What had he done? Why had he destroyed Draco's happiness if he could not take advantage of his misery afterwards? He needed to fix this or he could never look into the mirror again.

He headed for the entrance hall, hoping that Narcissa had not scared Bill away yet, but apparently they seemed to be having a rather good time – well, or Andromeda and Bill had a good time while Narcissa plaited Teddy's hair, which had grown and looked more like Lucius' right now, although there were some light red strands in the mass of blond hair. That Narcissa used pink ribbons to tie Teddy's hair together startled Remus for a moment, but then he cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.

"Where's Draco?" Narcissa immediately rose to her feet and folded her hands.

"Uhm, he's fine, but wants to be alone for a while," Remus said, washing all hope off Narcissa's face and creating an expression of disappointment. "He won't lock the door again." That seemed to bring Narcissa some relief but she did not seem as motivated when she continued to play with Teddy's hair. "Bill, do you have a second?"

"Sure!" Bill winked at Andromeda before following Remus out of the room. "So, what's wrong with our princess?"

Remus scratched the back of his head and avoided Bill's eyes, focusing his gaze on a painting on the wall. "You told me that you work with Roger Davies, right?" Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Bill's nod. "Can you tell me where I'll find him?" He turned to face Bill, who frowned at him.

"Roger has taken a couple of days off," Bill said and shrugged. "Either you'll find him in his flat or in Hawaii and I guess the latter will be your second choice to search."