/AN
Sorry this took such a long time. I've been having a problem of writers block and exactly how to deal with Edward. But, to make it up to you all, here are some omakes that hopefully you'll enjoy!
AN/
As the Elrics passed the elder that was sitting on the bench, Edward getting annoyed at all the chatter, Edward felt someone grab him, and there was a pop.
"Brother!" Alphonse shouted. "Edward!"
The two looked at Dumbledore who was holding the remains of a popped balloon. The awkward silence that ensued was deafening, up until everyone there cried "Happy Birthday!"
"It's not my birthday!" Edward shouted, turning in a huff and going the rest of the way to Winry's house.
xxx
The next morning came way to fast for Edward. He was lying in his four-poster bed when something poked him. Edward groaned, rolling over and trying to go back to sleep. It was probably Winry, trying to wake him up.
"Sir," a voice said. The prodding came again. The voice wasn't Winry's, though.
Edward turned and looked at the person who was prodding him. "Let me go back to sleep!"
"Augh!" Dobby cried as he got sent flying. Edward shot up and realized that in the process of trying to stay asleep, he accidentally hit Dobby with his automail arm.
xxx
"Aha!" Ollivander came back with a box that was covered in dust. So much dust, in fact, it was impossible to tell the color of the box. "Six and a half inches, conifer, chimera's claw."
Edward took it and waved it a small swish in the direction of a vacant chair. The familiar blue lightning of one of Edward's transmutations shot out of the wand and made the chair explode.
Ollivander snatched the wand back, muttering to himself. "That was my last wand," he said regretfully. "Very curious indeed."
"Hey, wait a minute!" Edward cried. He was looking through the rubble of the chair and found what appeared to be the remains of dynamite.
The maniacal laughter of a certain shapeshifting Homunculus could be heard as he ran out of Diagon Alley.
"Dammit, ENVY!" Edward screamed, chasing him into London and beyond.
xxx
Edward looked down, realizing that he was still wearing the watch that marked him as a state alchemist. "What about it?"
Suddenly it flung out of Edward's pocket and hit Professor McGonagall in the head.
Edward broke down laughing.
xxx
Edward looked down, realizing that he was still wearing the watch that marked him as a state alchemist. "What about it?"
Suddenly it flung out of Edward's pocket and went right past Professor McGonagall.
"Ow, my eye!" one of the other visitors to Diagon Alley cried out.
xxx
Edward looked down, realizing that he was still wearing the watch that marked him as a state alchemist. "What about it?"
Suddenly it flung out of Edward's pocket and crashed through the window of Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. The scream of one Draco Malfoy could be heard from inside as the watch hit him in his crotch.
Outside, Edward was failing horribly to hold off his laughter.
xxx
"You know," he muttered, chewing on the steak-and-kidney pie. "You really need a name." He thought for a moment, before scratching its head, thinking about different names. "Scar? Probably not. Leo?" Edward shook his head as Dobby appeared. "I know!" Edward snapped his fingers. "I'll name you Al."
"Mew?" a gray kitten with a red spot on its left shoulder jumped onto the table, purring. *
Edward stared at the cat, wondering how it got there. He turned back to the owl and shook his head, saying, "Then I guess you'll be Sig. Yea, that sounds good."
xxx
"Like so," Professor Flitwick stated. "Accio Candle!"
A candle sitting on the nearby table flew threw the air and landed in Professor Flitwick's hand. Edward recognized the spell as the one Professor McGonagall used to look at his watch when they were in Diagon Alley.
"Now you try."
Edward looked for an object in the room, his eyes coming to rest on a pillow. He paused, trying to do what Professor Flitwick instructed, and said, "Accio Pillow!"
"Whoa!" Edward had to dive out of the way as Professor Flitwick was sent flying at him.
"Oops. Sorry Professor," Edward said, smiling as Professor Flitwick landed on the floor.
xxx
"Renal, Bermuda," Professor McGonagall called out. A small red-head with fly-away hair walked up and sat down, the hat going on her head.
It seemed to stretch into years. Everyone sat there for the longest time, saying nothing. They simply watched Bermuda and the hat. It took so long some people started laughing and wondering if the hat was having a problem.
As the laughter grew in intensity, the Sorting Hat finally shouted, "You think you can fool me?"
"Well, since that didn't appear to work," Bermuda said. She stood up and ran out of the Great Hall, hat still on her head, as red lightning ran the length of her body and she turned into the familiar Homunculus. On his way out, he called, "See you later, Chibi-kun!"
"WHO'RE CALLING SO SMALL HE CAN'T KEEP THAT HAT ON HIS HEAD!" Edward cried, running out after him.
The Sorting Hat asked, "Where are you taking me?"
Everyone else in the hall watched in stunned silence before all hell broke loose.
xxx
Fifteen minutes…thirty minutes…forty-five…an hour…time ticked away and Edward still hadn't done anything except try to use science to figure out how it was possible to use things like 'wolfsbane' and other random plants and roots – clearly solids – to create a liquid potion.
"Are we having some trouble here?" Professor Snape asked as he swept by and saw Edward still hadn't done more than managed to rip some root to shreds trying to solve the answer to his problem.
Edward looked up at him. "Well. If you could answer something, that'd be nice."
Professor Snape glared at him. "And what would that be?"
Suppressing a smirk, Edward asked, "How do these items create a liquid? It goes against all laws of Equivalent Exchange and science."
Suddenly, a ticking noise could be heard and everyone fell silent, looking around for the source of the mysterious ticking noise.
"Kinda catchy…" Snape muttered, before singing, "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape."
People started breaking out in giggles, even more so when Dumbledore showed up out of nowhere going "DUMBLEDORE!" The riot of laughing increased when Ron, Harry, and Hermione joined in.
They kept doing that for the rest of the period, and as Edward left he grinned at himself as he clapped his hands together and changed the source of the mysterious ticking noise back into a metal stool.
xxx
Professor Trelawney stared at him for a moment, asking, "You're that new addition, aren't you? I can tell already, you've already had a horrible past. You father, your mother, and even your brother doesn't exist the way he once does."
As if mocking Professor Trelawney, the ghost of Trisha Elric suddenly appeared, the kitty that looked like Alphonse jumped onto the table, and Hohenheim showed up out of nowhere.
"Where'd you guys come from?" Edward asked.
"We've always been here," Trisha replied.
No one would see Professor Trelawney for a long time after that.
xxx
"Let's think for a moment," Harry replied, mocking a thoughtful look. "Oh, there's Lord Voldemort."
The class jumped at the name, and one of the kids even slid off his chair at the mention of the name.
"Ten points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter," Professor Umbridge said calmly. Some of the kids snickered. From Edward's skirmish with Professor Snape earlier that day, it was a safe bet to say there probably weren't that many points for Gryffindor to be taken away. "Now, let me make some things clear," Professor Umbridge continued. "You have been told a certain Dark wizard has come back from the dead – "
"He wasn't dead!" Harry shouted.
Professor Umbridge said, "Mr.-Potter-you-have-already-lost-your-House-ten-points-do-not-make-matters-worse-for-yourself. As I was saying, you've been told that a certain Dark wizard has returned. This is a lie."
Edward beat Harry. He shouted, "IF IT IS, THEN WHY THE HELL AM I HERE?"
"Hand," Professor Umbridge said. "Mr?"
"Elric. Edward Elric," Edward growled, standing with his hands on the table. He raised one into the air, but when Professor Umbridge ignored him, he asked, "If that idiot hasn't returned, then why was I basically thrown in this sorry excuse for a mental facility?"
"A what?" Professor Umbridge asked.
Edward rolled his eyes, explaining, "A place for raving lunatics who seem to think all this bullshit about magic is real!"
"Mr. Elric, I will not have that kind of talk in my class. Now tell me, what proof do you have that none of this is real and your pathetic excuse for science is?"
Wordlessly, Edward clapped his hands together and placed them on the ground. Professor Umbridge watched a stone spike go right through her hat. "If you don't want anything worse, I would suggest not getting on my nerves," Edward growled.
Professor Umbridge ran screaming from the room, the second lunatic that day that had faced Edward's wrath.
xxx
"Ah, yes," Professor Umbridge said calmly. "Edward Elric. The one that managed to stay under the Ministry's radar for so long with your little Amestrian family. Tell me, how far has Amestris fallen since the Ministry let them take matters into their own hands?"
"Probably better than you would've been able to do," Edward replied. "There is the fact that the whole military is under the control of sadistic Homunculi, but other than that everything's just peachy."
"Way to spill that secret in front of everyone, Chibi-kun," someone above them said. They looked up and found Envy hanging by his feet from the chandelier.
"What are you doing up there, miss…?" Professor Umbridge asked him at the same time Edward ranted about his size.
Envy growled. He shouted, "I'm not a ****ing chick! Why can't people seem to get that into their heads?"
"Maybe it's because you dress like one," Edward pointed out, smirking.
Envy dropped to the ground and changed into an exact look alike of Professor Umbridge. "Oh, and now I'm so much better," he said sarcastically, before changing into Professor Dumbledore. "Now, how would you like to pay? A spike through the stomach or a bullet hole through your head?"
"You're giving her a choice?" Edward asked.
Envy shrugged, saying, "This is by my own choice."
Professor Umbridge ran screaming about crazy people, and everyone left behind was cracking up.
xxx
Edward saw not one, but two owls flying for him. One of them was Sig; the other one looked to be a professional transport owl. In the latter owl's mouth was a red envelope. Sig was carrying a rather small white envelope.
Sig landed and gave Edward his note, but the second owl simply dropped the red envelope from his mouth and flew off. Edward caught the envelope, looking at it.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione appeared out of nowhere as Edward was about to open it. Before he could to more than slide his finger under it, though, Ron said, "You don't want to open that here." From the pallid look on his face, he had gotten one of these before.
"How could an envelope be bad?" Edward asked, flicking it in his fingers.
"That's a Howler," Hermione said. "I would suggest getting out of here before it goes off on its own."
Ron explained, "If you don't open it fast enough, it'll read off what's written inside on its own. I got one three years ago from my mum. It was horrid."
"Hey, take a look at that, a Gryffindor's got a Howler!" a pale-faced, blonde-haired Slytherin called out. There were a group of Slytherins surrounding him, including the red-headed first year Bermuda. She smirked at him. Edward started when he saw her eyes change color for a moment.
"Um, Edward, get that out of here," Hermione said, becoming as pale as the Slytherin that just called everyone's attention to Edward. She was staring at the Howler, still unopened in Edward's hand.
Edward looked at it and realized it was smoking. He had totally forgotten he was holding it from the fact he could swear Bermuda's eye color had changed.
Ron jumped at the note and threw it across the room before it could burst.
Ron had perfect timing. By the time it was on the other side of the room, it had not only evoked even the teacher's attention, but had also flung itself upright and opened.
"I love you! You love me! We're all a big, happy family~"
Everyone ran screaming from the room as the Howler started singing that stupid song.
xxx
Edward saw not one, but two owls flying for him. One of them was Sig; the other one looked to be a professional transport owl. In the latter owl's mouth was a red envelope. Sig was carrying a rather small white envelope.
Sig landed and gave Edward his note, but the second owl simply dropped the red envelope from his mouth and flew off. Edward caught the envelope, looking at it.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione appeared out of nowhere as Edward was about to open it. Before he could to more than slide his finger under it, though, Ron said, "You don't want to open that here." From the pallid look on his face, he had gotten one of these before.
"How could an envelope be bad?" Edward asked, flicking it in his fingers.
"That's a Howler," Hermione said. "I would suggest getting out of here before it goes off on its own."
Ron explained, "If you don't open it fast enough, it'll read off what's written inside on its own. I got one three years ago from my mum. It was horrid."
"Hey, take a look at that, a Gryffindor's got a Howler!" a pale-faced, blonde-haired Slytherin called out. There were a group of Slytherins surrounding him, including the red-headed first year Bermuda. She smirked at him. Edward started when he saw her eyes change color for a moment.
"Um, Edward, get that out of here," Hermione said, becoming as pale as the Slytherin that just called everyone's attention to Edward. She was staring at the Howler, still unopened in Edward's hand.
Edward looked at it and realized it was smoking. He had totally forgotten he was holding it from the fact he could swear Bermuda's eye color had changed.
Ron jumped at the note and threw it across the room before it could burst.
Ron had perfect timing. By the time it was on the other side of the room, it had not only evoked even the teacher's attention, but had also flung itself upright and opened.
"It's a small world, after all!"
Everyone ran screaming a second time. Mustang really wanted Edward to pay for what happened the previous day, sadly he was making everyone else's eardrums burn at the same time.
xxx
Professor Umbridge wasn't the only one that was confused, but if Edward's guess was correct, he'd have to play his cards carefully to avoid revealing his arm.
She turned back to Edward and snapped, "Show me your arm, little Amestrian."
"WHO YOU CALLING PINT-SIZED!" Edward shouted, not moving to reveal his automail.
"Show it," Professor Umbridge ordered, but Edward didn't move to take off his cloak. "I'm warning you, or do you want to get more detentions?"
"I've gone through a lot worse, trust me," Edward growled.
"Oh, like what?" Professor Umbridge asked.
Edward retorted, "You really want me to name them all?"
"Is that just to make it sound like you've had a horrible time?"
"Well, considering how many times I've come close to death, I would say it counts up to more than you can imagine. Even I don't remember them all."
"Prove it," Professor Umbridge challenged him.
Edward shrugged. "You're funeral," he replied, and went into this extremely long list of times that were worse. "Oh, there was another time Winry nearly killed me with one of her wrenches, I nearly died fighting a suit of armor and Envy at the same time, let's not forget Kimblee nearly killed me…You really don't want to know how many times Scar's gone after me...There was the Liore incident, but that was probably one of the few times I was in the least amount of danger…You wouldn't believe the amount of chimeras I had to fight at times…" **
"Ok, I get it," Professor Umbridge said. They just seemed to realize that the room was lighter than before and looked out one of the windows to see the sun rising.
"You've been talking all night!" she cried.
/AN
Hope you guys enjoyed this! I find it extremely sad this is longer than my chapters, though, but I did have fun writing it!
* In one of my fanfictions, Edward runs across a kitty that looks like Alphonse who wouldn't stop following him, so he names the cat Alphonse.
** These encounters come from the manga, books, games, and both animes. Poor Edward's been through a lot.
R&R Please!
AN/