"Zhu-Li, you can't just say NOTHING the whole car ride," Iknik muttered. They were very much unfashionably late at this point, and had a lot of ground to cover. Ever since The Argument, his wife had been unnaturally silent, even while getting his hair combed. After a metric fuckton of silence, the two had finally set course for the Sato house. Zhu-Li was, inexplicably, fuming. And driving. So that was a thing.
"I can and will say whatever I want, sir," she replied, eyes not leaving the road.
Varrick groaned. Great. He had reached THAT level of Zhu-Li Moon Anger Levels™. Upon finally admitting their love for one another and getting married, Varrick had discovered that she would only use "Sir" in three cases.
They were at work. Have to keep up pretenses, which he understood.
She was extremely angry. In all other cases she'd say "Dear," which Varrick enjoyed a lot.
She was extremely horny. Which in turn made him horny.
Through logical deduction, Iknik had settled on #2. Clearly they weren't at work, and he was fairly certain she wasn't itching for a mustache ride. So she was mad.
"Look, I can understand why you're angry," he started. "But it's okay to be wrong someti-" there was a sudden applying of the brakes and Varrick's head slammed into the dash. "Dammit Zhu-Li, watch the road!"
Zhu-Li turned to stare at her husband, knowing fully that she had harshly stopped on purpose and that Iknik never wore a seatbelt ("Precautions are for pussies!" he had said once, before breaking his arm testing an instant parachute). "This isn't about being wrong or right, sir," she sighed. "It's that you wouldn't see my point of view as being anything but incorrect."
"Well I was right!" he shouted, arms flailing in astonishment. "The dress was black and blue, and I-"
"You didn't even for a second consider maybe listening to my reasoning on why I believed it was white and gold," she finished. The light turned green and Zhu-Li started driving again.
"I don't bother with absorbing information that I know is WRONG, honey. You know this." Varrick's brows furrowed in frustration. "I block that shit out all the time. You're not a special case."
Zhu-Li's eyebrow arched up. "I'm not special?" she echoed.
Varrick paled. "No no, I mean, of COURSE you're special!" he sputtered. "I don't marry any ol' shmoe." The mogul hoped his wife didn't remember the several instances where he nearly got married due to business decisions or legal obligations. He sighed inwardly knowing she would remember and be able to name each person, the day they were to be betrothed, and the excuse he had made to get out of it (mostly because she was the one to make up the excuse). "What I mean is I don't just, you know, do the thing to spite you. It's just how I operate."
"It's been how many years since we've gotten married? And you don't treat me any different than any other lackey under your payroll," she countered hands gripping the wheel of the Satomobile tightly.
Varrick pondered that a moment. "But I mean, you are TECHNICALLY on my payroll…"
"WE'RE PARTNERS, SIR!" Zhu-Li shouted, startling Iknik.
"Still on payroll," he replied meekly, earning him a slap to the back of the head. "Oww! What the hell?!"
"I cannot believe you, Iknik," Zhu-Li spat, making a sharp left turn that drove Varrick's head into her shoulder. "Unable to admit that you're wrong, that you're hardheaded, and even bringing our friends, our FRIENDS into this!"
"It wasn't that big of a deal," he groaned, holding his head
"Exactly, sir! It wasn't a big deal! Yet you bring in all your business partners, the fucking AVATAR, half the RCPD, a politician, and a mover star into the argument."
A cough. "Hey, if you guys need time alone, I can just walk the rest of the-"
"SHUT UP TAHNO," Zhu-Li and Varrick barked towards the back seat.
"This party better be worth it," Tahno muttered to himself.
Varrick pressed a few buttons on the center console once they reached a complete stop. The speakers came to life with the sound of the chorus of Call Me Maybe. After three iterations of the annoying tone, someone on the other line picked up.
"Yeeeeeello, Wu speaking."
"Wu," Varrick spoke, "It's Varrick. We're here. Get your ass in gear."
"Dude, turn back while you still ca-" Tahno spoke up, before being interrupted.
"Hey, how'd you get on my secure line?" Varrick (fakely) accused. "Wu, get in here quick, I think someone's out for vengeance on you or something." He turned back to give a slap to Tahno.
"Oh? Oooooh. Right. I'll be right out." Wu hung up and Varrick glared at his passenger.
"You shut your trap, Tahno," he said, jabbing a finger into Tahno's chest. "We're going to have a good time, and you're going to LIKE it!"
There was a knock on the window. With a gesture to his wife, the passenger door was unlocked and opened.
"Hey guuuuys," greeted Wu, decked in a purple suit with a frilled-collared shirt. "How's it goin'? Oh Tahno, sweeeeeet. This party gonna be kickin' huh? Right? Guys?"
Tahno had his head in his hands. "You shouldn't have come," he murmured.
"Whaddaya mean?" Wu asked, glancing at everyone with suspicious eyes.
"Hey Wu," Varrick said from the front. "Question: Is this dress blue and black or white and gold?"
They pulled up to the Sato house yelling and screaming.
"THAT ISN'T EVEN A VALID ANSWER," Varrick shouted. "YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS TO CHOOSE FROM, WU."
"HE'S ALLOWED HIS OPINION, SIR," countered Zhu-Li.
"BLUE AND GOLD IS NOT AN OPINION!"
"Well it's not black and blue, that's for sure," Tahno muttered.
"YOU," Varrick growled, turning in his seat and glaring, "YOU CAN GET OUT RIGHT NOW."
"FINE!" Tahno yelled back, opening the door. "WE'RE HERE ANYWAYS."
"I hate to interrupt," Wu said quietly, "but is the door supposed to be half-destroyed with ice?"
The four silenced their argument as they turned to look. The front entrance was indeed broken down, with ice trails leading to the door. Zhu-Li and Varrick glanced at each other.
"You don't think-" Varrick began, looking at the picture of the dress on his phone.
Zhu-Li nodded. "It's a possibility."
"What, you brought THEM into this too?!" Tahno exclaimed. He could walk home. That was entirely within his ability.
"Either that or it's a ROCKIN' party," Wu decided, even though he was the one to worryingly point out the door moments earlier. He opened his door and stepped out. "And it ain't a party until it's a Wu Party!"
"Wu, please," Varrick said, hand to his forehead in frustration. "Stop trying to make Wu Party happen. It's not going to happen."
"We should check to see if everyone's okay," Zhu-Li mentioned with concern. She turned off the vehicle and stepped into the night air.
"Well of COURSE we should do the thing, why wouldn't we do the thing?" Varrick left the vehicle as well, and looked out onto the mansion. "Pretty nice digs though, aside from the thing."
Outside the vehicle, Varrick dialed Bolin's number.
"Varrick, hey. Hey Varrick. Vaaaaarrick, wassuuuuup?"
"Bolin, 1999 called. They want their catchphrase back."
"It doesn't matter if they want their catchphrase back!"
"Right. Anyways, we're outside the door with Tahno and Wu. Is the door supposed to be knocked over?"
"Oh right. Yeah, long story. Anyways, we're in the backyard. Go through the hall into the living room, door on the right."
"Roger that mi amigo, we'll be in inna sec." he hung up. "Well," he said to the group, "they're in the backyard, so everything SEEMS like it's okay, aside from Bolin being really REALLY drunk."
As if on cue, the four could hear shouting coming from the backyard area. That they could hear in the front lawn was a sign of things to come. Then, aside from the general noise of yelling, they could clearly hear Korra shout:
"NO BOLIN, WE DIDN'T MEAN- BOLIN NO!"
The four stared at each other yet again.
"We should probably check on them," Zhu-Li said.
"Fuck that, let's get outta-ow!" Varrick rubbed his shoulder where his wife had punched him.
"What have I gotten myself into?" Tahno sighed.
"Wooooo! Wu Party is a go!" Wu yelled, running into the house.