Undercover Chapter 10
I couldn't shake the memory out of my head after seeing Joe's beautiful face all bloody and beaten. He'll be fine, I kept telling myself. He used to get in bar fights all the time. I've actually seen him looking worse, but it had been a really long time ago. I wanted to go home and look at the pictures from our wedding and our honeymoon, just to give myself a better frame of reference and to erase today's sight from my memory.
I stopped to get a Boston crème on my way home. Comfort food is important on days like this. Just as I pulled up in front of our house, I dropped a big glob of crème on my shirt. I sighed and glanced down just long enough to lose track of my driving. I slammed into the back of Joe's truck which was parked in front of our house.
Great. He's not gone an hour and I have wrecked both of our cars. I took inventory and verified that I was fine. I hadn't even hit hard enough to spill my coffee on the console. That didn't stop the accident from making a mess of both of our vehicles. I don't even think insurance will cover it if you hit your own car with your other car. I was so disgusted with myself.
I opened the front door and Bob rushed out to greet me. He snapped the rest of the Boston crème from my hand and then ran to tinkle. He followed me back inside hoping he'd find that I had a bag full of goodies for him, but he was disappointed.
I went upstairs to put on a clean shirt. I was struck by the empty bedroom across from ours. I had a little more than six months to morph into a mother. I don't know how that happens. One day, you are living la vida loca and swinging from the rafters on your honeymoon in Jamaica and the next day, someone is calling you Mommy. I hope I get some maternal instincts in the next few months. My daddy used to say that I didn't have enough sense to come in out of the rain. How could I possibly qualify to be a mother? Why is it you have to take a test to be able to drive a car, but anyone in the world with the right equipment could be a parent? Well, I guess I'll have to leave life's mysteries to ponder another day.
My telephone was ringing. I stepped into the office to pick it up. "Hello?"
It was Mary Lou or Valerie. I could tell because there was the unmistakable screaming of small children in the background. "What the hell is going on over there?" Mary Lou.
"What do you mean?" I just thought I'd play dumb and see what she had to say.
"Lenny just got home and he said that he heard early this morning that Joe had been arrested and then fired from the police force on drug related charges." She answered.
"Sounds right so far." I allowed.
"Then he said that he saw Joe and Terri Gilman leaving the PD holding hands and Joe looked like he'd been beaten to a pulp."
"You're on a roll. Keep going." I said.
"Are you the one who hit him? God, I hope so! I told Lenny it probably wasn't you, because I was pretty sure that your intended target would render him unable to stand upright." Mary Lou said.
"Nope. Not me. I didn't hit him, but you are right. If I had been the one to hit him, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have made it far unless he was crawling to get away from me." Okay, I can sound so tough.
"What the fuck?" She said loudly. "What is going on?"
"I'm not really sure. I haven't talked to him for a while now." I said, back to playing dumb.
"Well, come to dinner at our house. I don't want you to have to be alone." She said.
"Oh, no, I don't think so." I'm sure Mary Lou's kids were probably a reflection of my future life and I really didn't want to see it. "I think I just want to be alone tonight. I'm okay. I promise. I am just tired."
"What are you going to do when Joe comes home? He can't stay gone forever."
Oh, I knew exactly what I was going to do, but that was private. "I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Thanks for the invitation. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
I hung up the phone and started thinking it was odd that my cell phone hadn't been ringing all day from well wishers and those who just wanted to pry into our personal business.
I changed shirts, and went down to look at my phone. It was not in my purse. I'm sure it is in the kitchen on the charger. I found it there. I had missed 17 calls. They were from my Dad, Ranger, Carl Costanza, Mary Lou, Lula, my sister and the local newspaper. They had all left me basically the same message. 'Call me.' I considered it. The only one I would probably call tonight is Ranger. As for the rest of them, with the exception of the newspaper, I'd had some form of contact with them or a close relation of theirs today since the story broke. I believe I will just delete the message from the paper and hope they give up on it.
I dialed Ranger. "Yo." He answered.
"Ranger, this is Stephanie," like he didn't know my voice or have caller ID on his phone.
"I need to meet with you privately." The man did not sound at all happy.
"Um, okay, it's been a pretty hectic day. Can we talk tomorrow? Like maybe at the office?" I still didn't think 'private' was something I wanted to do with Ranger. I had a history of being really, really stupid where he was concerned.
"Tomorrow's fine. The office is not. If you want a public meeting, we can have lunch somewhere." That's fine, I thought.
"Okay, how about the deli on 9th Avenue? Certainly they serve something green and tasteless you can eat." I knew he could hear the smile in my voice and I'm pretty sure I actually heard one on his end as well.
"See you there at 11:45. I have to be at work by 12:30." Ranger was being chatty. "Are you alright? I saw Morelli today. He looked like hell." He sort of chuckled. He would love seeing Morelli all beat up as much as I would love seeing Gilman with a big, ugly zit on the end of her nose.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow." Okay, now that's the old Ranger. What was wrong last night, I wondered?
I was hungry and made my way toward the refrigerator. I thought I saw movement outside through the kitchen window, but Bob was rushing around my legs playing with a ball, so I decided it was just a reflection.
Nothing in the refrigerator looked appealing. I got some bread and made a peanut butter and olive sandwich. I'd taken one big, gooey bite and the doorbell rang. "Oh, crap. Who could that be?" I looked at Bob like I expected him to answer me. "It's already dark outside and I don't like opening the door when it's dark." I knew I might as well go get it.
"Howdy, friend. Morelli asked me to bring this over to you." It was Dunphy with what I assumed was the Morelli family cradle. It was an old, old, o-l-d, cradle. I looked at it. I'm not even sure it will hold a baby. Muffin might just fall right through the slats.
"Hmmm," I said.
"Yeah. Morelli said it was an ancient family heirloom and that I should just put it in the room in case his mom and Grandma came by to see it. He said to tell you that he doesn't expect you to use it." Dunphy was smiling broadly. He had lines around his eyes and his mouth, making him look a lot older than Joe. I thought they were pretty close to the same age.
"It's the first door on the left upstairs," I said. "You want the chef's special?" I waved my sandwich at him. "Peanut butter and olives – my favorite."
"Uh, I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to olives. How about just peanut butter?" He was blushing. I noticed his right hand was covered in bandages and relatively fresh wounds. He carried the cradle upstairs, losing a couple of pieces along the way. He cursed and made a second trip to pick up all the spare parts that had fallen off of the antique (I use the word loosely).
When he joined me in the kitchen, I handed him his sandwich and put a Corona on the table in front of him. Bob was doing his best 'nice doggie' pose and hoping it would net him a bite of sandwich. "What happened with your cars out front? Looks like someone crashed them together like a couple of croquet balls."
"Yeah, that would be me. I decided not to deal with it until tomorrow." I was thinking. "Dunphy, who beat Joe up?"
"Why do you ask?" He was totally avoiding eye contact.
"Well, because they beat Joe up, Silly. Why won't you tell me? Is it someone I like and you are afraid I won't like them anymore if they beat Joe up?" I was looking hard at his face when I asked this.
He was sort of chewing his lip. "Would it make you feel better if I told you we split a bottle of tequila before I did it and he wasn't really feeling any pain until this morning?"
"Why? Why the hell? Why would you do that?" I was on my feet and ready for a fight myself.
"Stephanie, if you haven't figured this out, your husband is a damn good cop. He knows that details will make or break an assignment like this. There is no way in hell he would have been arrested for drug possession and not have looked like that before getting out of jail. That's just the way it is. If you haven't figured it out, all cops are not the upstanding citizens that Morelli and I are." He had put his hand on my arm and I was sitting down again. "You know, when we were younger, we both participated in our own share of paybacks on our fallen brothers. We learned it wasn't a good practice and stopped doing it a while ago, but I can't say we didn't ever do it." I was still scowling at him.
"Don't be pissed at me. I wouldn't have done it, but we both knew it had to happen. He was a helluva lot better off with me hitting him than he would have been if he had just picked a fight with a guy on the street. Guys on the street don't necessarily stop hitting you just because you look bad enough to convince a gangster that you've been beat up." Dunphy had a hint of a grin, but I could tell he had really hated hitting Joe. They were close. He loved Joe like a brother. He laughed, "Now that I've seen Grandma Bella tonight, I think she'd have kicked his ass a lot worse than I did."
Okay, that got a smile out of me. "You're right. I haven't talked to her today. I guess she's mad at him?"
"Ooh, yeah." He said, in a low voice. "I think you two may need to just consider relocating when all this is over. There is a 'family meeting' going on over there between the brothers and the Grandma and I'm pretty sure if Joe walked in there right now, he wouldn't be walking out alive."
My eyes had to be huge. "Oh, shit. I hadn't thought about them getting that mad at him. Maybe I need to go over there and see if I can settle them down."
"Not a bad idea. The old lady was burning some herbs and chanting something about his dick shriveling up and falling off when I left. Of course, I don't speak Italian very well, so I guess she could have been talking about his hair falling out, but regardless, she's scary." He changed the subject. "You meeting me at the gym tomorrow at 3pm?"
I blew out a breath. "I don't know…" I was trying to come up with a plausible excuse.
"Morelli said you'd try to get out of it, but I'm supposed to tell you that I won't give you any messages he's sending to you through me unless you go at least twice a week." He was smiling. He gave me a little nudge on the arm. "You still owe me one for this week and then you are off the hook until Monday."
I narrowed my eyes. It didn't work on Joe. I hadn't tried it on Dunphy, yet. Apparently, it didn't work on him either. He didn't look intimidated in the least. "Okay. I'll be there."
Bob went out in the front yard with us. Dunphy got in his truck and Bob and I got in Joe's truck. Dunphy turned down a side street to double back and go home. Bob, Muffin and I went over to Mrs. Morelli's house.
I'd never been to the house without Joe and he always just walked in. I stood on the front porch for a long minute debating. 'Do I ring the doorbell or just walk right in?' Joe had stopped ringing the doorbell at my family's house three years ago. I took my chances and went inside. It seemed as though the lynch mob had settled down a bit, but the house smelled like burned garlic or something. Tony, Marc, 'Mom' and Grandma Bella were eating pie in the kitchen when I got there.
When I found them, Tony had his back to me and I was struck again by how much he looked like Joe from the back. I wanted to just say – 'Don't turn around. I want to just hug you from the back, okay?' I had no idea how that would go over so I opted to keep it to myself.
Marc was asserting his dominance as the eldest, I guess and he broke the stony silence first. He stood and walked over to me, put his arm around my shoulders in a brotherly way and said, "Stephanie, I'm so sorry that little S.O.B. did this to you. He's always been a little self-centered bastard, and I'm going to kill him when I can get my hands on him."
I was taken aback that the guys on the police force had so much more regard for Joe than his own brother. I wanted to scratch his eyes out. This brazen two-timing jerk was calling Joe self-centered? Mrs. Morelli, Mom, looked absolutely exhausted. This had to be really hard on her, seeing the others in the family bash Joe when she knew he was just trying to do the right thing. I guess she saw the anger rising inside me and figured she needed to intervene. "Marcus Gianni Morelli, you shut your mouth. This is Joe's wife. She's had a hard day and she'll have a few more of them before this is all resolved. You leave her alone." Marc, being no one to argue with his mother, sat back down at his pie. 'Mom' went to get a piece of pie for me, too.
Grandma Bella proclaimed, "I had a vision today. I saw Joseph getting on an airplane with that Grizolli girl. They were running away together. He wasn't wearing his wedding ring." Grandma's visions often come right after telephone calls from friends who report the latest dirt and the stories have remarkable similarities.
I wanted to know how far this vision was going. "What was Terri wearing?"
"A yellow slut skirt and high heels." She declared.
"Really. Where were they going?" I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it.
"Italy." They both speak Italian. That makes sense. "The Amalfi Coast. Very Romantic."
Tony, assuming the role of peacemaker of the gang, I assumed, took me by the arm and led me into the living room where we could talk privately. "Really, Honey, how are you? I know this has to be hard on you, given your condition, and all." He had his hands on my arms and was stroking them up and down my arms. "I can help you if you need getting squared away financially and things. I know a lot about Joey's financial situation. I helped him set most of his accounts up to begin with."
Tony was standing uncomfortably close to me. He put his hand on my belly sort of low, like I'd heard people would do after I started showing. I was suddenly wary. The hair on my neck was standing up. Was Joe's brother making a pass at me? Shit. I practically ran out of there and back into the kitchen. I grabbed a chair and sat across the table as far as I could get from Tony even though my pie was sitting right next to him. I was trying to get ahold of myself I had a long day, I was tired, and I missed Joe. Tony had the same chocolate bedroom eyes. I just read something into it that wasn't there. That's all. Surely that's all. I suddenly felt like I needed a shower and I needed to talk to Joe! I thought Tony was a good guy. I still wanted to think that. I'm just going to ignore him and hope he doesn't confirm my worst suspicions in the future.
Before I left 'Mom' gave me a hug and a kiss and told me that I would be expected to attend family get-togethers just like I would if Joe were here. That meant that every Sunday evening, I was expected to come. Usually everyone came early and helped prepare the meal and if I wanted, she'd teach me how to make 'Joey's' favorite manicotti and I could surprise him after he got home. She said in low tones, "I heard from the same source that provided Bella's 'vision' that Joseph had been badly beaten. Is that true?"
"Um, I don't know. I didn't see him. Dunphy said he looked fine." She didn't need to know that. As bad as I felt about it, she would feel worse. She was his mommy. I think I'd kill anyone who ever hurts Muffin. I don't care if he is 6 foot tall and thinks he's bulletproof. He will still be my baby. I realized that maybe those motherly instincts were gaining on me afterall. I guess I thought they would all be soft and fluffy. I never realized they were fierce and protective, too.
"Where's Bob?" I asked her, looking around.
"I don't think you brought him. I didn't see him in the house." She went back inside and called for him while I looked outside.
The realization came over me slowly. I had stood on the porch waiting to decide whether to go inside or ring the bell and he'd been with me. I must have gone inside and left him out here alone. I'd lost Bob again! He wasn't used to this neighborhood. He'd never find his way home. I was panicking.
I called Dunphy, my dad, Eddie Gazzara, Carl Costanza, MaryLou and Valerie. Mrs. Morelli had Marc and Tony go look for him, too. All of us roamed the streets for what seemed like hours. There was no luck finding Bob. In one day, I had lost my husband, our dog and wrecked both of our cars.
I went home reluctantly with promises from everyone that they would resume looking tomorrow. The house was lonely and dark. It was just Rex, me and Muffin. Unfortunately, Rex and Muffin were not much in the companionship department. I went to bed, clutched my surrogate Joe pillow to my chest and cried myself to sleep.
Again, tears being the cleansing agent that they are, I woke up hopeful and happy the next morning. I knew Joe loved me and if he was here, he would have probably laughed about what I did to the cars, after issuing a few wisely chosen curse words. I missed Bob, but I'd do what Joe had done the last time he was lost, and he would be home soon. Surely animal control picked him up last night. I crawled out of bed and stepped into the shower. I did my hair and makeup. Feeling optimistic, I thought I would like to look really cute today, so I spent a little extra time getting ready. I had a new little top and some Capri pants that I hadn't worn yet, so I cut the tags off and pulled them on. The waist seemed a tiny bit tighter than when I'd bought them a couple of months ago. I thought I'd take them to Jamaica, but then forgot all about them when it was time to pack.
I guess this was going to happen a lot in the next few weeks and months. All my clothes were going to become my enemies. I guess it will be a good excuse to go shopping in a couple of months.
I went down to find some breakfast. I started the coffee and called the animal shelter. There had been no sign of Bob. I had asked Dunphy not to tell Joe that he was missing because I didn't want him to worry.
I saw the answering machine on the counter flashing like crazy and realized I'd never checked the messages at home. I had just checked those on my cell phone. Most of them were duplicates. Ranger, Lula, my mother, Joe's mother, the newspaper, and Joe. JOE! He'd left it right before they boarded the airplane. "Hi, Cupcake. I miss you. I forgot to ask you to change the outgoing message on the answering machine. Right now, it's my voice. I want to be able to hear your voice if I get a chance to call the house even if you aren't there. Don't forget your pre-natal vitamins. I love you." I saved the message. All the important phrases were there. He called me Cupcake, he said he missed me, he said he wanted to hear my voice and he said he loved me. Now I could hear it anytime I wanted to. Lucky me! I crossed one day off of the calendar. One down, 62 to go.
I went by the office to see if there were any new skips for me. I still had the ones from yesterday, too. If I could track them all down by the end of next week, I would be able to make a good dent in my debt. I was planning to try to bring in at least one a day. Today's candidate was named Michelle Harris. She lived one street over from my parents in the Burg. I didn't recognize her. She must be new in town. I called my Mother and she didn't think she knew her either. Michelle had been picked up for aggravated assault following her fiancée's bachelor party. Apparently Michelle didn't take kindly to hearing that a girl was due to jump out of a cake wearing pasties and a thong with nothing else. She went over there to stop it from happening. However, it seems that Michelle felt she could make a better impression by jumping from the cake herself. She locked the stripper in a closet, donned the pasties, using frosting to hold them in place, and then got in place. At the appropriate time, she jumped from the cake, surprising all involved.
This is where the story gets a bit fuzzy. It seems that Michelle took the opportunity to smash several of the reveler's faces into her ample bosom, while shimmying vigorously. Four men reported neck and back injuries.
Michelle swore she didn't remember doing this, but there was video. Oh, yeah. Video is hard to refute. I found her working in her family's meat market on the outskirts of the Burg. When I got my first good glimpse of her, I was aghast. I am a respectable 34B. I'm hoping for great things to come about as a result of my pregnancy. However, this woman was HUGE. Not everywhere, just her breasts. I could hear the comments Joe would make under his breath if he saw this woman. I'll bet she's like a 34QQQ. She was a freak of nature. I could certainly understand how she could cause some bodily injury with those as weapons.
"Michelle Harris?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said, snapping her gum in my general direction. "What's it to ya, Honey?"
"I'm Stephanie Morelli. I work for the Vincent Plum Bail Bond agency. You missed your court date last week and I need to take you back in for rescheduling."
She came rushing over to me. "SHHHH! Crap! I don't want my family to know about this! Jeez! Let's go outside."
"Okay!" I shouted. She was dragging me toward the back door by my forearm.
"You are going to get me in so much trouble!" She hissed. "Damn, what if my husband heard you?"
"Excuse me? Your husband? Oh, yeah. He would have been your fiancée when this file was written. I've only been married a couple of months myself." I was smiling and trying to appeal to her sense of what we had in common. Just two newlyweds trying to make a living.
"No, you moron. I've been married to Benny for 10 years. Jed was just a fling that got out of hand. Tell you what; I'll go into court tomorrow. Will that make you happy and get you off my back?" I must admit, I was thinking this lady must spend a lot of time on her back. I'm not sure I could even lift those things.
"Well, actually, I think we should just do this today, okay?" I didn't think for a minute that she would go in tomorrow, and besides, I needed to take her in myself if I wanted to get any money out of it.
"Hell, I don't know. What excuse could I use to leave in the middle of the day without Benny knowing something was up?" A reasonable question, I suppose.
"Can't you just tell him you don't feel good? Like you have PMS or something? PMS always works for me." My biggest problem right now is that I'm pregnant and I won't be able to use that particular excuse for a while.
"Hey, you are good at this!" Told you. I'm a great liar.
"Give me 5 minutes. I'll meet you outside. Hey we are having a great special on pork roasts if you need anything." Excellent. My mother was always looking for a deal. I followed Michelle in and picked out 3 pork roasts and 2 beef rump roasts.
"What kind of meat do you use in manicotti?" I asked.
"Everyone has their own concoction. It depends on your recipe. I don't make it myself. It is too damn complicated." I watched her follow Benny to the back. He was a nice looking guy. Wonder what Jed had that Benny didn't. I probably shouldn't ask.
"Okay, he bought it. I told him you were a friend of mine from Community College and you were going to give me a ride home.
"Great. Let's go. My mother just lives a couple blocks over. I need to drop this meat off at her house." We were just old chums, heading to the police station.
Following that episode, I had just enough time to make it to the 9th Avenue Deli to meet with Ranger.
He was sitting in a corner booth, back to the wall, as always. "Hi," I chirped as I slid into the seat.
"I ordered you a cheeseburger, milkshake and fries. If you are going healthy now, since you are eating for two, we can change the order." He didn't wait for a response. "Do we need to wait for your bodyguard or can we talk now?" He was pissy again. Talk about PMS. What's his deal?
"Huh?" I quizzed him, "what are you talking about?"
"Your father. You did ask him to come over to your place to be your bodyguard the other night didn't you?" Ranger was leaning across the table at me. "I can't believe you did that to me. I thought we were friends. You made me feel like a criminal or something. You've never needed anyone else to protect you from me before. Why now? Did you think I was going to take advantage of you, or what?" He was really hurt. I could see it in his eyes. I had hurt his feelings when I asked my daddy to come over the other night. The food came and we started to eat.
"Ranger, I wasn't protecting myself from you. Really. I just thought that, under the circumstances, due to the fact that I do not have a good track record with you, I just needed someone to fortify me. Maybe I was protecting you from me." Okay, I was smiling and I know this sounded flirty. That's just how Ranger and I communicate the best. I'd kill Joe if he did this with Terri. In reality, I know he does. I just don't want to see it.
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Honest."
He smiled. "Don't do it again. I forgive you, Babe. Maybe I should say 'Babe with Babe'. When are you due?"
"February," I was happy to be on better ground with Ranger again.
"Are you doing okay since Morelli is gone?" He was worried. I could tell.
"Yeah. It's lonely, and I lost Bob." My lower lip was quivering. This was not a good time to be a hormonal pregnant woman, but I was. "I lost Bob, Ranger. I've called the Animal Shelter every few hours but he isn't there. I don't know what I'm going to do without him and Morelli." Ranger was sort of looking around, like he wished he could hand me off to someone. I knew he hated it when I cried almost as much as Joe did.
"Um, I'll look for him, okay? Did you lose him at your house, Morelli's house I mean?" He was forking salad in with a vengeance. "I'll find him. It will be okay."
After a minute or two of silence, I'd gotten control of myself. "Since we are on better ground now, I need to ask you a favor."
He assessed me with his eyes. "What do you need me to do?"
I smiled. "Well, Morelli's going to go FTA in October and I'm going to go apprehend him so that we can have a few days together. Then he'll go back to work on his case. Sixty days after that, I think it will be December 18, he'll be FTA again. By then, I'll be almost 7 months along. We didn't think it would look very credible for me to waddle up, playing the broken hearted wife, and for him to just go with me willingly. I need someone to apprehend him for me."
Ranger was smiling big. "Shit. You are telling me I get to apprehend Morelli? That is the best Christmas gift ever. Aw, that's hilarious. I love it. Do we have to wait until December? I'd like to do it tomorrow." He was laughing. Really laughing.
I know it is sick, but I love this sort of weird jealousy thing that they have going on even since we got married. It's not like it's even sexual with Ranger anymore. I mean we flirt but we both know there is absolutely zero chance that anything will ever happen between us again. It just sort of makes me feel like such a prize. I'm sure this is how Joe feels when Terri and I spar over him. Joe has no idea how many people women lust after him. Our wedding day was declared an official day of mourning in the Burg.