Disclaimer: I own nothing; everything belongs to its rightful owners.
AN: Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and/or review my stories, it really means the world to me! And a BIG special thank you goes to my amazing beta reader, the wonderful greeneyedconstellations!
Like I said before, no one is going to leave or die or get divorced or anything else along those lines.
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The Color In Anything
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Part X
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2016
May
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"You were right," Spencer announces with a grin. "Getting a sandbox really was a great idea."
"That thing wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I said that," Emily states with a chuckle, her eyes on the oversized sandbox that was almost as big as the one they had at preschool.
"It's much more fun like this," Spencer muses with an even bigger grin than before, and Emily has to admit that he's right. Talin and Lacey were both busy building sandcastles, neither one of them even looking to where Spencer and Emily were seated on the porch.
"So what happened to that they can't miss preschool rule you told me about?" Spencer asks, carefully shifting Matteo to a different position on his lap.
Emily shrugs, a smug smile curling at the corners of her mouth. "The good thing about being pregnant is that I can get away with anything."
Spencer laughs. "You mean Aaron's too scared to argue with you?"
"No," Emily shakes her head, still smiling. "He's just trying not to upset me in any way."
"You always knew how to get your way," Spencer adds thoughtfully, and Emily nods, knows it's true. Bending down to retrieve her phone from her jacket pocket, Emily makes a face the second she gets a look at the screen.
"Everything alright?"
"Yeah," Emily murmurs, her eyes on her phone. "Just a message from Sarah. Do you mind if I give her a call?"
"No, go ahead. We're fine here, right Matteo?" Spencer says, looking at the baby for reassurance. Matteo gives them a toothless grin, turning the brightly colored sand mold Lacey had given him earlier in his hands.
Emily chuckles. "I'll be right back," she promises, already on her way into the house. She stops in the hallway, quickly looking over her shoulder to make sure Spencer isn't watching before she grabs Matteo's changing bag from the floor and heads toward the kitchen.
She's not going to call Sarah; there hadn't been a message from her or anyone else at all.
She leaves her phone on the table before she opens the door to the basement, switching on the lights on her way down and heading straight for the stack of moving boxes at the far end of the cellar. Pushing them aside with one hand, she's already reaching for the crowbar she stuffed into the changing bag this morning with the other. Pulling loose two wooden floorboards she bends down to her knees, reaching inside with both of her hands to get ahold of the small fireproof box she left there years ago.
Pushing the box under a bunch of diapers in Matteo's changing bag along with the crowbar, Emily takes a few more moments to put everything back into place. It was very unlikely that anyone would come down into the basement, but she knew better than to rely on something like that.
With the changing bag slung around her shoulder, Emily heads back upstairs, brushing dust from her clothes as she goes. She's glad to find the kitchen empty, her quick detour still gone unnoticed.
She makes sure the basement door is safely locked behind her before she grabs her phone from the table. She's on her way out when something out of the corner of her eye makes her stop.
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"Please, tell me this is for your mother."
Confused, Spencer turns his head, only to find Emily staring at him from the doorframe. She's holding the stack of leaflets from the kitchen table in her hands, and suddenly Spencer wishes he'd put them away.
"Spencer, please," she starts again and then stops, and he knows she already found the answer in his eyes.
"Is it about your mother? If you want to see her we can do that. I can take you or we can arrange for her to come here. Just tell me and I'll do it."
"It's about time I start taking care of myself again, Emily."
"By living in a board and care home at the other side of the country?" Emily asks in utter disbelief, and Spencer turns his gaze away, unable to look her in the eye any longer.
"That's just one option. And I have to admit it's not the best one. But there are many others."
"How long have you been thinking about this, Spencer?"
For months.
I've been thinking about this for months.
"Is this about your appointment, about what-"
"She didn't say anything we didn't already know, Emily! There is no hope. I accepted that years ago. It's time you do too." It sounds harsher than he intended it and he's glad he's not facing her, knows he couldn't bear the hurt in her eyes.
"I'd be lying if I said I'd be fine without your help and without your money. We both know I wouldn't. But I want to fix that. I need to fix that. You don't owe me anything, Emily. "
"Of course I do, Spencer. Without me you wouldn't even-"
"And without me you'd have probably never have felt the need to drive your car into a tree to begin with! Colorado changed you and that was all my fault!"
"Fuck, Spencer, you can't compare a few broken ribs to-"
"He didn't just break your ribs!" It's out of his mouth before he can think about the consequences, but he's so tired of lying. So tired of pretending. And it's just about time.
Isn't it?
"I overheard you and Aaron talking in the hospital that night," he adds. "I couldn't make sense of it. Not until later when you sat down across from me on the jet and I..." He takes a breath, shuts his eyes. "You weren't the same after-"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Emily cuts him off, before stepping forward and taking Matteo out of his arms. "Whatever you think you heard that night you-"
"Stop it, Emily! Just stop it! I know what happened! I know!"
It gets quiet. Awfully quiet, and when Spencer opens his eyes he finds Talin and Lacey watching wide-eyed from where they're standing on the lawn, sand toys in their hands. Swallowing thickly, Spencer forces himself to smile, trying to reassure the girls that everything was fine even though it wasn't.
It never will be.
"That's why you..." Emily whispers after what feels like forever, the pain in her voice nearly overwhelming.
"Emily," Spencer starts apologetically, turning slightly to reach for her hand, but Emily steps out of his reach easily.
"Don't," she whispers, not looking at him. "Just don't."
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2009
July
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He's at the zoo with JJ and Henry one Saturday afternoon when he catches sight of Emily and Jack at the elephants.
They're standing next to each other, Emily explaining something, Jack listening carefully. The way the boy is holding on to Emily's hand seems casual, like he's done it a hundred times before and even though he has no right to, Spencer can't help but feel left out.
She never told me.
He takes an involuntary step back and then another one when he sees Hotch, making his way towards them with three ice-cream cones in his hands and a smile on his face
"Did you know they were seeing each other?" JJ states suddenly, reminding Spencer that he wasn't alone.
"No," he lies and swallows, trying to avoid JJ's searching eyes.
"Let's go back to the sea lions," Spencer suggests miserably, before turning Henry's stroller around. "I think Henry really liked them."
"Spence, wait-" JJ starts, startled and also confused, but he doesn't.
He can't.
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2009
August
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He's on his way home through the park when he sees Emily on the playground with Jack. The boy building castles in the sandbox, Emily watching him from where she's sitting next to another woman on a bench only a few feet away.
Smiling to himself, Spencer's on his way towards her when he notices that the blonde woman sitting next to Emily isn't just anyone, but Haley.
Spencer stops, his eyes widening slightly, and he watches in confusion at how comfortable the two women seem to be around each other. Almost like they've done this before.
What else is there I don't know?
It's Emily who notices him some time later. She looks startled and Spencer feels his cheeks flush in embarrassment. He turns abruptly, hurrying off in the other direction without looking back.
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2009
September
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When Spencer arrives at the office, Emily's already there. She's wearing the same clothes she wore the day before, the dark circles under her eyes proof that she's been up all night.
"I have to fix this," she states when he asks, her eyes fixed on a stack of folders, her voice heavy with guilt. "It's my fault."
Sitting down behind his desk, Spencer frowns. "How can this-"
"I insisted on keeping our relationship a secret," Emily cuts him off midsentence, her eyes lit with anger when they meet his. "If I hadn't, Foyet would have come after me, not them."
Spencer swallows. "You don't know that. He might have gone after Jack anyway."
Emily shakes her head and he knows there's no point talking her out of it.
"We need to get him," she murmurs. "If we don't ... if something happens to them ... I'll never forgive myself for it."
"We will get him," he tries to reassure her. "Until then they're safe. We did everything-"
"That's not true, Spencer," Emily spits, all furious now. "Haley and Jack aren't safe, not until we get Foyet."
Taken aback by her harsh reaction, Spencer watches quietly as Emily briefly shuts her eyes. For a second he thinks she's going to cry and he can't stop himself from getting back up and making his way towards her.
"Emily," he starts, his hand reaching for hers. The second his fingers brush against her skin her eyes flash open.
"Don't," she breathes, drawing her hand back instantly, and Spencer knows it's the beginning of the end.
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2016
May
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Sitting behind his desk and staring out of the window into the clear blue sky, Aaron wishes he could call it a day and just go home. Not only because of the weather, but because there's so much he needs to get done and not a single one of them involves catching a serial killer. But whether he likes it or not, that's exactly what he signed up for when he took over from Strauss.
With a sigh Aaron turns around, surprised when he finds Dave in the open doorframe to his office.
"Do you have a moment?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"We need to talk about Emily," Dave states outright, before closing the door behind him.
"What happened?" Aaron asks, fighting the growing unease in his stomach. "Is she alright?"
"I think Spencer and Emily had a fight."
"A fight?" Aaron echoes, unsure what to make of it. "What are you talking about?"
"She called me to come and pick her up a lot sooner than usual," Dave starts to explain. "When I got to the clearing she was already waiting. She said everything was fine, but for the whole ride back she didn't say a word. And neither did the girls."
"Did you call Spencer?"
"I tried. He hasn't answered any of my calls."
"Was Lenah there when you took Emily and the kids home?" Aaron wants to know, his hand already hovering over his phone.
"She was already waiting in the driveway," Dave answers. "Emily's pregnant again, isn't she?" he adds after a pause.
Aaron shuts his eyes, nods. "She's not happy about it."
"Are you sure that's all it is?"
Aaron scoffs. "Don't you think that's enough?"
"That's not what I meant, Aaron. It's none of my business, but ... " Dave stops, as if not sure how to continue. "Is everything alright between the two of you?"
Leaning back in his chair, Aaron pinches the bridge of his nose. "I don't know," he admits tiredly. "I want to believe it's just the pregnancy. But something has changed. She has."
"Do you ever think about getting professional help?"
"You mean a marriage counselor?"
"No, I'm talking about a psychiatrist."
Aaron frowns. "I don't think I follow you."
"The last time I saw her like this she crashed a car into a tree."
"It was an accident, Dave. You know that. You read the report too, the roads-"
"No, Aaron. That's what Spencer told us when he woke up, that's why it's in those report. No one looked at it any further after that."
"What are you saying? That Spencer lied?"
"It would explain an awful lot."
"No," Aaron shakes his head. "That's not possible. That morning we just found out that we'd be having twins... she wouldn't ... " Aaron stops, feeling horribly sick all of a sudden.
"The doctors were certain you wouldn't survive the night, Aaron. Maybe..."
Aaron swallows. "Have you talked to anyone else about this?" he asks, his voice strained, his whole body tense. He watches Dave shake his head.
"No, of course not, and I'm not going to either. But I really think you should talk to Emily."
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With her head propped up against her pillow, Emily's lying in the middle of the bed, Matteo peacefully sleeping in her arms. Talin, Lacey and Jack are sitting at the end of the king-sized mattress, Jack in the middle with a bowl of popcorn in his lap, the three of them watching a Disney movie. It was against every rule Emily ever set and probably against every parenting advice she'd ever heard, but for once she didn't even care.
It was getting late, dangerously close to the girls' bedtime, but Emily couldn't bring herself to ruin this moment of peace. Aaron had called right before dinner to let her know that he wouldn't be home on time tonight and the last thing she wanted right now was to be alone.
Despite her best efforts, Emily drifts off to sleep halfway through the movie. When she opens her eyes again she's alone, the bed empty, the TV shut off and the only light coming from the crack under the bathroom door.
Getting out of bed, she look into Matteo's crib, a smile on her lips at the sight of her sleeping son, the baby's small hand pressed against his soother as if he is afraid someone could take it away from him.
The sound of the bathroom door opening makes Emily turn around, her dark eyes finding Aaron's.
"Hey," he states, worry crossing his features. "Did I wake you up?" he asks, his hair still wet from the shower.
"No," Emily shakes her head. "When did you get home?"
"Late enough for the girls to be thrilled about the fact that they were still up and watching TV."
"I was exhausted," Emily states the obvious, not sure why she feels the need to defend herself. Aaron doesn't even look angry, only amused.
"They told me you had a great day," he says, moving towards her.
Emily nods, allowing Aaron to pull her into his arms. "I was feeling fine so I told Lenah to take to rest of the day off," she explains, briefly closing her eyes when she rests her head against his chest.
"How did your meeting go?" she adds, her fingers absently trailing down his back.
"I don't want to talk about work right now," Aaron mutters quietly, one hand on its way under her sleeping shirt.
"Then what do you want to talk about?"
"Actually," Aaron breathes, before slipping his free hand into the waistband of her shorts. "I don't want to talk about anything at all."
She's pushed gently back on the mattress only a second later, Aaron's lips trailing down her neck. It's all soft and gentle, careful, almost agonizingly slow and so different from what they're both used to.
They've never been patient, not in bed, not with each other, not at all and yet, tonight they are.
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Aaron keeps lying awake long after Emily's fallen asleep. He's holding her tightly, close against his side, unable to tear his gaze away from her. Afraid she might just disappear the second he does.
She will.
Deep down her already knows.
There hadn't been a meeting. He lied. He'd taken a three-hour drive to see Spencer instead.
At first he'd been sure Spencer wouldn't even open the door for him, but to Aaron's surprise he hadn't even hesitated.
After his conversation with Dave he just had to know. But now that he did, he wished he didn't. Wished he'd never asked to begin with.
Maybe there was just so much truth a person could take after all.
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2010
December
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"You're not really thinking about an abortion, Emily. Are you?"
Emily shuts her eyes, wishing she could flee the room like her doctor had only moments ago.
"You just survived a car accident and so did they. How can you even consider-" Aaron stops, and Emily knows he's about to break. He hasn't fully recovered, not yet, and with everything else happening around them it was too much, even for him.
"I can't be a mother, Aaron," Emily whispers, her eyes still closed, unable to look at him. She didn't want to have this conversation, but she was running out of time and she, no they, had to make a decision.
"You're not alone in this. We'll do it together. We already talked about moving in together."
"No," Emily shakes her head stubbornly, anger rising in her chest. "You wanted us to be a family, you tried talking me into it."
"I'm not Haley," she adds, tears burning behind closed eyelids. "I'm not made for this. In a few weeks you'll go back to work, risk your life, while I'm stuck at home worrying whether I'll end up alone with three children or not. I can't do this."
I don't want to.
There's a long pause before Aaron reaches for her hand, his closing gently around hers. "It's not official yet, but Strauss decided to take an early retirement and I was offered her position."
I know.
I'm the one who arranged it.
"You would hate it," she whispers, tears about to choke her, and she wonders what he would say if he knew it was her doing. She'd done it for Jack, hadn't even known that she was pregnant back than.
"I would work decent hours and be out of the field. And let's not forget about the pay increase," Aaron notes, sounding surprisingly undisturbed.
"But you love what you do, isn't that what you told Strauss last year? That this job defines you? That you need this?"
Aaron shakes his head. "Last year I was offered an early pension which was the last thing I needed. This is different."
"Is it?" Emily asks quietly, finally opening her eyes despite the tears blurring her vision. "If you do this now you might regret it one day."
"No, Emily," Aaron states, all sure, he's shaking his head once more. "I won't."
Unable to fight her tears any longer Emily finally starts to cry, and while Aaron bends forward to pull her into his arms, she can't stop thinking:
But maybe I will.
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Disclaimer: I own nothing; everything belongs to its rightful owners.