Bella

Running through the monsoon

Beyond the world Til' the end of time

Where the rain won't hurt

Fighting the storm Into the blue

And when I lose myself I'll think of you

Together we'll be running somewhere new

Through the monsoon Just me and you

Monsoon- Tokio Hotel

Even though nothing had changed it felt like everything had. Edward wasnt angry with me, he didnt blame me. I should of guessed he'd find a way to bring this upon him. Its in his nature to blame everything that happens to us on himself. He even go the idiotic idea of me not loving him anymore into his head. That all the more convinced me entirely of had happened to my family was my fault.

When Renesmee had woken this morning, both of us on the couch, and i suggested we head back she went into a rage. She jumped off the sofa and shouted she didnt want to see them again. Her eyes betrayed her, i knew she missed them. How could she not, they were her family. They were willing to give anything for her even their lives. Espically Jacob, she was connected to him in such an advance way, one day he'd mean to her what Edward means to me. I'd heard faint whispers off paws running around the house all night.

Charlie blundering down the stairs to see what the comotion was about eventually stopped her. She didnt like to speak infront of Charlie never mind shout. He looked between both of us and then went into enquiries about breakfast, i passed naturally and he went to make Nessie bacon and her pink and very sheepish. There was silence in which you could hear charlie moving around the kitchen, when Nessie padded over to me from the middle of the room where she'd been having her protest. She put her little hand under my chin and made me look at her instead of the floor.

"Im sorry momma" she said sincerly. I took the opertunity to explain what most of Rose's outburst had meant. It didnt improve her view of things by much. She told me she couldnt face them yet, not today but maybe tommorow.

"Renessmee, i promised we'd go back today. It'll hurt everyone if we dont." I could understand why she wouldnt, she was so hurt. Her angelic face crumpeld and she began to cry. I gathered her up in my arms and told her id make it better, i'd go and talk to the rest of them.

I told Charlie not to open the door to anyone, i stressed the anyone, and not leave the house. He tried to get more information out of me but i gave him a vague 'i'll explain later', i left before he could get shirty. I knew theyd be safe, I could hear jacob outside.

I couldnt go to the big house, i dont think i trusted myself to be near Rose and the others remorse. I didnt know if i could look at Esme again or Alice without feeling that suffocating guilt. I'd best get some of mine and Nessie's things if were going to be staying over night again. I left the car and ran through the forest,passing jacob who whined.

"Ill be back , watch the house and dont get to close. She doesnt want to see you." i said flatly. He whined and looked longingly at the house and then apologetically at me.

"I know Jake.", i said softly and gave him a small smile to show i'd forgiven him, "Im sorry, i hope i didnt hurt you...last night. I was a little earratic." i said sheepishly. The giant russet wolf rolled his eyes and shook his head. He'd forgiven me. That was one. My chest felt lighter.

"Thanks Jake" i said warmly. He bobbed his head without taking his eyes of the house and took off running a patrol around it. I bet Leah and Seth would be close by.

I ran in the direction of the Cullens house, leaving a wide arch around it and on to our little cottage. The door had been left open and there was a strong scent of Edward, he was here. I took a deep breath and walked into our living room.

"Edward" i called timidly. Maybe he didnt want to talk to me, our bedroom door was half closed. Id get Renesmee's things before mine, i was too scared to face him.

Her duvet was gone. How strange. I walked over and brushed my hand along the sheet of the bed. What if her attacker took it. I froze. Too take her scent, to take it to others like Victoria had Riley do when she was in persuit of me. But there was no other scent here except Edwards and Renessmee's. Why would Edward have her duvet? I pondered it for a few more seconds before turning to her wardobe. My hand hand extended to pick out jeans when i heard it. My senses told me there was something in our closet, on the floor to the right. It sounded like a small animal in pain, Edward wouldnt bring his kill back here. Dropping the jeans i moved cautiously but curiously to our bedroom.

"Edward?" i called again. No answer.

I swung the door open and moved toward the closet and what i saw would haunt me for the rest of my existence. I stopped dead for 2 seconds and then i was crouched beside him, shaking him.

"Edward, Edward!" i cried. He was trembiling all over, curled into a ball with Nessie's duvet and one of my sweaters clutched in his hand. His face was twisted in obvious pain and his lips were closed tight. I cried his name again panicking, should i get Carlisle? A vague memory came to me as i tried to bring Edward out of whatever he was in, id seen this before somewhere. My mind raced trying to recall where, through recent meories and old human ones. The ghost of where the hole in my chest had been gave a sharp twinge and it came to me. Id curled up in Edwards position when the pain of him leaving me became to much to bare. Id let it wash over me and id hold myself together why it tried to rip me apart. I stared in horror, id not let that kind of pain take him surely? I hadnt really left him. I climbed over his shaking body so i could have a better hold of him and snaked my arm up around his torso, holding his back to me and slid my other under his head and let my hand massage into his hair. A minute passed and i bagan to fear this was something worse, something really bad had happend to him and i should get Carlisle, when Edwards shaking eased, his lips loosened and his face became softer. A relieved whimper slid out of my throat and i kissed his head, it made him eyelids fluttered open.

"Bella?"

I hadnt even apologized properly for making him feel that kind of agony and the image of him lying there burned in front of my eyes making me wince.

"Bella" Edward whispered, Id known him long enough, heard that voice long enough to notice the well hidden concern. My head was hidden in his chest so he couldnt see my face while hand traced absent mindly over his chest. How could i begin to apologize without him protesting or getting angry with himself. My silence made him uneasy and he rolled us over to look down at me.

"Whats wrong?" his golden eyes burned into mine.

"I cant say or you'll get angry" i muttered looking at his lips. His lips cresed into his cheek so he was smirking

"I promise i wont get angry" he murmured, his lips moved closer. I was going to go cross eyed.

"You will" i said stubbornly. His lips dissapeared and i felt them lightly, but eagerly on mine. Oh i knew what he was trying to do and i really didnt mind...much.

Finally he broke away and chuckeld at my dazed expression.

"Now Bella," his vioce was as smooth as silk " tell me whats bothering you..or you could show me" he grinned. He loved hearing my thoughts.

I blinked trying to understand what he was saying, this was ridiculous i would of bet this state Edwards kisses got me into would stop when i was a vampire. Yeah right.

"Well," i said shaking my head trying to clear it, Edwards lips twitched trying not to laugh," about the way i found you." i paused watching his expression change,his grin dissapeared. His face was was his turn to avoid my eyes.

"Edward, i am so sorry. I cannot believe that it caused you to hurt so much" I said fighting to keep my voice from breaking. Edward closed his eyes and rolled over onto his back.

I propped myself up on my elbow and looked at him pleadingly, he had to say something, to forgive me.

"Edward.."

"I regret deeply you had to find me like that. Im sorry i fell apart the way i did, that i wasnt strong enough to even last the night. That im not a stronger man, one that you please dont apologize Bella, not out of guilt." he told me in a rush, he still hadnt opened his eyes. I stared at him in disbelief. Why did he do this, even if i deserved it, it made me feel even worse than i already did. To see him blaming himself and to say i didnt deserve him? I gave out a little scream of frustration and sat eyes opened looking startled. He was the one meant to be shouting at me.

"Edward for once will you react like a normal human would. I know that your not but could you react like one," i steamed, boring my eyes into the end of the closet wall. I seen Edward sit up in my perpervail vison and felt him watching me,"Even if its not in your nature, even though your a gentlemen coud you for once blame this on me because it is my fault"

I was breathing heavy as a result of my little tantrum and i refused to look at him. A satin hand glided under my chin and turned my face round, i still wouldnt look at him.

"And what would you propose i do, im not human after all." he drawled. His playful tone made me look at him, he arched an eyebrow and his crooked smile was back. If anything it made me madder.

"I dont know",i said throwing my hands into the air,"call me a....bitch or something"i screeched exasperated, glaring at him. His lips were pressed into a thin line trying not to laugh, his eyes searched my face. Another frustrated scream slipped out and i grabbed Renessmees duvet and wrapped it round me and standing up i flounced out to Nessie's room. The idea was to pack some of her things,(id been here much longer than i should, two hours by her clock) really i didnt want to know what Edwards reaction to me telling him to call me a bitch o was. Even if it was laughing, i felt so embarrased. It was so childish of me.

Id only packed a cardigan and jeans when two hands slid roughly around my waist and pulled me back against his chest.

"I'll accept your apology if you accept mine." he said compromising. It was probably the best i'd get.

"Done."

"One more thing,can i call you a sexy bitch?" he said softly into my ear. I swallowed loudly.

"Er, that was very sorry" i breathed.

"Hmmm,childish isnt what id say" he murmured silkly into my neck and turned me around to face him, kissing me at once. The duvet dropped.

"Thats better" he sighed kissing my neck. I giggled. He held me tighter.

"Edward i have to get back, to Nessie." i said trying to keep stiffened and the exaled loudly and pulled back to look at me

"Your not bringing her back today are you" he sighed. It wasnt a question. I put my hand on his cheek.

"No" i said softly.

"She's so angry, so hurt", his silk voice broken, his eyes going the same way," its such a mess" he leant his forehead to mine.

"Mess's can be cleaned. She just needs to calm down, not be angry when she asses the situation. Maybe you should come speak to her." his head jerked up, something lit up inside him.

"Really? will she want to se me though?"

"She misses you, i told you that."

"Okay" he beamed. He was more like an angel than ever.

I forrowed my eyebrows as something else occured to me.

"You'll have to go and see the others first. I dont want them to think im cancelling them out or that im angry with them.", even though i still was a little but the guilt buried it, "And i promised we'd be back, i dont want to lie to them either." i looked up at him, he nodded in agreement.

"You'r not coming with me?" he speculated

"Not yet" i replied quietly.

"I understand" and he wrapped his arms around me again and held me, until i mumbeld about the time. We got dressed (reluctantly) and i packed some of mine and Nessies things.

We held hands coming out of our home and walked at human speed. I stopped when we were nearing the house.

"I'll see you soon?"

"Soon" he promised and kissed me.

We got carried away and the tree we'd moved up against groaned. I giggled. Edward smirked. The others were bound to know i was here now, if not already aware thanks to Alice. I was grateful they'd left us alone even though it must be hard for them.

"Soon" he promised again, a seductive note traceable in his tone. I felt light headed when he pulled away.