Difficult Conversations
After he left Elrond's study Livon retired to his room to think. He now sat on the balcony attached to his room and stared at the surrounding mountains. He would call it a beautiful sight if he would pay attention to it. But his mind was still with the story Elrond had told him.
How could anyone do something this cruel? Oh, he knew orcs were a malicious species but he also knew they weren't intelligent enough to do such a crime. Not that he remembered that he ever met them before but he'd heard the elves talking about them when they thought he wasn't listening.
His thoughts traveled to Elladan. His father. What would the elf think about him? Does he even want a son, a dwarf nonetheless? Livon craved for a family and he couldn't think what he would do if he was rejected by Elladan. He would have to leave Rivendell for sure, even though Elrond seemed willing to accommodate him. But he wouldn't stay at a place he wasn't welcome to.
With a sigh he rested his chin atop of his knees. He wanted to speak with Elladan but was unsure how to approach him. Did he even know? Suddenly he didn't want to speak with his father, not yet anyway. He had to form a plan before he approached the subject.
Livon was so engrossed with his thinking that he didn't hear the knock at the door nor the light steps approaching the balcony. Only when he felt a shadow falling over him did he look up at the towering form of Elladan.
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Elladan would never admit it to his brother, but when he stood in front of Livon's door he needed several moments before he was able to knock. He frowned when he heard nothing from the other side and knocked again. When this attempt was fruitless as well, he cautiously opened the door to peek into the room but couldn't see the half-dwarf. Confused he stepped into the room and let his gaze roam the room. The waving curtains from the balcony finally gave him the right clue and with a few steps he looked down at his son.
The lad looked so deeply in thought that Elladan considered coming back later, but was bereft of that choice as Livon suddenly looked up at him. His eyes were wide and it was clear to Elladan that he had surprised him.
"I apologize if I startled you. It wasn't my intention," Elladan said. "I came to speak with you." Livon continued to stare at him for a few more moments before he nodded and notably calmed down. Elladan pulled one of the balcony chairs closer and sat down. Livon followed just a few seconds later.
They sat across of each other and both seemed at a loss what to say. How did one start a conversation between a father and a son if they didn't know each other? Especially since they weren't even from the same race, at least not fully?
"My father told me about the conversation you two had," Elladan began and instantly saw the hurt on Livon's face. He winced. Livon probably just started to trust his grandfather and must now think Elrond had betrayed that trust. "Not in detail, but what you thought what happened back then."
Livon bit down on his lip before he said: "Do you remember what happened?"
"No," Elladan replied and shook his head. "Most of it is still in the dark. But what I do know is that I would never intentionally force myself on a woman. There must be some other explanation and I intend to find it out."
He looked his son in the eyes and saw the relieve in them. It must be a heavy burden to think of his mother in pain, even if he didn't remember her.
"I do not know how long it will take but I promise you I won't stop," Elladan vowed. "And until then I hope we can learn to know each other and become a family."
A smile blossomed on Livon's lip. "I want it, too."
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Livon couldn't believe it. His worries had been for naught. Elladan didn't seem to think bad of him. And he believed him when he said he wouldn't have hurt his mother out of free will. Maybe his wish for a family would truly become true.
His father had left him a few minutes ago to allow him some solitude. It was still awkward to be in his presence, despite his acceptance. He wondered how the elf felt at the moment. Surely, it must be strange to discover to have a dwarven son, especially if he was already grown up.
Grown up… He wondered if he was really an adult or if his body was still maturing. He remembered Elrond told him that, by dwarven standards, even though not considered as an adult just yet, his body already would have reached his full grown state. But what of elvish standards? When where they considered as an adult? When were they full grown? His mixed origin must make that matter difficult, too. Maybe Lord Elrond could answer those questions. He was an experienced healer, after all, was he not? Yes, tomorrow he would ask his grandfather.
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Elrond cherished the sweet hours of morning. He was an early riser and usually it was quiet for a few hours at least before the hectic of the household started. Today was no different and he took a peaceful walk through the gardens. Though the air was cold the day promised to be sunny.
He stopped at a stone terrace facing the valley. It wasn't that long ago that his son had returned with his grandchild and though he sensed there was still awkwardness between them he was confident it would pass in time.
Elladan had visited him yesterday evening and told him about his short conversation with Livon. It seemed to have gone well and Livon seemed to be as eager as the elves to become a family.
Elrond knew it wouldn't be an easy task, especially for the young half-dwarf. It must be confusing and not remembering anything from his past wouldn't' make it easier. It troubled Elrond that Livon hadn't remembered anything yet, despite the long time since the incident. He feared the child wouldn't be able to fully settle if he didn't learn of his past.
The crunching of snow interrupted his thoughts and he turned around to faze the subject of his thoughts: Livon.
"Good morning, Livon," he greeted and smiled at the lad. "You are up early today."
"I wanted to speak with you," Livon said and looked away.
"What is it?" Elrond asked after Livon didn't continue. The lad looked uncomfortable and unsure.
"Well, I suppose I am the first half-dwarf-half-elf in history," Livon began and gnawed on his lower lip. "And I remember you told me that dwarven children were considered as adults at the age of seventy, though they stopped growing at the age of forty. And I wondered…" At this point, he trailed away, not sure how to proceed. He didn't need to say any more, though, as Elrond already knew the unspoken question.
"You wonder when elflings were fully grown and considered as an adult, were you not?" he asked gently and Livon nodded. "And probably about your lifespan as well." He motioned for Livon to follow him and led him to an enclosed sitting area. It would shelter them from the cold and give them the privacy to speak.
"It is a difficult question, indeed," Elrond said, his brows drawn together in thought. "Elves reach their adult height at the age of fifty but are considered adults at the age of hundred. Dwarves, as you already said, reach both earlier in life and have a lifespan of approximately 250 years whereas elves are immortal unless they are killed or fade in grief."
Livon's eyes grew wide. "Fade in grief?"
"Yes," Elrond replied and sighed. He thought about his beloved wife who'd lost her will to live after her imprisonment by orcs. "When an elf suffers an injury to the soul too strong to be bearable the lose their will to live and fade until they die. But those facing this fate usually decide to sail west, to the Undying Lands."
"The Undying Lands, doesn't that mean they die?"
"No, they live and they can heal but at the cost of never return to Middle-Earth," Elrond explained and felt a pang of sadness wash over him again. It would always hurt until he could see Celebrían again.
His sorrow must have shown on his face. "Do you know someone who sailed west?"
"Yes, my wife Celebrían, daughter of Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn of Lothlórien and mother to Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen. Your grandmother." Elrond sighed again, feeling wearied. "She was captured and tortured by orcs long ago. My sons rescued her but she couldn't endure to stay in Middle-Earth any longer."
"I'm sorry."
"Thank you," Elrond said sincerely and smiled at his young grandchild. "But we drifted a bit off-topic, didn't we?" Livon smiled a little and nodded. "It's hard to tell when you are fully grown. When I examined you the first time you came here I noticed growing signs but thought nothing of it as I know when dwarves stop growing. And you are above the age when elves stop growing as well. It's a guess, but I believe that due to your mixed blood you're still growing and gain at least a few more inches. Maybe up to five more during the next few years."
Livon's eyes grew wide again, clearly shocked to learn that he would gain a height no dwarf had ever reached. But then, he wasn't fully dwarf, was he?
"To say anything about your lifespan is even more difficult. You could be immortal as any elf or mortal with a prolonged lifespan, maybe up to thousand years more than the average dwarf."
"Well, I suppose I have to take it as it comes," Livon said and shrugged. Elrond smiled again, glad that his son's son had such a faithful spirit.
"What do you think of having some breakfast?" he asked and received an eager nod. As he already discovered, Livon was always hungry and could eat a large amount. Maybe because he was still growing. Or maybe because he was part dwarf and as far as the lord of Imladris knew, dwarves could always eat good and much.
When they entered the small dining hall belonging to the family alone they joined Elladan and Elrohir who already sat at the table. They hadn't started eating yet but had waited for the rest of their family residing in Rivendell to join them. They've seen Elrond and Livon speaking in the garden and didn't want to eat without them.
While they ate each thought about the future and hoped it would be a happy one. But they also promised they would seek for Livon's dwarven family and the truth that had started more than sixty years ago, no matter how long it would take.
AN: I can't believe it has been already four months since my last update. For some reason, I thought it wasn't that long and I apologize (again) to have made you wait.
This chapter marks the end of one part of my story. I've already started with the next one and part of my problems with this chapter was to find a suitable end. I hope you liked it.
syeern: I'm afraid you have to wait a bit longer until the lost time is cleared. It would be boring if they would suddenly remember, wouldn't it? About the beta… I know I make mistakes – I am no native English speaker, after all – and do my best to avoid them. I do hope I'm improving, but unfortunately, I can't see me working with a beta. I don't have the patience to wait until someone else has the time to read it first. Besides, I tried to find one once and had no luck with getting a response.
TMI Fairy: Well, I am afraid you have to wait to see how Dís is managing a bit longer.