Hello all! It's time for something completely different. This is an AU, which means, as my all time favorite Kenshin fanfic writer Jane Drew puts it, "that OOC will occasionally jump around flailing its arms". In this AU, there is no gender/animal-bending curse. If you're looking for the water curses, look somewhere else. This does not mean there won't be freaky stuff and the occasional perversion. (Insert maniacal laughter here) Also, everyone's a little older and wiser, for the most part. Oh yes, and there's some swearing too, so it's rated T.

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Ranma ½ and its characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I don't even own a Nabiki plushie. (sobs)

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Akane fumed as her feet pounded the pavement, her steps eerily countered by Ranma's hot pursuit. GAH! GUYS! Ranma loved her? When the hell did that happen? And why had he waited so long to say anything? The more she thought about it, the more her anger grew. By the time the school gates came into view, she was in full battle mode, which was the reason she gave for mowing down a white-flag bearing Hibiki without stopping. In fact, she was a good two meters away before she realized what had happened.

"Hibiki-kun?" She asked, turning to face the flattened Lost Boy chief. Ranma appeared in the gates as Hibiki peeled himself out of the dirt. His white flag, now a forlorn brown bandanna, was thrown at her feet.

"Akane Tendo. In light of your engagement, I hereby relinquish my suit for your hand," He grumbled just loud enough to hear. As jaws dropped around the courtyard, he looked up, pinning a stunned Akane with a fierce glare. "However, if I ever see or hear you saddened, angered, or in pain because of that lowlife Saotome, I swear I will avenge you!"

"Buh?" went Akane

"HEY!" protested Ranma. Hibiki bowed and stalked away. A low rumble echoed over the school as students passed the word around. Akane was engaged to Ranma! Ranma and Akane! Together! As the rumble grew in strength, Akane's fists grew whiter and Ranma began looking for a place to hide.

"What…The…"

"RANMA SAOTOME!!" The bellow drowned out both student rumbling and Akane's rapidly spiking aura. Tatewaki appeared out of nowhere, brandishing Polaroid pictures and bearing down on Ranma with all the fury his nickname could produce. Akane's temper was short-circuited by the raw emotion in the upperclassman and she gaped. Ranma simply stood his ground.

"What now, Kuno?" He asked, sounding mildly annoyed. Tatewaki brandished the pictures again.

"This, you lecherous worm. Anything Goes, he calls his crew and his school. Does Kijuuki, that goddess of the streets, know about this?" He thrust the pictures at Ranma. The Guardian's face grew redder with each shot, prompting Akane to dash over and see for herself.

"What…the…fuck?" She whispered. The shots were of her and Ranma getting changed out of their kimonos. While nothing could be seen, per se, the sheer intimacy, and the obvious peeks over each other's shoulders, was blatantly obvious. Akane's aura reached oni-head proportions.

"I am going to KILL HER!!"

"Mongrel! Cur! How dare you two-time Kijuuki like this! Ranma Saotome, for all that is good and right in Nerima, I challenge you!"

"Akane?" Ranma asked. Akane was developing a rather large twitch in her forehead. Her hand shot out and grabbed Ranma's wrist.

"Come on." She dragged Ranma into the school. Kuno was left behind, howling his disappointment at losing both his chance to beat Ranma to a bloody pulp and his very expensive pictures.

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Akane was very surprised to see how quickly her life fell into a routine after the Pits Encounter, as she called it. School days were spent racing Ranma. Whoever won got to beat Kuno up, as the deranged upperclassman was convinced of Ranma's infidelity and Akane's availability, and continued to challenge the couple on a daily basis. The fact that he was completely incorrect had no bearing on the situation. Logical explanations would not sway him; frustrated shrieking on Akane's part resulted in Kuno trying to pat her head reassuringly. His right hand remained in a cast and the school betting book had 5 to 1 odds for him being permanently maimed.

Weekends were spent equally between wedding preparations, in which Akane tried not to scream at the insanity being demonstrated by three women she otherwise loved and/or respected, and bike shopping. Beaker, poor thing, had been a twisted, burned lump of metal surrounded by fiberglass shrapnel when the police found it. Akane suffered from deep brand loyalty, only another Suzuki GSXR-1000 would do. Not only that, but it had to be yellow. Ranma was her companion on these brief excursions, as her sisters had thrown up their hands and declared her insane after one trip. The irony was vastly amusing to Nodoka and Gin, who spent as much time dropping broad hints about Akane's engagement as they did working on wedding plans.

Sadly, all quiet times must come to an end, not only because conflict builds character and strengthens relationships, but also because it's amusing for both Light and Dark, and they're the ones really in charge.

Akane was looking for Ranma in a bike shop. The salesman had once again been less then helpful after she explained what she wanted and had tried to steer her towards a more "feminine" vehicle, preferably something with four wheels and a lot of air bags. It didn't help that the price of GSXR-1000s had gone up in the last few years. Granted, both Tofu-san and Saotome-san had volunteered to help her get a new bike, but damn it all, she had bought Beaker with her own money and his replacement deserved nothing less. As she wandered into the parts department, she spotted Ranma talking to a tall man with glasses that looked awfully familiar. Ducking into the next aisle, she tiptoed until she was near enough to hear.

"It's your area of expertise, Saotome," The man said. Ranma sighed.

"Look, Mu Tsu. Just because I watch them doesn't mean I police them. Your men walk into the Pits, they take the risk same as anyone else." Mu Tsu! What was Mu Tsu doing sending people into the Pits? Akane wondered. Wasn't Mu Tsu in league with the Yakuza? WHY was he insinuating Ranma needed to do something?

"You're supposed to be guarding!" Mu Tsu hissed, sounding very angry. Akane flinched.

"Look, Mu Tsu, we've been over this before. If someone comes to me asking for safe passage, I'll do it. If the Dark or Light try to rise up, we gather and stop them. Forays into the Pits for your business dealings do not fall under Guardian jurisdiction if your men don't come and ask me first. You know how I…" Ranma's voice broke off as Akane was grabbed from behind. She kicked back, connecting hard with a shin and got a wakizashi against her throat for her efforts.

"This is no place for little girls," A cool voice whispered in her ear. Ranma appeared; arms folded and eyes blazing red.

"Mu Tsu," His voice was icy. "Tell your goon to get his hands off my mate before I break them off." Mu Tsu turned and leaned one arm against the top of the display, peering down at Akane with a knowing smirk.

"Mate? So that's why she fought Xian Pu," Mu Tsu purred. Akane stomped her foot, trying to crush her captor's toes. She missed.

"She challenged me!"

"And you defended your claim, quite well, I might add. Not many can defeat Xian Pu."

"I…that…there wasn't a claim! I just wanted her to stop bugging him!" Akane promptly blushed. Why, oh why, did she keep blurting out her emotional secrets? Ranma smirked, but the fire did not abate.

"Let…her…go." Mu Tsu nodded and the goon let her go. She whirled, foot lashing out in a roundhouse kick that caught the arm putting the wakizashi away. The goon howled, dropping the short sword and clutching his arm. There hadn't been a sickening crunch, so she was pretty sure it wasn't broken. Akane skipped back to Ranma's side, glancing up at Mu Tsu worriedly. The Chinese man was shaking his head.

"You picked a feisty one, Saotome. I suppose that's for the best, given your lifestyle."

"Quit calling me feisty!" Akane shrieked. Mu Tsu cocked his head at them, his face suddenly cold.

"Get my men back and I will forgive this incident. And keep your mate on a better leash. Women have no place in this business." Mu Tsu walked away, his injured goon joining two others Akane hadn't seen that followed in a flanking pattern, keeping the Chinese "businessman" carefully guarded. Akane glanced down. There was no sign of the wakizashi.

"Didn't I tell you to stay away from Mu Tsu?" Ranma asked abruptly. Akane looked at him, surprised that the red fire was still there as a low simmer. She put her chin up.

"I was looking for YOU, Ranma. How was I to know this doubled as a Yakuza meeting?"

"Keep your voice down," Ranma hissed, looking around.

"Honestly, Ranma, what else was I supposed to do? Walk over, clutch your arm and say 'Oh, there you are, sweetheart!'?"

"Actually, that would have been better." As Akane spluttered, Ranma gently squeezed her shoulder. The fire had almost died. "Mu Tsu is very traditional. You heard him. If someone's wife or girlfriend shows up unexpectedly, it's much less of an insult to have to make excuses and leave then having said wife or girlfriend nearly break a bodyguard's arm after being caught eavesdropping. Now I have to go into the Pits and find what's left of his men."

"Oh," Akane said, bowing her head. "I'm sorry. I was curious."

"I forgive you, on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You're coming with me. As my future mate, you need to know everything that's involved."