Chapter 35.

Jacob offered to drive me home and I gladly accepted. I was in no rush to get home, I wasn't in rush for anything, I wanted to take things slow. If anything happened to fast, I might get surprised and burst into tears again.

Jacob was the perfect person to drive me home. He didn't mind talking to me and he also didn't mind the silence. Seth wouldn't have been able to stay quiet for this long. He was also too sensitive. Jacob was the perfect person for me to be with at the moment.

Being stuck in a car with him for hours wasn't as annoying as I thought it would be. He let me think when I needed to.

It was very dark out when we finally got to the tall, apartment building. I could barely wait to see Lindsey. I hadn't spoken to her since New Year's night. I hoped she wasn't too hurt by my absence. I also hoped that, by some miracle, she had worked things out with her parents.

"Thanks," I said to Jacob when he parked at the curb.

The car was silent for a few seconds, then he spoke, "I'm really sorry, Leah. We could have stopped this. I could have saved her." He looked into my eyes. He was so sincere.

I smiled at him. It was nice to know he cared this much about my feelings and the things that made my world seem like it was ending, "Jake, we all could have saved her." I grimaced at that thought. There were so many different ways for this not to have happened.

I opened the car door and put a foot out into the snow. I realised how late it was. Jacob would be driving for hours. He'd been nothing but good to me lately so I reluctantly offered for him to stay the night with me in Lindz. I wasn't in the mood for company but I wanted to be polite.

Jacob heard and saw my reluctance, "No, I'm good." He nodded.

"Do you want a coffee or something? Lindsey probably cooked something nice." I pressed.

"No, Leah, I'm fine. You go back to Lindsey and get better." He smiled before driving off.

I started towards my apartment, eager to see Lindsey. I hadn't really thought of her that much. I couldn't get my mind wrapped around anything that wasn't Danielle. I was so heartbroken and stressed for the last 24 hours, I couldn't wait to be distracted by Lindsey. I wanted to think of something other than the funeral that would be in 2 days. I was surely going, whether I was bringing Lindz or not was the question. Would it be appropriate? Would Danielle have wanted her there? Danielle didn't hate her but still…

I entered the apartment. The tree wasn't up anymore. Lindsey had her back turned to me and humming in the kitchen. She was leaning on the stove and facing the fridge.

I hurried to her.

She gasped when she saw me. Her iPod was in her ears and Remy was in her hands. She yanked out one of her earphones and her expression changed to relief, "Hey," she was surprised, "I didn't expect you back for a few days. How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"I haven't seen you since…you phased—is that the word?"

"Yeah," I nodded a little embarrassed, "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Yeah, I shit myself."

I grimaced, "Really?" That sounded pretty realistic but really gross. I didn't want to know the honest answer if she had. Major turn off.

"No, I didn't. But I peed a little." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. She was still spooked.

I couldn't help laughing. It felt nice after the 24 hours of horror, sorrow, tears and heartbreak. It was a big contrast of feelings.

"I'm sorry about Danielle." She smiled sheepishly. A nervous habit of hers. Laughing under uncomfortable circumstances was also a bad habit of hers. If it were anyone else it would really anger me but with Lindsey, I thought it was kind of cute. I didn't like that I was making her nervous though.

"I'm fine," I lied and opened up my arms, "Could you just come here please." I had to fight back tears again. I couldn't really tell why. All these emotions were so…emotional. I hated being far from La Push and Danielle but, as usual, being with Lindsey just felt right.

"Oh! Uh," she looked down at Remy and around herself not sure what to do. She placed our guinea pig on the floor and gave me a hug. I squeezed her tight and kissed her hair. This was exactly what I needed. She made me feel warm and peaceful and happy.

We kissed, put Remy back in his cage and I took a hot shower. When I went in my room, Lindsey was already in a holed T-shirt as a pyjama. I threw on a similar get up and jumped in my bed and crossed my legs.

Lindsey crawled behind me and started rubbing my shoulder, adding pressure to all my tightest spots."Do you want a massage?" she offered and quickly added, "I know you're tired, we don't have to do anything else."

I was shocked by what she was saying. Did she really think that there was something in this world that could make me not want to make love to her? That was ridiculous."What are you—"

"Shh…" She hushed, adding more pressure to my shoulders, "Don't worry, Lee. Take off your shirt and lie down on your stomach."

I did what I was told. I wasn't in the mood to argue. I never wanted to argue ever again.

Once Lindsey rubbed oil on my back, I felt myself melt into a puddle. I had been much tenser than I thought. I couldn't help moaning.

"That's right, baby. You just relax." Lindsey murmured. She was sitting on my butt to have access to my entire body. She took such good care of me. It wasn't hard to think only of Lindsey. She was my forever.

"Did things work out with your family?" I asked drowsily. I had completely forgotten that Lindsey's life had crumbled just a few minutes before mine had on New Years.

"Um, no, not really. But my dad called."

"Oh, what did he say?" I didn't sound as intrigued as I really was. I really wanted to know how things were going but I was exhausted and Lindsey was putting me to sleep at the moment.

"I'm going to pick up my stuff tomorrow. He thinks it's best if we don't see each other anymore but that he'll call."

I was suddenly very alert. The only person I could feel bad for after all I'd been through was Lindsey. I always had room for compassion and sympathy for her. "Lindz, I—"

"Don't worry about me. Nobody died." She reminded me, "I'm a big girl. I don't need them."

I frowned, "Lindsey don't—"

"Ugh, now you're stressed again." She started rubbing my "tense" spot which was starting to be a load of bull.

I wasn't tense I was worried. I had the right to be worried! Not to mention, I hated when she cut me off like that. Couldn't she make me finish a sentence? I had been through a lot lately. I would much rather listen to her problems than wallow and think of my own. Why would she think I wanted to relax? Did she even know me?

"Leah…" Lindsey squeaked, "W-why are you shaking?"

"Huh? Oh," I hadn't realised how upset I was. I quickly calmed down and concentrated on Lindsey making circular motions between my shoulder blades. I fell asleep quickly.

The next morning I woke up in an empty bed. I frowned when I found Lindsey wrapped in a thick comforter on the floor sleeping as if this were normal. I shook her shoulder and she woke up right away.

"Yeah?" She looked wide awake, "Are you hungry? Is that it?"

"Why are you on the floor?"

She smiled, "You toss in your sleep when you're uneasy. You sort of kicked me off." She giggled and got up. She was in jeans and a T-shirt. I was confused. I couldn't understand why she was fully dressed. She noticed my confusion and sighed, "I hope you don't mind that I stole your car this morning to get my stuff by Debby and John's…well, I'm not going to call them mom and dad. They've made it pretty clear that they want nothing to do with me."

"Lindsey…" I started getting up so I could comfort her.

"I'm fine. How are you? When's the funeral? Are you going?"

My eyes widened at how eager she was to change the subject, "Uh, it's tomorrow and yeah, I'm going."

She nodded, "Um, do you want me to come?" she asked hesitantly and looked around, unable to keep eye contact at the moment.

I nodded with a grimace, "Mm-hm," I muttered. The last funeral I had gone to was my father. One of the worst days of my life. It was a terrible atmosphere. Everyone was so dark and crying over something I had been crying over for days. I couldn't even cry at his funeral. I was all cried out. When I watched them put him in the ground it was like they were burying a part of me. I hated how we gave out one flowers to everyone and dropped in his hole. I hated how I had to pick up a shovel and drop dirt in my father's grave, then watch all our friends and family take turns doing it, one by one. That was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. When I threw dirt in his grave, I was saying goodbye to him. Once he was down there, he was gone.

"Leah," Lindsey sighed and climbed into bed with me. She brushed my hair out of my face leaving the skin on my cheek tingling. "I'll come."

I took her hands and held it tight, "Thanks."

"Hey, no problem." She leaned forward to kiss my lips.

My heart fluttered. Kissing Lindsey was like my own personal escape. I held her face close to mine. My lips started to burn and my breathing accelerated.

"Woh, Lee, it's the morning." Lindsey giggled.

She was lying on top of me now. I hadn't notice that I'd pulled her so close to me. "I'm up for it." I tangled my fingers in her hair and pulled her closer. Her breathing became erratic as well.

She got under the cover and straddled me. She kissed my chin and my throat and back up to my ear, leaving a trail of goose bumps and tingly skin. My head started spinning. I couldn't breathe. I would never get used to being with Lindsey. I would never get tired of her.

She giggled and sat up. She pulled her shirt over her head, revealing her perfect body and her supple breast contained by her brown bra. There was something odd on her right side. Black curves and lines.

"Lindsey, what's this?" I let me finger trail down her side, tracing the black linings. I barely touched it, afraid it was some kind of infection.

Lindsey smiled, "I forgot to tell you." She got off of me so I could see her side more clearly.

I didn't even gasp when I saw my name cursively written on her waist. It was also surrounded with vines, flowers and butterflies but the main focus was my name. Leah.

I let my fingers trace over my name. I blinked hard, thinking that I was hallucinating and it would vanish, but my name remained tattooed on Lindsey side. The contour of the letters and the decorations around it had slight blemishes of pink. "This must have hurt."

"It wasn't that bad."

"Does it hurt now?" I asked, not pressing to hard as I followed the lining. It was so beautifully done.

"Not that much. It used to sting but it's been over a week so…"

"Wow," I breathed. Lindsey would have this for the rest of her life. A tattoo this size could never be removed. Was she even aware of how permanent this was? Only Lindsey would do something this stupid. Tattooing a lovers name on your body is a major no-no. I laughed softly though what I really wanted to do was cry, for so many reasons.

This was the most stupid and irresponsible thing I'd ever seen. How could someone not think of the outcome of something like this? What if we broke up? Lindsey would be stuck with my name tattooed on half her body. What would her next boyfriend think? That was why I was laughing. So stupid.

Then I realised how sure Lindsey was about us. She wouldn't have done this if she didn't think she'd be mine forever. She wanted me as much as I wanted her and this was her way of proving it. No matter what happened, we'd always be together because nobody else is going to want her with her ex's name written on her waist.

"Merry Christmas." Lindsey and cupped my face to kiss my lips, "I love you, Leah," she whispered, holding my face close to hers and pulled me on top of her, "I love you forever and always." She giggled.

"What?" I didn't get what was funny out of her touching statement. My insecurity rose but I pushed it away. She was laughing about something else surely.

"How gay did I just sound? Quote Taylor Swift, why don't I?"

"Shut up." I said before crushing her lips with mine and making love to her like it was our first time again.