Another day. Another chapter

I breathe in her scent. I'm intoxicated. As I start to lose control she pulls back abruptly and frowns slightly. My senses become more alert looking for what caused he reaction I tune in and realise for the first time, since the CDs been on listen to, the lyrics being sung.

'I was the one who left you'

I stand and stop the CD realising what caused her reaction. This one hits too close to home. It's all my regrets in one line. I feel the weight of our separation slowly pulling me under like quicksand. My body feels weak and I lean against the shelves to keep myself up. I can feel her stand up behind me.

'You will never understand the remorse I feel for leaving' I whisper softly. I can tell my sudden grief is weighing Jasper down. He's trying to calm me but I need this. I need to carry this burden for a little while as penance for my action. Her hand brushes my back and I can barely keep myself from moving away from the comforting gesture.

'Its okay' her tone is soothing but the silence of her mind frustrates me. I have to know why she seemed so sombre in the car. The words of the song have brought on a barrage of emotions.

'I can see in your eyes whenever it's mentioned the remnant pain in your eyes." My eyes are shut. As I recall the expression from other peoples memories. This is a taboo subject that neither of us is willing to broach "I can see in your friends eyes how lost you were and for so long as well." I pull her closer to just feel her body heat permeate through my skin. To feel how right how perfect she is for me "Sometimes at night you tell me not to leave you beg me not to go. When I have to hunt I come back to see your tear stained pillow and to know I caused those tear." I choose not to mention the mongrel name that has fallen from her lips pleading for him to stay. She misses him. It causes me more anguish to know she found comfort in another mans arms and that I caused her the need to seek that comfort. Her palm on my cheek cuts me off. I open my eyes to look at her.

"When Carlisle was taking out the glass after the accident he told me how you felt about your soul. You don't want to damn me to your life. I understand, I really do but how can it be damnation if we are together. As you are willing to give up your life for me. I would do the same for you. When you left I lost a whole future and life that I had envisioned. I had to come to terms with that. My heart knows your here, that you love me but my mind has to catch up".

I hate the anguish this conversation holds but it needs to be done. We've skated around the subject for too long. Besides that bedside conversation that led to in impromptu proposal we never really broach the subject.

"I just want you to be happy"

"You make me happy" a small smile graces her lips and she strokes my cheek

I lean down till my lips are just brushing hers "that's all I ask for" and kiss her. I guide her back to the couch and I lay her down and then lay astride her, our lips attached. I run my hands through her hair as the kiss deepens. Feel her graceful neck under my palms. She pulls away panting and breathless and my lips travel to her shoulder. She feels too good, too warm. It's too much. I can feel myself control slipping. I kiss her one, twice and a last time before pulling away. I need to get away from her body before I do something reckless.

I can hear Alice outside my door with Jasper in tow; perfect timing. She knocks; as Bella sits up and straightens her hair.

"Yes Alice"

The door opens slightly and Alice pokes her head through. A quick assessment of the situation and then skips in, to the direction of my closet. I look back at Bella whose looking at Jasper who I can tell is looking at me.

"Hey Jasper"

He looks at her and smiles "Bella"

I can smell the lust in the air. All this sexual tension is unhealthy. Cash in that v-card already. Your frustrations are making things hard for me

I glance sharply at that. Its bad enough my physical relationship comes under a ribbing from Emmett daily, I don't need another mind trying to inform me visually what goes where. Alice appears, before I can reply to Jasper thoughts with, a shirt in hand she pulls Bella off the couch and almost drags her into my bathroom locking the door behind them.

"Put this on"

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Its plaid" Alice forms the word with disdain. Bella sighs in resignation. I can hear a rustle of clothes. Alice is visualised the entire collection of Armani handbags to keep me out of her thought. Yet I can still visualise Bella topless in my bathroom.

Whatever you're thinking needs to stop. The lust is rolling off you in tidal waves and it beginning to wear on me

Before I can reach the door to get away from temptation, the lock on the bathroom is turned and Alice comes out holding the plaid shirt away from her body. She heads into my closet and hangs it up.

She'd find a way to exact revenge if I burnt this shirt. Since you have some of her new clothes in here already this is the best option. She's folded the shirt and placed it in a draw and skipped back out to stand by Jasper in the space of a few seconds.

Bella steps out of the bathroom tugging the hem of the new shirt and I freeze.

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