A/N: I'm back. Thanks so much for sticking with me as we near the end. As a quick FYI, this story will only end up being 12 chapters, including the epilogue. But think positive, once it's done I can start posting something else. LOL

Huge thanks to my beta MaggieMay14 who beta'd this beast fairly quickly considering I'm sure she is still on a high from meeting the New Kids on the Block last week and seeing them in concert twice. Cuddles to my gals Risbee, Flightlessbird11 and Megsican11 who share my virtual twitter bed and pre-read this catastrophe.

I don't own Twilight; just a prescription for antibiotics and a job that is currently getting on my last nerve.

Chapter 10

I know the way to silently make you
smile with my eyes, when you're trying to fight

-When I Find You by Joshua Radin

EPOV

Bella looked dumbfounded at my revelation about Alice. Actually, that was probably an understatement considering she practically threw herself on the couch beside the door of her dressing room and buried her head in her hands. She was sobbing softly and I wanted to console her, but Jared muscled his way past me and kneeled down before her, whispering something to her I couldn't quite make out.

After a few moments of awkwardness, Bella finally stilled lifted her head and spoke quietly. "Where's Jasper?"

"He's still around. I see him pretty often, actually. In fact, it was him who encouraged me to try and find you after Alice passed away. I think focusing on helping me really took his mind off of everything, even though it was useless." Bella gave me a small smile in response and I felt my heart swell, because I felt a small twinge of hope. "I'm sure he would love to see you while you're in the city."

"Bella, come on hon. We need to get back to the hotel, did you forget the early morning interviews?" stated Jared as I let out a small growl because I didn't want her to leave. Not yet. There was so much that was unresolved between us. So much that I needed to say.

"Yeah, I remember. You've mentioned it twice in the past five minutes," Bella said as she stood up from the couch and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. "I'm free before my set tomorrow for like 2 hours. Meet me here around 4 and we can have an early dinner," Bella said simply as a huge smile crossed my face that I simply couldn't hide. "Bring Jasper with you."

Well shit, that wasn't what I was hoping would happen. I simply nodded my head and found myself thankful that she wanted to talk to me again at all. As I leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek she backed away. Could I seriously have expected anything else?

Rosalie and Emmett flanked my sides and Rose excitedly thanked Bella for the show, insisting that she was one of Bella's biggest fans. "Rose honey, you don't need to fan girl her. I'm sure she gets enough of it from everyday folk that she doesn't need it from her ex-boyfriends neighbor."

"I'm just trying to give the girl props. Her show was really good, though I bet tomorrow's will be even better without all the Edward fuckery to distract her," Rosalie said with a sigh as I simply rolled my eyes. After all, it's not like I knew in advance that Bella was performing or that all of this would go down.

"If you guys want to come back tomorrow night, you are more than welcome. Jared, put their names on the list," Bella announced stoically, clearly still upset by the whole revelation of Alice's passing. I heard Rosalie let out a sigh beside me, knowing full well that she couldn't make tomorrow night's show because of her plans with Maggie and her current victim er… boyfriend. "Oh well, next time I'm in town then. I think I'll remember you, after all, tonight has been pretty unforgettable."

Bella turned on her heels and grabbed her purse and a bag from the dressing room before heading down the hallway towards the exit with Jared behind her. "Tomorrow at four o'clock right?" I yelled out to confirm and Bella simply nodded her head and continued moving. This was a start. It wasn't much, but it was something, provided she was willing to listen to me.

As Emmett, Rosalie and I stepped in front of the club, most of the concert-goers had dispersed and the street was pretty empty. Rosalie flagged down a cab with her patented loud as fuck whistle and we all piled in the backseat as I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket so I could text Jasper. It was too late at night to call him unfortunately.

Jazz, you better be free at 4 tomorrow. I desperately need your help -E

The rest of the car ride was a bit awkward as Rosalie questioned me non-stop about my history with Bella. When I told her I used to listen to her play constantly, Rosalie was a little more than envious. It was moments like this that I wished I had recorded some of the songs she had played for me. I knew she was talented, but never really thought about the big picture in regards to where her career was concerned. However, when we got out of the cab at our building, I felt pride swell within me. Bella had done what she always wanted to do, and I was happy for her. I just wished I was part of her life.

BB&EE

When I woke up the next morning, my head was overwhelmed with images of the night before. Bella on stage as she sang, Bella as she slapped me with four years worth of anger in her small hands and of course, Bella walking away. That one made my head ache a bit more than usual because it reminded me so much of when she walked away from me the first time, disappearing from my life and leaving me alone for so many years. I rubbed my fingers across my face and realized that I really only had myself to blame for our separation, but I was on a mission to change things between Bella and me.

I glanced over at my alarm clock that read 10:02 a.m. and realized that Jasper would definitely be up by now. I grasped for my cell phone and sure enough, I found a text waiting from him.

This isn't another wild goose chase is it? I told you to give it up – Jazz

Rather than text him back, I decided to call him and force him to have dinner with Bella and I. Maybe I could even convince him to make up some excuse that he had existing plans so that I had more time alone with her. Without a doubt Jasper would be helpful in my quest to win Bella back, but he was also a hindrance. I needed time alone with her and with him joining us it wasn't going to be a possibility.

"Good morning Jazzie," I said brightly as he grumbled into the phone. "Rough night?"

"Rough week, man. Where have you been these days? I thought you had fallen off the face of the earth." Jasper always did have a tendency to be overdramatic, but he was a great friend, even if we didn't see each other as much as we would have liked. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would bail me out of jail or help me bury a body if it came to that.

"Yeah, same here. March break started yesterday for the kids, so I had to finish grading an ass load of papers," I said casually as Jasper grunted in response. "Anyways, I need your help. Well, I need your time more than anything."

"This sounds ominous."

"Have I ever steered you in the wrong direction?"

"Yes, constantly. Now, tell me what you need, I have important things to do today."

"I need you to meet me downtown at a club called the Back Door at four this afternoon."

"Wow. Edward, this is so sudden. I've always thought you were handsome and shit, but I don't swing that way, man," Jasper said with a laugh as I rolled my eyes and pretended that he was being funny though he wasn't.

"Yeah, thanks asshole. It's a music club and Bella played there last night."

"Bella, like your Bella? Like you flew to butt fuck nowhere in Washington to try and find her and came back empty handed, Bella?" Jasper asked, reminding me of the shit that went down when I went to find her, with no luck.

"Yeah," I said with a sigh as I began recounting the entire situation from the night before involving Rosalie, Emmett and the concert. When I was finished, Jasper was silent and I tapped my fingers against the receiver. "Are you still there?"

"I'm here Edward, don't worry. So Bella wants to have dinner with you and me tonight and we are supposed to meet her at 4 at this horribly named, not gay, club. Am I getting this right?"

"Perfectly. I told her about Alice. She didn't know."

"Yeah well, she has sorta been out of contact for a little while right? It doesn't surprise me. Did she take it alright?" Jasper questioned with concern in his voice. I was relieved that Jasper could talk about Alice these days, because in the early days after her passing, it was rough on him. Every little thing seemed to remind him of her and he was truly an emotional wreck. He's still in therapy and is trying his best to move on, but he's not the same guy I met in the month before Alice died.

"As well as could be expected, I guess. She sat down on a couch and sobbed for a bit. I think she was putting up a brave front though."

"Well, she and Alice were never super close when they lived together, but they were getting there before Bella took off home, or wherever she went." Jasper paused for a few months, the awkward silence broken by the sound of a sink turning on and then he spoke again. "So, yeah… I'll meet you at the club. I can't stay for dinner though, cause I actually have plans."

"Really?"

"A date, if you can believe it. One of my co-workers set it up. It's with her cousin, Maria. I figured I should try and get back on that horse right?" Jasper asked, clearly looking for guidance.

"Of course you should man. Alice wouldn't have wanted you to give up on life because she was gone. She'd be proud to see how far you have come since then," I said with all seriousness.

"Thanks, man. I'll see you tonight." Jasper hung up the phone mere moments later and I threw my head back on my pillow, breathing a sigh of relief that he was going to come to the club, even if he couldn't stay. However, a dreadful thought then coursed through me. What if Bella didn't want to have dinner with me since Jasper couldn't stay? Shit.

At quarter to four that afternoon, I found myself awkwardly pacing around the front of the Back Door waiting for Jasper. I had dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a black long sleeved shirt under my heavy leather jacket. I felt the cold Chicago wind against my skin and shuddered just as Jasper showed up, stepping out of a cab and handing the driver a few bills before greeting me with a head nod.

"Still not driving huh?" I asked curiously as Jasper just shrugged his shoulders indifferently.

"Where's Bella?" he questioned, immediately changing the topic, as he walked over to me and shoved his hands in his pockets. He was anxious, just like I was. I wanted to get my girl back and he didn't want to relive the situation that had happened with his girl. This was a potential disaster in the making, I could feel it.

"I'm assuming she's inside. I was waiting for you," I replied simply as he grabbed for the handle on the front door and wretched it open. As we walked in, we were immediately greeted by a tall burly bouncer who looked like he was about to eat us for a late lunch.

"We're closed, boys," he said succinctly with his arms crossed over his chest. He was not moving, that was until he heard the soft voice of Bella behind him.

"They're with me," Bella said as she walked up behind him in a long grey sweater dress with knee high black leather boots. I swallowed thickly as I felt Jasper nudge me with his shoulder, as though he thought I wasn't looking. Like I wouldn't be looking at her when she looked so fucking hot. "I need to finish rehearsal, so if you boys don't mind waiting for like 15 minutes, we can then go grab a bite to eat and talk. Is that alright?" Bella asked as she guided us into the main part of the club, which looked vastly different in the light of day than it had the night before.

"Yeah, that's fine. But do you think I could get a proper greeting?" Jasper said with a sly smile as he opened his arms out wide and Bella was quick to hug him back. "I've missed you, Bella. I had to admit I was shocked when Edward told me he had literally stumbled upon you last night, but I'm thrilled to see you." Jasper squeezed her tight before putting her back on her feet and giving her a sweet wink. I was envious, because he could simply slide back into the friendship that they used to have and I was an outsider to her. I had broken her heart and her spirit and she wasn't easily going to forget that, no matter what I did.

"I'm sorry about…" Bella began to say as Jasper held up his hand to silence her, clearly not ready to talk about Alice.

"Go finish your rehearsal. We'll sit back here waiting," Jasper said as he led me to a table in the back that had just been cleared by the staff. Bella shrugged her shoulders and climbed back on stage to take her guitar in hand and played a few songs, stopping every now and again to discuss technical issues with Jared and some other guy. We were both quiet, my eyes trained on each move that Bella made, as Jasper started to tap his fingers anxiously against the table top.

"What?" I asked as I turned to him and noticed he had a big smirk on his face.

"You still love her."

"You sound surprised?" I asked with a groan. I would have figured after everything we had been through that he would have known this.

"I just thought that maybe after four years you would have moved on, at least emotionally."

"Are you still emotionally connected to Alice?" I questioned in frustration, as I immediately felt remorseful once the words had fallen from my mouth. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap like that."

"It's fine, but to answer your question, of course I'm still connected to Alice. I know I always will be. However, I've been trying to move on and you haven't. I guess I just never realized that until now." Jasper leaned back slightly in his chair just as I noticed Bella put her guitar back in her case and hand it to Jared. She noticed me looking and held up her finger, signaling that she needed a moment and then she slipped away backstage. "How was it that I had no idea she was a music star?"

"I had no idea and I listen to up and coming music, or I like to think I do at least."

"Just not alterna-grunge chick rock or whatever she calls it," said Jasper with a laugh as Bella strolled up behind him, a thick white wool coat wrapped around her lithe body. She reached her hand behind her neck and pulled her long hair out of the neck of her coat and I let in a deep breath, letting her scent surround me. It shocked me how her doing something so casual was so important to me.

"I just call it music, Jazz, now let's go. I have to be back in two hours for a radio interview. There's a little diner around the corner I know of, if that works for you guys?" Jazz and I readily agreed and we guided her out into the cold street after Bella assured Jared that she would be fine on her own. I may have smirked slightly when he looked saddened by her abrupt dismissal of him.

"I think that Jared guy has a thing for you," Jasper said as we walked to the corner and waited for the light to change. I looked down at Bella, she simply shrugged her shoulders and let out a small sigh.

"There is a past between us, but that's all I'm going to say about it." My hands clenched into fists at my sides as my mind went into overdrive and began imagining Jared with my Bella. I shook my head of my thoughts just as Jasper yelled at me to keep up because they had already crossed the street. Thankfully, it only took five more awkwardly silent minutes until we were walking inside a small diner and Bella was requesting a table at the back, by the window.

I tried to be a gentleman and help Bella with her coat, but she managed it herself as she gave me a narrowed look and slid into the booth seat. Rather than aggravate her further, I sat on the opposite side from her and Jasper sat down beside me. Our waitress was quick to take our drink orders, Jasper choosing nothing as he explained to Bella that he had a date tonight that he was looking forward to, and therefore couldn't stay past 5:15. It was already quarter to five.

"So, I'm glad to see you've kept busy the past few years," joked Jasper with a wide grin as Bella let out a small laugh. I couldn't help but notice that it wasn't nearly the same joyful laugh that she used to have back in college; it seemed void of something.

"That would be an understatement. I only started back into my music two years ago actually. I had been writing when I was home, but one weekend I drove into Seattle with a friend and did an open mic night. Everything sorta skyrocketed from there as local radio took some interest in me since one of their DJ's was in the audience that night. Jacob thinks it was all fate, but I told him I didn't believe in fate," Bella said simply as her fingers ripped apart a napkin in front of her and she looked down at the table.

"I believe in fate," I said as Bella looked up at me and then back towards Jasper, who had just interrupted me.

"Who's Jacob?" he asked as Bella smiled, bigger than I had seen since we had first laid eyes on each other the night before.

"Jacob is like… Jacob is my biggest fan. He's a friend of mine from back home who literally dragged my ass to that open mic night. He really helped me move on… from everything," Bella declared wistfully as Jasper reached over and patted her hand, something I couldn't do for her because she would certainly pull away. "Do you miss Alice?"

"Every day," Jasper replied as he and Bella stared at each other for a moment before she broke the tension.

"She was special and I was never nice enough to her. All she ever wanted was to be my friend, and I made it so hard for her," Bella said with remorse as her eyes filled with tears and she wiped them away, trying to hide that she was crying. "The night I left was the night we had the biggest heart to heart. I wish… I just wish things were different."

"We all wish things were different," said Jasper as he looked at me and pulled his hand away from Bella's, grasping mine and putting it on top. When Bella looked down and noticed the change, she pulled away swiftly and shoved her hands under the table. "Alice liked you Bella, and you never treated her with ill intent, you just weren't ready to be her friend then. She understood and never held it against you. Alice would be proud of where you are now. Just like she would be proud of Edward for all the changes he's made in his life since you left."

Bella let out a small groan and truly didn't seem to care about what Jasper had to say about me. "Thanks for your kind words Jasper," she said, disregarding his final comments. "Tell me what you have been up to for the past few years. I'm dying to know." Jasper and I both groaned as she lifted her hand to her face and rubbed it in aggravation. "Sorry, bad choice of words."

Jasper just laughed it off and began telling her about his job, family and friends. He also seemed excited about his date with Maria, informing us that they hadn't actually met, but chatted on the phone and through email a couple times. "She seems nice, friendly and easy-going. I let her know I wasn't looking for anything too serious and she was the one who encouraged me to play it by ear."

"You still aren't dating? After Alice?" Bella asked incredulously as Jasper patted me on the shoulder.

"Actually, neither of us has really dated in a few years. Edward had a few terrible dates that always ended up in complete shambles and I've been busy with work, therapy and other shit that I will spare you from hearing." Bella suddenly turned her head towards me with shock clear in her eyes.

"You didn't date?"

"Well, date is a subjective word in my opinion. I've been subjected to countless blind dates that to put into simple terms were complete piles of shit," I said with a laugh as Bella gave me a small smile in response. It was better than nothing. "Rose loves to set me up on dates. Well, she did until recently. In agreement for me going to the club last night, Emmett made her promise not to set me up on any more. She was like the world's worst version of eHarmony ever."

"Remember when she thought you were gay?" Jasper asked as Bella snorted loudly and began to laugh.

"Seriously?" she questioned as I nodded my head sadly.

"Yeah, thanks for mentioning that one, Jazz," I said as I shot an angry glance his way, but he just laughed more, making Bella laugh along with him. However, I noticed that a prime opportunity to question Bella had come up, so I jumped at it. "Umm... how about you? Anyone special?"

"Well, there's my roadies, Seth and Liam, they are pretty special I suppose. Then Jake, I see him all the time when I go back to Forks. He's engaged to Emily and she's special. There's Jared too, but he's more like short bus, eat the paste kind of special," she said cheerfully as we all broke out into laughter. "Jared tried… I rebuffed him. It's been an endless circle really, but he's a great friend, bodyguard and he really keeps me on task when I get distracted."

Bella looked directly at me when she mentioned being distracted and I wondered what was running through her mind. My thoughts were cut short when Jasper stood up from the table and announced that he had to go get ready for his date. "Why don't you bring her to the club tonight? I would love to see you again. I'll make sure you guys are put on the guest list."

Jasper readily agreed and after some awkward hugs and a promise from him to call me tomorrow, Bella and I slid back into our booth seats and looked at each other anxiously. The waitress came over a moment later and took our order, both of us opting for the soup and salad combo, and when she left, it was tense all over again.

"I want you to know…"

"I think I need to explain…"

We both fumbled over our words, speaking at the exact same time and I held my hand out towards Bella, letting her speak first. "I want you to know that I did listen when you talked to me last night. I heard every word you said."

"There's so much more to explain though," I said simply as Bella nodded her head. "From both of us, I think. I want to know where you have been, what you've done… fuck, I want to know everything. However, we don't really have the luxury of time, do we?" Bella was quiet, opting to shake her head instead and I knew I had to tell her everything.

"Ok, so we already covered the basics. Kate is my cousin, she's expecting a baby, by the way," I said casually, a smile crossing my face as I thought about the last time I saw her and how big she was getting. "Umm… my grandfather died, left me tons of money and my family tried to take it cause they went bankrupt and subsequently disowned me."

"He left you tons of money? I know you mentioned him leaving you something, but you never said how much. Not that I want to know, it's none of my business," Bella stammered as the waitress brought her a warm cup of tea.

"Ten Million. I'm not shy about the amount. In fact, in the past few years I've barely used it and thanks to wise investments, it's actually closer to $11.5 Million." Bella's jaw literally fell open in shock at the number I was casually tossing out there. "Anyways, it's not important. I mentioned how my family treated me like shit, effectively making me treat you like shit out of fear that they would take you from me. I know it's irrational, but it took my three hundred dollar an hour therapist to teach me that. That being said, I wanted to tell you more about me… me now."

So, Bella and I sat in the small booth, looking out onto the busy Chicago street and I told her that I changed my major the day that Alice passed away and that I was now a high school teacher. This last part seemed to surprise her. "Teaching huh? I never really saw that in you."

"Yeah, me neither, but Alice sat me down one Saturday for hours and we literally hashed out all my likes and dislikes and we figured out that this was something I would be good at. I now teach inner city kids English, and I love it. I thrive in it actually," I admitted as Bella gave me a gentle smile. "The joy I get from it probably compares to how you feel when you get on stage."

"But nothing else has been joyful in your life?" she questioned intently. I was glad she had been paying attention, because as per usually she was very intuitive and noticed I had tensed up while discussing my family.

"Not really. I'm estranged from my family, with the exception of Kate and my Uncle Graham. Although Emmett is like the brother I always wanted and Rosalie really is a superb friend. Like Jasper said, neither of us really dated, but I think you can guess that it's because I've been hung up on you."

"Edward…" Bella started to say as I reached my hand up to gently place it over her mouth, silencing her. I pulled my hand back, shocked by the reaction I felt upon touching her. It was like we had gone back in time to the music room Bella loved so much and the first time I touched her. It was electrifying. I knew she felt it to, as she lifted her hand to her mouth after I had pulled away.

"I'm sorry and I know you probably don't want to hear about how I pined away for you this entire time, but it's true. No woman I ever dated came anything close to you, Bella. I would see women in the streets that looked like you and literally chase them down the street. I searched, high and low for you, even going to the lengths of hiring a private investigator, but I had no luck. I went to Forks, Bella, to the address he gave me and was turned away by a woman who claimed she didn't know you and was new in town. It was hopeless…"

"I know," interrupted Bella as I glanced up from my hands which I was wringing nervously on the table.

"What do you mean you know?"

"That was my mom, Edward," Bella stated simply as this time my mouth hung open in surprise. "I heard a car pull up out front and when I looked out the window, I saw you and panicked. I begged my mom to pretend she was new to town and didn't know me."

"Why… just… why would you do that? Wouldn't me going to such extreme lengths as to fly out to Washington to find you mean something to you? Didn't it show you that I wasn't the person you thought I was… that I was changing?" I blurted out, my voice laced with a hint of anger and frustration. I was trying to remain calm, but now knowing that I had been so close and she was mere feet away from me at the time made me a bit livid.

"I couldn't do it Edward. I couldn't walk down those steps and see you because I knew my resolve would crumble. The day I left, I was the strongest most confident person I had ever been in my life. I was determined to make a fresh start, and seeing you again would have ruined me."

"I just wanted to talk to you, Bella."

"It wasn't easy for me anymore, Edward. It's not like I could just pack up my shit and head back to Chicago at that point. Life had changed between Christmas and New Years. My mother had convinced me to head back to school not long after I had gotten home, but then my father… my father had a stroke and my mother was left to care for him." I went to mutter an 'I'm sorry' to Bella, but she didn't give me the chance. "I couldn't let my mother do it all by herself, so I stayed. Until of course, the trip to Seattle and my subsequent signing to my record label. Right now, all my money from these gigs goes to my mother to help pay the costs of keeping my father alive. My decision was made for me, Edward. I couldn't have left them, even if I wanted to."

"Life would have been so different though, Bella. I could have helped you."

"No, Edward. It wouldn't have been different. If I had seen you, I would have turned you away again. I would have never accepted any sort of money or help from you. I needed to do this on my own. I wanted to do this."

"All I wanted was you Bella. I wanted to apologize to you for what I had done, how I had treated you. I wanted to bring you back to Chicago with me and show you how much I love you."

"Loved me," she corrected as I let out a growl of aggravation. How dare she tell me how I felt about her?

"No Bella, I love you. I have always fucking loved you and I always will."

A/N: The next chapter is more than half written and should post next week. Thanks for reading and hanging in there while I've been sick. Ear infections are pure evil.

Don't forget the Fandom Gives Back Auction coming up. I'm offering up 3 one-shots / outtakes from stories (excluding MIFFY and A Beautiful Mess which are on the auction block of my collaborators) and chapters of my soon to be expanded story Room 15. All my auctions are first come, first serve; so look in your couch cushions for change and we'll see you on Saturday June 26th!