Ryan glanced at the door every time he heard a noise. He was supposed to start his first round of chemo and Kirsten hadn't showed up yet. He didn't want to call and ask her where she was or when she would be here, that would just make him look like a baby, deep down though he did really want her there. He was scared and the thought of having toxic chemicals drip through his body did not sound pleasant.

"Alright Ryan are you ready to get started?" Stephanie, his chemotherapy nurse asked. Ryan took one last look at the door, and then with a small frown on his face he nodded. Stephanie gave him a reassuring smile. "Alright well first I am going to hook one of the catheters up to a bag of Zofran. This will hopefully help with the nausea that tends to be a side effect."

Ryan watched as she lifted his catheter that was attached to his new port. They had hooked his IV up to it last night and he was surprised that it didn't look that bad. There was just a small line with a few stitches. They said the stitches would more than likely dissolve within the next couple weeks.

Ryan looked up from where he was watching at the sound of Kirsten's voice. "I'm so sorry I'm late." She told Ryan as she walked over to him and kissed his forehead. "There was in accident on the way here."

"S'ok." He said with a grin. The nerves he didn't even know he had vanished as she grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze before rubbing his arm.

"We were just about to get him started." Stephanie explained. "The first bag," she said pointing to the bag on his IV pole. "Is Zofran to help with the nausea, next I am going to give him a bag of fluids so he doesn't get dehydrated, and lastly this last bag is the first round of chemo, you will be getting three different kind's." She explained as she got everything hooked up.

"Why is it covered in black?" Kirsten asked eyeing the black baggy.

"Light can be damaging to the chemicals."

Ryan gulped as he watched the fluid drip through his Iv and make its way into his body. Toxic chemicals were going into his body.

"Now here is a list of all the side effects that could possible happen." Stephanie handed Kirsten a small binder. "It also has all his medical history as well as explaining his current treatment plan. It helps to keep all the paperwork in order, discharge papers, things like that."

"Thank you. This should be very useful."

"His first round should take about an hour once he finishes I will bring the next one. Just call if you have any questions." Stephanie gathered up all her stuff and gave Ryan shoulder a squeeze. "Just hang in there kid."

Ryan gave his trademark smile and then began flipping through the binder. "Let's see what I'm in for." He told Kirsten. "The oh so popular nausea, hair loss, low blood counts, rash, constipation." Ryan made a face at that one. He hoped he could skip that side effect. "Mouth sores, increase risk of infection."

"I think that is enough for now." Kirsten reached for the binder and took it out of Ryan's hand. Hearing all this made it all so real. She could only hope that Ryan would suffer little to none of these side effects.

The two fell silent neither really knowing what to say. Kirsten felt bad for taking the binder away from Ryan, he had the right to know what could possibly happen to his body, but hearing them out loud, it scared her. It made it all so real, sitting here as he went through his first round of chemo made it all so real. She was trying to be strong she really was but it was hard. Her son was sick. He could die and there was nothing she could do about it. Mothers were supposed to be able to take away the pain and suffering and she couldn't do that. She couldn't make him feel better no matter how hard she tried.

"Hey, Kirsten?" Ryan asked a little while later. He had been silently watching the TV for the last twenty minutes or so while Kirsten let her mind wonder.

"Yeah?" She asked sitting up straight and grabbing his hand. She could tell he was getting tired his voice was soft and he looked like he was trying his hardest to keep his eyes open.

"Could you turn the light off? My head kinda hearts."

"Of course sweetie," Walking over to the doorway Kirsten dimmed the lights and lowered the volume on the TV.

"Thanks." He mumbled as his eyes began to close.

"Get some rest."

"How's he holding up?" Kirsten looked at the clock hanging on the wall as Stephanie came back in. Sure enough it was exactly ten o'clock on the dot. Exactly an hour after she had started his chemo.

"He said he had a bit of a headache." Kirsten told her as she sat down her book.

"That's not uncommon." She explained as she switched out the empty black bag for a new one. "I'm gonna take his vitals real fast then I will leave you two alone."

Kirsten liked Stephanie. She was nice and she never hesitated to explain exactly what was going on. Out of all the nurses she had come across the last few days, she was her favorite. Ryan seemed to like her too.

"Hey Ryan, can you wake up for a minute?" Stephanie asked as she gently woke up the sleeping boy.

Ryan let out a sort of oomph sound before opening his sleep filled eyes. "I just need to check your vitals then you can go back to sleep. How are you feeling?" She asked as she placed a blood pressure cuff around his arm.

"Tired, kind of nauseas."

"That's to be expected, breath in for me." Ryan did what she said. "Now breathe out. Everything seems to look good." She explained as she put away her stethoscope. "Now this one is probably going to take a little longer. I will still be in to check on your at 11, but the cycle probably won't end until twelve." She said to Kirsten more than Ryan, the blonde haired boy had already turned on his side and curled up in a ball with his eyes closed.

He hated being sick. It was one of the worst feelings in the world. Not knowing whether you were going to keep your guts were they belonged, or if you were going to vomit, all over the place. He was hoping it would just pass but after laying there for fifteen minutes it came on full force. Reaching for the pink bucket that Stephanie must have put there for times like these, he heaved into it.

At the sound of vomit splashing into a bucket Kirsten once again put her book down and went to Ryan's aid. Sitting down next to him she grabbed the bucket from his clinched fist and began to rub soothing circles along his back.

"It's gonna be alright Ryan." She prayed that she was right.

Ryan coughed and heaved into the bucket for at least twenty minutes. Kirsten had managed to keep a hold of the bucket and reach over to press the call button. She gave Stephanie a small smile as she entered the room before turning her attention back to Ryan, who had thrown up once again into the bucket.

Stephanie switched out the bucket with a clean one and bent down to Ryan's level. "I need you to take deep breaths." She told him as she looked into his baby blue eyes. There was something about those eyes that just made her feel for him. He was still so young and innocent.

Kirsten continued to rub circles along his back as his coughs soon turned into labored breaths and then he leaned back with his eyes closed, panting like he had just ran a marathon. "I'll see about getting you something else for the nausea." Stephanie told him as she squeezed his knee before grabbing both buckets and walking out to the nurses' station.

When she returned she found him curled up in his hospital bed his head resting on Kirsten's chest as she ran her fingers soothingly through his hair. From the looks of it they looked like they were mother and son. You wouldn't even be able to tell that Ryan was not biologically her son. The sight brought tears to her eyes but she quickly wiped them away, she couldn't get attached to her patients.