Sorry for being away for a while I've have some family problems that I needed to deal with.
Katniss
This isn't just sad anymore. Its full blown depressing.
Do I actually need more evidence on why love is a harmful notion? Love is for the weak and the vunerable. I refuse to be both.
I found the cuts yesterday. How anyone could think that what drives my sweet Prim to hurt herself is a good thing – something to be desired in fact is beyond me.
Then there's Gale. I know it kills him to have to watch his brother handed over to the sick games which almost broke his girlfriend and also to know that there are others hands all over her – albeit without her consent.
Actually I think that's what he hates the most.
I slip (almost) perfectly under the fence, earning a small but painful scratch above my ear.
I tread carefully across the mess of russet, gold and dirt brown rotted leaves covering the floor. The cut above my ear throbbing painfully. So painfully in fact that I accidently slip slightly on some of the wetter leaves. How come I can fall out of the tree and be barely affected – but a tiny cut above my ear I can't deal with?
Rustling. Quick footsteps to light to be human. Nervous tension in the air. Game is close.
My breathing quickens, whole body suddenly rigid, half-hidden behind a tall tree. In the dappled light I just see a grey rabbit – perfect. Breathe. Aim. Set. Release. Huh?
As my arrow is flying directly towards to wide-eyed rabbit it's knocked off course by another – very familiar arrow.
"That was my kill!" I protest as the rabbit scampers of sharply. Lucky to be alive. Annoyed I run over to Gale and playfully hit his strong arm.
"You should have said"
"Because that wouldn't have clued in the rabbit – also I had no idea you were here so... your fault"
"Actually if you look again it isn't" This carries on until we reach our clearing – still having not caught anything. Ok so it doesn't really matter seeing as Madge downright refused to let us go hungry and be forced to hunt. So really we just do this for the fun of it.
"Thank god you have Peeta or you might have to live with Prim for the rest of your life – or Haymitch. Imagine that, you and Haymitch all alone for the rest of your lives" My scowl deepens which from the satisfied smile plastered on his face he realises. Jerk.
Wait what was that first bit?
"I do not 'have' Peeta" my voice sounds rather like when we used to tease Prim when she was five and that coupled with my crossed arms doesn't help with the teasing.
Gale turns to look at me, his grey eyes squinting from the harsh glare of the sun. His shirt got ripped in the woods. Hah.
"You do, you may not realise it yet but that doesn't mean everyone else doesn't" Ok not cool.
"Everyone realises what?" Obviously there is nothing to realise. Apart from the fact that I dream about him. Also daydream. Also whenever he smiles at me or looks at me with those amazing blue eyes I get butterflies. But that doesn't mean anything. It can't.
"That you love him" He says this the way you'd announce that you want a drink "Or near enough anyways"
"I don't love him, I don't love anyone and I never will. You know that. No offense or anything but I just don't see the point" Taking a giant bite of a cheese bun I add "Anyway if I hypothetically speaking just happened to have some feelings for him I wouldn't do anything anyway – hypothetically speaking" Did I say hypothetically too many times? – nahh I only said it twice. Crap.
"Well then you would be a hypothetical idiot" For this I chuck a handful of the grass at him – before remembering that this is all hypothetical. Definitely.
"Katniss, you may think that love is for the weak, that opening yourself to someone else makes you weak but you're wrong Katniss. Love makes us stronger. The strength comes from the bravery it takes to completely give yourself to another, a separate person whose life you would put above your own. It builds bridges, shares out the problems so that they're easier to deal with. A life without love would be a very sad thing. Can you imagine? Being alone forever. No one to help shoulder the struggles and the strains of everyday; no one the hold you and say those empty words we find comfort in. No one. Completely and utterly alone forever. Is that what you want? You've never been in love have you? You do not know how amazing it is, if you truly love the person and you lose them you will always have the memories – sometimes that is almost as good as the real thing. With Peeta, will you please just accept it? The whole lone wolf act is getting annoying, how would you feel if he got tired of waiting for you to sort your head out and found someone else?" I think of how I felt when he looked at that girl during the reaping and realise it would probably kill me "Your face says it all, love is going to end up biting you in the ass soon – you may as well make the bite more pleasurable" Realising what he was hinting at I whack him round the side of the head. Dirty bastard.
"That was unusually deep"
"I have my moments now get your skinny ass to the bakery" No more words needed.
Alright maybe I do have feelings for him. What do I do now?
The tree's tower over me. Once giving me a sense of freedom – they now feel like my prison. I can't keep hiding from my feelings forever. I guess that maybe Gale's right. I swear that if anything goes wrong I'll be out like a shot but if nothing does…
Suddenly I'm picturing a family sitting by a fire. The mother has long black hair secured in a braid and is snuggled against the blonde, muscular father. There two kids play around – a girl with black hair and a boy with blonde. Everyone has bright blue eyes? Then an elderly couple walks in. The woman has straggly grey hair and familiar dark grey eyes, the man has instantly recognisable blue eyes. This could be my future.
The reaping, what about the reaping? Rebellion! Could a rebellion work? Why am I seriously considering rebellion just to ensure that I have a family with Peeta?
Why did I picture our daughter end up with a clone of her father? Ew.
There's only one place to go now.
I run.
Peeta
Duh Duh Duh, Dun Duh Duh Duh Duh, Duh Duh Duh Duhh, Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh, D-duh d duh duh duh duh d-duhhh d-d-duhhh.
For some reason I'm singing the tune to an ancient song Dad loves as I ice cookies in the Bakery. Which now that Mother is gone I can finally return to work. Alright yes I love working.
I hear the bell ring signifying a customer, but at half six in the morning it's too early for the bakery to be open. "Sorry we're closed, try again in an hour"
I hear the voice that haunts my dreams and quickly turn to reveal the face that I seriously need to stop staring at.
"I'm not here for bread Peeta" she is breathing heavily – did she run here? Crazy girl.
"What is it you want then? Do you want to trade with my dad – I can go get him for you" like me. Like me. Like me. Like me. Like me. Actually scratch that. Make my politeness make you realise that you are completely in love with me. Yeah cause that'll work. Screw it. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me.
She stands still looking very awkward and as if this is the last place she wants to be. Her gaze keeps drifting towards the window as if she's planning an insane escape plan – or suicide. Can you die from falling two feet? Shut up brain.
"Umm I err" Her delicate but deadly hands finger the end of her perfect braid, made from her perfect hair, leading to her perfect face, covering her perfect skull, protecting her perfect brain. Shut the fuck up.
She looks so dazed for a second I wonder if I've been saying my insane inner monologue out loud but from the lack of running away screaming I'm guessing she didn't.
"I think I love you" That was unexpected.
"Katniss you're so perfect. I love you to"
We stand. Definitely not like two people in love. More like an awkward first date. Her eyes on mine are suddenly so intense I find myself finding new interest in our wooden floor.
After what feels like five years I finally look up again to find her gaze drifting over my body. I'm being checked out by Katniss Everdeen. I swear I need a medal for this or something.
Might as well go for gold.
"Katniss?" Her name comes out like a question and she startles.
"Can I kiss you?" her head dips downwards in a small nod and suddenly the space between us seems tiny – but tiny doesn't quite do it for me.
In a few seconds I've crossed over the room and have her small frame held flush against mine.
My only thought as I dip down to reach her sweet lips is 'Hey, inner monologues actually work'.
Gale
"You'll never guess what I saw coming home today!"
"What?"
"Katniss and Peeta in the bakery making out"
Madge squeals down the phone and says what I think is "Finally". I can picture her jumping up and down in her room like she always does when she's excited and smile at the wall.
Time to get serious. "How's Rory doing?"
"He's alright but I'm worried"
"Why, what happened? Did he get hurt? Madge what the hell happened?" Hearing my words and my alarmed tone Mom comes racing out of the kitchen – even more desperate than me to find out what's wrong.
"He joined the careers"
"What? That's good isn't it? Careers mostly win don't they?"
"Gale I'm worried, most of them are huge – could snap his neck without flinching and the district two girl never misses her target"
"So are you saying that my brothers going to die?"
"No I'm saying…"
"What you're saying is that he has no chance"
"Gale if you would listen"
"Listen to what? You completely giving up on my little brother? He's not helpless – not like you"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"We both know that if Aaron wasn't in love with you you'd be dead right now and Rory wouldn't be there"
"Are you saying you wish I was dead?" she growls this and I smack my hands on the wall. Scaring the crap outta Mom.
"Of course I'm not – don't be stupid"
"You said exactly that and I'm not stupid! Can you please stop insulting me for two seconds?"
"What so that you can cry and whine about how fucking terrible your life is? If I insult you so much and cause you so much pain then why on earth are you with me"
"You know what gale? Right now I have no idea" Ignoring that stabbing pain in my stomach those four words cause I continue.
"Well that's that then"
"It"
"Gale, stop being so melodramatic"
"Well you sure can list things you hate about me"
"Gale please calm down – please"
"Just leave me alone Madge" There's silence on the other end of the line for a few seconds before she replies "Goodbye Gale" with too much emotion to be until tomorrow.
"No Madge wait I…" the line is cut off before I can say 'love you'.
A life without Madge. A life without her. A life without the sun.
All that's left is darkness.
Anyone's POV
Peeta and Katniss giddily run towards to the meadow – a basket packed with bread and contented smiles on their faces. Until they reach a heartbroken Gale.
How can one day be the best day of their lives for some, the worst for others?
Please don't hate me! Their relationship needed some ups and downs. No relationship is perfect. Also sorry if I slightly tweaked Katniss' personality to fit my needs – but I really felt like I needed some peeniss! (that's what she said). Also sorry for not having much Hunger Games-ness in here atm. There's interviews soon so it will pick up and anyways I'm focusing more on the characters than the games.
BTW can anyone guess what Peeta was singing?
Awkwardly long Author note done and dusted. Bye x