Authors Note: Hey guys! Sorry I've been gone so long but I promise I am writing whenever I can. Also thank you for all of the positive feedback, it really keeps me going. Also I think that I am going to post new chapters once every week around Tuesday. Anyways i love you guys, enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 10

A.P.O.V.

After saying goodbye to everyone and promising Mia and Grace to come back soon Christian and I finally start to make our way out. Before we can leave I see Kate, crap I was hoping to avoid her inquisition. Before I can do anything Kate makes eye contact with me. Here we go.

"Hey, I'll be right back." I say quickly to Christian. He quickly nods and lets my hand go again. When he does it brings back the feeling. For some reason every time he lets me or my hand go I get this depressing, uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it's because every time he lets go there is a big chance that he will never do it again. I have no time to ponder it further before Kate comes up to me.

"Uh hey Steele. Remember me? Your roommate who you came here with, ring any bells? Are you leaving?"

"Hey. I'm sorry. I know we haven't had a chance to talk all night. And yeah I'm actually just going to Christians place" I say but then I add "Just to talk!"

"Sure… I think Elliot wanted to take me home. I don't know we'll see. But what's the deal with Christian? How do you even know him? We have to have a loooong talk Steele." Kate says. Great.

"I look forward to it. Look, I should go but I'll text you with updates if necessary." I say back quickly. While I'm saying this I make eye contact with Christian who seems to be keeping a watchful eye on. What the heck? Kate just gives me a small smile and hugs me before I go.

"Hey, you. Ready to go?" I say to Christian right after I give him a quick peck on the cheek. He immediately smiles brightly and nods. He takes my hand and we make our way out.

When we finally make our way out through the crowd of people who are also getting ready to leave the brisk outside quickly hits us. I immediately wrap my arms around myself. For some reason I always get cold really easily, which is what is happening now. I guess Christian notices that I'm cold because he starts to take his jacket off.

"Here, wear this. I don't want you to get cold or sick.." He says. My inner bitch immediately takes the opportunity to remind me that I am already sick.

"No you don't have to do that. I'm fine." No, I'm not. Before I can even finish Christian has his jacket around my shoulders. Oh my god it smells just like him. Would he notice if I kept this? I quietly smile and say thank you. He just half smiles back, how is possible for him to look this attractive all the time?When we make it down the steps there is a sleek black four door car waiting. It's a really attractive car, and basically shouts mystery.

"This is us." Christian says right before he steps forward to open the front door for me. Of course he has such a hot car, hot guy, hot car, and I can't help but wonder how I fit in.

"Nice car. Thank you." I quietly say for to him for opening my door. I feel his hand on the small of my back guiding me into the car which sends tingles up my spine. He politely smiles, closes the door, and comes into the driver's seat. He looks into the rear-view mirror and nods. When I look behind us there is a black SUV with 2 men in the front seat. Who the hell is that?

"My security is going to be following us. Taylor, my CPO usually drives me but I wanted to drive tonight." Why the hell does he need security? How popular can he be?

"I own a big company and have made a lot of enemies over the years, so I keep security at all times. I would like you to have CPO too. Now that you've been seen with me it isn't really safe for you. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you that could have been avoided." Creepy he knew exactly what I was thinking. I don't need a bodyguard. Who the hell would want to hurt me? Anyway I doubt I'm going to be in his life much longer. Why would I?

Tomorrow we both go back to our own lives. He goes back to being an eligible bachelor CEO and I go back to plain old Ana Steele and start my cancer treatment. We cannot be together. It would never work, When my treatment starts I'm basically going to tied down to a hospital for the rest of my short existence. I'm trying to be okay with the fact that soon it will all be over but something is holding me back. The strange thing is this has only started since I literally ran into Christian a the coffee shop. I promised myself that I wouldn't get attached, I couldn't. However somehow he has managed to get under my skin. It doesn't really matter though whether or not he realizes it right now he will see that he doesn't want a life with me. It isn't fair to him he is young and healthy. He can live a good, fun life and some day meet a nice model get married and have kids with her. The thought hurts my heart but it's what right.

"You've gone quiet on me Ana. Tell me what's going through that pretty little head of yours." Christian says while we are stopped at a red light. He grabs my hand and brings it to his mouth to give me a gentle kiss all while looking straight in my eyes. I'm just smiling like an idiot. How the fuck am I supposed to not want him?

"Ana?... Ana?!" I realize he's saying my name.

"Huh? Yeah? Sorry what?" How long did I zone out for?

"We're here" He says chuckling. When I look around I see we are parked in an underground garage.

"Right sorry." I say embarrassed. I've just been staring him, oh my god. He must think I'm so weird.

"Don't move." He gives my hand one final kiss before he lets it go. There is that feeling again, the one that seems to come every time he lets me go. Before I even know it, Christian opens my door and holds his hand out to help me out of the car. The cool air hits me once again, I took off Christians jacket in the car because I was getting a little warm.

"Thank you." I say quietly.

"My pleasure." We walk into an elevator and he presses some code into the keypad.

"I live in a penthouse so everyone needs a code to get in." He says once again answering my unsaid question. How the hell does he do that?

As soon as the elevator door closes the atmosphere becomes charged with a electricity and desire. I feel a strong almost magnetic pull towards Christian. All of my senses seem heightened, I smell his cologne stronger, I'm much more aware of how close we really are.

"Do you feel that too?" He asks in a low husky voice. He feels it too?

"Yeah." I barely whisper while nodding my head. The next thing I know Christian is standing in front of me. With ease he uses one hand to trap both of my arms above my head, and uses his other hand under my chin to bring my head so he is almost kissing me. Our lips are barely touching when Christian decides he has had enough of the teasing and kisses me roughly. He uses mouth to gain complete control over me. He starts to kiss me softly on my jaw and down my neck when the elevator dings to let us know we have reached our floor.

"Whoa" I say while letting out a huge breath that I was holding. What the hell was that? It was like something was actually pulling me to him, a force that was impossible to resist.

"Whoa" He says mirroring me as we step out of the elevator. When we are out I look around his penthouse. Everything is HUGE and very white. It looks like a very impressive museum, and less like a home.

"What I would give to find you're what you're thinking." Christian says playfully as he takes my hand into his. He pulls me closer into him.

"You've been brooding ever since we left, time to talk." Christian continues, for some reason he seems to dreading this as much as I am. Once we say what has to be said there is no turning back. There is a big part of me that never wants this night to end. This has been the perfect night, no cancer, no unwanted opinions (for the most part a.k.a the lady in black), I felt like Cinderella and Christian is my Prince Charming. This talk will bring all the ugly truths we all want to avoid into the light.

"I was just thinking your house is very...big and white." I start of slowly. I don't want to just dive into the deep end.

"Yeah I guess it does lack in color." He says thoughtfully. "Would you like something to drink?" Christian politely asks.

"A glass of wine, please." I'm gonna need alcohol to get me through this, plus I can't drink starting tomorrow because of the treatment so I might as well do it while I can.

"Any kind in specific?" He asks. I don't know my ass from my elbow when it comes to fancy wines.

"Whatever you're drinking is fine." I say, trying to come of as polite rather than clueless.

"Here you go." He brings me a glass with white wine. I thank him quietly.

"We can't avoid this anymore." He says sadly.

"I know." I wish we could.

"Look no matter what I want to be with you. I will take you however I can get you. Nothing you can say will change that." Me too but little does he know. Nobody would want me with all the baggage I have, and I can't exactly blame them.

"You say that now but it's worse than you could think." I say almost chuckling at his naivety.

"What if I said I have at least as much baggage as you, probably even more." He says looking at the floor. What is he so scared of telling me? What could this Adonis say that would make me want to leave him? It scares me how much it would take for me to truly want to leave him.

Apparently all this wine is making me bold because before I can stop myself I am reaching up on my tippy toes to kiss him. Even with my heels on he is significantly taller than me, even though I'm already 5'7. When I do manage to reach him, I slowly kiss him at first and thankfully he lets me. There was a part of me that was sacred that he would reject me, hell there still is. Next thing I know we are fully and unashamedly making out like horny teenagers. When we finally break our kiss and say the thing that will change everything.

"I have stage 3 cancer in the stomach, lymph nodes, and blood vessels." I say in one breath. Once I've said it I feel numb and also strangely free. He knows now, no going back. I have still yet to look up at him but I can feel him staring holes into me.

"So we can fight it. I will get the best oncologist, you don't even have to stay at the hospital we can get the equipment here you can beat this Ana." What? No. No I can't be with him. It's not like the movies. I won't just be okay. It's months of fighting your own body and trying to cheat death and all for what?

"No." I say looking up to him. He needs to know that I mean business. "I don't want to fight it. I am going to do one round of chemo and radiation for Kate and my dad. I already went through this when I was 13, I had cancer and I got parts of me cut out and I was miserable, my dad was miserable, we had no one. But things are different now he will be fine. So I am not going to fight it this time. That's why we can't be together Christian." I want to turn to leave but before I can Christian talks and I am frozen to my spot.

C.P.O.V.

She doesn't want to fight? What in the fuck does that even mean. She can't be fine with dying. SHE CAN'T DIE. I can't let her. If I tell her about myself chances are that she will leave but she needs to know what she means to me.

"I'm adopted. My birth mother was a crack whore. She sold herself to get high everyday. I don't know who my biological father is. There were men in and out of the house everyday. Her pimp was abusive to us both. He saw me as the reason that she wasn't making enough money and he was not afraid to show his rage. He hit me until i was black and blue and he would use me as an ashtray. I have scars all over my chest and back because of him." I pause for a breath. I cannot believe I am telling her this. She is not going to want me. But fuck what other choice do I have?

"Keep going." Ana quietly urges me to go on. She sounds like she is holding back tears but I can't look at her. I'm scared that I'll see rejection in her gorgeous eyes.

"The crack whore overdosed when I was four. I was alone with the body for days before the police found me and took me to the hospital. That's when I met Grace, I thought she was an angel at first so I trusted her. Her and Carrick adopted me a few days later but I never let them touch me. I didn't even talk for the first few years. I'm fucked up beyond belief Ana. I never let anyone touch me, I have haphephobia. The point of this whole sappy fucked up story time is that you saved me Ana. Since I've met you i feel myself becoming a better person because of you. I can't explain it. I am drawn to you on some deep level. I don't deserve you but i can't let you go. I can't lose you Ana." I say pouring every ounce of emotion out of my dark soul.

"Can we sit?" She asks softly. She doesn't want to leave? I thought that by now she would have ran for the hills. "But don't worry Grey there is still plenty more." I think to myself.

"Yeah. Of course." I signal for her to sit on the couch. The couch is much bigger than anything I would ever need. It's also very blank and white.

Now that I think about it Ana is right. This place is cold. You would barely even know that someone live here. I could change that for her. Or better yet she could change it for me. However this all depends on whether or not she decides to end it and leave me tonight.

"We both want to be with each other but both of think that we are going to leave each other." Ana thinks out loud. Her ability to cut through bullshit never fails to amaze me. She never fails to amaze me.

"Yeah. Pretty much." I can't stop myself from laughing even in this awful and painful situation.

"So let's take turns saying things that we think will make each other leave and by the end of the night we can decide who wants it to be over." She wants to turn our worst fears into games. Alright what more can I Iose?

"Let's do it."

"I can't have kids because I don't have a uterus." I never really thought about kids. Honestly I would be okay with anything as long as I have Ana.

"I'm practice BDSM with consenting women." I say in a rush. Fuck she's gonna leave me after this. After a few minutes Ana has yet to say anything so I decide to say "You can ask questions… or leave." Still nothing.

"How many women?"

"15 submissives. I've always been monogamous. Sharing has never been my strong suit." I say trying to lighten the mood but she doesn't laugh.

"Is that what you want? From me I mean." She seems worried.

"No. I want ...more . I can't explain it but you are definitely not just a contract to me. You mean so much more. I'm sorry I can't explain it better right now."

"Have you ever had any normal girlfriends?" She asks. The alcohol is definitely making her bolder. Good tip for later.

"No I guess not really." I say not really sure what to say next. I know I'll have to tell her about Elena but I'll save that for later.

"Okay" She says simply.

"Okay?" I asks. That can't be it. How can she want to be with me knowing that?

"Yes. Okay"

"I'm scared that I'm not what you really want. That you just don't want to make the sick girl sad."

"No. Ana I want you. All of you for as long as I can. You make me laugh and feel young and happy and free for the first time in my life. You make my life brighter." How can she not see how incredible she is?

"I'm gonna live in the hospital for months and die." That thought blows the breath out of me. But she needs to see that this isn't a death sentence. She can fight and live.

"You don't have to die Ana. You can fight. I would be there with you the whole time. I don't care if we are in a hospital I will be by your side. You're starting treatment tomorrow right? So fight not just for me or your dad or Kate but for yourself Ana." She needs to fight for her life but she is so strong I know that she can.

"Okay. You're right. But I won't subject you to that life Christian. Living in the hospital with a sick girl who can't give you kids or a normal life. I won't do that to you Christian" She says in desperation. How can she think so low of herself?

You aren't doing anything to me Ana. I am choosing to be with you. I am choosing to live my life with you. Please let me."

"Why? Why would you do this to yourself. You are amazing and healthy and eligible as FUCK. You could have some perfect model and live in a big house and have genetically perfect kids."

"Because I want you. It's as simple as that Ana. I want to spend my life with you. Besides all of that is just a face."

"It's one hell of a face." She never fails to make me smile. No genetically perfect model could do that. That is what I want her to see.

"I was introduced to BDSM when I was 15 by my mothers friend. And I am still in business with her. But that is all she runs a chain of salons that I am a silent owner of."

"WHAT? Christian"

"What? I'm coming clean. Ana it wasn't like that. I needed discipline. I was drinking and getting in fights." It wasn't like that.

"What the fuck do you mean? That is statutory rape. It isn't a question of morals it is literally a law. How do you not see how fucked up this is. Imagine a 15 year old me or Mia in that situation with an older man." She is obviously getting mad but it was not like that. I was not a victim. Was I? Why would Ana say it if it wasn't what was. Fuck this is not what i want to think about.

"Enough Ana." I say in my Dom voice. Wait no fuck this is wrong Ana is not a sub.

"Fine." Ana says quietly. Fuck I screwed up.

"I'm sorry. Ana I just…" I hear myself sigh defeatedly. "I'm not used to talking about this shit. An if I'm being truthfully honest I'm scared shitless that you're gonna decide that you don't need all my bullshit and leave. It's even worse because that would probably be the right thing for you to do." God I sound like a pussy but I don't want to play guessing games. She hasn't said anything, I can see her pulling away, going into her own thoughts. No I can't let her disappear right in front of me.

"Let's take a break. How about instead of things we think will make each other leave let's just say random facts about ourselves?" I say in an attempt to bring her back to me. Thankfully she looks up and i see the light in her eyes once again. Thank god.

"Yeah okay." She says. She shifts her position so she is facing me.

"Okay I guess I'll start." I look around the room for inspiration. After a few seconds I say "I play the piano."

"Can you play me something?" She asks softly. Baby, I would do anything for you.

"Of course. Any requests?" I asks as I get up and head over to my piano. I offer my hand to help her up off the couch. I can't imagine it's particularly easy in that dress. She takes my hand. Her hand is so soft and small but it feels like it was made to fit in mine.

"Play anything." She says. Most of the music I play is when I can't sleep after a nightmare but I want to play something different for her. It was a piece that I played with my teacher all the time. She sits next to me and places her head gently on my shoulder.

I begin slowly, note after note until the song ends. While the song was playing it was like we were in our own bubble. No cancers, no crack whore mothers or pimp. It was just us two in our own world, it felt right.

"That was beautiful." She says in awe. I feel pride blooming in my chest for some strange reason. I know I'm a good piano players but hearing her say it makes me happy in a way that I have never felt before. I look over at her and see that she was staring at me.

"You're staring." I say quietly.

"Well now so are you." She says defiantly. She never fails to make me laugh. She looks so beautiful, her hair is starting to fall in lazy gorgeous curls, her eyes are sparkling in the dimmed lighting. She is perfect, even with all of her flaws. I need to feel her, to have her. Before either of us can stop it we are kissing again. We are both just all mouth and tongues. I pick her up and put her on the piano without breaking our contact.

"Wait Christian stop." She says breathlessly. "I owe you a fact about me now." She says cautiously I don't give a flying fuck about the game right now but if there is something she wants to tell me I'm all ears. "I'm a virgin." Wait, what? WHAT.