Intertwined
Disclaimer: See my profile page.
Act X
Intro
offstage
Yue had enough.
He was sick and tired of being out of the spotlight.
After escaping from the hospital by (gasp) seducing the nurses (yes, Yue does have a libido/sex drive), Yue had wheeled himself full speed back to the auditorium.
"Dreamer!" he whispered very loudly when he wheeled into the offstage scenery, "I'm back!"
Dreamer dropped the book she held. "Ow!" she cried, rubbing her big toe slightly. "Yue?" she said, staring agape at the silver-haired magician.
"Sh!" he hissed, narrowing his eyes, "I just escaped from the hospital! I've come to get revenge on Hiiragizawa..." with that, his eyes gleamed vengefully.
"I will catch Hiiragizawa. Then I will put on my lacy lavender gloves, the ones Daidouji-san gave to me. Then I will..." Yue's thin tongue licked his lips as he continued his plan for revenge.
To spare herself from having nightmares, dreamer stopped listening and shuddered, not wanting to listen to the sordid details of Yue's revenge.
Yue kept babbling on and on. Finally, dreamer grew tired of granting Yue offstage time, so she snapped Pippi Longstocking's peppermint-striped stocking in his face.
"Ow?" Yue said intelligently (NOT). "Hey, where did you get that?" he asked, staring at the flamboyant stocking in awe.
"A certain little girl gave it to me," dreamer explained. "Erm...you see, Yue, uh..."
"Spit it out," Yue glared at her.
Dreamer scratched her head. "There's a limit to the amount of Intro time we have. If we exceed that limit, then I'm afraid we have to cut."
"Oh."
Dreamer sighed. "You may have to cut some of your revenge tactics against Eriol."
"Oh."
They stood there for three seconds.
"Well then what are you waiting for! Intro time is very precious!" Dreamer shouted, angry that Yue was being so slow.
Yue quickly wheeled away, stealthily creeping into the shadows of the offstage woodwork. He saw Suppi-chan and headed towards him.
"Psst! Suppi-chan! Can you hand me my lavender lace gloves?"
Spinel's eyebrows nearly shot off his skin when he raised them quickly. "Yue? You're back?"
"Yes, back for revenge! Now hurry, I don't have that much time."
Suppi hurriedly reached into his boxers and pulled out the lace gloves.
"You keep them in there?" Yue wrinkled his nose as he took the gloves from the furry blue creature.
"Yes, it's the only place that is completely Nakuru-proof. The odor repells her, you know." Spinel winked roguishly, if winking roguishly was possible for the stoic faced creature.
Yue decided he did not want to know further details, so he took them and put them on. He felt the return of power to his body and laughed maniacally.
"Was that good?" he asked Spinel, who raised a furry blue eyebrow.
"Well...I don't know...those weeks of hospitalization seem to have damaged your vocal cords..."
Yue smiled grimly. "All the more reason to hurry up and kick Eriol's $$."
He hurriedly wheeled away from a very shocked Suppi and went onstage.
onstage
Eriol adjusted his Stevie Wonder sunglasses and grinned. But before he could say anything, someone shrieked, "Look! There's Yue!"
(COLLECTIVE GASP FROM AUDIENCE)
Eriol's grin dropped off his face like a fish dropping into a vat of oil. "Whhhhaaaa'?"
Yue smiled sinisterly.
Eriol gulped. Feel sorry for him, people. For a smiling Yue is never a good sign, especially when he's wearing the one and only pair of lacy lavender gloves given to him by Daidouji-san. (Tomoyo-chan to the rest of us. Sonomi could never be able to accept a latent metro sexual with open arms, even if he is just a latent metro sexual.)
"Miss me, babe?" Yue asked, still smiling sickeningly.
Eriol smiled weakly. "Yeah, of course, sugar face. I missed you like...I miss your thongs!"
Bad idea.
Eriol ran screaming bloody murder while Yue wheeled after him, saying, "The Tenth Act of Intertwined will now begin!"
End of Intro
Sakura yawned and rubbed her eyes.
It had been a week since the episode in Old Tokyo.
She and Li had called and visited each other daily, checking up on domestic affairs. Their conversation had been forced, polite, and distant. Sakura knew she was quite repellent of the prospect of having to fall in love with Li. As far as she knew, he was also quite repellent of that fact as well.
She grinned as she recalled the details of her infamous Plan...
"Listen Li, you have to agree to this!" Sakura shouted, "Do you want your friends to think you're an in-the-closet drag queen if and when we switch back?"
Syaoran scratched his head. "But at the same time, I don't want my friends to think that my girlfriend is some crazy, wacked up crack queen!"
Sakura threw her hands into the air. "I am not some crazy wacked up crack queen!"
"Oh yes you are!" Syaoran countered, his eyes flashing dangerously.
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Crazy wacked up crack queen, crazy wacked up crack queen! crazy racked rup crack qrueen, craywee racked rup rac reen!"
Sakura scratched her head. "New tongue twister, huh?"
Syaoran nodded. "Yeah. Hey, can you do Peter Piper?"
"Yeah! Listen: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Peter Piper picked a pickled peppers! Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers!"
Syaoran raised an eyebrow. "Impressive. Try 'She sells seashells at the seashore'."
"She sells seashells at the seashore. She sells seashells at the seashore. She sells sheshells at the sheshore--Agh!"
Syaoran sniggered unfeelingly. "Hey, you do it pretty well for a person who had a lisp."
Sakura glowered. "I should never have let that slip," she muttered.
Seconds passed.
"Hey...you evaded the subject..." she said, looking wounded. "You tricked me! You made me go off on a useless tangent!"
Syaoran sniggered again (although he hadn't intended for things to work out the way they did). "You're such a fool, Kinomoto."
Sakura cracked her knuckles. "Listen," she began very seriously, "I have a brother who's talented in the areas of the martial arts. He's also a professional soccer player. If you continue to refuse to cooperate with me, I'll send him to you in wrapping paper and a large bow."
"Wrapping paper?" Syaoran asked, genuinely interested, "Oooh, my sisters like wrapping paper too. If you are going to send your oh-so-mighty brother to me, please do not send him in 'The Little Mermaid' wrapping paper. I think I'm above that little kid stuff."
"'The Little Mermaid'? Okay, that's what I think I'm going to get, just to spite you," Sakura said, grinning evilly. "Besides, I think my brother might like that. He's had a silly little infatuation with that Ariel character from the movie."
Syaoran's eyes misted over. "Oh yeah, she is a hot little number. That seashell bra--OW!"
"You dirty pervert, Li!" Sakura's eyes smoldered. She continued hitting him on the head with her Wonderbra. "Twisted, sick thoughts!"
Syaoran managed to dodge the ill-aimed blows. "Hey, it's not like your brother has never voiced any of those dirty thoughts!"
Sakura continued hitting him. "That's not the point!"
"Okay, Okay," Syaoran said, hands held out placatingly. "You know what? You're just jealous that you can't get with the Prince, and Ariel did!"
Dead silence.
Syaoran whistled nervously.
"Li."
He gulped.
"If you intend to live, then you better comply with my plans."
He nodded quickly.
"You better comply like a meek little lamb."
He became a bobble-head doll.
"Now."
His head nearly snapped off his neck.
Yet, true to his family genes, Syaoran could not resist making one last smartass remark.
"Um...Kinomoto...it's okay. Um...even if you can't get the Prince, Sebastian the crab is still available. He has two very pointy claws. I know how girls like pointy things."
----------
Sakura rolled her eyes and groaned, burying her face in the pillow. It was amazing how dumb/perverted Li could be, even in the worst and most life-threatening of situations (which he was in at the moment).
In the end, Sakura had forced him into a very tight leather minidress and some high-heeled stilettos. Then she had coerced (well, maybe threatened him at high-heel point) into showing her the way to Nanako's apartment. Fortunately, everyone was there at his apartment when the two of them got there. Sakura had then introduced Syaoran to his friends as her girlfriend, effectively quashing any drag queen suspicions that Nanako and the others harbored. Then Syaoran had to endure several hours of his friends' appreciative stares, while trying not to scream out, "I'm stuck in a girl's body and I can't grope it! Stop staring at me like I'm some kind of sex kitten!" Which was, of course, entirely Sakura's intention. She had smirked at him every time he had flashed her an all-suffering look.
Sakura sighed and smirked satisfactorily. Ever since that fateful day a week ago, Li had become increasingly cool and distant to her. Sakura supposed it was because of the incident with his friends, but she couldn't feel any guilt. After all, Li wouldn't want his friends to think he was a drag queen...would he? She shrugged. Whatever. It was his problem, not hers. Yet as the days went on, Sakura felt that they would be stuck forever in each other's bodies.
Love? Love my ass...She flopped down again on her bed and drifted off to sleep again.
----------
The doorbell rang.
Syaoran sat up and yawned, lazily stretching his arms. After telling Tomoyo he had been indefinitely expelled from the premises of Tokyo Corp, she had clucked sympathetically and made him a large and fragrant meal. Since he was now restraining himself from staring at her body and had started holding conversations with her that lasted longer than 15 seconds, Tomoyo had become her usual, chirpy self.
"All right, I'm coming!" Syaoran growled, yanking on a robe and putting his feet in large pink furry slippers. He knew he looked like a preschooler, but that was okay, because the image he had of Kinomoto was that of a 4 year-old little girl, judging from her lack of chest development.
Speaking of Kinomoto, Syaoran launched into a mental tirade--
DINGDONG! BAMBAMBAM!
The doorbell ripped its way through Syaoran's insult-fest of the girl he so detested.
Muttering a few words under his breath, Syaoran reached the door and opened it.
He raised his eyebrow when he saw a tall, scowling young man standing on the doormat. He had dark brown eyes and even darker hair.
"Can I help you?" Syaoran asked coolly. He highly doubted that this man was one of Kinomoto's suitors, as her lack of chest protrusions would not attract her any members of the opposite sex.
"Don't play games with me, kaijuu," the man said before attempting to push into the apartment. "I just traveled on the train for seven hours, and this is how you greet me?"
"WHOA!" Syaoran yelled, pushing the man away from the door, "Don't rape me! I'm not at all well-endowed in the chest! Besides, do you have like an STD or AIDS or something? Because I want to live for a few more years, at the very least!"
The other man's face took on a slight tinge of green. "Kaijuu," he said through gritted teeth, "I would never, ever rape you. Not even if Kaho begged on her knees with tears crawling down her face."
Now it was Syaoran's turn to be confused. "So...how do I know you?" he said, attempting to be nonchalant.
The man's eyes darkened. "Kaijuu," he said, taking Syaoran's shoulders in his hands, "are you all right? I mean, how can you not know your own brother?"
Syaoran knew he would be better off pretending that his entire act was a joke. He laughed falsely and patted Kinomoto's brother's arm.
"How can I not know you, John?" he said, praying that his name was the generic John Smith.
The man's eyes darkened even more, if that was possible. "Sakura, snap out of it. It's not funny, can't you see you're scaring me? Come on, Touya's here."
Touya. Brilliant. A name. Nasty, common name it is, thought Syaoran, wrinkling his nose in distaste.
The other man poked his nose. "Hey, don't do that, kaijuu, it makes you look more like a pig than you already do."
Syaoran rubbed his nose resentfully and moved aside slightly to allow Touya--no, Kinomota, into the apartment.
He closed the door.
"So, Ki--er, Touya, what brings you here?" Syaoran moved towards the kitchen.
"Hey! You bitch, why did you steal my breakfast?" Syaoran ran to the table and his eyes widened.
"NOOOO! You bastard! You stole all of my beautiful breakfast that Tomoyo made! FOR ME! FOR ME, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!" Syaoran stared at the empty plate and almost cried.
Kinomota stared with wide eyes. "Kaijuu, I haven't had a thing to eat since yesterday. I mean, I know you're a selfish person, but not even you are THAT selfish. Cut your old Onii-chan some slack, okay?"
Stupidstupid Kinomota! Syaoran narrowed his eyes but sighed. "Okay, fine. But you know what? You're just a--a--a--" Syaoran struggled to find a word that encompassed the evilness of Touya's crime--"a--a--a butt head! Yeah! You're just a butt head!"
Kinomota raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, whatever. Why aren't you at work?"
"I--" Suddenly, a brilliant idea popped into Syaoran's mind. Let Kinomoto have a taste of her own medicine...
----------
RingRing, ringring!
Sakura sat up, having slept for more than an hour.
"'Ello?"
"Hi."
"Li?"
"Yup, it's me."
Sakura frowned. Li sounded unusually cheery, which was a bad thing for Sakura.
"What now?"
"Tsk. Listen, Kinomoto, Kin--Touya is here."
Sakura's mouth dropped open. "What? Touya is there?"
"Yeah. And he stole my breakfast!"
Sakura winced. "Ouch. I would kill to have one of Tomoyo's breakfasts."
"I know, right? Those pancakes are worth dying for!"
"Mmhm! Most definitely. Has she made you some miso soup?"
"Nope. Not yet."
"Get her to. It's amazing."
"Thanks for telling me. Anyway...back to the issue at hand..."
Sakura tapped the earpiece against her head.
"I want to meet him," she said finally. "He's my brother, and he only comes once every two months."
Silence on the other end.
"Isn't that enough?"
Sakura shrugged. "He's very overprotective."
"Whatever. Come over right now and fill me in on your past history, okay? He keeps talking about your mom, and this lady named Kaho, whoever that is."
Silence.
"Kinomoto? Are you there?"
Syaoran hung up.
----------
DINGDONG!
Syaoran opened the door. "Finally you're here! Come on in."
Sakura entered and closed the door, glad she was back in her own apartment.
"And who is this?" Touya stood, five feet away from Sakura.
Sakura nearly ran towards him and hugged him, but she restrained herself. She had to maintain some level of decorum...
"This is my associate, Kin--Touya."
Touya raised his eyebrow. Sakura could tell from the look in his eyes that he was getting ready to rip her throat out.
"Hello, my name is Syaoran Li," she said, trying to keep her voice steady, "I am Ms. Kinomoto's associate at work."
Touya raised his eyebrow. "So you're the scumbag that got my sister suspended from the premises, huh?"
What? Sakura mentally screamed. "I do not understand," she said politely while glaring daggers at Syaoran. He waved and smirked.
Touya narrowed his eyes and rolled his fingers into a fist, punching his palm. "You were making provocative comments to my sister," he said, burning a hole in Sakura's face.
Li. That bastard. He connived this, didn't he? Struggling to keep her face calm, Sakura said, "I do not know what you are insinuating, sir. Please make your meaning clear."
Touya growled. Sakura winced. "Let me refresh your memory.'Ooh babe, you're so hot.' 'Ooh baby, come out with me this weekend?' 'Ooh baby, you are the hottest woman I've ever seen.' Does that sound familiar to you? I'm so glad my sister kicked you in the nuts. Even though her actions got her suspended, you still got suspended as well."
Sakura's jaw dropped. Flabbergasted, she asked, "WWWWHHHHAAATTTT?"
Touya's eyes narrowed. "You heard me. You made inappropriate comments to her! And she got you back by kicking you in the balls! Although she got suspended for assault, she got you suspended for sexual harassment!"
Sakura stared at Syaoran, who blushed slightly, but still smirked at her defiantly.
Then he pretended to cry. "Boohoo, wahhhhh! You hurt me so much, Kin--Li! I am so...wounded!"
"See how much damage you have caused!" Touya roared, getting angrier by the second.
Sakura raised her chin. "You know what, Ms. Kinomoto? You really are just a slimy little bitch! I don't want to fuck you, I've never want to fuck you, and I never ever will fuck you!" Then she clapped her hand over her mouth. Once again, she had acted purely on impulse.
Touya looked apoplectic with rage. "WWWWWHHHAAATTTT DID YOU JUST SAY?"
Sakura held up her hands Touya advanced on her.
"I'm going to make you pay for that..." Touya's face leaned threateningly close to her own.
Sakura gulped. "Um...Touya...listen...can't we just sit down and talk this over? I mean, really, your sister is quite attractive. She has a great body and a lovely chest—"
Then she stopped, too late. She had talked herself into a corner. And now she was at her own brother's mercy...
"OOOOWWWWW!"
Sakura doubled over, feeling an excruciating pain between her legs.
Syaoran's eyes widened. Had Kinomota just kicked his magic stick?
"NOOOOO!" Syaoran cried, kneeling next to a keeled over Sakura and speaking to the sensitive spot between her legs, "Magic Stick! Talk to me, darling, are you all right? Oh my God, I have to get a ruler and measure you, hopefully Kinomota's kicking you didn't shrink you--" He stopped short and pulled down Sakura's pants, struggling slightly with the belt buckle.
"Spandex? Oh my God, you idiot! Why are you wearing spandex? Don't you know that spandex kills sperm? Oh my God, little spermies! Are you okay? Do you feel good? You are so dumb! You're preventing me from passing on my flawless genes to the next generation!"
Meanwhile, Sakura was still feeling the waves of pain in between her legs. Shut up Li, she thought desperately, Owww...now I know why Akira winced the time that guy got kicked in the balls in that movie...
Touya's looming shadow finally stopped Syaoran's ranting.
"Ahem...Sakura?" Touya said, smiling while displaying his teeth, "We need to talk. Now."
Syaoran got up, cursing himself for almost giving away their switch in bodies.
"What the fuck was that?" Touya asked, getting straight to the point of things.
Syaoran scratched his head sheepishly. "I know how much it hurts when you kick a guy's balls. I was just evincing some concern, I swear."
Touya raised his eyebrows. "I'm just going to pretend that I didn't see you kneeling near the guy and talking to his sperm."
Syaoran nodded fervently. "Please do."
Touya sighed. "I'm going to go to sleep now. Get that gaki out of the apartment, okay?"
Syaoran nodded, then looked for Sakura. "Hey--where is he?"
Touya rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Probably left. Anyway, I'm going to go sleep in your bedroom."
Syaoran nodded. "Right."
After Touya had gone into the bedroom, Syaoran sighed and went into the living room.
"Kinomoto?"
Sakura was sitting at the desk, surfing the Internet.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
Silence.
"You bastard," Sakura growled.
Syaoran sighed and looked over Sakura's shoulder. "'Metal Models of Testicles and Penises'," he read, wrinkling his nose. "What's this for? And why are you buying it from EBay? Don't you know you could be buying used diarrhea from them?"
Sakura's eyes were glued to the screen as she said, "I'm considering buying some metal armor for the penis and testicles. I never want to feel that sort of pain in my lower abdomen. Ever again."
Syaoran raised his eyebrow. "Well, I'll have you know that my Magic Stick is too big for any of the too-small armor sold on EBay."
Sakura raised her eyebrows. "Actually, I'll have you know that your so-called 'Magic Stick' fits perfectly into the smallest sizedarmor."
----------
Outro
Yue raised his arms in triumph. "I am returned to all my glory!" he cried, "and Hiiragizawa is stuck in limbo!"
From the wings, Nakuru stuck her tongue out at Yue. "Meanie-mo," she said, pouting.
"The Tenth Act of Intertwined is over. Review generously, as always," Yue said, his silver eyes as evil and sinister as ever.
End of Outro
Dreamer: Well, another act wrapped up, folks! What do you think of the introduction of Touya? Something satisfying, or no?
Yue: See dreamer, I am, once-again, the King of the World!
Dreamer: (raises eyebrows)...Right...(cough)like you ever were before(cough).
(Yue wheels away towards an unsuspecting Suppi.)
Dreamer: Anyway...as always, thank you for reading! Oh yeah, MAJOR TWIST next chapter...you'll see. I hope this chapter was satisfactorily long. I'll see you next time.
Kero-chan: Dreamer has commissioned me to give thanks and hugs to everyone who reviewed--a hopefull dream, Ashieyu-chan, Cazzy (aka the Miss Marauders: Nakuru is a minor character in CCS; she's the false, hyper form of Ruby Moon), Mystical-Dreamer57, X3Dorky-Candee, Anime Crazed, Airstriker, Hasaki Keissi (thanks for the feedback; it was appreciated), Sparkly Faerie.
Kero-chan: Okay dreamer, now where's my pudding and video game?