Hello Readers!
I am Sooooo happy to be back with you!
I hope that you enjoy this chapter and that it was worth the wait.
Oh, before I start. I was reading the reviews I have gotten for this story today. I WANT TO THANK ALL OF MY REVIEWERS, I WOULD HAVE NO LUST TO WRITE, IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR YOU. I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUT SUPPORT!
However, I want to mention ONE reviewer whose reviews are, extremely original and it often makes me want to read his/her writings. A pity he/she has no fan fiction of his/her own.
I am talking about - ta da da da - C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only - this person has a damn fine way with words.
Disclaimer: NO NARUTO STILL!
Enjoy!
Chapter 9: Changing
Sasuke's POV
-What the fuck is off with you Uchiha? I will not fucking tolerate this kind of behavior in my hospital! You may be the last Sharringan-using adult, but trust me, I will not hesitate to sue your sorry ass! What right do you have to barge in here, especially in SAKURA's hospital room, where she - might I remind you, because you obviously have no remembrance of it - is in critical condition. Translation: she is in a fucking coma! And god help me Uchiha…..
I tune Tsunade out as I put my head in my hands.
I am so tired and so furious at the same time. The combination of the two gnawing at me, wanting to fucking close my eyes and sleep and at the same time craving to shed blood…
Tsunade's rant continues on and fucking on and she will not stop…..
-You have absolutely disrespected Sakura with this….
…And shit, I cannot take it anymore…
-I understand that you want to be a dominant prick, but you have no right…
…And I want to explode once more. To yell, to yell, to yell, to force her to stop…..
-But to almost kill Kakashi?…
….Ugh and I want to fucking kill Kakashi still. The bastard…
-He was there for her, when you were not…
He was there…. He was there… He was there….
The words ring out.
Again and fucking again.
And I explode….
-Don't you fucking dare talking to me about him being there. - I seeth, my temper rising with every word I spit out - do you know what I saw Tsunade, do you want me to tell you why I almost killed him?
The bitch just drills her cold green eyes into me… cold. So unlike Sakura….
Ugh. Sakura.
Head in hands.
Nails clawing at my scalp.
Fuck.
I need control.
Control.
-Why? - the bitch finally asks, her voice icy, just like the rest of her.
Fuck you.
I long to say, but instead I keep my jaw clenched as I look up and stare deep into her monstrous eyes.
-Because he was kissing her. - I growl, head in hands once more, trying to get rid of the memory. To itch it out of my fucking head.
And then.
In my desperation, I fail to notice the cold laugh.
Cold but hearty.
My eyes snap up to Tsunade's and I stare. That seems to make her laugh even harder.
Fuck.
I want to cut her into pieces or, better yet, burn her alive. To get rid of her cold, green eyes and that laugh.
-Aw, is our little Sasuke jealous now? - she says in a whiny tone that makes her even more disgusting than she is, laughing some more.
Motherfucker.
Finally, fucking finally when I am out of there, I wander around Konoha for some time, hidden in the shadows, given to my thoughts…
My fucking thoughts which have acquired the mixture color of emerald and pink. The constant. The permanent dwellers.
I am so fucked.
The dawn hits and I immediately approach Naruto's house, wanting so desperately to see my children and take Ami to school.
Naruto opens the door on the third knock, seemingly on a good mood. His eyes hold some kind of mischievousness that I knew I am not going to like. I have not even taken two steps towards the kitchen, where my children are seemingly eating breakfast, when he pipes up.
-So, I heard about yesterday night's ordeal…. - I groan. I knew that I would not like communicating with him today.
-Just…. Shut the fuck up dobe! - I growl at him.
-Dada, what is fuwk?
Oh, shit.
Naruto starts laughing mercilessly at me, patting my back and giving me some ideas on how to 'explain' the meaning of the word to my four-year-old daughter. I really hate him just now.
-Lily! - I exclaim, trying to re-focus her attention to something other than…. Um… inappropriate words.
Fortunately it works.
-Dada! - She squeals and hugs me. I take her in my arms, twirling her around like the little princess she is. She reminds me so much of Sakura… it is bittersweet looking at the exact shade of emerald and observing the same naturally pink hair, just as soft as her mother's. -whewe have youw been? I have drawed a pictuwe fow you. We can take it to momma'sh okawy? And then she will get bettew. And did youw know that youw need to kissh hew sho that she wake up?
I try to be excited about her pronunciation, but in reality, the sadness of her words cut through me, they seep into my every pore, marking and absorbing everything.
Itachi and Ami greet me as well. Though, I cannot help but notice that Itachi seems unhappy with me. He is not a very emotional child - a true genes of an Uchiha, but today she seems cold as well. Usually, he just keeps his cool and remains stoic.
I do not like the modification in his behavior. So, when Ami and Lily go upstairs to search for Lily's painting, I take my time to somehow have a conversation with him.
-Itachi?
-Hn.
-Is something bothering you? - I ask, regretting immediately. What kind of a relevant question is that?
-Hn. - he answers.
-Itachi, I know that you are upset with your mother's-
Before I can finish my sentence, I can feel a pair of onyx eyes boring into me. I look up to see Itachi glaring at me, his eyes blazing with pure fire of rage.
-I hate you. - he says and the words cut me deeper than I thought possible.
My eyes snap up to connect with his, to understand that he is lying, deceiving, but there, in the pools of ebony, I see not a seed of deceit.
Before I have the time to inquire the reasons behind the hatred my four-year-old son exudes towards me, Lily comes running straight into my lap.
-Dada! Dada! Look, look!
I do.
And what I see there pains me.
The painting contains the simple figures, nothing any four-year-old cannot do. It is the contents of the painting that bring me sorrow. Shaped simply, a man with an ebony hair is standing in the yard, holding a hand of a woman with pink hair. The man has a girl in his hands - girl with pink hair and overly-emphasized green eyes. The woman, however holds a boy - seemingly a matching figure of the man, only smaller. In front of them a girl with jet black hair and green eyes stands, smiling softly. The woman wears a halo around her head, giving her somewhat an angelic face. There are stars in the sky. Scattered throughout the starry sky are the figures of three people and a baby, all clearly showing resemblance to the man.
My eyes almost tear up at the sight. It is…. Ethereal…. The meaning.
I want to ask…
-Who is the baby Lily?
-Oww, thawt ish my shishter Kisheki!
My heart clenches.
-Why did you draw my parents, Itachi and Kiseki in the sky?
-Oww! Becaush my momma always shays that they are in the shky, looking down on ush and shiwling. Momma shays that they are happy there.
-Yes Li, they are, they are.
Before Ami and I leave for Academy, I promise the enthusiastic Lily and a not-so-happy Itachi to pick them up and take them back home after I drop Ami off at the academy.
I collect them soon., but before going to the mention I have a word with Naruto. I ask him, no demand that I not be given any missions during this period. I do realize that I need to take up the responsibilities of being and taking care of the children. Sakura and they are my first priority now.
It actually feels nice to be home the whole day, spending time with children and just…. Relaxing. Although Itachi is still furious with me, I try my best to ease the rage. It seems that for the sake of not wanting to cause a scene in front of the baby sister, who is actually ten minutes younger than him, he keeps civil.
Damn, my four-year-old son is too fucking mature for his age.
Lily seems to buzz with excitement as we all make our way to the hospital, intent on seeing Sakura.
Tsunade gives me an evil eye as we enter, the nurses exchanging the worried glances. Guess I caused quite a scene.
-Do not try anything. - Tsunade whisper-growls in my ear, while gently hugging the children.
Two-faced bitch.
Everything moves in the slow motion as we enter the room Sakura is in.
Lily shouts Momma! And runs straight to her, held back by Ami, who gently scolds her, explaining that 'Momma' needs quiet. I observe as Itachi maintains his cool exterior, avoiding making the eye-contact. I see as Ami's eyes water, I see as she looks down, trying to keep the best calm façade for Lily.
She is a strong-willed girl, she really is.
-Dada? - Lily asks me, while watching her momma 'swleep' as she puts it.
-Yes?
-Can we go to Tsunade's office plweaaase? I want to show hew my painting.
-Sure sweetie. Ami, Itachi? - I call out to my children.
For the first time since we got here Itachi speaks in a low whisper.
-Father, may I stay?
My eyes close as I try to understand him. I know the feeling, I know how it is when a possibility that you have lost a mother enters your mind. I know the struggles. So I let him stay as the girls and I go to Tsunade's office.
A half an hour later I find myself walking towards Sakura's room, intent on taking Itachi with me so that we can go home. What I find there exceeds all of my expectations.
Itachi is sitting on the side of the bed, his head hung low as he caresses Sakura's hand, which he has grasped tightly with her smaller one.
-I love you mother.
He stops.
-Please do not die.
Another pause.
-I do not believe that sky is a better place.
Sigh.
-I will make you happy here.
Pause.
-I will make father be better.
Pause.
-If not, I will make him leave and it will be just us.
Pause.
-But please, don't leave me.
He raises his head and I see a single tear stream down his face.
-I need you here.
And with a soft kiss on her hand he stands, a four-year-old turned into a man and wipes away his eyes.
I keep the memory close to my heart as I prepare the children for bed at night. I have a feeling that today is only beginning, that there are many more days, maybe even weeks like this to come.
As the house quiets down, I cannot help but notice how the silence brings the edge to horror rather than serenity here. I feel as if the silence is not peace, calmness or the serenity - I feel as if it is the monstrous betrayal, the loaded weight of unspoken secrets. I feel as if they want to suffocate me.
I struggle to breathe as these thoughts overcome me.
I need air.
Re-checking the children, I hop outside in the streets enjoying the crisp air of the night.
For the umpteenth time I find my feet taking me to one place I need to be. To the hospital.
I am careful not to be seen as I mask my chakra and quietly slip through the window, finally, finally being where I crave to be.
I watch her for the longest time, re-memorizing every one of her features….
-Sakura…. - I speak before I even realize and god, it feels so freeing to roll her name between my lips, to create the sensuous pronunciation of the name which holds all the clandestine emotions I have for her.
-Emotions? - I speak loudly, not really sure who I am speaking to. Is it myself? Or is it her?
-Emotions are rare luxury for me…. Sakura. You have been living with me for eight years and you have known me for more…
I chuckle to myself about my admission.
-You know? There was always something different about you… I hated girls in general, I loathed fan-girls even more, but you? I had a special kind of hatred to you. I absolutely despised you, because those girls? They just annoyed the shit out of me because they were stupid, fake and with no determination…
I closed my eyes, remembering all those days. They seemed like the happy memories now. Careless times.
-You cannot even begin to comprehend how much I loathed the fact that of all the damn girls, you had to be in Team Seven. You, a girl with annoying pink hair and emerald eyes that were apple-like got to spend time with me. I hated it, because you intrigued me. Hell, I hated you more and more, because I cared. Naruto was okay - I mean he was a guy - but you? You were a girl! You had a fucking pink hair, for God's sake. And I cared. I fucking cared.
You know, after the Uchiha Massacre I stopped caring altogether. I figured that once a person cares, that person is bound to get hurt. When I saw all those lifeless bodies lying there, drenched in blood, I was angry, angry that it bothered me. If I had not cared, I deduced, I would have been under less emotional stress and then maybe, just maybe, I would have been able to handle my brother better. I know, a desperate thought, but believed in it. I believed because I needed someone, something, anything to blame and it seemed the first relevant explanation.
That is why, every time I questioned you, or became aware of you, of your needs, I cursed myself. I cursed myself for caring. I cursed you for making me care.
That day, when Orochimaru bit me… it was the last straw. Not because I became marked, not because options opened up to me. No. In the forest of death, all I can remember is waking up from agony. All I could see was you. The scratches, bruises and so much fucking pain in your eyes and I just… I just exploded. Those eyes, they were supposed to be happy, careless, but that day, they were like mine and I hated it. I could not even stand the thought of you being like me. You were supposed to be the opposite… you were supposed to be the better half… you were supposed to be my light and I could not let them taint you.
And when it all ended and we… we got out of there alive, I began fearing. You were too much….. Just fucking too much, too good, too bright, too soft, too kind, too happy, too… everything. But goddamnit…
I loved you.
with a broken heart of a twelve-year boy, I was insane about you and I hated you for making me fall in love with you. And I left because of it…
Sakura… for years, for fucking years I let myself deny it but it is the truth. I left because I was scared of you, scared of us… shit, I was so fucking scared that maybe, just maybe if we were ever at any proximity close Itachi would hurt you. And then…. What would become of me? More hatred, more revenge, more bloodlust….
And then…. By the time I came back… I was too fucking tainted, too fucking ruined to remember who you used to be, who we used to be…. I had buried the emotional concept in general too fucking far to even feel anything…
After Itachi… after his death I was numb, dead inside…. But that, my Cherry Blossom, is an entirely different story… Some other time I will tell you…. Some other time…"
I spend the night with her… just watching. No more talking… talking no more.
It is the morning that finds me walking up in the Hokage's office, having dropped off the twins at Hinata's and Ami at the Academy. Naruto has insisted that I be there at ten a.m. sharp. I wonder what he wants. The tone of the message he sent me via some Jounín was downright outrageous and, might I add furious.
As I open the door of his office, I am met with a pair of red eyes and a fuming Naruto.
-Even for you this was low Uchiha. - he sneers with hatred.
Before I can comprehend what is going on, I feel Aoi Amarate breeze past me.
A/N: I hope you liked this chappie!
GUYS!
Please while reviewing, can you PLEASE tell me your opinion about:
Sasuke's Speech.
Itachi's little speech.
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Laterz,
Not Your Girl 555